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Old 06-10-2004, 12:35 AM   #41
Eowyn Skywalker
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*grins evily* It did, master, oh yesssss... You MUST read the Barrow-downs birthday party RPG... in Elvenhome... just to see how much it REALLY continued here... giggle. AND I AM NOT PUTTING THE GARLIC AWAY!!!!

Quote:

Gandalf: Dawn take you all, and be stone to you!

*sun comes up*

Troll: Ha ha!!! You see... the moonlight shows us...

Gandalf: Well... that's odd... why didn't it work... Ummm.... erk... RUN!

Troll: So... shall we have stuffed wizard tonight, Bill?

Gandalf: Crap.
Well, it IS from a book...

-Eowyn Skywalker
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Old 06-12-2004, 06:42 PM   #42
The Perky Ent
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White Tree

Garlic? Are you suggesting something? No, that's a fixed mirror. It's not suppost to show my reflection. just kidding. Sounds funny. I should have posted in that party! Alas. Anyways
Quote:
Mouth of Sauron: ...I have tokens that I was bidden to show to thee-to thee in especial, if thou shouldst dare to come
*throws down Sam's sword*
Gandalf: Silence!
*throws down grey cloak with elven broach*
Mouth of Sauron: Here's the terms: You get the hobbit
Gandalf: So far so good
Mouth of Sauron: Furthermore, Sauron get's everything east of the Anduin. Henseforth, you will no longer be allowed to kick our butts! Also, Isengard and the Gap of Rohan will be tribute to Sauron. They will be given to a more competent person!
Gandalf: Possibly someone like you?
Mouth of Sauron: Well, I don't mean to brag but-
Gandalf: We will not accept!
*drops mithril vest*
Gandalf: What I meant was, we will not accept refusing your offer. It's a deal.
*As Gandalf and Mouth of Sauron go to shake hands, mithril breaks*
Gandalf: What a minute! This isn't Frodo's mithril vest!
*looks at chains*
Gandalf: Made in Rhûn!?! They only make the cheep stuff! We refuse your offer!

~*~*~*~*~*~

*later that day in Barad-Dûr*
Sauron: So, he didn't accept?
Mouth of Sauron: No master. I think the orcs are right. Maybe we should stop getting stuff from Ebay®
Sauron: Nonsense! Get me my laptop!
Copyright © 1995-2004eBay Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Designated trademarks and brands are the property of
their respective owners.

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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.'
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Old 06-14-2004, 09:20 PM   #43
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Quote:
"Oathbreakers, why have ye come?"

And a voice was heard out of the night that answered him, as if from far away: "To fulfil our oath and have peace."

Then Aragorn said: "The hour is come at last. Now I go to Pelargir upon Anduin, and ye shall come after me. And when all this land is clean of the servants of Sauron, I will hold the oath fulfilled, and ye shall have peace and depart for ever. For I am Elessar, Isildur's heir of Gondor."

There was a lengthy pause, followed by the distinct sound of someone blowing their tongue, as if from far away, and the voice responded: "You killed my auntie."

Aragorn was taken aback. "Well, I'm sorry about that--"

"You killed the bride's father!"

Another voice rang out. "But isn't he already dead?"

"SILENCE, YOU!!!"

"D'oh."
Padawan...no more garlic...
It's an inside joke, m'dear Ent the Perky.
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Old 06-14-2004, 09:57 PM   #44
The Perky Ent
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White Tree

I know it's a inside joke! I just like doing things like that
Quote:
Sam: Destory the ring!
Frodo: Mmm, don't think so! *puts ring on*
Smeagol: Attention shoppers, there's a 5 doller discount on Hobbit Fingers!
Gollum: Mmm, forbidden finger
*bits frodo's finger and takes the ring*
Gollum: La la la la la, *looks at sign* Do not jump over edge? Yeah, like that's gonna happen....
*falls off*
*ring doesn't melt*
Frodo: Why isn't it melting?
Sam: I don't know!
Elrond: Oh, sorry! I didn't have my glasses on when I was at the council. It can only be destroyed at Mt. Foon! It's in chinatown!
Frodo: Where is Chinatown?
Elrond: In China
Frodo: Oh! Right! Off course! How silly of me!
Sam: Where's China Mr. Frodo?
Frodo: I have no idea, but it isn't hear
Elrond: Actually, Sauron became so partial to take-out, he-
*stops talking*
*Frodo and Sam are pigging out*
Gandalf in aggrivated tone: Hobbits!
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.'
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Old 06-15-2004, 07:44 PM   #45
Eowyn Skywalker
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Actually, it's not that inside, Perky... there's a fic on fanfiction.net called Paint Wars that will fill you in quite nicely. And no, it has nothing to do with vampires either...

