The Barrow Downs Newspaper - Page 32 - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Hookbill the Goomba · 10-05-2008, 03:41 PM

Because I'm very tired and need some sleep, I'm posting up this Downer an hour early. Sorry.

I'm very grateful to the phantom for the second story and those 'In the News' headlines. It really does help!

The adventure gets violent. Yay for violence.

Comic Archive

Anyone interested in that P&A 'draw a comic' contest?

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 10-05-2008, 06:42 PM

I am interested!!! I like this weeks P and A! It is very happy!

Boromir88 · 10-05-2008, 09:07 PM

phantom, what is up with your hatred of the halflings?

Morthoron · 10-05-2008, 09:41 PM

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

To whom it may concern:

I must voice my contempt of your hiring of Morthoron in an editorial capacity for your paper. It smacks of insincerity and crass publicity hiring some dubious internet pseudo-celebrity such as the so-called 'Dark Elf'. Having read a few of Morthoron's 'pieces', I must say he is contemptible and pompous, the arrogant sort of American we can certainly do without, particularly since there are plenty of arrogant English internet pseudo-celebrities to choose from. After all, English pomposity is based on gentrification and gentility -- centuries of Empire-building and class consciousness, not this noveau bumptiousness of the overproud colonials.

Morthoron uses words like he's building the Taj Mahal, which is all well and good if one doesn't mind such overly-ornate foreign structures cluttering up a perfectly decent neighborhood; personally, I do mind. We need good, sturdy English sentences -- earthy and without too many syllables -- the way God intended sentences to be constructed! I do not care a whit for Morthoron's alliteration, his callous contempt cavalierly couched in clever conceits. His condescension is clearly cause for concern and careful contemplation, a calculated and considered cogitation which can be communicated to all concerned in candid conversation.

Out of common decency, I demand you fire this Morthoron at once! Think of our children!

Sincerely,
Dyspepsia Umbrage
Choleric Cross, Grummberly Grange

Thinlómien · 10-06-2008, 01:28 AM

I could take part in the P&A contest... only that I can't really use paint and I've always been lousy at making comic strips.

But I could try.

P&A and mini-headlines amused me.

The Squatter of Amon Rûdh · 10-06-2008, 06:43 AM

Dear Sirs,
I should like to object most strongly to your gross misrepresentation of my opinions as published in this week's copy of your otherwise invariably accurate newspaper. Your article paints me as some sort of deranged imbecile, when in fact my comments on the sky made perfect sense. What I actually said was that the firmament should be auctioned off and the proceeds donated to the Amon Rûdh Drainage and Roof-Repair Fund; and that it should be replaced with an enormous portrait of me in the state regalia of string vest, false moustache, sou'wester and paper hat, with a chair leg in one hand and a leg of mutton in the other. Of course, children will take up cannibalism if the sky remains in its current dull state; but under my stern gaze no such mischief will occur to them, which will leave more people for my own table. Also my poems were quite brilliant, and only the unbelievable stupidity of everyone who heard or read them has robbed me of my well-deserved critical acclaim. What discerning wight could fail to be moved by Lines Written on Dropping My Toast?

Quote:

It fell down
Accidentally
All the way to the floor.

It probably now
Has all sorts of dust and grit stuck to it.
And tastes a bit manky as well.

But perhaps it has picked up
That long-forgotten piece of cheese
That hasn't quite been fossilised.
That would still be nasty, but a bit less so.

If toast were round, I could play frisbee.

I promise that I am not currently manufacturing an explosive meringue for delivery to your offices, although I am.

Yours, etc.

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 10-08-2008, 12:47 AM

So if 73% of the Evil Plots are all Hookbill, then what about the other 27%? Where do they go to?

I bet to Lommy, or somebody completely innocent! (Or so they seem)

Legate of Amon Lanc · 10-08-2008, 03:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGreatElvenWarrior

So if 73% of the Evil Plots are all Hookbill, then what about the other 27%? Where do they go to?

I bet to Lommy, or somebody completely innocent! (Or so they seem)

Well, don't say twice... *expects mwahahahing*

Groin Redbeard · 10-08-2008, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGreatElvenWarrior

So if 73% of the Evil Plots are all Hookbill, then what about the other 27%? Where do they go to?

My bet is from Finland, those people are too cheerful to not be causing some sort of trouble. Why just the other day there was a report of three penguins escaping from the San Antonio zoo and clogging up traffic for three hours. Need I say anymore, I think we all know who loves penguins and lives in Finland!

