New Movie Script

[Oddwen]

Only seven months later...that's not too bad, right? Er... >.>

Scene: The Three Walkers are standing, smugly prepared to board the entire Corsair fleet.

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*Aragorn and Gimli stand at the shoreline, staring at Legolas who is floating upside down in the air*

Gimli: Is there really any need for that?

Legolas: You should try it sometime. It's quite restful.

KotD*whining*: Can I put him down now?

Aragorn: Hmm...*he strokes Anduril*...I guess so.

*KotD throws Legolas on the ground and stalks back to the rest of the Dead*

Legolas: Ouch! Well, that undid any possible bit of good that could possibly have been good.

Aragorn(to the Corsairs): You may go no further. You may not enter Gondor.

*The Corsairs pause for a moment before bursting out into loud, ribald, jocular and fruity laughs.*

Captain: And, pray tell, who are you to order us about?

Bosun: Why are we even talking to them? Why don't we just shoot them now?

Captain: No...I feel a need to talk to them.

Bosun: By "need," do you mean a trifling need? Fleeting? As in, say, a passing fancy?

Captain: No, a resolute and unyielding need.

*Legolas finds himself staring at the wheelman, for his stupid, ugly, girlish, stupid, posing, scrawny, stupid, hammish, and perpetually befuddled face looks familiar*

Aragorn: Legolas, fire a warning past the bosun's ear.

*Legolas takes aim, but at the last second Gimli whacks him in the kneecap with the flat of his axe. Legolas screams and misses the bosun entirely, smacking the wheelman smack in the heart*

Wheelman: Aiiaghh!

Bosun: Nice Wilhelm.

Wheelman: ...thanks...*dies*

The Crew(advancing toward the wheelman): Part of the ship, part of the crew, part of the ship, part of the crew...

Captain: None of that now.

The Crew: Fine.

Aragorn: Dangit...try again, Pansy, and don't kill anyone this time.

*Legolas, through his tears and above his blubbering, fires another shot into the Corsairs, this time hitting the captain square between the eyes*

Captain: You will always remember this as the time you almost killed Captain Ja-*dies*

Aragorn(visibly upset): What is WRONG with you?? You're an elf, your aim is supposed to be perfect! I don't know why I continue traveling with you!

Gimli: Aragorn carries a heavy burden...Gimli knows. The elf...he's always watching. He wants your necklace...very soon he will ask you for it...he will try to take it from you...

Aragorn: Huh? Anyway. Goodbye foul Corsairs, we are going to kill you.

Bosun: You and whose army?? Heh, I've always wanted to say that...not cheesy and overused and out-of-place at all...

Aragorn*whispering*: This army.

Bosun: What?

Aragorn: This army.

*all the Corsairs lean forward in the boat* What?

Aragorn: This army.

Corsairs: WHAT??

KotD & the Dead: BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!!

Corsairs: AAAAAAAARRRRGHHHH!!

Gimli(jumping up and clapping): Yay! Yippee! Oh, the carnage! I want that ship for mine! No, I want that ship!

Legolas(clutching his leg): Which one has the new kneecaps on it?

Aragorn(to the retreating Dead): Where do you think you're going?

KotD: To rest, of course. We fulfilled our oath.

Aragorn: Nu-uh. Nothing doing. Do you expect us three to ride on to the city alone? Hah! Maybe if I had, oh, say, thirty-odd of my stout, studly, stubbly kinsmen and a couple more elves by my side to fight, but I ain't letting you go just yet.

*the Dead sag and moan, but Aragorn waves Anduril threateningly, and they slump toward the boats*

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And the next scene is: Frodo and Gollum entering Cirith Ungol.