PJ on trial for 'Crimes against Tolkienity !

[lindil]

For those who wish to vent a little steam or spleen at the movies, [or heck, you may even want to plead mercy for the bloke] here is your chance to be the jury. Please do your best to maintain the appropriate role-playing mannerisms. Thanks and enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[gavel bangs thrice] The case of the Purists against Peter Jackson, Phillipa Boyens and Fran Walsh will now be heard by the Right Honorable Judge lindil, all rise.

[Judge Lindil enters, says]You may sit. Sgt., Bring forth the accused .

[mixed hisses, cheers and boos]
[gavel bangs loudly and repeatedly - Judge lindil speaks thunderously] Silence!!! All will have their chance to bring their accusations and pleas for leniency before the court! Silence! [gavel bangs again].

Sgt., you may remove their bonds as long as they are hear in custody, as they will be unable to commit any further cinmatic crimes while in this courtroom.

Peter Jackson [Ms. Walsh and Boyes, your cases will be heard seperately], you stand hereby accused by the Purists of the Barrow-Downs of the severe crimes of:

• Willful deviation from the storyline.
• Malapropriation of a literary title without reprodcuing its substance faithfully.
• Disregard of repeated requests of fans of Tolkien to maintain the story and characterizations of the Book.
• Casting Arwen with Liv Tyler
• Casting Hugo Weaving as Elrond.

How do you plea?

[PJ] Fully justified, as box office receipts will show!

[Judge Lindil] This court does not recognize the jurisdiction of Hollywood, or it's babylonian profit mongering. You have been kidnapped and brought here to the Folkmoot of the Barrow-Downs, based soley on your faithfullness to the works you have made so much money out of.

I encourage you to henceforth refrain from citing any further finacial figures, or from relying on the tainted witness of Hollywood punditry. Their testimony will not be allowed in this courtroom!

Do any other members of the downs wish to add specifc crimes to the above gernal indictments?

Also those who wish to step forward to defend Mr. Jackson are warned not to rely upon 'Artistic License', or the above mentioned Financial and Punditry pleas. They will not be accepted in this court of Axan.

Those who feel partcularly good scenes redeem him somewhat in the eyes of the Book, may state your case. At the end of the trial your case will be weighed.

I will remind you Mr. Jackson that what is at at stake is nothing less than the judgment as to whether you will be worthy to make The Hobbit, in the eyes of the Barrow-Downers. We reserve the right to pass our recommendations [moved by secret email channels] along to those whome we know have CJRT's ear. So be warned we are very serious.

Let the residents of the Barrow-Downs SpeakI

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 5:18 PM December 13, 2003: Message edited by: lindil ]

[lindil]

Judge lindils 7 year old daughter who really has read the books comes forward].

dad why are you wearing that funny wig?

[Loud laughter, judge lindil smiles and speaks] In this courtroom it is perhaps best as you think of me only as the judge. You may state your acusation or submit a brief declaring which scene or aspect of the movies was worthy of the The Lord of the Rings.

[Helen speaks] Well, when I saw The Two Towers in the Theater, I thought it was OK, but why did they change so much around?

[Judge] well little one, we shakll hear Mr. Jackson speak later on his own defense perhaps, but for now we thank you for your testimony.

Next!

[p.s. please preface or conclude your post with anything you wish to comment on in italics so it will be clear what is being said in the trial, and what is a general comment

[Lord of Angmar]

The prosecution would like to bring up adjoint charges of several counts of unscrupulous merchandising and abasement of a literary classic against New Line Cinemas.

[lindil]

[judge] Duly Noted, said proceedings will procced in this forum [read thread concurrently. All who have been scandalized by aforementioned 'collectibles are fere to speak.

Also The Lord of Angmar is hereby appointed as Prosecutor in the case.

Next!

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

"Mister Jackson... I have but one qualm to state here over your misrepresentation of the character Faramir. This court perhaps could have understood his actions and words in Theatrical Ithilien being due to stress and emotion, but you have committed the ultimate sin:

And so they stood on the walls of the City of Gondor, and a great wind rose and blew, and their hair, raven and golden, streamed out mingling in the air.

*the room falls deathly silent, waiting for the next statement*

"The golden hair is that of the White Lady of Rohan, Eowyn!"

*the crowd breathes deeply as one... and then begins throwing tomatoes*

*gavel banging* "Order! Order in the court! Pick up those blasted tomatoes!"

"And you see, Mister Jackson, why we are angered, do you not? Mister Tolkien clearly stated that Lord Faramir had black hair. Not light brown. You willingly changed his appearance. Do you deny it?"

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

The Squatter of Amon Rûdh rises from his place on the public benches and opens an enormous briefcase that lies by his feet. It is on wheels. He extracts a folder labelled 'Grievances: General'; it is huge, and he strains visibly as he tries to lift it.

Squatter: If it please the court, I should like the following to be entered as evidence. I have here a three-volume edition of The Lord of the Rings and transcripts of the theatrical releases of The Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers with my annotations. I have also all three volumes of the first edition, which I respectfully submit for the swearing-in of witnesses.

From the yawning maw of his briefcase, he takes a smaller box. Opening this, he removes three smaller perspex boxes containing the precious volumes. He passes these to the Clerk of the Court.

Squatter: My Lord, I have prepared a detailed and exhaustive examination of the themes of the book and their parallels in the films so far. Might I be permitted three days of the court's time in order completely to cover all of my accusations in detail?

Lord Justice Lindil: You may have an hour, Mr. Of Amon Rûdh. The court's bandwidth will sustain no more.

The Squatter extracts from the briefcase another two folders entitled 'Grievances: marketing' and 'Grievances: accuracy'. He launches into his analysis. The rest of the court immediately falls asleep. Even the Right Honourable Lord Justice Lindil is seen to nod in his judicial chair.

Squatter: Point one of 235,000, Section A, subsection i, part 1, paragraph 1: that the accused, in expending much screen-time on battle scenes, did knowingly and wilfully ignore anti-war themes in the original story. An examination of these follows, and may be found in Appendix I to this material.

Point one of 235,000, Section A, subsection i, part 1, paragraph 2:...

A doctor and two orderlies enter the court as discreetly as possible with a wheelchair. They subdue the Squatter and administer a sedative before strapping him into the chair

Doctor: My apologies to the court, but my patient is still much affected in his mind and is in no fit state to appear in a court of this nature without much further therapy. I have here my signed declaration that he is of unsound mind, and another declaration to that effect signed by my colleague, Dr. Schadenfreude. I have also a signed declaration from the Institute's chief of security to the effect that my patient escaped from our care only this morning.

He submits these documents to the Clerk of the Court and the orderlies wheel the Squatter from the court. The briefcase is left behind, for possible further humourous use.

