mirthical mirth

Ok, here I go, if all the fellows(gals included) from L.O.T.R. had jobs(it doesn't matter what time in history) then what would they be?? Create a scean, make a little story, it doesn't matter.Go to it!! And be carefull what you put down please, no drugs, alchol, homosexulaty, sex, swearing or anything related to thoes things please, thanks!! [img]smilies/cool.gif[/img]

[Lord of Angmar]

Well I think we all know what Sam would be. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] The same thing he is in Middle Earth, a gardener.

I think doing Denethor would be funner though. Here goes.
-------------------------------
Denethor sat in his spacious office on the fourth floor of the GonDor, Inc. office building. He was quite furious, his thick brows scrunched up and his black eyes curled with anger. A business representative of Sauron Multimedia had just called his office to inform him that it wished to acquire his company as part of a buyout. On top of that, Denethor was having trouble with a young man in accounting who believed that he was the rightful heir to the presidency of the company, being descended from its founder John S. Ildur.

He had called his annoying attorney (who also happened to be his son), to meet with the Multimedia superpower and tell them that he was not interested in a buyout, although he knew that eventually he would probably be swayed. It was imminent. Sauron Multimedia was too great and powerful a force for a small company like GonDor, Inc. to resist. They were monopolizing, and it enfuriated Denethor.

His son the attorney walked in, wearing a cheap suit and a messy head of hair. Ever since his eldest son had left the family business to pursue a career in some far-off area of the country, he had been stuck with his youngest, and far stupider son, as his chief attorney.

"What is it?" he snapped at his son as he walked in. "Shouldn't you be meeting with the Multimedia attorneys?"

"They called me and made a preliminary offer, dad," said his son. "I think we should hold out. I personally think Sauron Multimedia should be wiped off the face of the earth."

"What was the offer?" asked Denethor.

"Two billion."

Denethor smiled. He knew the company could not hold out against an offer such as this for too long. They were simply too powerful.

He pulled out a lighter, and grinned as he began setting his office aflame.

[ August 14, 2003: Message edited by: Lord of Angmar ]

[Sapphire_Flame]

Oh my. Better watch out for Meela, Angmar. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

Abedithon le,

~*~Aranel~*~

[Meela]

*giggles*

Denethor would work in a crematorium.

Saruman of Many Colours, Interior Decorator. Contact at Orthanc Offices, 01557 322 696.

[ElenCala Isil]

hmm, let's see...

'Welcome, preciouss, to Good Smeagol's ringss and thingss' said a voice from behind the counter of a jewelry store, as a customer walked up. 'How can we serves you, preciouss?'

The customer just happened to be Smeagol's best customer, Bill Bow. 'Hullo, Smeagol! You remember that 'One Ring' I had? Well, turns out some really old 'wise guy' made me give it to my nephew..the one with the 'Fro if you can remember. Anyway, I'm looking for a replacement.'

At this, Smeagol scurried off into the back storage room and brought out an assortment of boxes. He opened one up, to show Bill, which contained a raw fish in it. Bill Bow looked very startled. 'They only gives us 30 minuteses for lunch, preciouss' said Smeagol. After a long trifle of going through boxes, Smeagol held up a plain golden band. 'Ahhh, preciousssss...' he whispered to the ring.

'It's perfect!' said Bill Bow, as he paid for the ring. He picked up the box opened it and stroked the ring. 'mine, my own...' he muttered as he left.

While Bill Bow stepped out the door, a clashing of keys could be heard. And amidst them a slithering voice 'Nassssty little hobbitses, takes our preciouss from us' He paused a while then continued talking, as if holding a conversation with himself.

'Master, we didn't knows! We didn't knows, master!' one voice said, and out of the same person came a grim voice

'You solds our wife's anniversary precioussss!'

'We didn't knows, preciouss, we didn't knows!!'

'That's it, preciouss, we're firing you, we are! Leave and never come back!'

'What did you say?' said Smeagol.

'LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK!!!!!'