Quote:
"You have no color now!" declaimed Gandalf, as he cast Saruman from the Order.

"Ah..." But Saruman stood up, and cast off his multi-colored robes. "Mr. Gandalf, when you cast me from the order, you left out one thing..." He stood up, and the morning sun glistened over his red robes. "When the Ents came here to kill me, and MY tower, they almost suceeded. I am Saruman the RED now, and you have no power over me!" He laughed crazily, until an orb of black glass came flying from the top most window of the tower. Saruman fell over, dead.

Gandalf shook his head, and proceeded to crack Saruman's red staff. "Never underestimate the powers of the Palantir," he announced, looking over at Pippin, who was looking into the Stone. "PIPPIN! NO!"

***to be continued in thearers next fall***
-Eowyn Skywalker
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Old 06-17-2004, 03:34 PM   #46
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Sting

Legolas climbs up Mumak and trys to cut the thing holding the other thing on its back. His sword breaks. Poo-gas! Now I`m going to be stuck hanging here all day!
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Old 06-20-2004, 06:32 PM   #47
The Perky Ent
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White Tree

Here's a good one!
Quote:
Elessar: Yé! utúvienyes! I have found it! Now we can have a new white tree!
*yanks off flower*
*flower falls*
Elessar, nervously: Someone might have cought it
Gandalf: How do we know it survived?
Elessar: What does your heart tell you
*silence*
Gandalf: Right! Well, I gotta make some phone calls!
*pulls out cell phone*
Gandalf: Hello, Niënna? Is this a bad time. By the way, did I mention what a great teacher you are. Anyways, we've got the desendant of Telperion here. And, It's kinda dead. So, is it too much trouble if you come over here and use your powers to bring forth a seed? This way, we keep the line flowing.
*silence*
Gandalf: Look, I know your busy, but can't you make an exception? No?!? Put Mandos on the phone
*Mandos gets on the phone*
Gandalf: Hi Mados! Remember me? Zirag-zigil? Balrog? Ringing any bells? Anyways, oh by the way, thank you for sending me back to life. I'd send you a greating card, but they don't make it for the occation. Anyways, can you tell your sister to come over here and help me out? No? Common? It's the heir of Elendil were talking about. He goes way back! Desendant of Luthien he is. Remember her?
*in-audible sound*
Gandalf: Thanks a lot!
*hangs up*
Gandalf: Do you really need another white tree?
Elessar: For a happy ending...
Gandalf: Well, Saruman has polluted the Shire. It isn't happy. Deal.
Elessar: Fine! I have nothing left to live for!
*Elessar jumps from Mindolluin*
*Gandalf comes down back to the city*
Gandalf: The flower survived?
*suddenly, Elessar comes and crushes the flower*
Gandalf: I'm getting too old for this.
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.'

Last edited by The Perky Ent; 06-20-2004 at 06:32 PM. Reason: missed a [/i]
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Old 06-21-2004, 06:55 PM   #48
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The Eye

Here's a good one...

The Watcher grabs Frodo and Aragorn and Boromir come to the rescue. They hack at the Watcher but nothing happens. THe Watcher then eats Frodo and proceeds to devour the rest of the Fellowship.

Or...

Aragorn hacks at the Watcher and it drops Frodo. Boromir drops him and panic ensues. Nobody can find Frodo. THey head into the Mines leaving Frodo behind. It isn't until Gandalf falls that they realize there is no point to continue because the Ring is lost. So much for that.

