The Chicken

[Dwarin Thunderhammer]

Why did the chicken cross the greenway?

[ April 08, 2002: Message edited by: Dwarin Thunderhammer ]

[Thenamir]

The chicken, sunlight coruscating off its radiant yellow-white coat of feathers, approached the dark, sullen asphalt road and scrutinized it intently with its obsidian-black eyes. Every detail of the thoroughfare leapt into blinding focus: the rough texture of the surface, over which countless tires had worked their relentless tread through the ages; the innumerable fragments of stone embedded within the lugubrious mass, perhaps quarried from the great pits where the Sons of Man labored not far from here; the dull black asphalt itself, exuding those waves of heat which distort the sight and bring weakness to the body; the other attributes of the great highway too numerous to give name. And then it crossed it.

[zifnab]

I think there are many unanswered questions to this "chicken" question. Some would be,

What is waiting for him on the other side? Maybe family, food, shelter or a good pub. And if that is the case then why didn’t they join him in the first place across the greenway?

Was this chicken on a quest, and his goal was on the other side of the greenway? Was the chicken on his way to join the Grey Company? Or to simply get milk at the nearest grocery store? Maybe it wasn’t a quest at all, but an egg heist? Was that certain chicken incapable of producing the necessary eggs so viable to the production and continuation of the M-E chicken, so that the chicken was forced to “steal” other chickens eggs to help repopulate his chicken culture? Maybe the chicken was really a rooster in disguise, that would explain the egg-heist idea. Why would a rooster dress up as a chicken, and attempt to cross a greenway? Maybe it was ashamed of its un-rooster like characteristics and decided that being a chicken was much better, just got to lay eggs and all that, no crowing at the sun. And since the rooster under the chicken disguise was unable to produce the eggs, he was forced to steal them with the other chicken rivals across the greenway, so that nobody expected anything. Was the chicken under the influence of the One Ring when this took place. A Chicken-Wraith?

Where exactly is this greenway? Is it just a way that happens to be green, and so happens that the chicken needed to cross it? There had to be some reason on the “greenway” being mentioned, if it served nothing important, why even mention it to begin with. Maybe it was a greenway on the new Mordor Golf Course?
Are chickens even capable of crossings the deadly Mordor greenways? They(chickens) are a white color so maybe it was a defense mechanism to help the chicken to cross the Greenway. As we all know, white is the color of the ball. And without the ball, there would be no Golf. Never trust a man, that uses fluorescent colored balls. If it was an albino chicken, could you tell the difference? Is pink eyes a good quality in a chicken?

What if the fea of the chicken was of a Maiar, then what? What would that certain Maiar want with the greenway and the crossing of it. Maybe it wasn’t a Maiar, but it was Flame Imperishable! That would explain absolute nothing, but it fits with my above mindboggling comments. Was the chicken searching for the core of Arda? Or was the “fea” of the spirit so feiry it was having an internal struggle with its spirit?
If the chicken had wings, why didn’t it fly across? Does the chicken stand for something meaningful in Arda? Does the Valar do the “chicken dance”? Was the chicken really an enigma or an allegory? Maybe it was J.R.R. Tolkien himself, and the chicken represents more then just an edible bird. Maybe it was the “crossings” we all must do in are life. The crossroads that stand before us. Or maybe it wasn’t Tolkien , at all. But simply a chicken.

Was he the only chicken crossing. I see no plural so, one can assume, no. So, obviously it was not a “March” it was quite simply a “cross”. But to get deeper, what is a “cross” to a chicken. One can assume it to be a means of getting from point A to B. But as we all know, Chickens of M-E are quite different then Chickens of our earth.

After all this, one is not happy with the answer of “the chicken crossed the greenway to simply get to the other side”.

[Mithadan]

The chicken has wings. Why didn't it just fly?

[onewhitetree]

Shadow wings, Mith. Shadow wings.

[Marileangorifurnimaluim]

It was a dark time for chickens. The shadows loomed deeper and more dreadful. Word spread of a nameless terror that had not been seen for many an age. Rumor troubled even those chickens safe in their henhouses, as they clucked among themselves of an evening, though they still scoffed and cackled.

Times would have been bad enough, were it not for this one terrible chance. So one lone chicken fled from exile into exile, hesitating just a moment on the greenway..

.. just long enough to get hit by an ox cart. What can you do?

[Bruce MacCulloch]

The Question answered by an online discussion group:
What do you mean why did the chicken cross the road????!!!???
Haven't you read **any** of the previous posts?
We've been [expletive deleted] debating every word of that question, painstakingly trying to come to some kind of answer.
I know you wrote 'All I wnted to know was why chickens cross the road, I'm not looking for any chicken trivia' but I'm fed up with newbies who can't even bother to REEEEEEEEAAADDD the posts on that very topic!
No, this is *not* a flame.
But, I and several others here have the *maturity* to properly explore and respond to this question, and we were properly trained; we *didn't* just read a book and think we were full-fledged chickenologists.
Whew, feeling much better after ranting.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Publisher's note:

Mr. Christopher Tolkien has kindly agreed to collect and edit the manuscripts of this epos. Following volumes of The History of Middle-Barnyard will be available soon at your local bookstore:

The Book of Lost Tails: Part 1
The Book of Lost Tails: Part 2
The Lays of Cockadoodleland
The Shaping of Middle-Barnyard
The Lost Greenway and Other Scratchings
The Return of the Rooster
The Treason of the Chickencoop
The War of the Wing
Colonel Sanders Defeated
Morgoth's Wing
The War of the Drumsticks
The Animals of Middle-Barnyard

Better yet, support the Downs and order from the site's bookshop!