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 1:15 PM December 13, 2003: Message edited by: The Squatter of Amon Rûdh ]

[lindil]

[Judge] Lord of Angmar, I charge you with careful examination of the documents left behind by the Citizen known as 'Squatter'. Homelessness and mental deficiency need be no bar to presentation of worthwhile evidence.

Next!

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 3:34 PM December 13, 2003: Message edited by: lindil ]

[lindil]

[Judge]Sgt., install the 1st edition of The Lord of the Rings for the swearing in procedure.
[Peter Jackson blanches visibly and stammers] Please, it was meant as an adaptation! Do not make me testify on the Book!

[Judge] Mr. Jackson, you have been previously warned that this court would not suffer 'artistic license' excuses.

In addition to any other penalties this court may see to impose at a later to time, for Contempt of Court you are hereby sentenced to read publicaly at the local library of your choosing, every September 22nd from the chapters, 'Of herbs and stewed Rabbits', and 'The Forbidden Pool', 'The Window on the West', and answer all questions as to why you willfully perverted the character of beyond all reasonable limits. There must be at least 50 people in attendance or the reading will need to repeated each day until said number is acheived. Cumalitive totals will be allowed, and so will the press. This penalty will be in force til such time as you are no longer able to speak or walk, until an edition of the LotR hs been rendered which does not contain a spurious and offensive Faramir.

Have I made myself clear as to the types of evidence that will allowed in your defense?

[Peter Jackson] Yes your Honor, perfectly clear.

[judge] Let the trial continue. Next!

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 4:20 PM December 13, 2003: Message edited by: lindil ]

[Nimrothiel]

*after the swearing of the oath in the court of book purist law; another accuser steps forward: Nimrothiel of Rivendell*

Nimrothiel: "Right honorable Judge Lindil, I request permission to speak against the accused."

Judge Lindil: "Granted. Proceed with the accusation."

Nimrothiel: "Mr. Jackson here has not only deviated far from the original storyline, but he has severly altered the personalities of the characters. Aragorn was not a 'reluctant king,' he knew of his lineage and he was proud to undertake the quest of regaining his kingdom."

*murmurs of assent echo in the room*

Judge Lindil: "Order, order! Proceed, Nimrothiel."

Nimrothiel: "Thank you, your honor. Not only this, but he has greatly enhanced the role of Arwen Evenstar, and turned Gimli the Dwarf into a comic relief character much as George Lucas did with Jar Jar Binks in 'The Phantom Menace,' and with the same lack of approval from the fans."

*roars of outrage abound; Judge Lindil is hard pressed to restore order*

Judge Lindil: "Order, order!!!! Have you anything further in your case against the accused?"

Nimrothiel: "Yes, his endless misleading line that the 'Ring-bearer will lose his life.' A Ring-bearer does die, but it is not Frodo Baggins as Mr. Jackson shamelessly leads the public to believe. This is outright blasphemous against the works of the esteemed J. R. R. Tolkien, and he who would deliberately manipulate and destroy his works for the sake of an insignificant statue should be hanged!!!"

*complete chaos erupts in the room; some time passes before order can be restored*

Judge Lindil: "Order, order I say!! Nimrothiel of Rivendell, have you anything further to say?"

Nimrothiel: "No, your honor; let others have their say against him. I pity any who would defend him."

(By the way, this is hillarious!!!!)

[Luthien_ Tinuviel]

Luthien steps forward.

Luthien: My lord, may I be permitted to comment upon one of the charges already stated?

Judge: Pray proceed, madam.

Luthien: Mr. Jackson, as regards the grievous offence of casting none other than Hugo Weaving as Elrond Peredhil: A director should know better! Any actor who has been in The Matrix has no place in Middle-earth. Hugo Weaving looks not at all like an elf, and his hair is nothing short of ridiculous. Would that you had cast some other actor!

[lindil]

*PJ looks down at his feet during the mention of Elrond not looking like an elf and mumbles to his lawyer*

Judge: The Court thanks Luthien and Nimrothiel.

Next!

*Makamu steps forward, looking somewhat pityfully on PJ* Judge, with your permission I would like to accuse Mister Peter Jackson of knowingly deleting the character of Glorfindel, thereby enhancing the role of Arwen on a totally unnecessary and unjustified basis. But, to speak somewhat in defence of the accused, I grant that he greatly developed the character of Boromir, making him a more likeable member of the fellowship and he somewhat balanced the casting of Liv Tyler as Arwen by choosing Sir Ian Mc Kellen as Gandalf. *looking a bit uncomfortable, she steps back into the crowd*

[lindil]

Judge:The Court thanks citizen Makamu.

Next!

[Lord of Angmar]

[Prosecutor Angmar]: The prosecution finds that the documents conveyed to this courtroom by Mr. Of Amon Rûdh serve as evidence against the accused. We request that Mr. Of Amon Rûdh be subpoenaed for further testimony against the heinous crimes committed by Peter Jackson, Philippa Boyens, Fran Walsh and New Line Cinemas. The prosecution also wishes in due time to call to the stand Mr. Saucepan Man to discuss evidence pertaining to Mr. Jackson's alleged adultering of the Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers material to include 'Hyena-Lemmings' in a fictitious, entirely fabricated addition to the work of Professor J.R.R. Tolkien.

[Luthien_ Tinuviel]

Luthien: Your honor, may I bring forth another point?

Judge: Permission granted.

Luthien: Mr. Jackson, I realize that you were making a film, and by nature it is very difficult to portray in a film those subtleties and nuances contained in a book. But I deplore your trivialization of characters, and the loss of some of the depth of the book. As evidence I present a movie line of Master Samwise, from "Farewell to Lorien", commonly known as the Gift-giving scene: "Have you got any more of those nice shiny daggers?" It is this sort of use of characters to which I object.

:: Firneldiel rises:: Your Honor, I would like to make an accusation.
::calmly awaits the judge's reply::

[lindil]

Judge: The Court thanks CitizenLuthien and grants the request of subpoena to the Prosecutor Lord Angmar and recognizes citizen Firneldiel. Please proceed.


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[please note: The judge [lindil] will not always be present, so has been done by the other posters above, please include a reply to your request from The Judge to speak.

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 8:48 PM December 13, 2003: Message edited by: lindil ]

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Citizen Feanor shyly raises her hand.

"Honorable Judge Lindil? As Citizen Firneldiel appears to be temporarily absent from the proceedings, may I be allowed to present comment?"

Judge Lindil looks pensieve.