THis is a great thread.
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Old 06-23-2004, 07:13 PM   #49
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White Tree

Good One!
Quote:
Nazgûl: Give us the ring Frodo!
Frodo: No!
Nazgûl: Why don't you put it on! It's just your size!
Frodo: No! Wait, I mean yes!
*puts ring on*
*parallel universe*
Witch King: Stabby Stabby!
*stabs Frodo*
Frodo: Ouch! Why didn't I see that commin.
Aragorn: Here Frodo, I'll save you!
*moves to strike Nazgûl with fire*
*fire goes out*
*Aragorn dies*
*hobbits die*
*Frodo becomes the 10th Nazgûl*
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.'
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Old 06-23-2004, 07:27 PM   #50
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Boots

Not to go off topic here, but has anyone ever thought of if Frodo would have become the 10th Nazgul? You'd have 9 tall scary hooded creatures, and a little hobbit one! But so as not to take this awesome thread off topic I'll just have to make one:

Quote:
Wouldn't it just be funny if the Ice cracked beneath Ungoliant and Melkor?
or

Quote:
*Fëanor: We need your ships!
*Teleri: Hell no!
*Fëanor: Then we shall take them by force!
(The Teleri kill all but Fëanor, and he starts riding off in a ship)
*Fëanor: Suckers!
(Fëanor realizes he's screwed halfway to ME alone.)


hmmm...those are pretty weak, sorry! I just don't want this to go off topic at all haha.
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Old 06-24-2004, 07:34 AM   #51
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Shield I really hope no one did this....

ok so everyone knows in RotK when gimli says "there's plenty for the both of us, let the best dwarf win" (it when gimli, legolas, and aragorn get to pelenor)

Gimli: *killing orcs with axe* 17...18...19...20....

Legolas: *killing orcs with bow* 23....24....25...26...

Gimli: 23 *axe brakes* Dam! I payed $250.00 for this peice of crap and it breaks! hey, legolas, the contests off!! you win!!

(its not very funny, but the mental image kinda is)

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Old 06-25-2004, 10:03 AM   #52
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okay, okay i got one...

Quote:
Orcs at Helms Deep: HEAVE!!! *pull Grond back all the way and then release* *Grond slams into gates most satisfyingly* AGAIN!!! *orcs pull grond back again*
Grond: Ouch nooo! that HURTS! meanyheads! *eats an orc or two and then runs off in search of a bandaid*
*orcs stand around scratching heads lost as for what to do now*
MEANWHILE, bracing the gates:

captain: hold your positions men! in fact, lean harder!

As all the soldiers throw their weight against the gates, one of them accidentally presses the garage door openy thingy, which causes the gates to suddenly fling outward, knocking the orcs off the rampart and sending the soldiers flying out after them. In the end, Helms Deep is actually safe anyway because there is such a huge pile up of unconcious people that the rest of the army can't get in.
does anyone want to petition to bring back the evil smiley? *evil smiley*
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Old 06-25-2004, 03:29 PM   #53
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The Eye

*Gandalf and Pippin ride up the hill on Shadowfax, giving Pippin his first look at Minas Tirith.*