With that the vile creature took up his lunch and threw it at himself, catching it in his other hand. Grumbling, he closed up his counter and left...never to sell a 'preciousss' ring again.

[Luthien_ Tinuviel]

He pulled out a lighter, and grinned as he began setting his office aflame.

That last sentence set me into bouts of laughter! Thankyou! It's the first time I've laughed all day (but hopefully not the last)! It was just so unexpected. The story runs along peacefully, predictably, and then all of a sudden there's this terrifically vivid image of Denethor grinning insanely and setting flame to his office. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] Brilliant!

Now for a scenario of my own: [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

Faramir Stewardson had woken up that morning feeling unusually depressed. He hated his job. He didn't have anything against small children, but he wanted to do something better with his life than be the main attraction at the Sherwood Forest Themepark. He checked jobs.com to see if anything new had come up since yesterday. Discouraged, and almost late for work, he ran out the door.

"If only Dad hadn't left the family fortune to Boromir, I wouldn't be in this mees," he grumbled to himself as he drove to work. And sadly, it was true. His father had always favored Boromir, and had left the entire fortune to him. It was because of this that Faramir had to live on the outskirts of the Black City of Pollution, also known as Dallas.

"Why, oh why, did I ever take this job in the first place?" he muttered to himself for the thousandth time that week. Having reached the themepark, he went to go put on his Robin Hood costume. For that was his job: He pretended to be Robin Hood, and together with his "Merry Men" he went around Sherwood Forest Themepark to greet the small curly-haired children who came there with their parents. Decked out in Lincoln green, he went to the meeting place under the old oak tree.

Arriving at the oak tree, he met his colleagues for another day of re-enacting. Among them were Andy Borne, who pretended to be Little John, and Tom Bombadillo, who played Friar Tuck.

"Hi. It's about time you showed up," said Andy, seeing him approach, "I just saw a black squirrel! In Texas! Can you imagine?"

Faramir rolled his eyes. Andy's obssession with squirrels was not very well concealed, to say the least. It was always squirrel this and squirrel that.

Now, on with the work day. Hopefully it would go more quickly than yesterday, when they fought a mock battle with the Sherriff of Nottingham's men, and had to stay several hours after the park closed to treat accidental injuries.

Today was to be a normal day, thank goodness. Just prowl around and pop out from behind trees to greet the park's visitors, telling them they were invited to a feast, and leading them to the refreshment stand. Same as almost every day. Fun.

Around noon, however, Faramir realised that that day would not be a normal day after all. He smelled smoke and instantly grew suspicious. What could be burning? He took a few of his "Merry Men" with him to investigate.

In a glade nearby, he found something most unexpected. Three little kids were trying to start a fire. Two of the children had an abundance of curly hair, and the third had almost no hair at all.

"Hello, kids!" he exclaimed, pasting a fake cheesy smile on his face, "I'm Robin Hood, and these are my Merry Men. We would appreciate it if you didn't start fires in our forest. Are you lost? Can we take you to find your parents?"

To his surprise, the ugly little hairless kid hissed at him and ran away. The other two did not seem phased.

"Hi, I'm Sam," the stocky one piped up, "and this is my best friend Fred. Don't hurt us, because we didn't do anything to you. And don't blindfold us, either!"

"What is that kid talking about?" Faramir thought. "And where did the skinny one go?"

"Umm... we need to find your parents," he said out loud. "Do you know where your friend went?"

Just then, Andy came up to say that he had seen another black squirrel.

"That's two in one day!" he exclaimed. "Come and see!"

Faramir did not want to be dragged around to look at squirrels, but the children dashed off, and he had nothing to do but follow them.

"Why me?" he thought as he ran off, "Why couldn't I have inherited the fortune and own a mega-corporation, instead of my brother?"

Having reached a stream, everyone looked around for a squirrel. And there it was, crouching among the rocks. But this "squirrel" was none other than the skinny little hairless kid that had run off.