"I suppose we could come back to Firneldiel. Proceed, Feanor"

"Thank you, Most Honorable Judge Lindil... I would simply like to say that the offense I am about to point out deserves nothing less than the dreaded Legolass Torture (a horrifying punishment involving being locked in a room with one hundred Legolasses for two days while watching LotR). Mr Jackson has made the most heinous mistake of all: He used the line "'Ee's alive..." when we could all clearly see that Frodo was breathing, groaning, and performing multiple other living functions! What say you Mr Jackson?"

*cringes* "Artistic license?" he asks slowly.

The audience goes berserk, not allowing PJ for one moment to think that his feeble excuse could possibly be accepted.

[Elennar Starfire]

Elennar: *stands* Permission to speak, sir?

Judge: Proceed.

Elennar: Thank you. I would like to add that in addition to knowingly changing the appearance of Faramir, changes also were made to the appearances of several other characters, notably Sam and the elves. In the books it clearly states that Sam has brown eyes, while in the film his eyes are blue. Also, it is clearly stated that the eyes of elves are grey, and in the film their eye colour also has changed to blue. *sits down*

[The Saucepan Man]

The entire courtroom turns as one to the door as a dreadful racket is heard from just beyond. The door opens, and two burly ushers drag in a struggling figure. All that can be seen is a whirl of pots, pans and kettles as the figure is panhandled to the witness stand.

After taking a moment to collect himself, and his assorted kitchen implements, the Saucepan Man looks up and gazes round at the expectant courtroom, blinking in the glare of the court’s indignation.

Judge Lindil looks disdainfully over his spectacles and addresses the confused figure standing before him. “Saucepan Man, you have been brought here by order of this court to give evidence in the trial of Peter Jackson and his co-defendants for crimes against Tolkienity. What do you have to say?

Eventually, the Saucepan Man gathers himself sufficiently to respond. “It’s an outrage! There I was, minding my own business, polishing my preciousss TTT EE DVD. And before I know what is happening, these sons of Uruks burst into my cosy little treetop dwelling and drag me here. What is it that you want of me?”

“The court has reason to believe that you may be able to give relevant evidence as to the portrayal of the Wargs in Mr Jackson’s” and here Judge Lindil spits the word out “adaptation of the Two Towers.”

“Oh those Wargs. Well, they were nothing like I imagined them. I always saw them as large, fierce, toothy wolves, rather than Hyenas with a penchant for throwing themselves off cliffs. But that’s just me.”

“But are they canon, Mr Saucepan, are they canon?” Judge Lindil booms.

“I don’t know. You’d have to read the book. I suppose it’s open to interpretation.”

“Most unsatisfactory. I charge the Prosecutor to bring forth any and all descriptions of Wargs given in the works of Professor Tolkien. In the meantime, do you have anything else to add of relevance to these proceedings?”

The Saucepan Man takes his time to study the charge-sheet. Then, taking up the notepad and pen on the stand before him, he begins furiously to make notes. The courtroom is bathed in an expectant silence, punctuated only by the frequent clattering of pans as the Saucepan Man’s kitchenwear moves in time with his industrious activity. Eventually he looks up.

“I would like to make three motions, M’Lud,” he exclaims, a mischievous grin playing over his gnarled features.”

“Oh yes, and what are they?”

“First, I would like to move for the replacement of the judge hearing these proceedings on the basis of bias. I cite in support of my application the entirety of M’Lud’s discourse on the Barrow-Downs Film, er sorry, Movie Forum."

Judge Lindil appears to be taken aback by this, but awaits the remainder of the Saucepan Man’s submission.

“Secondly, I would like to move for a dismissal of these proceedings on the basis of procedural impropriety. The defendants have been denied a basic defence, namely artistic license. In support of this application, I would like everyone present to consider how any film of the Professor’s works might be made without some application of the said license. No screen version of the film, certainly not any version which would allow Tolkien’s vision of Middle-earth to be brought to life, could be made without artistic license in one form or another. Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, I would like you to consider how you would bring this incredible work to the screen, bearing in mind timing constraints and the need to recoup the massive outlay that they involved. Now consider whether the person next to you would make the same decisions. I put it to you that no one person’s version would be the same. You would all have to use artistic license. And not one of you would use it in the same way.”

At this, an excited murmuring spreads through the hallowed hall. The defendants, Jackson, Walsh and Boyens, who up until now had been gnailing and washing their teeth in despair at the circumstances in which they had found themselves, suddenly start to brighten up considerably.

“And my third motion is for a dismissal of these proceedings on the basis that the Prosecution can show no loss. In any court proceedings, whether criminal or civil, the Prosecution must show either loss or injury. I submit that no such thing can be shown here.”

“But, I cannot enjoy the films knowing that they departed from the books so,” pipes up a voice from the spectator’s gallery.

“So go back and read the books. They are still there. They have not been re-written.” replies the Saucepan Man.

“What about all those people who’s only conception of Tolkien’s works is based upon what they have seen on the screen?” shouts another.

“Well, if the films did not prompt them to look at the books, they would never have read them anyway. Is their conception of Tolkien better or worse? Better, I would say, if they enjoyed the films. If they did not, then they would not have enjoyed the books. I cannot conceive that anyone has been put off reading the books by seeing the films.”

“But what about us irate Tolkien purists?” implores yet another voice from the galleries.

“What are you irate about? Does it really affect you in any significant way? Have you really lost anything? And what about the benefits? The numerous people (my good wife included) who have found the books through watching the films. The incredible visualisation which undoubtedly (with the possible exception of the Lemming-Hyenas, ahem, Wargs) rings true to the books. I submit that the benefits of these films far outweighs any possible loss that you might come up with.”

By now, Jackson and co are grinning like Cheshire Cats at this unexpected turn of events. The courtroom is subdued and all eyes turn to the Judge for his ruling on the Saucepan Man’s bold motions.

[Everdawn]

(Question: Is this the Magistrates court? Supreme Court or High Court?, and if i may, attempt to put my Legal Studies Skills into action, something which I have been wanting to do for a long long time in the Tolkien World.)

Several cries are heard from the Gallery, interrupting the Judges decision, as a girl who looks like she was an extra in "Chicago" has slapped them over the head. Everdawn stands up from her seat. "I second Mr Saucepan Man's motion!" she dodges several sharp pointed objects which have been thrown by the pureists.

"Who is that young woman?" askes the court reporter.

"That's Miss Everdawn, a film extremeist, Journalist, which ever one you take..." murmers another form the Gallery

"He shall speak for them!" she cries applauding. "For what kind of democracy can be found on the Barrow-Downs if none shall defend these filmmakers?"

"She's a witch! Burn her!" the pureists cry, but Everdawn glares at them raising her hand as if she was to strike them again and they are silent.

