Barrow Downs Products

[mark12_30]

C7A action figure: A charming and matronly hobbit-lady with a firm voice and toes that dig in during deep debates (especially debates about Frodo.)

Squatter of Amon Rudh action figure: comes with wrought iron fence, glow-in-the-dark-flashlight accessory, and two tombstones labeled BEREN and LUTHIEN.

H-I action figure: one arm lights fireworks. The other arm gives jewels. However the best thing about this action figure is that it can enter ancient libraries (swirling impressive wizard's robe) dust off an old scroll, and bring it out to the front door. Has a very pleasant smile.

Mister Underhill action figure-- very limited edition. Nobody knows what it looks like.

[Mithalwen]

Originally Posted by mark12_30

[b]H-I action figure: one arm lights fireworks. The other arm gives jewels. However the best thing about this action figure is that it can enter ancient libraries, dust off an old scroll, and bring it out to the front door. Has a very pleasant smile.

.

Perhaps the HI figure could be in a set with the B88 one.... special edition for the discerning collector ... with LOTS of fireworks

[mark12_30]

Rimbaud action figure: left arm extend partway as figure says:

Darkling I listen; and, for many a time
I have been half in love with easeful Death,
Call’d him soft names in many a mused rhyme,
To take into the air my quiet breath

Comes packaged with complete works of Keats and a Kermit beanie-baby.

[Child of the 7th Age]

C7A action figure: A charming and matronly hobbit-lady with a firm voice and toes that dig in during deep debates (especially debates about Frodo.)

Thanks, Helen.

You must have been speaking with my family. They have another word for it: pig headed and stubborn!

[HerenIstarion]

Very funny, thanks Helen for directing me here

My add up:

mark 12_30™ action figure - is very amicable, tells jokes with a moral one probably would not understand without being widely read, and has very pointed silences - once it stops talking to you, the right guess would be you did say something not acceptable or were not a good boy/gel lately at all!

Saulotus™ action figure - sombre and a bit bulky one, knows all there is to know about Tolkien Canon and Uncanon, and utters exclamations curiosly resembling 'balderdash' and 'absolute rubbish' any time anyone starts speculating about anything vaguely reminiscent of Tolkien. If the 'speculator' insists on commiting the same crime again, kicks off prolix discourses referring to numerous sources and producing manuscripts out of his sleeve. We are awfully sorry, but Saulotus™ action figure is out of stock currently. Try searching under Bob Wehadababyitsaboy™ or similar keywords. But the latter is equally out of stock, we are grieved to inform you. Try again later

Balin999™ action figure comes with a bonus helicopter. Never says the same thing twice.

Sharkŭ™ action figure does a lot of work behind the stage, being, at the same time, constantly (and mysteriously) absent. You lose the chance of seeing the figure again as soon as you buy it - its stand will always be marked with a litle cardboard sign reading 'away' in a fine curly script

Who's Online™ digital chess set - requires great patience on behalf of the gamers, as they must catch their chance of starting the game exactly at the time when 64 members are online. And beware of the spiders - they tend to haunt same squares as pieces do use for the moves.

[Morai]

I think the only "set" my action figure would come in is the:
Maeggaladiel & Morai Set!
Set the two action figures within 6" of eachother, and hear them make strange punny jokes about the horrid, green, land they lovingly call "Oredor." (Yes the spelling is intentional.) Other features include:
~Mini trashcan and crumpled up pieces of paper
~Mini life-like version of Mt. St. Doom

NOTE: Tree Wraiths and Tree huggers not included, come seperately

[The Saucepan Man]

The Repping Game

Liven up dinner parties and family gatherings with this fun new game from Barrow Downs Inc™. Each player starts with one green jewel. Players take it in turn to ask Tolkien-related questions from cards. All the other players must answer and then vote on who has provided the wisest or wittiest answer. That player receives a green jewel from each player or, if a player has none, from the bank. The aim of the game is to amass eleven jewels before anyone else can.

To make things more interesting, the game comes with various joker cards. Play the HerenIstarion the Munificent card to instantly gain a jewel from every player. The Wisdom of Davem card requires every player to give you one jewel a turn for the rest of the game, while the Professor Hedgethistle's Canonicity card allows the current round to go on and on and on and ...