They had a hard time of it to get the ugly kid to join the curly-haired ones, but Faramir finally got them to follow him, with Andy at the rear to prevent anyone from running off. They then proceeded to walk throughout the whole park, searching for the children's parents. When they finally found the three distraught mothers, it was nearly closing time.

"Don't ever run away like that again, Sam!" one mother said. "I was scared half to death!"

"But Mom, they had potatoes at the refreshment stand!"

"This job gets weirder every day," Faramir thought. "I really need to look into other employment." Having seen the children and their mothers safely off, he headed to the dressing rooms to change out of his Robin Hood costume. He had had enough for one day, and the park was about to close anyway.

Driving home, he reflected on his job options. Maybe he could work for his brother Boromir. But one thing was certain: he was turning in his resignation tomorrow. He did not want to have to dress up in a costume and take care of lost children for another day.


[img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] Faramir as Robin Hood! I can see it now!

[Sapphire_Flame]

*snork* [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] Faramir as Robin Hood! I can just imagine.... [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] *dies*

Abedithon le,

~*~Aranel~*~

[Lord of Angmar]

Glad I could give you a good laugh, Luthien [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] Kudos on your Faramir story, and ElenCala on your Gollum story. Both were hilarious [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

I hope more contributions will be made to this thread.

Cheers!
-Angmar

[elfearz1]

alright. prepare to... throw tomatoes at me. I'm not very good at this whole funny thing. Anyway....

[Scene opens in "Club Sauron" a bustling family resteraunt. Above the noise of clinking plates and mundane chatter is the barely audible voice of a short waiter.]
Sam: What can I get for you today *looks up from his notepad to see its that scrawny bald ugly kid and makes a face* *ahem* I'm your waitor sam.
Gollum: What isss your sspecial catch of the day preciousss
Sam: Our catch of the day is fish straight from the river and a side of salad or taters
Smeagol: Whatsss taterss preciousss
Sam: Po-ta-toes!
Smeagol: *whimpering* waitorsss mean to us preciousss
*gollum comes out and steps on sam's foot*
Sam: you little brat! where're your parents?
[the manager seeing that sam is distressed hurries over to the table]
Frodo: Is there something wrong here?
Sam: Oh no, Mr. Frodo everything is*clenched teeth* fine
[img]smilies/mad.gif[/img]
Frodo: good
*The new waitor looks over and sees all three (frodo,sam,gollum)*
Faramir(to himself):now where have I seen them before?
*the eye of sauron appears in the bowl of soup he is carryng*
Sauron(in the black speech): Why are you just standing there?!? Customers are waiting!
*Faramir shrugs and walks over table number 9 and sets the food down. The customer sets down the newspaper they are reading and he sees that it's a lovely women*
Eowyn: Thank you....

THE END!
don't ask [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

[ August 16, 2003: Message edited by: elfearz1 ]

[ August 16, 2003: Message edited by: elfearz1 ]

[Luthien_ Tinuviel]

On the contrary, elfearz, you did quite well. I'm surprised you all read mine... it's so long! Thanks, though.

now where have I seen them before?

[img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] So now he's a waiter! What next? Perhaps a door-to-door salesman? [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] I shouldn't give myself ideas like that! But it would be good....

[ August 16, 2003: Message edited by: Luthien_ Tinuviel ]

[ElenCala Isil]

Hmm, let's see...

Polishing his golden nameplate, Frodo sat at his newly organized desk, waiting for his 5 o'clock. They were almost 13 seconds late. "Should be here any minute, now." Frodo said to himself.

Outside, a disgruntled elf walked towards the new office building. Spotting the gardener outside, he asked for directions. "Excuse me, Mr...." he began.
The Gardener looked up and began to speak "Sam, may I help you?" he asked the elf, taken aback. There was something a bit strange about this elf. "Yes, I'm looking for Dr. Frodo, I understand he is giving therapy now and I am nearing to 30 seconds late."

"Room 204, on the second floor, second door to your left." Sam answered, immediatly returning to his work. "Thank you," said the elf as he quickly walked into the office building.