"You will be held in comtempt of court Miss Everdawn, if such another outburst is made like that again." growls the Bailiff.

"I realise this" she turns to the Judge lindil, "all i ask Your Worship- Your Honour- is to serve as a co-council, if It will please..." Everdawn Bows low.

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 12:49 AM December 14, 2003: Message edited by: Everdawn ]

[lindil]

Judge: Order! ORDER!!ORDER!!! *gavel pounds furiosly* SGT., you have the liberty to remove anyone who so much as breathes to loud for the next several minutes!

Thank you. Now first off Mr. Saucepan, as much as it may suprise you, I intend to be very impartial, I will not be the jury here, the good citizens of the Barrow-Downs, such as yourself, shall be.
Yes, I have my biases and they are well known, and indeed I have taken the trouble to have the three perpetrators kidnapped and locked in a cyber-set, this very barrow, which they refused to have in their films, but, despite all of that I intend to give them a fair trial. YOu will note if you search the Movies Forum, that in fact I gave the Theatrical LotR a B, the Extended Fellowship of the Ring an A- [on a generous day I admit] and the theatrical TTT a D [I believe] and a the Ext TTT a C-.

I would say that averages out to High C or low B. What you may have noticed more however is the lack of nmercy I have for the many and troubling gratuitous changes and outright fabrications of plot and character.
*the Judge pauses for a few moments before continuing, with a perplexing and almost one would say devious smile...*

I will agree to your condition... *The assembled citizens both pro and con gasp...*

... of resigning, on two conditions.

1- That the Barrow Wight himself, asks me to step aside and appoints some one who, he believes is more 'impartial' in this matter.
Also, as a second point, I would ask that if I am to step aside, that the aforesaid Chief Wight in residence also plainly state his veiws re: the said films so any bias he must surely have be known insofar as it pertains to a posiible replacement decision.

*many in the crowd chuckle at the slyness of the judges request being reminded of Thingol sending Beren off on the 'hopeless quest of the Silmarill' realizing that the BW's opinion on the movie is seemingly a very closely guarded secret, and that he would probably hesitate to even post in such an unauthorized kidnapping/trial.

Subtly seeming atease with himself the Judge continues *

So until the beloved [if four star rated [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] ] founder makes an appearance to personally appoint someone more objective, all further motions of Judicial replacement are to be suspended.

*PJ and co. look downcast and mumble to their lawyer, who looks around the room rather feverishly perhaps hoping for a bold and rapid appearance of the Barrow Wight himself.*

Now to answer Citizen Everdawns questions regarding the nature of this court.

I believe the words Ad Hoc, best describe it.
It was called due to popular outrage in more shall we say rarified circles of Tolkienity wherein was discussed the fact that JRRT's son and personally designated Literary Executor has denied or at least as far as reports have it, yet to acceed to a re-making of The Hobbit. I urge Everdawn and anyone else with a fancy to visit the thread that inspired this trial here


Now as regards the other business before the court your petition to serve as Co-Counsel this is of course up to Mr. Jackson, The Court has no objections.

*Mr Jackson heatedly discusses with his lawyer, who it seems is cautioning that all may not be as it seems here, that in fact Ms. Everdawn could be a Purist plant. After sometime an agreement seems to be reached.

Mr. Jackson's anonymouss and hitherto faceless and nameless attorney one Kohr Pratt Stooge has encouraged his client to accept for at least a short probationary period the services of said Citizen Everdawn.*

KP Stooge: With Your Honours permission we would ak that she beallowed to tkae her place at the defenses table.

*Everdawn takes her place next to KP Stooge and Mr. Jackson, she blushes with a certain youthful wonder at sitting so close to PJ who ter her is nearly as mythical a figure as JRRT himself.*

JudgeNow, as the Court has taken care of the more urgent matters we may return to the rest of Mr. Saucepan Man's remarks.

A] As regards Artisitic License, I believe my dear Citizen Saucepan Man that you are somewhat confused by the License which any paurist will gladly grant any director of a film of JRR Tolkiens.

Few you will have noted have quibbled much about Frodo's age, or even silliness of the Ring being inscribed on the outside.

With regard to Frod, generally everyone, purists included agree that Elijah was indeed the person for the job, age be da**ed.

The Ring Inscription, we can all, I belive, live with such a minor annoyance. However Faramir?! *and here the Judges voice rises noticibly* Aragorn as reluctant Queen!?, Arwen as Glorfindel?! Gimli as jester?! Denethor as a pure cad, without as eyewitness have reported, the Palantir to help explain his pride and arrogance?! It is with these sort of weight distortions of the Book of the Century that we are hear to weigh in the Balance of Justice and see if those aspects which are worthy are indeed enough to let Mr. Jackson present The Hobbit.

We have heard a few comments re: Eye colour and hair colour and such but we trust that all here concerned are in full realization that said comments may well have been made with the Lamba firmly in Ando. In this light let all here know...

*and at this PJ breaks out into a discernible sweat and has a confused look on his large and bearded face. *

Judge continues.. that we are interested in prosecuting those offenses against the Canon which were willful, and deemed to be completely unnecessary.

Your aforementioned Wargs are a perfect case in point Citizen Saucepan.

I will henceforth be far more vigilant at rejecting weak and superficial arguments such as eye and hair color from being submitted as infractions, since as all purists know, there are probably hundreds of offenses of a more repulsive and pernicious nature.

As regards your point of not believing there is demonstrable harm or Loss, I have only this to say. Do you now when you read the books, do so without any impression of the movies whatsoever? You may take your time in answering, my dear Citizen Saucepan.

*The Prosecutor Lord of Angmar Stands up and speaks*Lord of Angmar:
Your Honour if I may be permitted to address the court with an astonisheing bit of news!

Judge: It pleases the court, do proceed.

Lord of Angmar:*looking excited and flustered* Your Honour i ahve just receivrd word via Osanwe that CJR Tolkien would like to testify in a few days time!

*Absolute pandomonium erupts!!!! The court goes wild. Peter jackson, Fran pass out cold, and Phillipa shrieks and is heard to utter [only by those very close] 'but our changeres were ne...ne...cessary, she then begins sobbing uncontrolably, Everdawn seeks to comfort her, but she seems to have passed into a state of shock and looks catatonically into space.*

Judge: Sgt. Clear the Courtroom we will take a recess for a period of one hour.

*The pandamonium continues unabated*

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 2:58 AM December 14, 2003: Message edited by: lindil ]

[lindil]

*After an hour recess wherein the possibllity of JRR Tolkien's son and literary heir Christophers' appearance was being discussed by all, as well as the possibillity that Judge lindil, might step down [but only at the prompting of the Barrow Wight himself] gradually a sense of order was restored and the Courtroom.*

Judge: *gavel bangs thricely*
SGT.: The Court will now resume, all citizens and defendants will take their seats.