You can play the Burrahobbit's Soundbite card to restrict players to a one line answer to the current question. And, if you don't like the question, the Admin cards allow you to skip it and go to the next question. The Mod cards (Estelyn and Legolas) do the same thing - but only for certain questions.

Play the Child and Pio cards to take the game into a special RPG round, or the Saucepan Man card to start a Quiz or Quotes round (extra jewels here if you have the Quotes of Guinevere or Lindolirian's Six Degrees of Separation cards).

Fun for all the family. But if anyone starts taking it all seriously - remember it's just a game - it's the fun of taking part and the discussions that it engenders that count.

Warning: Requires a dangerously obsessive level of Tolkien-related knowledge.

Actually, that sounds like quite a fun game ...

[Meneltarmacil]

New from Barrowdowns-products! The Oddwen/Nilpaurion Fegalund/Meneltarmacil pack! Get them near any of Tolkien's writings, and they will immediately start to parody it in wild and wacky ways!

And don't forget the Meneltarmacil action figure's giant rock-throwing action every time Nilpaurion Felagund gets within five feet.

The Meela action figure comes complete with every single quote about Denethor in all of Tolkien's works and comes with matches and lighter fluid in case you get bored with it.

[Gil-Galad]

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

The Repping Game

Liven up dinner parties and family gatherings with this fun new game from Barrow Downs Inc™. Each player starts with one green jewel. Players take it in turn to ask Tolkien-related questions from cards. All the other players must answer and then vote on who has provided the wisest or wittiest answer. That player receives a green jewel from each player or, if a player has none, from the bank. The aim of the game is to amass eleven jewels before anyone else can.

To make things more interesting, the game comes with various joker cards.

Don't forget the limited edition Gil-Galad Pun cards, Gil-Galad Great Pun , you receive a jewel from every player, Gil-Galad pathetic puns, you lose a jewel to every player...its a game of chance for that!...well more 80/20 with my puns... 80 being good of course...

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

And don't forget the Meneltarmacil action figure's giant rock-throwing action every time Nilpaurion Felagund gets within five feet. (Menel)

Plus the Nilpaurion Felagund's double action figure. Catches all rocks, thunderbolts, and angry birds thrown by Meneltarmacil action figure.

As a bonus, Nilpaurion Fegalund comes pre-programmed with his alter ego, Adam! Participate as Oddwen and Meneltarmacil slowly go insane! (Oddie)

Don't forget Alice the lesser-known alter-ego (much like Huor ).

~*~

Tired of your regular Barrow-downer action figure? Get the new Administrators™ action figure set! They're omnipotent, omnipresent, and ethereal! They can zap any Downer figure to the void or make sweeping changes to boards simply by thinking so! Sticky™ pins not included.

[Lhunardawen]

Originally Posted by mark12_30

Mister Underhill action figure-- very limited edition. Nobody knows what it looks like.

Except you, Helen. You could always look at a mirror.

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

Play the HerenIstarion the Munificent card to instantly gain a jewel from every player.

But beware...he can also end the game. Or at least convince players to do so.

[elfearz1]

The Meela action figure comes complete with every single quote about Denethor in all of Tolkien's works and comes with matches and lighter fluid in case you get bored with it.

See I was thinking it could also come with a picture of Denethor.

Barrow Down's CD: if you call within the next 50 seconds you can also get "Boromir's greatest disco hits" for free! (plus shipping and handling)

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Want to invent your own ending of the Fordim-Mithalwen duel in this thread? You can now buy the aptly-called Fordim-Mithalwen action figures set, complete with the infamous gauntlet, plus pistols and swords to choose from...and create an alternate dialogue! With a free gardening set, should your Mithalwen still decide to resort to gardening! (You can use the gauntlet for that purpose instead.)

And since it is the holiday season, you get a free luke10_27...I mean mark12_30 doll to serve as overseer-slash-cheerer! (Lhuna)

There's a new addition to this set: the Gnomish Gauntlet. Scandalised by Fordim's revival of hot issues? Use the Gauntlet to force him to reveal his ulterior motive.

