Barrow Downs Products

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Warning: Barrow Balrog is highly flammable and swathed with shadow. You might be surprised to find out how big the tangible part really is.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Keep you Barrow clean with Mr Sheen.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Watch out! Here comes the Barrow Wight Action figure!:



With Rotting action!


Batteries not included, styles and colours may vary

[Rimbaud]

A spin-off series of books, newly available, based on the characters and conversations of the BarrowDowns website. Packaged in a well-presented three-book set, The Lord of the Rings trilogy is a wonderful homage to a much-loved treasure of t'interweb.

Planned additions to this new line of BarrowDowns memorabilia include motion pictures for the above mentioned trilogy, and a possible prequel!

Available from all reputable bookstores and online traders.

[Nirvana II]

i'm too tired to think up a good, sarcastic ad for myself,so i beseech someone else to do it for me.

[the phantom]

In the 60s and 70s, every good Tolkien fan had a "Frodo Lives!" bumper sticker.

Now, it is time for another faddish automobile decoration.

The "Crystal Heart Lives!" bumper sticker!

I'm sure that years from now everyone will remember where they were and what they were doing when news of the joyous "resurrection" reached them, so why not buy something to commemorate the event?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Hay, phantom, what about an ironic car sticker; "The Barrow Wight Lives"?

[Lalwendë]

You can buy Frodo Lives car sticker thingys nowadays, look here.

Have a look at that site, you'll be amazed at what you can actually collect. Judging by some of the outlandish and possibly noxious things you actually can buy, e.g. empty popcorn buckets and pop cans with characters from the films on them, you could start up a whole new line of Barrow-Downs collectibles. You could have the empty can of Irn-Bru from which Fordim supped while concocting the Infamous C-Thread, or the scrapings of burned tobacco from the bottom of davem's pipe, smoked during his recent writings on 'dumbing it down'. And from the same thread you could collect the empty sandwich packets which SpM went through while composing his posts. You could even collect the corks from Mithalwen's wine bottles, all gathered while she was creating another RPG post, or empty cans of lager from Eomer of the Rohirrim's sessions on the mirth forum. I'd be quite happy to hand over the cigarette ends I gathered while musing on Light and custard. For a price of course.

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

I may be a student but I don't drink beer all the time.

That's a fine idea you have Lal, people pay thousands for Tom Cruise's used toothbrushes, and it's ridiculous of course. But I would be honoured to give money for those things you mentioned. Especially the leftover leaf; maybe some of davem's wisdom can be gained by the inhalation...

[Morai]

That's a fine idea you have Lal, people pay thousands for Tom Cruise's used toothbrushes, and it's ridiculous of course. But I would be honoured to give money for those things you mentioned. Especially the leftover leaf; maybe some of davem's wisdom can be gained by the inhalation...

I would offer the empty boxes of Cheez-Nips/Cheeze-Its that I went through browsing through this forum, but some people would want them only for one reason:
There's a chance that a somewhat skilled detective could muster fingerprints from the outside of the box. In case that fails, the buyer would simply usher the boxes and bags inside them to a local Forensics lab and see if they could discover my identity using the remnants of my saliva from licking my fingers after eating one hand-full, and then digging in for more.

I'm not saying that I'm a wanted criminal or anything, well maybe for littering instead of recycling...

[Maeggaladiel]

I'll donate the half-empty (half-full?) can of Coca-Cola that I started drinking five minutes before I decided to give up soda for Lent. It's.. um.. pretty old now. But just think; people will pick up that can and say, "HEY! This once belonged to Maeggaladiel!" (insert blank stare from everyone else) "Y'know... that... weird person... who posts every now and then..." (blank stare) "Who... mainly hangs out in Mirth..." (cricket noises) "Oh, I give up." (throws away soda and goes to see if Eomer's beer can has been sold yet.)

Yeah, that's how it would probably happen. Man, I can't believe that hypothetical entity would just throw away my perfectly good coke for a can of beer! It's not like I've been a complete loser on this site! The nerve! I'm going to go put nasty messages on his hypothetical answering machine.


Wow. It's times like this when I feel horribly insignificant. Thank you, Lal. I'm off for my next counselling session. I'll send you the bill.