*Judge pauses and scans the audience carefully*

Judge:I expect there to be a serious trial here my fellow citizens and defendants, I pray that the admision of evidence can now continue in a less circus like atmoshere. And remember, no trivial admissions!

Next!

[Finwe]

Finwe: Permission to speak as an accuser, sir?


Judge: Permission granted.

Finwe: *stands up, and withdraws a sheaf of documents from her briefcase* I have here the transcripts of several telephone conversations between Peter Jackson and John Gilbert, the Film Editor. In these conversations, Mr. Jackson has implicitly authorized the complete and total removal of the Scouring of the Shire. I ask the court, how is it possible to remove one of the key scenes? For justification of his actions, in said telephone conversations, Mr. Jackson claims that he has "artistic license," and as such, has the right to cut scenes from the films to improve the "continuity." He claimed that the Scouring of the Shire would have detracted from the climax of the movie. As justification, he again presented "artistic license."

*Roars erupt from the Tolkien purist side of the room, while Peter Jackson and the rest of the team slump farther down in their chairs, muttering worriedly.*

Finwe: That is not all your Honor. I also have here the transcript of two separate conversations wherein is stated that the authorization for the removal of all Houses of Healing scenes between Lady Eowyn of Rohan and Lord Faramir of Gondor is given to the editing team. I bluntly ask you, your Honor and the rest of this court, will you put up with this affront to the Lady's honor? The Houses of Healing are an integral part of Eowyn's healing, and the fading of her love for Lord Aragorn. As she heals, she comes to fall in love with the Lord Faramir, and he with her. With the removal of these scenes, Peter Jackson insinuates that the Lady is nothing more than a common strumpet who quickly transfers her affections to a more willing man. Will we put up with such an affront to one of our most beloved characters? I think not. That is all I have to say, your Honor.

*sits back down*

*Makamu stands up, a look of barely controlly fury crossing her face* Judge lindil, I would like to object to the accusation brought forth by the honourable Lord Finwe in regard to the cutting of the Houses of Healing. He says that Mr. Jackson implies that Eowyn is an honourless woman by cutting a scene so crucial to her character. While I do see that the scene is important and that the loss of it is undoubtly only based on the somewhat flimsy ground of time limit, I do not believe the conclusion, unless Lord Finwe can vouch for the fact that the matter of the courtship of Lord Faramir and Lady Eowyn will not be addressed via a piece of conversation or some other secondary device of naration. I would also like to apply for the position of advocat, because Mrs. Everdawn seems to be in need of a helping hand. *Makamu smiles as she prepares herself for taking her place beside Everdawn*

[Tar-Alcarin]

Tar-alcarin as a jury member watches this with great bordom. He thinks the movies were OK with some good moments. He raises his hand:
Your honor, why did the Defendent make Helms Deep a good third of the movie, while in the book, it is a mere 10 pages? This could have left more time in for other parts of the book like Quickbeam or flotsam and jetsam. Why did he do this?.

Tar-alcarins mind is already made up.

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 2:42 PM December 14, 2003: Message edited by: Tar-Alcarin ]

[Finwe]

Finwe: Your Honor, I would like to state a rebuttal of Lord Makamu's words. I have the transcripts of three separate interviews with reporters wherein the accused specifically stated that the only scene that depicted the growing love between Eowyn and Faramir was the Coronation of King Aragorn II Elessar, and his wedding to Lady Arwen of Rivendell. In the aforementioned scene, the Lady Eowyn and Lord Faramir exchange, in the accused's own words, "lingering glances, looking like they want to kiss at any moment." If that is not the behavior of a common strumpet, then I don't know what is. Your Honor, I rest my case.

[The Saucepan Man]

Following his submissions, the Saucepan Man had taken a seat towards the rear of the courtroom.

At a convenient lull in the proceedings, he stands and makes his way noisily back to the stand.

"I would like to make a few closing comments, if it would please the court."

"Very well, Mr Saucepan."

"M'Lud, it is an established principle of law that, if court proceedings are to have any vestige of legitimacy, then they must not only be fair but must also be seen to be fair. In light of M'Lud's acceptance that his presiding over these proceedings might give the appearance of bias, I would submit that the only fair way to proceed is to suspend them until such time as a wholly independent judge may be appointed. That is, of course, if the trial is to have any legitimacy ...

I am nevertheless glad to see that M'Lud has accepted the defence of artistic license in the case of trivial matters such as hair colour. Of course, if the artisitic license defence is to apply to matters such as this, then it should apply equally across the board. Where a film-maker has the legal right do adapt a book for screen, he clearly has every right to make such alterations as he considers necessary to ensure that the film appeals to its intended audience. It is irrelevant that some individuals may object to such alterations. Equally, it is irrelevant whether the film-maker succeeds in his intended purpose although, in light of the popularity and critical acclaim that Mr Jackson's films have enjoyed, and continue to enjoy, it seems fairly clear that Mr Jackson has suceeded greatly in this regard. Nevertheless, it is, in my submission, clear that he was within his rights to make such alterations and it follows that he has a complete defence to each and every charge that has been laid before this court.

As for loss and injury, I would answer M'Lud's question thusly. Mr Jackson's visualisation does of course affect my own visualisation when reading the books. But I believe that there is very little criticism that can be made of this aspect of the films. For myself, where the visualisation does not accord with my own imagination, as in the case of the Kamikaza Hyenas, then it does not interfere with my conception. It happens that the two mostly coincide. As for the plot and character changes, I would challenge anyone to read the books and imagine Jackson's Faramir in place of Tolkien's Faramir. How can matters such as that impair one's enjoyment of the books? I would simply reiterate that no injury has been occasioned by these films which is not vastly outweighed by their benefits.

Finally, I would like to admit in evidence the following statement made by the Prosecutor in this matter on this very forum:

I would not choose anyone else besides Peter Jackson to the a film adapatation of The Hobbit. Not only have I been thoroughly moved by his first two Lord of the Rings films (and I hold out hope that the third will be even better!), I could not imagine anyone else's artistic take being brought into a Hobbit movie, as it would ruin the continuity of the Tolkien-film genre.

If even the Prosecutor holds such views about these films, then it seems to me that there is simply no case for the defendants to answer."

With this, and in full recognition of the fact that his comments will make little difference to the outcome of the proceedings, the Saucepan Man leaves the stand and clatters his way out of the courtroom. While passing the defence team, he leans over and whispers to defence counsel, "Seems that there's little that you can do here. I would wait for the appeal."

And, with that, he is gone.