Hookbill the Goomba · 10-08-2008, 03:35 PM

Let's check in with Lal and Alien on their extravagant investigation into the mysterious Oat factory. BEWARE THE OATS!

Not sure why there's an odd semi-transparent box around Alien. I did try to remove it but couldn't seem to. Oh well.

Rune Son of Bjarne · 10-08-2008, 03:40 PM

Who is the count of Monte Carlo?

Hookbill the Goomba · 10-08-2008, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rune Son of Bjarne

Who is the count of Monte Carlo?

Who indeed?

Mongoose! Sorry folks! I've got the days mixed up! I thought it was Thursday today!

Oh well, I'm sure you won't mind P&A a little earlier...

Bêthberry · 10-08-2008, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Groin Redbeard

My bet is from Finland, those people are too cheerful to not be causing some sort of trouble. Why just the other day there was a report of three penguins escaping from the San Antonio zoo and clogging up traffic for three hours. Need I say anymore, I think we all know who loves penguins and lives in Finland!

Finland, Finland, Finland

I must say that after that poetry debauchery which was shockingly imposed upon my abode in my absence I am srsly exhibiting signs of bad post traumatic stress disorder. The effects are so shocking I might be inclined to suggest that Squatter's boring sky poetry emporium could be used to control that Shire Hobbit problem of which TP wrote.

Laurinquë · 10-10-2008, 02:20 AM

Another excellent Downer and P&A. I quite agree that the sky is indeed exceedingly dull. I also greatly appreciated the phantom's article, and I think we should put some lobbyists in Gondor to persuade Aragorn into hobbit population control via Barrow-Wights.

That may have been my favourite Downer yet!

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 10-10-2008, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laurinquë

Another excellent Downer and P&A. I quite agree that the sky is indeed exceedingly dull. I also greatly appreciated the phantom's article, and I think we should put some lobbyists in Gondor to persuade Aragorn into hobbit population control via Barrow-Wights.

That may have been my favourite Downer yet!

Yes, I think so too! I'm getting rather hungry for hobbits!

And about that king, Aragorn I think that we should eat him too! Along with that dreadful Tom Bombadillo!

Lindale · 10-10-2008, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laurinquë

and I think we should put some lobbyists in Gondor to persuade Aragorn into hobbit population control via Barrow-Wights.

A really funny way of population control, let loose a bit of Hell! Now if I took that seriously I may end up going to our Congress and tell them the best way to keep overpopulation is to release orcs.

Groin Redbeard · 10-11-2008, 10:27 AM

Wait, Alien is an explosives expert?

I guess you learn something new every day.

Hookbill the Goomba · 10-11-2008, 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Groin Redbeard

Wait, Alien is an explosives expert?

I guess you learn something new every day.

Yes he is. Well, sort of. His blowy-up knowledge was first mentioned HERE. There are a lot of explosions in this volume. I may tone it down in Volume 3... Or not.

Hookbill the Goomba · 10-12-2008, 04:26 PM

With the help of the phantom, this newspaper was much easier to throw together.

And, like a bowl of custard left in the oven for too long, the plot thickens and begins to smell rather bad.

Comic Archive

If you've any questions about what on earth is going on in P&A, it may help to go back over the previous comics. I like to plant little things that pay of AGES later. Keep your eyes open all the time.

I've not had any submissions for the P&A competition yet... Is anyone interested?

Thinlómien · 10-12-2008, 04:41 PM

Blind Hookbill...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thinlómien

I could take part in the P&A contest... only that I can't really use paint and I've always been lousy at making comic strips.

But I could try.

P&A and mini-headlines amused me.

Hookbill the Goomba · 10-12-2008, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thinlómien

Blind Hookbill...

I've had quite a few people SAY they'd do it. No submissions yet, though.

Incidental, what do you people think of the Hoody Cloaky group? I'm quite proud of Brenda Beak, the one in the pink robe and with... urm... a beak.

Legate of Amon Lanc · 10-12-2008, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I've had quite a few people SAY they'd do it. No submissions yet, though.

Incidental, what do you people think of the Hoody Cloaky group? I'm quite proud of Brenda Beak, the one in the pink robe and with... urm... a beak.

I like her too - she gives this kind of "concerned" look (well, that's not the proper word, but something like that).

And as for the P&A, I didn't even want to say that I will try before I actually do, but then even funnier, I forgot about that completely

So, good you reminded me of that. I just need to find time to make it... pity, had I remembered earlier, I could have done it this weekend. You will have to wait, then.

the phantom · 10-12-2008, 08:17 PM

You will eventually receive a P&A from me Master Hookbill. And I know of another individual who will be doing one as well. Never fear.