This is stupid. There's no connexion between the gauntlet and the motive.

I know. But it's fun to fill in the blanks.

Your life.

[Lalwendë]

Barrow-Downs Faction Badges - these will clearly indicate your loyalties in the Balrog Wings/Elven Ears debates. For those who are Pro-Wing, their badge will be like RAF Wings, except instead of being Albatross wings they will be blackened leathery Balrog wings; this is to be worn on the left shoulder. For those who are Anti-Wing they can actually get away without purchasing anything, because as in the debate, the badge will be purely metaphorical. The merest suggestion of a badge-pin hole in the lapel will suffice The Ears Faction Badges will feature either a pointy or a non-pointy ear. Pro-Ear fanatics of course can buy an actual ear which they can wear proudly on their lapel; this will clearly indicate that not only are they Pro-Ear but they have also been driven quite mad with the debate and are under no circumstances to be approached.

[Morgul Queen]

Morgul Queen/Agent Darkling pack: Comes with a copy of "Braindead", a bottle of Bleeprin™, and two mini-balrogs! Push the buttons on their backs to hear dozens of random sayings and quotes! Set them to "Sneaky Mode" and watch them think up strange and unusual plots!

Accessories include: Silver One Ring, Flamethrower (not suitable for young children), a bow, arrows, a small supply of Curare (non-toxic...when ingested) and a ActionFigure!Towel...for those times when the twinset is left in the same room as either a Denethor!SonofEcthelion (TM) or a Celebrimbor!SonofCurufin (TM) Action Figure.

Collect the full set of Author/Agent packs to unlock a special feature: They will form a council called 'Athrabeth'. they will also give you a password which allows you to purchase a hidden Oracle/Ginger Pack, avaliable only with the aforementioned password.

Elennar Starfire/David Bowie Twinset (TM): The Elennar Starfire (TM) come complete with a Labyrinth (TM) DVD, a towel and a CD Player Radio. The David Bowie (TM) comes with tight leather pants and a pole - for keeping the Elennar Starfire (TM) at bay. The Elennar Starfire says several phrases, such as: "Squeeeeee!!!", "David Bowie! It's David BOWIEEEEE!!!!" The David Bowie is silent, perhaps with fear.

[Morai]

This was inspired by Eomer of the Rohirrim:
Special Offer!
When you buy the Morai Action Figure , you can send in the Proof of Purchase to recieve the X-Men Mutant Outfit when your dark action figure is tired of her usual personality and feels like saving the world...or not. Place the Morai Action Figure in the outfit and watch as she transforms into a whirlwind and scatters the all important papers on your desk, much too dizzy to do any heroic deeds.

[Elennar Starfire]

Morgy! I'm not that fangirlish...am I?

[Morgul Queen]

Originally Posted by Elennar Starfire

Morgy! I'm not that fangirlish...am I?

*nods slowly*

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Yeah, it's true. I should know....

*Eomer awaits slap in the face*

Now that that's over, I think it seems likely as if a new line of accessories is going to come out. To complement the existing action figures of the Downers which look like, well, they look like, we will now have accessories which transform that same action figure into the image of other Downers.

Get the Lalwende accessory, which turns your doll into a cloud of purple smoke! One hell of a party trick, let me tell you.

Get The Only Real Estel accessory which promptly causes your action figure to disappear into nothingness!

Plus....many more!?

[Morgul Queen]

What about Legolas Hair Powder? One pinch of which changed his hair from Blond to Black to Brown to Red to Blond to Black to Brown to Red?

Of course, we need to invent a Legolas doll first...

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

What about Legolas Hair Powder?

But let us not forget Legolas Hare Powder! Never again shall the debate come to violence (not that it has before, but...)! For now, at the first signs of arguement, one can sprinkle Hare Powder over Elmerf's fur and VOILA!!! he is a new color.

[elronds_daughter]

Note: Legolas Hare Powder also work on any/all of Elmerf's myriad descendants.