Gandalf: Behold, the city of Kings!
Pippin: It's only a model
Gandalf: SHHHH!

~~~~
Alright, so the city isn't exactly a weapon in the true sense of the word, but I was watching Monty Python and had to drop that in.
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Old 06-27-2004, 04:32 PM   #54
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White Tree

lol good ones, and yes, if grond can show up at helms deep...
Quote:
Varda: Look at me! I just made these stars in the shape of a sicle! Awesome!
*sickle falls as if on a hing and chops Varda's head off*
Varda: Hey Manwe! Long time no see!
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.'
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Old 06-27-2004, 06:30 PM   #55
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Silmaril

Good ones!

Quote:
*Gandalf takes the Ring out of Frodo's fire with the tongs*
Gandalf: take it! it's quite cool. *drops Ring in Frodo's outstretched hand*
Frodo: OW!! HOT!!! DANG YOU GANDALF!!! YOU SAID IT WASN'T!!!!!
Gandalf: umm... whups. maybe it's a fake.
Frodo: *drops ring on floor* Ya think you could've figured that out sooner??
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Old 06-27-2004, 08:28 PM   #56
The Perky Ent
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White Tree

Good one! I'd like to see that happen to Frodo Anyways,
Quote:
Gimli: Well what are we waiting for? YA!
*swings ax at the ring in the council of elrond*
*ring breaks*
Elrond: Meeting Agurned
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.'
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Old 06-27-2004, 10:32 PM   #57
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Oh, very nice... I wanna see THAT one!

Quote:
Galadriel: Will you look into the mirror?

Frodo: What will I see?

Galadriel: Even the wisest cannot tell, for the mirror shows many things... *yada yada yada*

Frodo: *stares in* Big... red.... flaming... eye... pulling... me... into... water...

Galadriel: Do NOT touch the water...

Frodo: *touches water* *KAVAAM™*

Galadriel: Crap.

Frodo: *tinny voice* I feel... cold.

**BOOM**

Galadriel: And thus ends the Ring bearer...
Yeah, pathetic.

-Eowyn Skywalker
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Old 06-28-2004, 04:26 PM   #58
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White Tree

No, it was good...except for the Kavaam. It's Kaboom! But I'm sure that's a typo!
Quote:
Gimli:
The Walls of Moria!

Gandalf:
Ithildin!* It mirrors only starlight and moonlight...

*The moon breaks through the clouds and shines on
the Doors, causing their outlines and writing to glow*

It reads:* The Doors of Durin, Lord of Moria.
Speak, Friend, and enter.
*
Merry:
What do you suppose that means?
*
Gandalf:
It's quite simple.* If you are a friend, you
speak the password and the doors will open. Annon Edhellen, edro hi ammen! *nothing happens*
*gandalf putts staf against door*
Ando Eldarinwa a lasta quettanya, Fenda Casarinwa!
*Gandalf's staff breaks on the door*
D'oh!
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.'
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Old 06-28-2004, 06:05 PM   #59
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Silmaril

looks like our imaginations are running wild! not that that's a bad thing. and, yes, I know this one has been done before, but this time it's got a new twist...
Quote:
(in moria)
Gandalf: let's have a little light. *holds up staff. light comes on, then abruptly goes out* rats!
Aragorn: let's hope they don't have a cave troll.
Boromir: they do.
Gandalf: *bangs staff with his hand. light comes back on* there! got it!
*a cave troll suddenly appears*
Gandalf: Fly, you fools!
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Old 06-28-2004, 07:32 PM   #60
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Heh...nooooo, Perky, "kavamm" is the exclusive property of my twin sister Jandalf, who is Eowyn Skywalker's Master in Jediland.

Here's some defective enemy for you:
Quote:
The Fellowship comes up to the entrance into Moria...except they are somewhat delayed at the sight of a buffet table set up close to the doors.

GOLLUM: (checks meat) Calamari, anyone?

ARAGORN: What the...you fried the Watcher.

SAM: Hey, Mr. Frodo, we've got a Japanese culinary professional on our hands.

HOBBITS: FOOD!!!
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Old 07-04-2004, 01:16 PM   #61
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C'mon, Auddie, admit it, Jandalf was the one typing there... and yeah, Perky, "Kavamm™" was not a typo... because it is the property of my master, I have rights to use it every now and again... it was kavamm. Oh yeah... ™ there.

FotR
Quote:

Narrator: ...it was at this moment when all hope had faded, that Isildur, son of the king, took up his father's sword.

Isildur: Naaaagggggg...

Sauron: *blows up*

Ring: *self destructs*

Isildur: Oooo... shiny gold dust...

Galadriel: ...how come my ring doesn't have that feature? Ahh... oh... the end! Whoa... that sped things up...
Heh heh...

-Eowyn Skywalker
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Old 07-04-2004, 05:45 PM   #62
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Sting

The Great Goblin: *As he places Gandalf's head on a stake at the end of a row of stakes bearing the heads of thirteen Dwarves and one Hobbit* Now, what was the name of that blue glowing sword again?
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Old 07-06-2004, 10:39 PM   #63
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Narya Not actually a weapon, but...

Quote:
But when the wolf came for Beren, Felagund picked the lock on his handcuffs and slapped the werewolf with all his might, and the wolf fell as if struck by the power of Felagund - which he was.
"Kill him! Bite him!" said Beren.
"Braces," said Finrod.
"Then claw him!" said Beren.
"New manicure. Sorry," said Felagund.
"Great," said Beren, as the wolf awakened...

...

"...and they built me a cave, like some cool castle, and the Dwarves - those short bearded things - called my Felagund! Ain't that cool?" said Finrod.
"That's nice, dear," said Finarfin; and an unkempt man, bound in a white straitjacket, flanked by two orderlies, passed them by, saying: "I'll get, you, you...you..."
"Do you know that one?" said Finarfin.
"Nope," said Finrod, and they walked beneath the trees in Eldamar.
I found this manuscript in some cave near Namibia, written in Rumilian script. Took me a year to translate.
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I intend to copy this sig forever - so far so good...
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Old 07-11-2004, 03:28 PM   #64
The Perky Ent
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White Tree

Here's some:
Quote:
Boromir: The blade that cut the ring *pricks his finger* It's still sharp!
Oh wait, that happened. How about,
Quote:
Gimli: Well what are we waiting for? YA! *slams ax at the one ring * *ax breaks* *ring doesn't*
Wait, that happened too! Hmm...how about
Quote:
Galadriel: Will you look into the mirror?
Frodo: What will I see?
Galadriel: Even the wisest cannot tell. Things that were, things that are, and some things...that have not yet come to pass
*frodo looks in and sees stuff*
*eye on sauron appears and ring sinks into the water*
*frodo pulls the chain back, but the ring is gone*
Frodo: Oops
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.'
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Old 07-11-2004, 06:16 PM   #65
Nirvana II
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Witch King: Screech!

Frodo:Uh......

Witch King: *stabs Frodo*

*the Morgul Blade turns to dust before it hits Frodo's shoulder*

Frodo: Ha!

*Witch King steals the Ring and runs, trips, and falls down Amon Sul*
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Old 07-11-2004, 09:43 PM   #66
Nilpaurion Felagund
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Narya

Faramir Solo gave me this manuscript...

Do you, by any chance, know him, Eowyn Skywalker?

Quote:
Fingolfin bowed before Finwë, and without a word or glance to Fëanor he went from the chamber. But Fëanor followed him, and at the door of the king's house he stayed him; and the point of his bright sword he set against Fingolfin's breast.
"See, half-brother!" he said. "This is sharper than thy tongue. Try bu once more to usurp..."
"It's a plastic lightsaber," said Fingolfin.
"No. It's sharper than thy tongue," said Fëanor.
"Whatever, dude," said Fingolfin, and passing through the throng he went to tell his brother Finarfin of their half-brother's antics.
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I intend to copy this sig forever - so far so good...

Last edited by Nilpaurion Felagund; 07-11-2004 at 09:48 PM.
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Old 07-12-2004, 07:17 PM   #67
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White Tree

Here's another Eowyn would like
Quote:
Celeborn: Tonight, you will stay with us-
Galadriel in a telepathic voice: Welcome Frodo Baggins. I can sense the force is strong in you. *Frodo looks in mirror*
Sauron: Come to the dark side Frodo
*rings gets closer and closer*
Frodo: Never
*frodo pulls ring back*
*instead of sauron, Bilbo comes out*
Bilbo: Luke, erm, I mean Frodo. Resistance is useless.
Frodo: You killed my uncle!
Bilbo: No Frodo...I AM YOUR UNCLE!
Frodo: Nooooooo!
*gollum comes and bites off Frodo's finger*