And as you can see, I've turned away from cats for headline fodder. The new fodder is penguins. One guess as to where I got that idea from.

One penguin mini-headline I sent in will particularly amuse you, Legate. You'll know it when you see it.

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 10-12-2008, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I may tone it down in Volume 3... Or not.

Or not? That kinda scares me! I hope Alien doesn't end up blowing something important up!

Estelyn Telcontar · 10-13-2008, 05:04 AM

Someone who's received over 10 PMs from me could easily not be awesome, but just plain pesky!

I'm afraid I tend to write "forum business messages" more often than personal communication these days, and those usually go to annoying posters. Present company, as always, excepted - of course!

Bêthberry · 10-13-2008, 07:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the phantom

You will eventually receive a P&A from me Master Hookbill. And I know of another individual who will be doing one as well. Never fear.

Since Hooky is now 21 years of age, shouldn't that be Mister Hookbill to you, TP?

Quote:

Originally Posted by the phantom

And as you can see, I've turned away from cats for headline fodder. The new fodder is penguins. One guess as to where I got that idea from.

Couldn't stand all that caterwauling outside your window all day and night, eh?

As for penguins, I've always rather smiled at Lal's sig about them, so they're probably easier material to work with.

Thinlómien · 10-13-2008, 11:52 AM

Hookbill, I would find it easier to do the P&A if I had a concrete deadline...

Phantom, you're a sadist.

Hookbill the Goomba · 10-13-2008, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thinlómien

Hookbill, I would find it easier to do the P&A if I had a concrete deadline...

I think I said 31st of October. Is that acceptable?

Thinlómien · 10-13-2008, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I think I said 31st of October. Is that acceptable?

Yes.

I'll just try to remember it, then...

The Squatter of Amon Rûdh · 10-13-2008, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esty

Someone who's received over 10 PMs from me could easily not be awesome, but just plain pesky!

I've had more than ten PMs from you, and I am rather annoying. I think that's Q.E.D.

There were a lot of kinks in the lead article this week. I wonder if alatar regularly attends the regatta as well.

Diamond18 · 10-13-2008, 05:46 PM

I'm pretty sure I've had more than ten PMs from both Esty and tp, as well as a Personal Title. So I guess I'm kind of a big deal.

*shines "Elite" badge*

Estelyn Telcontar · 10-14-2008, 03:34 AM

OK, OK, partners in crime (i.e. REB

) are definitely exceptions! Not pesky, no, good master, not pesky at all...

So as not to break the rules I have to enforce (I'd have to delete my own post and send myself a stern reprimand by PM!

) here's an on-topic comment:

I love the brief comments that frequently introduce the P&A strips - the "thickening plot like custard" amuses me greatly!

Boromir88 · 10-14-2008, 07:29 AM

Quote:

Someone who's received over 10 PMs from me could easily not be awesome, but just plain pesky!~Esty

Well, that pesky person still is being important, just not in a positive way. Kind of look at how Saruman was important, just really evil.

Morthoron · 10-14-2008, 07:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boromir88

Well, that pesky person still is being important, just not in a positive way. Kind of look at how Saruman was important, just really evil.

Thanks for the clarification. I now feel better about the pms I've gotten from Estelyn.

Boromir88 · 10-14-2008, 07:53 AM

Morthoron, I'm also talking from personal experience.

I'm sure we all at some point in time (and several times more) are pests.

P.S. see if the phantom sends you a PM that doesn't just mean it was important enough that he noticed, but that it was so important he spent his own time to send a personal response. If Esty sends you something, by her own admission, it probably isn't a good thing. So really what it boils down to, is you need to get tp's attention and be annoying (in moderation).

Lalwendë · 10-14-2008, 02:23 PM

Can I just say, as a new comics fangirl, how cool it is to be in a comic strip, and how utterly cool it is to be barfed on by Alien

*wipes carrots and peas off cloak*

the phantom · 10-14-2008, 05:21 PM

Actually, Beth, I was meaning "Master" as in "Master of 'The Downer', and master of us lowly writers, and master of Downs related entertainment". I suppose I could say "Lord", but he always tells me not to call him that in public.

And regarding the switch from cats to penguins, I figured it'd cut down on the hate-mail. Each time an anti-cat headline hit the front page my mailbox was flooded with death threats. This past week's anti-penguin headlines only yielded one single death threat. Though the writer attempted to remain anonymous, the source is rather obvious. And I seriously doubt the threat could be carried out by such a distant individual.

