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Old 06-28-2008, 12:52 AM   #41
Nerwen
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I have changed my mind about having either Quentin Tarantino or Spike Lee direct the Sil. There is only one man who can imbue the films with the type of screen magic by which all classics are judged: George Lucas...
Heh, heh.

EDIT: Suddenly I really, really want to mod a WW game based on the disastrous, murder-ridden filming of "Jewel Wars: Episode 1".
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Old 06-28-2008, 01:18 AM   #42
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What, no role for Jim Carrey
Ahem. I think you'll find I cast him as Hurin some time ago.
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Old 06-28-2008, 01:37 AM   #43
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Ahem. I think you'll find I cast him as Hurin some time ago.
Aure enteluva!
Casting doesn't get much more inspired than that.
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Old 06-28-2008, 10:34 AM   #44
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I'd like to suggest Rob Schneider as Mim the Petty Dwarf.

Dolph Lundgren can play Turin.

Melian would be the perfect role for Julia Roberts to ruin, being perhaps the most overrated actress in history.

Oh and the idea of Sean Connery as Glaurung send shudders down my spine.
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Old 06-28-2008, 10:49 AM   #45
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Andie MacDowell as Luthien.

Mary-Sue - bring it on!
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Old 06-28-2008, 10:53 AM   #46
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Andie MacDowell as Luthien.
Then you can have Hugh Grant as Beren, and they can reprise their roles in Four Weddings and a Funeral.

Nick Frost and Simon Pegg as Elrond and Elros.
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Old 06-28-2008, 10:23 PM   #47
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Maybe Nathan Lane and Lee Evans for I don't know, Maglor and Maedhros or Elrond and Elros. No, wait, Maglor and Maedhros, it'll be perfect during the scene where they'll decide on attacking Eonwe's camp!
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Old 06-29-2008, 10:50 AM   #48
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Then you can have Hugh Grant as Beren, and they can reprise their roles in Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Excellent scheme, Morthoron. And Rowan Atkinson as Curufin....
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Old 06-29-2008, 08:42 PM   #49
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Excellent scheme, Morthoron. And Rowan Atkinson as Curufin....
Oh, nice choice, Lalaith! I was just wondering who would make a good Curufin.
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Old 06-30-2008, 01:49 AM   #50
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The immortal genius of Charlie Sheen cannot be overlooked. Excellent suggestions have been made for Beren (Keanu "Whoa" Reeves is truly priceless), but Charlie must make at least a cameo somewhere (Barahir? Hmmm). I actually have a soft spot for Sheen, but he would be spectacularly awful in such a film.

There is also Madonna to consider. I can't imagine any movie being complete without her... skillz. I think she's Queen of Pop and all, but the acting, dear God, the acting.

She'd do well as a matriarchal Melian type. *dum dum dum*
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Old 06-30-2008, 10:26 AM   #51
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So much talent, so few roles...

What parts haven't we cast yet? I'd hate to think of any of these gifted actors missing out.
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Old 06-30-2008, 06:54 PM   #52
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And Rowan Atkinson as Curufin....
Oh dear, but which Rowan Atkinson? The Blackadder? Mr. Bean? Perhaps we could double cast him where Tolkien has mirror characters, such as Turin/Tuor or Hurin/Huor or Elwing and Elros.

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There is only one man who can imbue the films with the type of screen magic by which all classics are judged: George Lucas...
Oh the poor dear man! What ever would he do without the opportunity to stage a drag/speed racing scene? Maybe have eagles buzz one of towers?
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Old 06-30-2008, 07:58 PM   #53
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How about Rowan Atkinson as Ulmo? Just think, Mr. Bean one of the Valar!
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Old 07-01-2008, 06:34 AM   #54
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Oh dear, but which Rowan Atkinson? The Blackadder? Mr. Bean? Perhaps we could double cast him where Tolkien has mirror characters, such as Turin/Tuor or Hurin/Huor or Elwing and Elros.
I think he should play the charachter as he did the late Blackadder (WWI), it would be truly awful. If he did it as Mr. Bean it would just get too absurd and kind of funny.

It is all about making the silmarillion with bad casting, not turning the silmarillion into a comedy.
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Old 07-01-2008, 11:00 AM   #55
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So much talent, so few roles...

What parts haven't we cast yet? I'd hate to think of any of these gifted actors missing out.
Well I hate to mention it since she is one of my favourites but has anyone sugested Idril and Tuor?

How about James Fleet as Maeglin?