[Morai]

Yeah, that's how it would probably happen. Man, I can't believe that hypothetical entity would just throw away my perfectly good coke for a can of beer! It's not like I've been a complete loser on this site! The nerve! I'm going to go put nasty messages on his hypothetical answering machine.

Don't forget to write this hypothetical person some hypothetical hate mail. And I don't think you're insignificant, and neither do the Tree Wraiths....RUN!!

Which brings me to my next product idea:
The Blinker 3000. Never let another person ignore your post again! When some entity passes over your post or the thread on which it is located, The Blinker 3000 will tap into their computer system causing the monitor to blink incessantly until they view your post. Or if that isn't enough, it will flood their inbox with emails notifying them of your oh-so-brilliant post.

Notice: The Blinker 3000 will probably never make it on the market due to Morai's fear of being sued by not so thrilled victims of the Blinker's wrath.

[Meneltarmacil]

More Barrowdowns action figures:

The HerenIstarion action figure comes with a broom and dustpan for all that sweeping, and has amazing thread-reviving action as well. But that's not all! He also transforms into his alter-ego, Roggie of Morgoth, at the push of a button.

The Eomer of the Rohirrim action figure transforms into a werewolf and comes with the gallows as well. When hung from the noose, the action figure will shout things like "No, no, no! I have NO wolves in mind! MIRTH MIRTH MIRTH!"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The New line of Barrow Products from Broken-Toys inc. will include,

Of course, the Barrow Wight’s Book (See The Future of the Downs tread)

The Green Dragon Inn play set, complete with drunken Hobbit action.

Tol-in-Gaurhoth Play board game. Complete with working gallows.

Collectable Green boxes.

And of course, Gandalf the grey action figures with uncloaking action.

[Morsul the Dark]

Morsul the Dark' Chocalate Chip Cookie Mix

[The Only Real Estel]

Barrowdowns Peach Cobbler- Delicous dessert of peaches with ice cream over top. Comes in two flavors, Durelin Dark Chocolate & Estel (uh...) Even Darker Chocolate. More flavors coming soon!

[Lalwendë]

Originally Posted by Hookbill

Collectable Green boxes.

Which come packaged in really fancy green boxes, and so three years down the line you will find them being sold on ebay at inflated prices because they are 'mint' and have not been played with.

A new product released earlier this week was the Error 403 Screensaver. This comes packaged with a utility that enables you to quickly click on it if parents are looming large over your shoulder trying to see what you're up to; the screensaver should swiftly cloak any untoward Mirth activity.

[Morai]

Collectable Green boxes.

That'll be a hit. I can already imagine the hefty prices associated with them. Though, with those purtty green boxes, consumers will want ways to protect them and keep them in their most valuable condition:

~Air tight boxes for the boxes
~Certificates of Authenticity (can you imagine all the counterfeits!)
~An "Fool of A Took's Guide to Collecting Green Boxes"
~And of course, a extravagant display case.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I was going to make a proper box for it with a picture of a child holding one saying "I'm no fool of a Took!" but I just couldn't be bothered.

[Lalwendë]

Then there could be the Green Box Collectors' Models part-work. You can get issues 1 to 4 quite easily and at the knock-down price of just £1.99 per issue, so you of course start collecting them (Issue 2 has a free ring binder to store the magazines in, which are a surprisingly quick read). Then they revert to the normal price of £5.99 per issue. The newsagent complains that they are hard to get from the wholesaler and he eventually fails to order Issue number 19 for you. So you order them by subscription. Issues 25, 26 and 29 arrive late, and Issue 34 fails to come at all. By Issue 39 the series has been discontinued but you still get a direct debit taken out of your account every month for the next 6 years and you have to complete the collection by going on ebay....

Of course, being Barrow-Downs products it wouldn't be quite this bad.

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by The Only Real Estel

Barrowdowns Peach Cobbler- Delicous dessert of peaches with ice cream over top. Comes in two flavors, Durelin Dark Chocolate & Estel (uh...) Even Darker Chocolate. More flavors coming soon!

Let's not overlook (Beth)berry Pie and Lhunarda Liquorice Twists and mormegil morsels. I think that we might be coming out soon with Pio Stiks too!