"204, 204, 204, second door to the left," the elf said, as he made his way to the elevator. There was another person approaching the elevator. "What floor?" he asked the elf.

"Second," said the elf. He looked at the man, observing his every move. "My name is Faramir," said the man. "Are you going to see Dr. Frodo? He's great!"

"Really? Did he help you in any way?" queried the elf. "Oh, sure! I had this problem after I quit my job as Robin Hood. I was a bit unstable, but Dr. Frodo helped me out and before I knew it, I had a job as a waiter! Well, second floor, here we are!"

At this the elf walked out of the elevator, and proceeded to room 204.

"Hello! Do come in! I'm Dr. Frodo, and you must be Legolas!" came a cheery voice from the small hobbit at the desk at the back of the room. "What seems to be the problem?" he said, offering Legolas a seat.

Taking the seat, Legolas began his tale. "...and so, the dwarf at the beauty salon did this to my hair! The left side is a whole 8 inches shorter than the right! What will I do, Dr. Frodo?"

Frodo sat for a while, trying to think of the right answer for the disgruntled elf. "Let me tell you a story," Frodo began. "The reason I became a mental therapist is because we all have flaws, and we need to overcome our self-image, and be happy with the person inside." At this he held up his hands-he only had nine fingers. The elf gasped. "Yes, yes. Even I, am not perfect. My hair devoured my soul not too long ago and my finger is gone, but my looks aren't everything. You need to know that your hair will grow back, Legolas. You need to let your innerself shine out for the world to see. Stop worrying about your hair."

Legolas sat for a while, replaying the doctor's words once more. After a while he stirred, and stood up. "You're right, Dr. Frodo! My hair will grow back, and for once it would be nice to have people look at me as a person and not just a pretty face with dazzling hair. Thank you, Doctor! Thank you!" He grabbed Frodo's hand and gave it a squeeze then he nanced out the door, leaving Frodo to himself.

Frodo shook his head. "Elbereth, this won't be good....why do I even bother with therapy?"

*-*-*-*-*-*

Frodo was walking through the aisle of the local supermarket when he noticed an elf who looked remarkably like Legolas, yet somewhat like...like Aragorn! "Legolas?! Is that you?!" he called out. The greasy haired elf came nancing over to Frodo. "Dr. Frodo!! So great to see you again! Your therapy session worked great!!! You've changed my life, Dr. Frodo. I haven't seen a bar of soap in a month! I can't thank you enough."

At this Frodo smacked his forehead and slid it down his face. "I'm so happy for you, Legolas, but really I must be going." He walked away quickly, ignoring Legolas' shouts of thanks.

"Oy! That's it!!! I quit!!! I'll go work for Pippin. "Wee Scarvies™, Inc." has been making a killing lately."

He hopped in his car and sped to his work to put in his resignation. "From now on, it's Wee Scarvies™ for me!"

[ August 17, 2003: Message edited by: ElenCala Isil ]

[ August 20, 2003: Message edited by: ElenCala Isil ]

[ August 20, 2003: Message edited by: ElenCala Isil ]

Ha, you guys are doing a really great job!! I can't wait to see what else you come up with!! Keep up the great work!! [img]smilies/cool.gif[/img]

[ElenCala Isil]

To continue my little story...
_.-^-._.-^-._.-^-._

Walking here and there, making sure production was all okay, Peregrin Took heard the phone ring. 'My secretary will get that' he thought to himself, pleased at the very fact he had a secretary. He walked over to his office on the second floor, and asked his secretary who had called.

"Some guy who is interested in working for you, Mr. Took," she said. "He said he'd be here in a jiff to talk to you."

Hmm, a walk-in... they'd better be good! He walked off and headed for the door to greet the man who was coming to visit.

A hobbit came bustling in, looking like he was running from a greasy-haired elf. "Pippin?" he yelled. He tapped one of the workers on the shoulders, who turned around. He was an elderly man with a big pointy hat and bristling eyebrows. His face was lined with wisdom. "Gandalf?! You're working for Pippin?! But, I thought he was a 'fool of a took'!" the hobbit exclaimed.