Yes, Di- you're a big deal. Ranked in the top ten for certain.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boro

So really what it boils down to, is you need to get tp's attention and be annoying.

That should totally be listed in the forum rules.

In addition to participating intelligently and respectfully, we also recommend that all new members attempt to gain the attention of the phantom somehow. And finally, please be annoying from time to time.

I bet Esty is going to put that up somewhere in the N&N forum.

Hookbill the Goomba · 10-15-2008, 05:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lalwendë

Can I just say, as a new comics fangirl, how cool it is to be in a comic strip, and how utterly cool it is to be barfed on by Alien

*wipes carrots and peas off cloak*

I can assure you, things get much, MUCH messier for your character.

Also, you KNOW you're an elite Downer if you've appeared in The Phantom and Alien.

Lalwendë · 10-15-2008, 06:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I can assure you, things get much, MUCH messier for your character.

Awesome, I'm always up for a gorefest

Boromir88 · 10-15-2008, 08:26 AM

Quote:

I bet Esty is going to put that up somewhere in the N&N forum.~the phantom

Would the true test of importance than be getting a request from tp asking for our opinion in a thread/joining in a game?

But I will say if you get Esty to put that up on N&N that's good...that's true power.

10-05-2008, 03:41 PM	#1241
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 6,153	Because I'm very tired and need some sleep, I'm posting up this Downer an hour early. Sorry. I'm very grateful to the phantom for the second story and those 'In the News' headlines. It really does help! The adventure gets violent. Yay for violence. Comic Archive Anyone interested in that P&A 'draw a comic' contest? __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... Last edited by Hookbill the Goomba; 10-05-2008 at 03:44 PM.

10-05-2008, 06:42 PM	#1242
TheGreatElvenWarrior Mighty Quill Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Walking off to look for America Posts: 2,346	I am interested!!! I like this weeks P and A! It is very happy! __________________ The Party Doesn't Start Until You're Dead.

10-05-2008, 09:07 PM	#1243
Boromir88 Laconic Loreman Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: USA Posts: 7,559	phantom, what is up with your hatred of the halflings? __________________ Fenris Penguin

10-05-2008, 09:41 PM	#1244
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,528	LETTER TO THE EDITOR To whom it may concern: I must voice my contempt of your hiring of Morthoron in an editorial capacity for your paper. It smacks of insincerity and crass publicity hiring some dubious internet pseudo-celebrity such as the so-called 'Dark Elf'. Having read a few of Morthoron's 'pieces', I must say he is contemptible and pompous, the arrogant sort of American we can certainly do without, particularly since there are plenty of arrogant English internet pseudo-celebrities to choose from. After all, English pomposity is based on gentrification and gentility -- centuries of Empire-building and class consciousness, not this noveau bumptiousness of the overproud colonials. Morthoron uses words like he's building the Taj Mahal, which is all well and good if one doesn't mind such overly-ornate foreign structures cluttering up a perfectly decent neighborhood; personally, I do mind. We need good, sturdy English sentences -- earthy and without too many syllables -- the way God intended sentences to be constructed! I do not care a whit for Morthoron's alliteration, his callous contempt cavalierly couched in clever conceits. His condescension is clearly cause for concern and careful contemplation, a calculated and considered cogitation which can be communicated to all concerned in candid conversation. Out of common decency, I demand you fire this Morthoron at once! Think of our children! Sincerely, Dyspepsia Umbrage Choleric Cross, Grummberly Grange __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision.

10-06-2008, 01:28 AM	#1245
Thinlómien Shady She-Penguin Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: In a far land beyond the Sea Posts: 8,385	I could take part in the P&A contest... only that I can't really use paint and I've always been lousy at making comic strips. But I could try. P&A and mini-headlines amused me. __________________ Like the stars chase the sun, over the glowing hill I will conquer Blood is running deep, some things never sleep Double Fenris

10-08-2008, 12:47 AM	#1247
TheGreatElvenWarrior Mighty Quill Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Walking off to look for America Posts: 2,346	So if 73% of the Evil Plots are all Hookbill, then what about the other 27%? Where do they go to? I bet to Lommy, or somebody completely innocent! (Or so they seem) __________________ The Party Doesn't Start Until You're Dead.