[Morsul the Dark]

Originally Posted by Lalwendë

Then there could be the Green Box Collectors' Models part-work. You can get issues 1 to 4 quite easily and at the knock-down price of just £1.99 per issue, so you of course start collecting them (Issue 2 has a free ring binder to store the magazines in, which are a surprisingly quick read). Then they revert to the normal price of £5.99 per issue. The newsagent complains that they are hard to get from the wholesaler and he eventually fails to order Issue number 19 for you. So you order them by subscription. Issues 25, 26 and 29 arrive late, and Issue 34 fails to come at all. By Issue 39 the series has been discontinued but you still get a direct debit taken out of your account every month for the next 6 years and you have to complete the collection by going on ebay....

Of course, being Barrow-Downs products it wouldn't be quite this bad.

Ah but once this green box comes out the downs shall be flooded with "Tolkien's use of green boxes" and other green-box threads

[Hookbill the Goomba]

This took me a few minuets and I'm not completly happy with it, but its the best I could do in a rush...



Now includes real gun.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Buy one NOW!

Special offer! Only £100,000! ($176,000, €146,000)! While stocks last.

[Farael]

Action figures are things of the past! In this era of computers and rapidly appearing-and-becoming-obsolete game platforms The B@rrow Company presents...

Simulated Werewolf!

Just plug in your computer and play!
-Choose the participants. Should you go with the smart loudmouths? Should you choose quiet yet reliable fellows? Should you mix n match?
-Assign roles. Who should be a werewolf? who will be the most shocking seer?
-Click on "Start" and watch them bite their heads off during the day, while the werewolfs silently eat them at night!.

(Batteries not included, side effects may include lack of sleep, headaches, incredible levels of confusion and a tendency to suspect everyone else but you)

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Kids, it's Winter time!! and you know what Winter is for, right?

Canadian Barrowdowners fun!!!
Come in ever increasing numbers. Have one build an Igloo for you! Get a bunch of them to pull you around in your dog-sled! Get them all together and watch them make plans for a chat night and possibly a convention somewhere in the middle of Canada (aka Winnipeg, but no one really knows where that may be)

If you call now a special "Prairies" edition will be mailed to you just as soon as we manage to thaw the storage-room door.
-These special barrowdowners will "Summer-nate" (Like hibernate but during summer)
-Watch them freeze their rear-ends off as they think they can walk to the bus stop... after all, -35 degrees is not THAT cold

[Lalwendë]

Hookbill has inspired the boffins at Barrow-downs products to make a new addition to their fabulous line of products.

New! Barrow-downs Monopoly!

Now you too can join in the madness as you fight your way around the board earning rep and trying to avoid those thorny topics of contention. Buy out hot properties such as "Do Balrogs Have Wings" and watch with joy as your pals land on the square and have to hand all their points over to you!

Now with all-new playing pieces! No more single silver boot! This game comes complete with lovingly crafted playing pieces crafted from the finest plastic to resemble those renowned Barrow-downs icons - the pair of yellow boots, the little pipe, the mug of ale, the white hand, the green thumbs-aloft and of course, that eerie blue sword!

Barrow-downs products have even dealt with the thorny issue of obsolescence so common with special edition games. All the coloured squares come with wipe-clean, cling-film-stuff names, which can be moved and replaced as rep standings go up and down! The game even comes with little sticky-thingies of all members so all eventualities are covered.

*Disclaimer* Barrow-downs products reserves the right not to be sued if new members such as Zarg The Merciless appear and suddenly shoot up the ratings overnight. There is not a Zarg The Merciless sticker and there will not be.

[The Saucepan Man]

*** NEW FROM MOULDY BARROW GAMES!***

Barrow downs Guess Who?

The players each select one of the Barrow Downs characters featured on the board and then take it in turns to ask questions of their opponent in an effort to narrow down his or her selected character.

Ask questions such as:

Is your Downer female?
Does your Downer wear a hood?
Is your Downer an abstract symbol?
Does your Downer believe that Eru is God?

and the ever popular

Does your Downer believe that The Hobbit should be excluded from the Legendarium?

Be the first to guess your opponent's Barrow Downer and win!

Only $65 from Mouldy Barrow Games. Order now and receive Barrow Downs Top Trumps free!

[Formendacil]

Lalwende, that is HILARIOUS!!!

Seriously, that's the most awesome thing since Abercrombie's Periodic Table.