[Elennar Starfire]

Ok, I guess I am that fangirlish sometimes. *blushes*

[yavanna II]

I would love to see a Yavanna action figure.... with a little touches:
1. The hair must be BLACK, and no other
2. The eyes must be Grey
3. Wears the slim black gown I wore on my JS, or any formal blue floor-length dress
4. Says "I hate Chemistry" or "I loathe Geometry" or "Trigonometry Stinks" everytime a person with a Chem or Geom or Trigo artifact goes near it

Hehe.... I wonder how I'd feel if my daddy will give me that....

Accessories that I'd love:
anti-chemistry posters and stuff
black-framed glasses
a black cloak
a nice long sword

Accessories that would not fit Yavanna II:
that Legolas Hare thing....her wavy hair may turn straight...or worse, BLONDE!

[Morgul Queen]

Originally Posted by Yavanna II

her wavy hair may turn straight...or worse, BLONDE!

*laughs* Sounds like me.

Warning: Do not use on Agent Darkling/Morgul/Yavanna II. May cause horrible, unreversable hair crimes.

They may end up looking more masculine than Orlando Bloom. O.o

[Oddwen]

Hey, what's the matter with wavy blonde hair?

(Here, I have a commercial. Imagine it's said in a really cheesy deep voice, you know, like all those action figure commercials are.)

DUN DUN DUN! BATTLE DOWNERS!

New from Hazbeen™, it's Battle-Downers!

Kid1: Oh boy! Battle-downers!

Participate as Hugely Muscular Nilpaurion™ and Hugely Muscular Meneltarmacil™ fight to the death!

Menel: Dodge this rock, Nilp!

Nilp: I shall, Menel!

*crash!*

Kid2: Oh boy! Battle-Downers!

DUN DUN DUN! BATTLE DOWNERS!

And also from Hazbeen™, the Intellectual line of toys: Fordim Hedgethistle, The Saucepan Man, and davem figures. Watch in awe as they get together on top of your toy chest and smoke. Fire extinguisher sold seperately.

[Sophia the Thunder Mistress]

Rimbaud action figure: left arm extend partway as figure says:

Comes packaged with complete works of Keats and a Kermit beanie-baby.

Special Edition Rimbaud includes (of course) a copy of London Calling.

[Lhunardawen]

Isn't the Rimbaud doll supposed to be a green, slimy, croaking amphibian?

[mark12_30]

Yes. Croaking Keat's complete works.

[Maeggaladiel]

I WANT A BATTLE-DOWNER!!

Of course, no BD set would be complete without the MEGABARROW! You'll need somewhere to store all these action figures, won't you? Well, the MEGABARROW is the only product on the market that can house all of your action figures and make them feel right at home. The barrow even has separate rooms to keep the action figures who don't get along well away from each other and has a master suite for the mightiest of all toys, the BW action figure. (With Super Moderating Action!)

And we cannot forget the amazing Barrow-Transfomers! Action Meela searches for open flames! Then just turn her head around and fold her body like so, and VIOLA! She becomes her true love, Denethor!

Then there's Super Saucepan Man! Armed with a variety of cooking utensils and cloaked in mystery, Super Saucy comes to the rescue with a clanging of pans and the glint of sunlight upon steel. All who do evil shall feel the wrath of his flying saucepan of doom.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Barrow Wight Action figure with talking action. including many favorate phrases like;

"If I hear 'Do Balrogs have wings' one more time I'll... I'll..."
"Lets get back on topic"
"Cold be hand and heart and bone, and cold be sleep under stone."
"Here, I'm waiting for you!"
"Blast you Bombadill"
"Hoo, Tom Babadill! Look what night has brought you! I'm here behind the door."

WARNING: Do not eat!

Also on offer;

"Make your own Wights" Best selling instruction booklet by "S.G. Necromancer". Surprise all your friends with your very own Barrow Wight and Nazgul.

[The Only Real Estel]

The BRAND NEW How do you imagine other BDers? Doll! It spouts off descriptions of BDers (true or untrue) that have been thrown around on the aforementioned thread!

[Oddwen]

Then there's Super Saucepan Man! Armed with a variety of cooking utensils and cloaked in mystery, Super Saucy comes to the rescue with a clanging of pans and the glint of sunlight upon steel. All who do evil shall feel the wrath of his flying saucepan of doom.