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 8:18 PM December 14, 2003: Message edited by: The Saucepan Man ]

[Faenaduial]

Citizen Faenaduial stands at the back of the court.

"Honorable Judge Lindil, may I be allowed to present evidence?"

"Providing you have pertinent testimony, you may proceed."

"Thank you, Judge Lindil.

"While I am sure most of us can understand the need for artistic license in the attempt to make a movie which is entertaining and profitable, it should not be necessary to change the integrity of the characters as written by the author."

Mermering is heard through the court room.
Judge Lindil bangs his gavel, "Order."

"Tolkien is very specific in his representation of Faramir, both to off-set the differences with his brother Boromir and to show his likeness to Aragorn." "Mr. Jackson has by changing the action, in attempting to have Faramir take Frodo to Gondor, made a major change to Faramir's character."

"In addition I think most people who have read the books would agree that the Frodo of the movie and the Frodo in the books bear little resemblance in character." "Mr. Jackson is presenting us with a Frodo who is so tempted by the ring from the very begining of the journey that there is little build up to his corruption by the ring." "Years ago, people were so inspired by Tolkien's Frodo that they would write, Frodo lives! on walls." "Does Frodo's character in the movie inspire that sentiment?" "I think not."

The mermering in the court grows to shouts. It takes some minutes to restore order.

"I am sorry for taking the courts time your honor."

"In closing I would just like to say that it appears that Mr. Jackson could have presented the movies in an entertaining fashion, as well he has, without having to change the basic characteristics and personalities of the characters which have made the books favorites of people the world over."

[Child of the 7th Age]

Will the Honorable Judge Lindil hear a petition on behalf of Child of the 7th Age?

An aged crone stepped forward with a copy of Tolkien's LotR tucked under one arm and PJ's battered script under the other.

Master Lindil, I have been a Tolkien fan for a very long time, quite possibly longer than any others who have appeared before this court today. Almost forty years ago, I curled up with a copy of The Hobbit. I became a card carrying member of the Frodo Lives! generation who tacked Remington's hallucinogenic poster up on my college dorm wall and solemnly baked bread and hugged trees in order to bring a piece of middle-earth into my life.

I am also known within the Barrow-downs as a Frodo fanatic who can not keep the characters in the Silm straight, but who has successfully sponsored a number of learned threads including "The Light in Frodo's Eyes" and "Frodo's Sacrifice." Certainly, no one is more aggrieved about Mr. Jackson's egregious errors in the portrayal of Frodo Baggins than I. Every time, Frodo rolls his eyes upward and keels over to the side, I find myself in correspondingly acute distress.

Having said this, however, I would like to submit a petition on Mr. Jackson's behalf. For despite his errors in artistic interpretation, Mr. Jackson does deserve more than the shoddy treatment this prosecution has awarded him.

First I would contest the very basis on which this suit stands. For there is truly no such thing as a Tolkien 'purist'. I cringe when I hear that word. For a person to label himself in that manner is folly, and shows a degree of hubris bordering on the ridiculous.

Just who is to define the Tolkien 'purist'? If we are honest with each other, we have to acknowledge that every person and generation brings to Tolkien unique feelings and values that shape how they interpret the writings. Committed Christians, experts on ancient languages, and hippy tree huggers all see something different and yet all contend to be Tolkien experts. And, in a certain sense, all are right.

Each of us has the right to interpret without having tomatoes thrown in our face. And that right of interpretation extends even to Peter Jackson. For it is only in the give and take of discussion and debate that Middle-earth truly comes alive. To sit by yourself in a corner and read is a treasured thing....but to engage in a spirited discussion with folk who sometimes become your friends. This is, to paraphrase another learned authority, ....truly priceless.

That brings us to the central question...How many of us would be here today were it not for Mr. Jackson? And how many of the folk bringing charges on this thread will be standing in line Tuesday at midnight to be the first in to see RotK? A great number, I would venture!

You do not remember the old days, but I lived through the eighties when it was a very lonely thing to be a Tolkien fan. At that time, being a Tolkien fan was roughly analagous to being in "The Sea Bell." The film adaptations had largely bombed. There was no internet to sit and chat. When I mentioned Tolkien to the young students I taught, they looked at me with blank expressions and little hint of recognition. There were a few of us still banging around in The Tolkien Society, but our numbers had definitely taken a hit.

That has changed. We now have droves of new people reading the books and engaging in debate. And if we have to endure some distasteful merchandising schemes, let's not forget that we also have the delight of seeing folk like John Garth or Wayne Hammond easily able to locate publishers for their fine books dealing with Tolkien and Middle-earth. That would not have happened so readily before.

We can argue endlessly about whether Mr. Jackson should have done this or that...or exactly what grade his films should get. But, make no mistake, the man has done us a favor by passing at least some of the magic on to the younger folk. What they will do with this new found enthusiasm will be their own decision, but it is a development that I will watch with interest.

I would therefore petition that you step back and cut poor Mr. PJ some slack, at least until after the Oscars.....

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 9:55 AM December 15, 2003: Message edited by: Child of the 7th Age ]

[Evisse the Blue]

::after Child has ended her speech, joins in the applauds, shouting 'Hear, hear!::
After Judge Lindil has established a semblance of order in the court, Evisse rises:
"May I have permission to speak?"
Judge Lindil: Permission granted, but be swift."
"I will, your Honour. I will expand a bit on Citizen Of the 7th Age's point. I arrived in this court with the sole purpose of muddying - everyone starts at the use of this unusual word - even further the reputation of Mr Jackson. I was going to do that by presenting as evidence some scenes from the book that were changed or missing from the film, scenes that meant a lot to me. But perhaps those scenes do not mean that much to others. By trying to impose my view upon you, of what should have been kept in the film, like many of my predecessors had done, I would have done exactly what Mr Jackson had done. And bear in mind, ladies and gentleman that when some scenes are kept, others are discarded. The movie-goer's time is not infinite.
Judge Lindil (sternly): Citizen The Blue, to the point please.
"Yes your Honor. It is a matter of choice and perspective. Mr Jackson is one of us, really. Would you charge The Barrow Wight with making a 9-hour movie that would represent his view of Tolkien, if that contrasted with your own?"
Audience snickers. Evisse is astounded that she ended up speaking in Mr Jackson's favour. 'and there were so many things I wanted to bash him for..', she thinks. Eventually she shrugs, and returns to her seat.
"Thank you for listening."

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 3:00 AM December 15, 2003: Message edited by: Evisse the Blue ]

[Everdawn]

Whilst various people have been speaking, Ms Everdawn has been writing furiously in her note book. She passes it to The defence team who in turn show it to Peter Jackson, who nodds. She stands.