"Yes, I am, and if I hear you ever utter about this outside this building, I shall personally blow your door right through your hobbit hole and out the other side of the hill, Frodo." the wizard shot back. "Sorry man, I was just a bit surprised. Have you seen Pippin? I'm looking for him."

The wizard pointed to another hobbit who was dressed in a snazzy business suit and was polishing one of his brass buttons. "Frodo! What brings you here?" Pippin asked, rushing towards Frodo and greeting him with a friendly hug.

"Didn't your secretary tell you? I'm here to find a job. Last time I checked Wee Scarvies™, Inc. was making a fortune. And I'm sick of making greasy-haired elves happy. Can you believe that one actually fell for the nine finger gag?" he chuckled.

At this Pippin signaled for Frodo to follow him, and lead him to his office. He pulled out a chair, and had Frodo sit, then took a seat for himself. As Pippin opened his mouth to speak, Frodo interrupted.

"I have an interesting proposition. I think that we could extend Wee Scarvies™" He said quickly.

With an interested look on his face, Pippin once again opened his mouth to speak, and yet again was cut off by Frodo.

"How? I was waiting for you to ask me that.
I think we could make a line of Large-sized Wee Scarvies™, we could call them Big Wee Scarvies™!"

At this Pippin took a while to think, making sure not to open his mouth and be cut off again. He glared at Frodo considering his suggestion. At long last he spoke.

"Now Frodo, you know I don't make any descisions without consulting my co-owner, Mr. Brandybuck, yes as in Merry. But I've resolved it on my own, taking in consideration what he would think, and to be honest with you, I've got a better idea." he said.

Frodo looked up at Pippin, thinking he had blown his chance and would be forced to deal with other disgruntled elves. He sighed, when Pippin suddenly shouted. "And that idea would be.... You're Hired!!!! Welcome to Wee Scarvies™ Mr. Assistant Manager Dude!"

Frodo looked up and smiled, as Pippin opened a door and pulled out a similar snazzy business suit. He handed it to Frodo. "How soon can you start putting your idea into progress?" Pippin asked.

At this Frodo pulled out a briefcase which he somehow concealed as he walked in. Opening up the breifcase, he took out a larger version of the Wee Scarvie™ and began to explain his proposition again, more detailed. "...it even has a certificate of authenticity!"

Frodo noticed that Pippin seemed quite pleased. He let loose a sigh of relief, and never again did a disgruntled elf pay for a therapy session from him. They only paid for Big Wee Scarvies™

[Sleepy Ranger]

These are great I'll try my own but I'm not good

Frodo and his assistant Sam are sitting in the Golden Gandalf's Jewelry Shop when a short bald customer walks in.

Smeagol:Give it to ussssssss. Give usss our precioussss.

Frodo:Sorry Sir we dont have any precioussss but could I interest you in this expensive gold ring of power.

Smegol: We wantssss it. We wantsss our precioussss.

Sam walks over to Frodo seeing that Smeagols giving him a hard time.

Sam: We don't have no precious ove here. All we have is this expensive gold ring of power.

Smeagol:Itssss precioussss not precious.

Frodo: We don't have any but try next door in Aragorn's Awesome Antiques(AAA).

Smeagol walks out making a note to complain to the manager about them and walks towards AAA.

Ok its not good but its something I'll do AAA later.

[ElenCala Isil]

Well, I think this is just too good a thread to let die, so I hope that I can help bring it back...
____________________________________________

Turning on the disco ball, Saruman was greeted by Boromir the Disco King. Annoyed at this, Sarudude turned off the disco ball and Boromir left. "Blast it all, can't have a Disco ball of Many colours without that dude coming in." He muttered to himself.

He walked over to a mirror to make sure that his robes were nice and tye-dye. They were indeed very colourful.

It was the day of the colour-fest at the amusement park where once Fararmir worked. Saruman, now named Sarudude, had set up his 'Funkadelic Tye-Dye Shoppe' but he had to lost the Disco Ball, which Boromir took to his own stand, anyway.