Oh, no no no...The Saucepan Man is strickly a younger child's toy. Have you not seen "The Saucepan Man's Happy Fun Cookset With Real Working Fireplace"? You can really cook, with the included hobbitish recipes!

• Appetizer: Sautéed Mushrooms and Onions
• Main Course: Charbroiled Mutton Roast with Mushroom Sauce
• Second Course: Stewed Vegetables and Mushrooms
• Third Course: Pan-fried Steak with Mushrooms and Onions
• Fourth Course: Toasted Bread and Cheese
• Dessert: Apple Pie, Cherry Pie, and Berry Pie

Plus, directions are included for home-brewed ale. Impress your friends at your next Party!
(Some assembly required.)

[Morai]

The BRAND NEW How do you imagine other BDers? Doll! It spouts off descriptions of BDers (true or untrue) that have been thrown around on the aforementioned thread!

It may require a slight cautionary warning: SOME USERS WILL HEAR DISCRIPTIONS THAT ARE HIGHLY ACCURATE! (Most cases are minor and rare, contact your fellow member if symptoms persist. )

Another slightly (or hopefully) brilliant idea:
Do you ever tire of relentess unintelligent comments about your adored books conjured up by Tolkien himself? Don't you ever wish you couldn't hear those fools poking fun at LOTR? Now you can! Purchase the "BD'ER SOUND CANCELATION REMOTE" Batteries not included.

[THE Ka]

Originally Posted by Oddwen

Hey, what's the matter with wavy blonde hair?

(Here, I have a commercial. Imagine it's said in a really cheesy deep voice, you know, like all those action figure commercials are.)



And also from Hazbeen™, the Intellectual line of toys: Fordim Hedgethistle, The Saucepan Man, and davem figures. Watch in awe as they get together on top of your toy chest and smoke. Fire extinguisher sold seperately.

Oh, If those do come out, I need some for my workplace... Someone will finally replace those smoke alarms!

[Fordim Hedgethistle]

The Barrow Balrog comes with detachable wings that you can leave on or take off as you prefer. Better yet, buy two so you can have one of each. Invite your friends over and stage battles between the Winged and Non-Winged versions.

And, as a special gift, there is the Action Button Activator/Deactivator Key. Use it to turn the wing motion on or off, giving you total freedom to have a Balrog with wings that work, or wings that are simply for show.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The saucepan-man action figure, with permanent saucepan action. Frighten all your friends with his more than thee phrases including:

"Oh dear, my saucepan is stuck on my head!"
"Balrogs DEFINATLY are not not unwinged."
"Tom Bombadill is like this guy who is like this other guy who is kind 'a like the first guy but not."

Sorry saucepan, there are just random things that I found amusing.

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by Hookbill

Sorry saucepan, there are just random things that I found amusing.

Hmm, I can see substantive grounds for a defamation action here ...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Hmm, I can see substantive grounds for a defamation action here ...

Oh dear!

[Lalwendë]

Originally Posted by Eomer of the Rohirrim

Get the Lalwende accessory, which turns your doll into a cloud of purple smoke! One hell of a party trick, let me tell you.

That sounds a bit papal to me!

What about, in honour of Eomer of the Rohirrim, the Downs Action Figure Mullet Transformer? Place your 'Downs action figure into the box, press a button and it comes out with 'Hockey Hair'.

Originally Posted by Fordim

The Barrow Balrog comes with detachable wings that you can leave on or take off as you prefer. Better yet, buy two so you can have one of each. Invite your friends over and stage battles between the Winged and Non-Winged versions.

And, as a special gift, there is the Action Button Activator/Deactivator Key. Use it to turn the wing motion on or off, giving you total freedom to have a Balrog with wings that work, or wings that are simply for show.

Ah, but can you get the Limited Edition Metaphorical Version? Remember, to take this out of the packaging will seriously devalue the item. Not least because, in the manner of the Emperor's New Clothes, this will simply be the regular version without the wings. But all of us collectors will snap it up, fools that we are.