And though I liked her in Notting Hill, Gina McKee was sooooooooooo leaden and passionless as Irene in The Forsyte Saga that she would be a possibility for Aredhel in this ..inspired production...

How about Madonna as Miriel?
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Old 07-01-2008, 04:56 PM   #56
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Thumbs up

Narration would have to be done by Morgan Freeman, as Eru reflecting on the whole divine drama. "At the time the possibilities seemed endless..."

Lush was definitely onto something when she suggested casting Charlie Sheen. I say you have to have Emilio Estevez as Manwe, Sheen as a somewhat resentful Aule, and the cast of the Breakfast Club filling in other Valar/Valier roles.

Four must-casts for me: Willem Dafoe as a young Sauron; Christopher Walken as Glaurung...for sure; Jon Voigt as the leader of the wandering men whom Turin befriends in the woods; Kevin Sorbo as Turin.
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Old 07-01-2008, 05:37 PM   #57
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Old 07-01-2008, 06:02 PM   #58
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I think he should play the charachter as he did the late Blackadder (WWI), it would be truly awful. If he did it as Mr. Bean it would just get too absurd and kind of funny.

It is all about making the silmarillion with bad casting, not turning the silmarillion into a comedy.
You appear to have more faith in Atkinson's ability to steal scenes from the rest of this miscast crew than I do.

(Of course, come to think of it, he does have talent.)

Has anyone cast William Shatner yet?
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Old 07-01-2008, 06:26 PM   #59
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Has anyone cast William Shatner yet?
Oh he should definitely be Morgoth
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Old 07-01-2008, 06:36 PM   #60
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Oh he should definitely be Morgoth
Then he can have a spoken-word album covering all the 'greatest hits' of the valar. That sounds evil enough to me.


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Old 07-01-2008, 06:53 PM   #61
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Chuck Norris as Old Hurin. Even after spending decades imprisoned by Morgoth, you don't **** with Chuck.

Then we add Steven Segal, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Sly Stallone, Milla Jovovich, Dolph Lundgren (already mentioned), The Rock (already mentioned), Kevin Sorbo (already mentioned), Arnold Schwarzenegger, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Marc Singer (Dar of Beastmaster) and Lou Ferrigno (what part each plays is inconsequential, isn't it?), and have the B-Grade action movie of the century: 'The Silmarillion: Armageddon in Middle-earth'.

Perhaps even add Jet Li and Jackie Chan as Easterlings.

P.S. And a cameo by Val Kilmer as Fingolfin, who will smile in defiance of Morgoth and say, "I'll be your huckleberry."

P.P.S. In the extended version feature section (Disc Four), Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sly Stallone practicing their English accents together.
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Old 07-01-2008, 08:47 PM   #62
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Perhaps Shatner and Sorbo might manage to pull off the Two Trees...
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Old 07-07-2008, 06:45 AM   #63
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Silmaril

We could potentially just cast William Shatner as everyone, methinks.

There's also David Hasselhoff to consider, though. For an intellectual role. Finrod Felagund comes to mind.
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Old 07-08-2008, 09:34 AM   #64
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We could potentially just cast William Shatner as everyone, methinks.

There's also David Hasselhoff to consider, though. For an intellectual role. Finrod Felagund comes to mind.
Well, if we are seeking actors on a more intellectual level, Rob Schneider and Will Ferrell come to mind. Perhaps Adam Sandler as Beren and Drew Barrymore as Luthien.
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Old 07-08-2008, 10:23 AM   #65
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There's also David Hasselhoff to consider, though. For an intellectual role. Finrod Felagund comes to mind.
Hasselhoff surely will bring the fullest elements to the crucial aspect of elven hair. Maybe the colour isn't exactly right, but his casting could ensure that his elven character would never have a bad hair day.

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Perhaps Adam Sandler as Beren and Drew Barrymore as Luthien.
I had been toying with the idea of suggesting Ben Stiller as Beren, but kept being haunted by the aspect of Thingol and Melian as Mr and Mrs Focker and I was trying very hard to keep Rune's advisory in mind not to turn this into a comedy. So I desisted.
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Old 07-08-2008, 11:57 AM   #66
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I had been toying with the idea of suggesting Ben Stiller as Beren, but kept being haunted by the aspect of Thingol and Melian as Mr and Mrs Focker and I was trying very hard to keep Rune's advisory in mind not to turn this into a comedy. So I desisted.

So it has to be seriously bad?
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Old 07-08-2008, 03:30 PM   #67
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So it has to be seriously bad?
"hideous travesty" is what the rules on Nerwen's first post say. Like Beauty, I think the meaning of that lies in the eye of the beholder--and poster.