"Your honour, and members of the jury." she pauses, Acknowledging them. Turning to the jury she begins. "With all this accusation, has anyone asked Mr Jackson why he made these changes? No, moreover, I would like to remind you of what good Peter Jackson has done with these movies." she pulls out a tape. "If i may your honour."

The judge nodds. Everdawn shows an exerpt of the tape, of fans at the Premieres of the movies in both 2001, 2002 and 2003. She stops the tape and turns once more to the jury.

"What i have just shown you are the small fration of the fans who have loved the movie. Now you may say, are movie fans different to literature fans? to a degree i say yes. There are those who have read the Lord of the Rings and seen the movies and there are thoes who have seen the movies then read the books. It is becuase of this man (points to PJ) that the world of Tolkien has found new fans. Mr Jackson has set out to bring a movie to the screen which concearns itsself with the journey of the ring. I also remind you all that before the days of New Line Cinema, The Lord of the RIngs was set to become TWO movies which would have been produced by Miramax (Chicago, Chocolat)he has infact improved the quality of moviemaking."

"Are you not pleased that he has given you a visual comparison to the Lord of the rings? There are millions who do, according to The Numbers an online box-office record resource, the LotR FOTR, is the 7th highest grossing movie of all time raking in a huge $862,200,000, and LOTR; TTT being 5th highest grossing movie of all time taking $918,800,000 at the box-office."

"To you i say this, don't its achievements far outway its short-commings? As Mr SaucePan MaN has said, his family found these wonderful books through the movies?"

("Burn the witch!" come more cries from the gallery) Everdawn glares at them and once again they fall silent.

"As for Peter Jackson making more money than Tolkien out of the movies, i would say that if the family of Tolkien still had the rights to the Lord of the Rings they would make a fair amount of money from the box-office takings, if they sold them, its their bad luck, legally. The Lord of the Rings was made by a fan, thats right Ladies and Gentlemen, a fan, just like you and I. He gave the world a guide to the books. The pureists can still read about the events left out by Mr Jackson."

"Closing my argurment, i say this. Mr. Peter Jackson has assured that this great novel is not forgotten on the great shelf of world literature, but remembered for all of time. Isnt that what it's about? Making Tolkien immortal among authors? Thankyou."

She sits down.

[Vuelve]

A young woman in the back of the room shifts in her seat.She listens to each statement with an open mind, but now she realizes is the time to open her mouth.She stands.
"Your Honor I request permission to speak."

Judge-"Permission granted.Proceed."

"It has been brought to my attention that Mr. Jackson has been made to appear in court so the members of the Barrow-Downs can review his version of the Lord of the Rings, and to see if he is worthy of making the Hobbit into a film.Am I correct?"

Judge-"It appears that way.Please continue."

"I was first introduced tho the Lord of the Rings a year ago through Mr. Jackson's Films.I must admit that I had no interest in them until I was dragged to the theater."
(Shocked murmers are heard around the room.)
"After seeing the movies I rushed out to the stores and bought the books,I even went and bought the Hobbit and the Silm.I must say I was very confused when reading the books,(Except the Hobbit.It is my favorite.) and I regret to admit I put them down for a while do to lack of understanding and sheer boredom."
(Gasps are heard around the room.One person passes out at the mention of boredom.)
"I joined this website and began to understand the books more.I started to read them again though I skipped through many of the songs and poems.I am now rereading them and I have found with the help of the members of this website another one of Mr. Jackson's shortcommings.The leaving out of a Mr. Tom Bombadil and the Barrow-Downs."
(Mr. Jackson shifts uncomfortly and mumbles something about why did she have to bring that one up.)
"I must make it known that Tom Bombadil really confused me with his songs of nonsense, but what of the Barrow-Downs and Frodo and Sam's adventure there?I must also say I can hardly imagine an actor who could correctly portray Mr. Bombadil,but there is no harm in an honest attempt.I am leaving this subject alone for it has stirred up many a controversy already.Anyone who is brave enough to open this can of worms I tip my hat to you.
I personally believe the verdict cannot be reached until the members of the jury review Mr. Jackson's version of the third and final chapter which comes out most places Wednesday December 17th.In my opinion, if all goes well Wednesday Mr. Jackson should undoubtedly make the Hobbit."
(Room is filled with talking and shouting, the judge has trouble bringing everyone to order.)

Judge-"Did you honestly have to bring up Tom Bombadil? I may never bring the room back to order now.Please be seated!"

[Tar-Alcarin]

Tar-alcarin who has been listening to the speaches once again pipes up with:
Movie fans do not carea bout Lord of the Rings as mcuh as Book fans. As much as the movies were good, the books were better. The movies are riddled with eye candy and such. Movie fans do not care about the story, and if they did this is news to me, they only care about the eye-candy such as Orlando Bloom, which is why most teenage girls see the movie. Most of them think the movie is as boring as hell-crowd goes into an uproar at this last comment and Judge bangs his gavel-
Please Continue kevin
Yes, thank you your honor, as i was saying they are only it for the eyecandy not the story. They could care less that frodo has his finger bitten off or that Halbarad doesnt sho up in the movie, but for the Book fans who like the movies, not love them, but like them these little things are like a crime against them. Taking out plot points and changing them, such as Voice of Saruman being taken out of RotK, this is a crime against us as a people. And i want to see some justice!!!!!
tar-alcarin Sits down and read the Silm for the umpteenth time.

*Makamu jumps up at the words of tar-alcarin* Judge lindil, I refuse to accept that insult to my fannish honour. I for one would love to see Glorfindel and Ioreth in the movies and Eru above knows Mrs. Tyler had a hard time convincing me that she is the right actor for Arwen. Yes, I may have a certain preference regarding a certain member of the fellowship based on his looks, but I am certainly not one of the ignorant fans of a certain Elf prince. But to return back to the matter of this trial, I would like to accuse Mr. Peter Jackson of wilfully changing the temptation scene of Galadriel, despite the fact that the original book scene would have been, as I judge, just as easy to film. Furthermore, I would like to speak positively of the rendering of the location of Edoras on screen, though I do not totally agree with the obvious similarities between Rohiric culture and the culture of the Vikings. I also would like to speak positively of the various artistic and linguistic means that brought the wealth of cultures in Middle-earth, at least in part, on the big screen. I quite liked the scene with the Lay of Lethian in the extended version of the FOTR film. Thank you for allowing me to use the court's precious time. *she sits back down*

[Arothir]

*Arothir watches with boredom, but is aroused* "Judge Lindil, though seeing the movies may make you want to read the books, it often doesn't, and the movies make people talk about the violence once. For example, upon seeing FOTR my friends said, 'Man that was cool when they slashed up Boromir and Strider killed that goblin guy.' So the movies don't exactly help. Also, the friends couldn't even read Book I of FOTR."