And I'm most flattered to be in the same set as Davem and the Saucepan Man. Although I suspect that the three of us together would be hard-pressed to find a topic we could agree on.

And what's with putting us on the cheap side of the board, by the way?

[Lhunardawen]

With Nilp and Oddwen eh, Lal? Have I become that crazy?

[Gil-Galad]

Thos barcelets, you know how they have different colour, yellow for Lance Armstrong and Cancer, Purple for Terry Fox and so on, they could have barcelets for Perky's Downaholic Anonymus, which one do you support?

[Lalwendë]

Originally Posted by Formendacil

And what's with putting us on the cheap side of the board, by the way?

I thought it made a nice twist on things. Anyway, I think your place is equivalent to Euston Road - have you seen the prices of property in London? And it has the British Library on it...

I want to play Guess Who now! Could it be played online??? Hmmm...though someone's going to tell me you already do play it in the Quiz room now!

[Lalwendë]

Originally Posted by SpM

Order now and receive Barrow Downs Top Trumps free!

Hmmm, I was sure I'd seen Barrow-downs Top Trumps on sale on e-bay...

Here they are...

[Anguirel]

Tremendous! I think I was Leicester Square...film premieres for me...

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by Lalwendë

I thought it made a nice twist on things. Anyway, I think your place is equivalent to Euston Road - have you seen the prices of property in London? And it has the British Library on it...

Oohh, and I see I must be settling down on Pall Mall right in the heart of the power-tripping exclusive clubs, those gentlemen's refuge from the womenfolk.

Although, on the Canadian Monopoly Gameboard Lal has placed me on Fredericton, New Brunswick's University Avenue. (Actually, I suspect many Canadian towns have one of those.)

Hmm. Lally, did you know I once lived in New Brunswick? Hmmm. Not the capital, though.


As for SpM's Guess Who, well, I suppose now Downers will be less inclined to change their avatars!

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by Lal

Hmmm, I was sure I'd seen Barrow-downs Top Trumps on sale on e-bay...

Here they are...

Okay, you two mirky pond lives, do tell us on 'tother side o' da pond what a Top Trump is.

[Lalwendë]

Top Trumps are little packs of cards based around a 'theme' - each card has a different 'thing' on it and a series of facts all broken down into categories - for example you may have a pack titled "Sports Cars" and your categories might be 'top speed', 'price' and 'engine size'. You play it by producing a card from the top of your 'hand' after dealing them all out and choosing a category, the aim being that your 'fact' beats your mate's 'fact' and hence you will then win or 'trump' that card.

Brilliant fun! I remember the days when Top Trumps packs were all about Fighter Planes, Warships, Tractors or Locomotives; of course, it was all jumpers for goalposts in those days...sigh. Nowadays you can get them based on just about anything, I even have some LotR ones.

Retro Top Trumps

Fabulous!

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Top Trumps. . . Funny name.

I had alot of them once, but I decided that I did not use them anymore so I threw them out. This resulted in my mother beeing very mad at me, it seemed that the some of the "Top Trumps" was frome her childhood. (most were with cars, but I allso had a deck with pirate ships)

Anyways! Great job on these facinating items, I simply love them.

[the guy who be short]

The Top Trumps are great. I particularly like how the personal title flows across the bottow.

Alas, the monopoly board is a little small for me to see it properly.

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by Lalwendë

Hmmm, I was sure I'd seen Barrow-downs Top Trumps on sale on e-bay...

Here they are...

Hehe. I was hoping that someone would follow that little comment up. Excellent job, Lal.

Top Trumps (or Trump cards, as they were known then) were all the rage when I was at school. Here are some more examples:

Trump Cards

Now, about that Barrow Downs Risk game ...

[Elu Ancalime]

Barrow-Downer Action Figures: Werewolf Series!

Buy a Barrow-Downs Brand 'Villager' action figure. When exposed to light, he or she is a normal townsperson. When light waves fail to reach the titanium-387 core, it chemically melts into the form of a Warg! If your lucky, when the light waves from the sun activate the core the next morn, that your Acton Figure will not be a villager, but a stalwart Hunter, Ranger, or Seer. Or it will become a Cursed Villager, but you will not know it until you step on him and he breaks.
________
Glass Bong