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Old 07-10-2008, 04:33 AM   #68
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For sure, Keira Knightley must be Lúthien - there never was an actress whose looks and skills were more overrated. So why not cast Orlando Bloom as Beren and have them repeat their - ah, so credible - romance from Pirates of the Carribbean?

Schwartzenegger is a must - but for what role? It's long since I last read the Sil.. Is there some silent, rather grim hero who could do with a few short lines?

Oh, and Pierce Brosnan as Túrin. "My name is Turambar, Túrin Turambar."
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Old 07-10-2008, 05:24 AM   #69
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Schwartzenegger is a must - but for what role? It's long since I last read the Sil.. Is there some silent, rather grim hero who could do with a few short lines?
I feel like a traitor to say this - as the character is one of my favourites -, but Arnold would make an excellently horrible Hunthor, wouldn't he?

Continuing on the same lines, I can see Hugh Grant as Brandir... eurgh... He's too old to play anything too heroic and in my opinion he has always been too soft for those, but can't you all see him blinking his puppy eyes as gentle Brandir who loves the wrong woman... *is disgusted*
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Old 07-11-2008, 10:15 PM   #70
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Old 07-13-2008, 03:22 PM   #71
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What about Seann William Scott as Tuor and Diane Kruger as Idril? That should be close enough to a worst case scenario.

Oh, and Nerwen... she who steals the threads of the Noldor and mocks them without leave does not... umm... well, I’ll think about something.
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Old 07-14-2008, 06:20 AM   #72
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Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.
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What are you talking about, cousin Mac? By definition this is a thread of the Noldor!
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Old 07-14-2008, 07:12 AM   #73
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Macalaure is a guest of Elrond in Rivendell.Macalaure is a guest of Elrond in Rivendell.Macalaure is a guest of Elrond in Rivendell.
I think I'll let you get away with it - this time.
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Old 07-14-2008, 04:10 PM   #74
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Eönwë is a guest of Elrond in Rivendell.Eönwë is a guest of Elrond in Rivendell.Eönwë is a guest of Elrond in Rivendell.
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Originally Posted by skip spence View Post
the idea of Sean Connery as Glaurung send shudders down my spine.
It shendsh shuddersh down your shpine, doesh it?
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Old 07-15-2008, 01:40 PM   #75
Oddwen
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Oddwen is a guest of Elrond in Rivendell.Oddwen is a guest of Elrond in Rivendell.Oddwen is a guest of Elrond in Rivendell.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skip spence
the idea of Sean Connery as Glaurung send shudders down my spine.

It shendsh shuddersh down your shpine, doesh it?
Yesh.
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Old 07-15-2008, 01:55 PM   #76
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Eönwë is a guest of Elrond in Rivendell.Eönwë is a guest of Elrond in Rivendell.Eönwë is a guest of Elrond in Rivendell.
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*Dies of laughter*
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Old 07-16-2008, 03:23 AM   #77
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doug*platypus has just left Hobbiton.
Pipe

Ben Stiller as Manwë. That way, instead of the War of Wrath, he could just give Morgoth a blast of "blue steel".

Lucy Lawless (Xena) as Melian.
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Old 07-16-2008, 10:58 AM   #78
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Thinlómien is wading through the Dead Marshes.Thinlómien is wading through the Dead Marshes.Thinlómien is wading through the Dead Marshes.Thinlómien is wading through the Dead Marshes.Thinlómien is wading through the Dead Marshes.Thinlómien is wading through the Dead Marshes.
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Lucy Lawless (Xena) as Melian.
Wouldn't Haleth be even worse?
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Old 07-17-2008, 02:45 PM   #79
Thenamir
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Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!
Gotta be a part for Joaquin Phoenix in there somewhere...

Also, in my opinion worse than Connery, Gilbert Gottfried has got to be the very worst possible voice for a mega-dragon. (For those that don't know, the voice is that of the parrot Iago in the Disney-animated Aladdin movies, among many other voice credits.)
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Old 11-17-2008, 07:16 PM   #80
Oddwen
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Oddwen is a guest of Elrond in Rivendell.Oddwen is a guest of Elrond in Rivendell.Oddwen is a guest of Elrond in Rivendell.
Quote:
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Here is my Nightmare on Middle Earth Sil cast list:
Nicholas Cage as Feanor.
And best of all, they could save a ton of money by just re-using this for Feanor's final moments.
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