Bilbo: don't worry about it! You'll get a robotic one!
Frodo: Before Gamgreen sets in...right?
Bilbo: The future is clouded.
Frodo: You joking right....
*silence*
Frodo: ...right?
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.'
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Old 07-12-2004, 07:24 PM   #68
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Narya

*Saruman is in battle with Gandalf in Orthanc*

Saruman:But you instead have elected the choice of...PAIN!!!

*Saruman swings his staff at Gandalf, nothing happens*

*Gandalf kills Saruman*
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Old 07-15-2004, 12:38 AM   #69
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Faramir Solo, ehh? He happens to be my father, actually... the only reason I'm a Skywalker is because I married Anakin... heh. Bet ya'll didn't know that little fact.

And why exactly, Perky, are you so sure that just because it's Star Warsy, I'll like it? Ahh well... you were right anyhow... snrk. I DID like it.

Quote:
Bilbo Baggins pattered through the dark cave, no light there to guide his way, when suddenly a mechanical hiss came from the side. He turned, pulling out Sting as he went, and holding it in front of him, the glow from it's blade lighting the cave.

There was one before him, a slithery, slimely like creature who also drew a blade. In the dark shadows they dueled, until at last, (coughDarthcough) Gollum drove Bilbo back towards a glowy evil looking pit. Bilbo fell back into it, and looked around nervously.

"It wasss too eassssy, yessss it wassss, preciousssss," Gollum hissed, as he turned on a random switch, and steam filled the pit. Bilbo jumped, grapping onto a protruding boulder on the roof. "Why did the chicken cross the road?" he asked, grabbing for Sting as he dropped.

"Not fair, no," Gollum hissed. "We don't want to answer any more of your stupid, filthy, tricksy questionssss... we are your father, yessss we are, precioussss..."

He dove at Bilbo, and proceeded to kill him. "We has our precioussss back!" he screeched happily.

And then a goblin came, shot Gollum, and took the Ring, changing the course of Middle-earthian history forever!
I'm so mean... heh heh heh... oh well, you guys do Star Wars, I'll come right back at you with it!

-Eowyn Skywalker

EDIT: Ooooo... 300 posts! Go me! *uses the Force*
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Old 07-15-2004, 01:01 AM   #70
Nilpaurion Felagund
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Question

Quote:
Túrin drew forth his sword, and said: "Hail, Gurthang, iron of death, thou alone now remainest! But what lord or loyatly dost thou now, save the hand that wieldeth thee? From no blood wilt thou shrink! Wilt thou take Túrin Turambar? Wilt thou slay me quickly?"
And from the blade rang a cold voice in answer: "Yea, I will drink thy blood, that I may forget the blood of Beleg my master, and the blood of Brandir slain unjustly. I will slay thee swiftly."
Then Túrin set the hilts upon the ground, and cast himself upon the point of Gurthang. And the black blade . . . was broken asunder?
Túrin looked askance upon his blade, and Gurthang on the throes of death, said: "Doesn't anyone read manuals now? To commit suicide, you must take off your armour!"
And so passed the most talkative of all swords--canonical swords, I should say. Túrin buried Gurthang, and turned to Doriath, saying: "Hey. Maybe Nellas' still alive."
Wait, who was supposed to be the weapon there?
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Last edited by Nilpaurion Felagund; 11-29-2004 at 11:35 PM. Reason: grandmother issues
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Old 07-18-2004, 11:15 PM   #71
The Perky Ent
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Nice. Anyways,
Quote:
Boromir: Merry! Pippin! I'll save you! *Boromir jumps in front of orcs and starts killing them*
Lurtz: No you aint! *fires arrow at Boromir* *arrow hits Boromir and breaks* Huh?
Boromir: Ha ha!
Lurtz: Well, maybe that arrow was faulty! *fires again* *arow breaks*
Boromir: This is getting amusing!
Lurtz: Alright! This one will do it! *fires arrow* *arrow breaks*
Boromir: Silly Lurtz! Haven't you heard? 5 minute rock hard Abs really does work!
And BTW, I haven't tried, but don't listen to me, because I'm pretty sure five minutes abs really doesn't work
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.'
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Old 07-22-2004, 04:05 PM   #72
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White Tree

Bilbo: My old sword, Sting! Take it! Take it! It glows blue when orcs are near, and it's times like this, my lad, when you'll need it most!

*later in Moria*
Pippin: Whoops!
*drums in the deep*