At last his first customer came to his tent, where his shoppe was. Putting on some shades, he cleared his throat and began to speak.

"Hey, you dudes! I'm Sarudude, are you ready to learn how to make your socks totally funkadelic?!"

To see an elderly bearded wizard, wearing tye-dye robes, and speaking in such a manner was quite frightening to the children and thusly they tried to run away screaming. Unfortunately for them, their parental units ushered them back to Sarudude's tye-dye emporium...

"Peace, little dudes, I just wanna show you how to make your socks look really cool."

The kinds shuddered and watched as Sarudude took out a few pairs of socks and handed them to the children. He then took out three buckets full of dye, and a bunch of rubber bads.

"Okay dudes, just bunch up the socks and put the rubber bands on them, then dip them randomly into the dye!"

One child stared at Sarudude and asked him, "Are our socks going to be as colourful as that dress you're wearing?"

Sarudude raged as this, but it was all part of the childrens' plan. "DRESS?! THIS IS NOT DRESS! These are wizardly robes!"

As Sarudude raged on and on, the children signaled out to Gandalf, who handed them a bucket much like the ones on the counter. The kids, circled around him and at last dumped the bucket on Sarudude.

It took a while to change, but at long last, Sarudude was no longer "Sarudude on Many-Colours"

Gandalf stepped out, with a pipe to his lips and laughing heartily. "I told you I liked white better." he smirked.

Sarudude raged, and lunged for the children, but Gandalf protected them. "Run along little ones, Boromir is about to perform."

Disco music could be heard from Boromir's makeshift dance floor, and the children scurried along to watch.

Gandalf had Sarudude pick up his dye and tent and to leave the fairgrounds for having a bad temper.

Thusly, Sarudude went back to being Saruman, and he went into the restrooms, changed into his other techni colour robe and set to tye-dying his robes once more. It was the day Saruman vowed never to try to bring the gift of techni colour socks to any other children again.
____________________________________________

Not as good as some of my old ones, I think, but, that's okay, Hope you enjoy! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[Arothir]

Gandalf would be a college professor

Gandalf: Okay class, today we will be discussing the laws of physics.

Boromir: Isn't that kinda like the laws of Gondor?
Gandalf: No Boromir. An object in motion remains in motion unless acted upon by an outside force.
Boromir: Why?
Gandalf: Because it's been proven!
Boromir: Why?
Gandalf: LISTEN YOU LITTLE BRAT! YOU MAY BE THE NEXT STEWARD, BUT IN MY CLASS, THINGS WORK DIFFERENTLY! If you don't shut up, I'll join your dad at the crematorium, and you'll be my first customer.

Fireworks explode right at Boromir. Maybe Gandalf should have been something else...

[Failivrin]

galadriel's all purpose store. galadriel, tired and sweaty after a long day's work is just beginning to relax.

(enter gimli)
galadriel: yeah? whadda ya want?
gimli: 3 golden hairs from your head
galadriel: 3 golden 'airs! 'ave we 3 golden 'airs?

(enter a scruffy, hen- pecked little man)
celeborn: no dear, they went out of stock yesterday. you granddaughter's on the phone.

galadriel: i'll take it out 'ere. (phone convo) yes dear, it's me. what do you mean he's giving you trouble again? when celebrian married him i knew 'e'd be no good. you just tell 'im that your old enough to decide who ya marry love.
gimli: errrrrr, excuse me? may i order them?
galadriel: yeah, just fill in that form...no darlin', runnin' away won't do no good. you just give 'im a good talkin' to and if 'e still won't give in, tell 'im to call me, alright? i mean, you're not that pretty, aragorn's not gonna wait around that long. you gotta get 'im before 'e's king 'cause then 'e'll 'ave the whole of gondor swoonin' at 'is feet...yeah, it's always the way darlin'...

[Elennar Starfire]

Gandalf would be a college professor

Hah, I can see Gandalf as a teacher.

"If you do not do your homework, YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!"

[img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]