*Arothir sits down*

[lindil]

Judge:The court thanks the following citizens for their contributions Finwe, Sharon, Makamu, Tar Alcarin, Faenaduial, Evisse, Everdawn, Vuelve and Arothir.

As for Vuelve's comment that a full and accurate assessment can not be reached until The RotK is out, I would emmend that we will have to wait for the extended edition for a 100% accurate reckoning. As it is, these proceedings may well go on that long, we honestly do not know, the list of citizens here is in the thousands, and which of them pray tell have no opinion? Who will not sooner or later feel they need to weigh in, so as to have the wider scope of the opinions of all here more fuilly known?

The Court also wishes it to be known that according to private word on the glowing green barrow phone in my back chamber, Christopher JR Tolkien will be appearing to testify sometime tomorrow evening, one may surmise, I belive that he is himself waiting to see the RotK before addressing mr Peter Jackson in person.

As for citizen Saucepan Man's repeated attempts to derail these tribunals with his clattering and knattering about unfairness, I can only lament that he did not instigate a tribunal himself, and thus would have been fully responsible for said proceedings [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] .

*the crowd reacts with indignation [defendants side] and laughter [prosecutorial side] as the judge's tounge is slowly and carefully emitted from his mouth, and his clerk and SGT in perfect unison say 'NAH, NAH, NAH NAH NAH!'*

*laughter swells, on both sides and even PJ is seen to concede a grin.*

That Citizen Saucepan did not will undoubtedly be to his everlasting regret, but that is often how such things are. Perhaps he shall find solace in Halls of his tinkering forebearers in the next age. For here, in this barrow, he will only be able to witness [or not] the defendant subject to the will of the Tolkien fans, without whom, there would have been no audience for New Line Cinema to even consider such a vast and perlilous undertaking. Do I make myself clear?! The trial will continue with my honourable self
*grumbles are heard from the defendants side of the bench*
as judge until such time as The Barrow-Wight himself [or someone hacking this thread with his ID] sees fit to replace me. Any further appeals will need to be made directly to his Wightness!

Any further broaching of the subject will only serve to have you banished from the proceedings and with all of your cookware as well. OR perhaps as a more fitting punishment for re-addressing a topic I have already closed, all pots will have to be replaced with plastic microwave ware! Furthermore and finally I will call to the Saucepan's attention that these said hearings are desgined partly, as a more entertaining replacemant for the often contentious back and forth in the Movies forum. Would he prefer to have the subject resumed there with out the venneer of our ever so playful but serious court to soften many of the opinions here?

I will leave the matter there for now.

If there are a few matters lister in the proceedings above I have passed over I hope to revisit them shortly, and ask indulgence for the tedious and difficult business of part-time ad-hoc judicial overview.

As for the matter of the Barrow Downs and TOm Bombadil we wil give the defendant a chance to address these very personal topics tomorrow we hope. Let Mr. Jackson and his defendant bhe fully prepared.

Next!

[The Saucepan Man]

Happily, judge lindil’s exhortations (and some might say, albeit unfairly, unbecoming conduct for one of such high judicial office) fall on deaf ears. For the Saucepan Man, perceiving the hopelessness of his valiant attempts to tie up the proceedings in procedural red tape in a tribunal such as this, has long since departed. In fact, they would have fallen on deaf ears had Saucepan been there, since the incessant clattering has taken its toll on his aural faculties.

All of a sudden, however, a tremendous racket is heard once again outside the courtroom. But this time the noise is different. It is the kind of sound that one might hear Wile E Coyote make if he were pursuing the ever elusive Road Runner with a set of springs purchased from the ACME company tied to his feet, interspersed with shocked gasps and the occasional titter.

*boing boing*

“GASP!”

*boing boing*

“TITTER!”

*boing boing*

“GASP!”

Once again, all eyes turn to the door. Gradually the sound increases, the tension inexorably mounting, until suddenly the doors burst open and a rather large kangaroo adorned with a judge’s wig bursts in with several court staff in tow, and proceeds to bounce haphazardly around the hallowed hall.

At first there is a stunned silence. Then, as the Antipodean antics continue unabated, smiles begin to play on the faces of all present. All, that is, except judge lindil and his SGT. Even the judge’s clerk is desperately trying to conceal a grin.

“Order! Order!” cries the judge, “SGT, remove that creature from my courtroom at once!”

“Order! Order!” repeats the mad marsupial, removing a gavel from its pouch and waving it wildly in the air as it circles the judge’s desk with ever increasing leaps and bounds.

Obeying the prestigious judge, the SGT begins to chase the calamitous creature around the courtroom, but every time that he appears to be nearing his quarry, it veers dangerously to one side or the other. Within no time, the poor court officer is puffing away and muttering incoherently.

By now, the smiles have turned to giggles which, in turn, graduate to chuckles and then to guffaws, and soon all but the apoplectic judge and the gradually expiring SGT are laughing uncontrollably.

“Silence in court!” screams the judge, “Order! Order! I WILL have order in my court”

“Order! Order! I WILL have order in my court” mimics the dynamic disruption from Down Under, springing happily up and down upon the prone figure of the SGT, its judicial and judicious wig flapping ludicrously up and down on its head with every bounce.

Then, without a bye or a leave, the krazed kangaroo makes one last great bound towards the door and is gone.

Slowly, the merriment dies down and, as the hapless SGT picks himself up off the floor, all heads turn as one to judge lindil, who, with as much dignity as he is able to muster in the circumstances, declares “I said NEXT!”

[img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

[Tar-Alcarin]

OOC moment: thats a great way to end one of the most controversial trial here on the downs. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

[lindil]

Judge: The Court hereby orders a recess until such time as Christopher Tolkien would speak. This also allows all to concentrate on the current showing of the 'Return of the King' and digesting it as fully as can be done.

The Court is hereby in recess until further notice! *gavel bangs thricely*

---------------------------------------

---------------------------------------

Of course this thread is meant to treat a topic of seriousness [for some] in a more light-hearted way than the Movie forum, but just the same I think we should try and keep our characterizations of other Downs members to a minimum. At times those who are not actively posting in the thread will have to utter a few words, but do try and keep it harmonious with what others have said previously. Feel free to have PJ speak, or yourself of course, but I really do not like having to re-characterize myself according to others concpetions. Thanks.

Also feel free to use this down time in the trial for commenting on the thread itself, whether you find it amusing, offensive etc. This commenting period will close [hopefully] when the 'trial' resumes.

again thanks,
The 'Judge'



<font size=1 color=339966>[ 4:49 PM December 18, 2003: Message edited by: lindil ]