Gandalf: Get ready! Orcs are comming!
Frodo: No they're not. If they were, my sword would be glowing! There's nothing to worry about!
Gandalf: Well...if you insist...
*orcs and cave troll charge into the chamber*
Gandalf: Frodo?
Frodo: Whoops! I forgot to put new bateries in this!
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.'
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Old 07-23-2004, 07:18 AM   #73
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Silmaril

was that 'battery' thing a plug for Energizer or Duracell, Perky? anyway...
Quote:
*Frodo wakes up and finds himself in Rivendell*
Frodo: Where am I? And what is the time?
Gandalf: oh, stop addressing the ceiling. i'm over here.
Frodo: Gandalf! Where have you been?
Gandalf: Uh... Never mind.
Frodo: Aww.... Pleeeeeeeze tell me, Gandalf!
Gandalf: oh, fine.
*Gandalf launches into a lengthy description of his 'adventure' at Isenguard, and Frodo subsequently falls asleep.*
ok, so it's not really a weapon. but it proves that Gandalf is losing some of his story-telling ability.
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Old 07-23-2004, 11:02 AM   #74
The Perky Ent
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White Tree

...yeah...that really isn't a defective weapon. Now if it was someone like Wormtongue doing something like that, that'd fit. But, anyways
Quote:
Ents: Die Isengard!
*ents throw stones that crush orcs*
Ent: Break the Dam!
*ents break dam and flood Isengard*
Woops! That's another one that actually happens. Poor bridge!
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.'
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Old 07-24-2004, 09:57 PM   #75
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Pipe

Saruman goesd outside to rouse his orc army he starts yelling all of a sudden he relizes he has larengitus and in their very shorttermed memory the uruk-hai scatter and are never seen again
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Old 07-24-2004, 11:06 PM   #76
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White Tree

*Gandalf is cornered in Orthanc by Saruman, but suddenly his staff begins to hum and pulse with a vibrant green color. *

Saruman: "What the..."

Gandalf: "You'd be amazed what you can find on E-bay these days."

*Gandalf executes some moves that would put even Episode II Yoda to shame, and slices Saruman's staff into three pieces and the bottom half of his robe off; revealing heart-patterned boxers and blue-veined legs*

Saruman: "Well, ****e on me."

*Gandalf then forces Saruman to parade around Orthanc in his boxers whilst singing "They're Coming to Take Me Away;" needless to say, his followers desert him after a round of laughter. Thus much of the Fellowship's trouble is reduced, and Frodo makes it to Mount Doom in record time.*
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Old 07-25-2004, 06:49 PM   #77
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White Tree

Wow. There's an Orthanc vibe going around.
Quote:
*smaug is terrorizing everywhere around Erebor. Then while breathing fire, he stops and startes choking*
Smaug: Cough! Hack! Wheeze! Stupid Heartfreeze!
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.'
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Old 07-25-2004, 08:18 PM   #78
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At least I'm trying

It may not be that funny but here goes...

Frodo is in Shelob's lair with the Phial of Galadriel. The Phial shines a moment then goes out. He pounds it on his leg...it flickers...nothing. Then he stops...thinks....This little light of mine...I'm gonna let it shine....This little light of mine...I'm gonna let it shine..let it shine...let it shine....let it shine. Shelob dies from terror from his terrible singing.

eehh I tried
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Old 07-25-2004, 10:00 PM   #79
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Actually I like that alot ninlaith I can Imagine Frodo singing hehe

Sam is smacking people around in moria with his pan the bottom breaks out..."What My pan is broken now I cant make taters!" Kills everyone including Balrog
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Old 07-27-2004, 05:29 PM   #80
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White Tree

How about this:
Quote:
Gandalf: A palantir is a dangerous tool, Saruman! You don't know who else is watching!

Saruman: Oh shut it! Palantir, Palantir, on the stone. Sauron or me, who is bad to the bone?

Sauron: Um...Saruman? You do realize I can see you right?

Saruman: It said Saruman! It said Saruman!
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.'
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