10-08-2008, 03:35 PM	#1250
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 6,153	Let's check in with Lal and Alien on their extravagant investigation into the mysterious Oat factory. BEWARE THE OATS! Not sure why there's an odd semi-transparent box around Alien. I did try to remove it but couldn't seem to. Oh well. __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

10-10-2008, 02:20 AM	#1254
Laurinquë Shade of Carn Dûm Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 385	Another excellent Downer and P&A. I quite agree that the sky is indeed exceedingly dull. I also greatly appreciated the phantom's article, and I think we should put some lobbyists in Gondor to persuade Aragorn into hobbit population control via Barrow-Wights. That may have been my favourite Downer yet!

10-11-2008, 10:27 AM	#1257
Groin Redbeard Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Facing the world's troubles with Christ's hope! Posts: 1,735	Wait, Alien is an explosives expert? I guess you learn something new every day. __________________ I heard the bells on Christmas Day. Their old, familiar carols play. And wild and sweet the words repeatof peace on earth, good-will to men! ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

10-12-2008, 04:26 PM	#1259
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 6,153	With the help of the phantom, this newspaper was much easier to throw together. And, like a bowl of custard left in the oven for too long, the plot thickens and begins to smell rather bad. Comic Archive If you've any questions about what on earth is going on in P&A, it may help to go back over the previous comics. I like to plant little things that pay of AGES later. Keep your eyes open all the time. I've not had any submissions for the P&A competition yet... Is anyone interested? __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

10-12-2008, 08:17 PM	#1263
the phantom Beloved Shadow Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: The Stadium Posts: 6,121	You will eventually receive a P&A from me Master Hookbill. And I know of another individual who will be doing one as well. Never fear. And as you can see, I've turned away from cats for headline fodder. The new fodder is penguins. One guess as to where I got that idea from. One penguin mini-headline I sent in will particularly amuse you, Legate. You'll know it when you see it. __________________ the phantom has posted. This thread is now important.

10-13-2008, 05:04 AM	#1265
Estelyn Telcontar Princess of Skwerlz Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: where the Sea is eastwards (WtR: 6060 miles) Posts: 7,645	Someone who's received over 10 PMs from me could easily not be awesome, but just plain pesky! I'm afraid I tend to write "forum business messages" more often than personal communication these days, and those usually go to annoying posters. Present company, as always, excepted - of course! __________________ 'Mercy!' cried Gandalf. 'If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you. What more do you want to know?' 'The whole history of Middle-earth...'

10-13-2008, 11:52 AM	#1267
Thinlómien Shady She-Penguin Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: In a far land beyond the Sea Posts: 8,385	Hookbill, I would find it easier to do the P&A if I had a concrete deadline... Phantom, you're a sadist. __________________ Like the stars chase the sun, over the glowing hill I will conquer Blood is running deep, some things never sleep Double Fenris

10-13-2008, 05:46 PM	#1271
Diamond18 Eidolon of a Took Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: my own private fantasy world Posts: 3,561	I'm pretty sure I've had more than ten PMs from both Esty and tp, as well as a Personal Title. So I guess I'm kind of a big deal. shines "Elite" badge __________________ All shall be rather fond of me and suffer from mild depression.

10-14-2008, 03:34 AM	#1272
Estelyn Telcontar Princess of Skwerlz Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: where the Sea is eastwards (WtR: 6060 miles) Posts: 7,645	OK, OK, partners in crime (i.e. REB ) are definitely exceptions! Not pesky, no, good master, not pesky at all... So as not to break the rules I have to enforce (I'd have to delete my own post and send myself a stern reprimand by PM! ) here's an on-topic comment: I love the brief comments that frequently introduce the P&A strips - the "thickening plot like custard" amuses me greatly! __________________ 'Mercy!' cried Gandalf. 'If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you. What more do you want to know?' 'The whole history of Middle-earth...'

10-14-2008, 07:53 AM	#1275
Boromir88 Laconic Loreman Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: USA Posts: 7,559	Morthoron, I'm also talking from personal experience. I'm sure we all at some point in time (and several times more) are pests. P.S. see if the phantom sends you a PM that doesn't just mean it was important enough that he noticed, but that it was so important he spent his own time to send a personal response. If Esty sends you something, by her own admission, it probably isn't a good thing. So really what it boils down to, is you need to get tp's attention and be annoying (in moderation). __________________ Fenris Penguin Last edited by Boromir88; 10-14-2008 at 08:01 AM.

10-14-2008, 02:23 PM	#1276
Lalwendë A Mere Boggart Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: under the bed Posts: 4,814	Can I just say, as a new comics fangirl, how cool it is to be in a comic strip, and how utterly cool it is to be barfed on by Alien wipes carrots and peas off cloak __________________ Gordon's alive!