[Sharkû]

Where exactly is this greenway? (-zifnab)

Dude, there is a clear reference in LotR. Think 'Amon Hen'.

[Rimbaud]

1) MATRIX - Ask not why the chicken crossed the greenway. The answer is impossible. Simply tell yourself there is no chicken. Then you will see that the chicken is only in your mind.

2) SEINFELD - "What is it with chickens crossing roads anyway? Everywhere you go, there's damn chickens crossing roads! Why do chickens do that? Man, this chicken thing really GETS ME!"

3) GANDHI - A chicken crosses the road, and the world goes cluck. (apologies)

4) BUSH Jr. - I promise that every chicken will have his day. We gonna get them chickens.

5) ARTHUR ANDERSEN - What chicken?

6) KAFKA - The chicken's crossing of the greenway simply exemplifies his existential suffering at the hands of an uncaring world.

7) CHICKEN - Cluck.

[Dwarin Thunderhammer]

Well the reasons the chicken crossed the greenway are many. Perhaps, the most important is the symbolism of being rebirthed ad coming out on the other side as a new creature. You see the chicken was going to marry the exiled king of geese. When the kingdom of the geese was overran by the evil chinchillas of Mordor. The line of the goose-kings was kept alive from father to son, hidden away among the chickens. When waddler (his what most people called him) decided to reclaim his Goosedom he was exiled from the chicken-coup and the love of his life (the chicken). After he was victorious the chicken wanted to marry the Aragoose (for that was his kingly name). So Chickawen the daughter of Roostelrond the king of the chicken coop journeyed to the land of Goosdor, to marry Aragoose. However in order to marry Aragoose the chicken had to forsake the chicken life, and loose all her chickeness. That's what the crossing greenway symbolizes. The abandoning of all that one is framiliar and safe with for love.

[Mhoram]

Dude, there is a clear reference in LotR. Think 'Amon Hen'.

lmao

[Ahanarion]

Stephanos you forgot one.
Nietzsche:Chicken is dead.

[Nevtalathiel]

Which direction was it going in, if we know which way it went, the answer may become clear.

[LadyArwen]

Fox Mulder: The chicken crossed the greenway - you just saw it then, with your very own eyes! How many more chickens will have to cross the greenway before you wake up to what is happening!

[Birdland]

Dwarin, the chicken is NOT Canon. Please remember that in the book, it was a Rooster that crossed the greenway.

P.J. changed the role to a chicken because he felt the film needed some strong female roles.

And yes, it's true: the chicken will be at Helm's Deep.

[Gayahithwen]

bravissimo all of you!

Why did the balrog cross the road?
Because it was chained to the chicken!

Heh, bad joke, but I'm tired..

[Nevtalathiel]

Does the chicken have any Freudian significance?

[Sindacuion]

Or perhaps Jungian..? Does the chicken lay eggs? That must be the solving factor.. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[Elendur]

Why does it matter if the chickens wings are physical or shadow? The fact is the chicken wings are there. And they can be used to fly for short periods of time. The chicken is flying across the road just to show you he can.

[Nevtalathiel]

Aah, but the chicken is never actually described as flying.

[Elendur]

I think we can assume that the chickens wings have a purpose. Otherwise the chicken wouldnt have wings. So when the chicken raises to a great height, I am inclined to beleive that the chicken flew, if just for a second. I dont beleive chickens can just float.

[gollum*elf*pup]

chickens can float . . .LOL
I ATE THE CHICKEN~!

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

You want to see something really interesting about chickens? Go to this site. The chicken survived I8 MONTH'S WITHOUT A HEAD!

The wings don't necessarily have to have a purpose. Look at Balrogs, they have wings, they can't fly. Look at ostriches, they have wings, they can't fly. Animals and plants both have useless apendages and organs. What about our appendixes?

[ May 25, 2002: Message edited by: Gimli Son Of Gloin ]

[zifnab]

I think Sharkey is right on...

Dä Chîckén of Amon Hen.

[Sharkû]

What about our appendixes?

I personally consider especially Appendix F a priceless highlight of fiction.

Actually I'm just replying because I did not understand zifnab's last post, but while I'm at it, I might as well post something real.
Could the fox who saw the sleeping hobbits in Woody End have anything to do with the chicken? The fox undoubtedly possessed a fea, he probably was inhabited by a Maia spirit (foxes, the other Balrogs, a topic I will come back to later). Could the chicken have been of similar nature?

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

Is it just me, or does anyone else think a chicken with out a head for a year and half is cool?

[Kettle of fish]

Why did the chicken cross the greenway?

The answer is simple.
Because the grass is always greener on the other side.

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

I guess not...

[GreatWarg]

Kettle of fish, that doesn't make sense. The Greenway HAS GRASS GROWING ON IT! So technically, the chicken didn't CROSS it, it stayed right down the middle of it, eventually getting run over into feathery remains by the Ringwraiths, whom were on their way to Bree to get Mr. Frodo and the Ring.

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

And I thought that chicken was famous. Guess no one cares...

[Rimbaud]

I see the chicken as a brave little modern day Oedipus, on his way to the maternal nest. I fear for his tiny feathered soul when he reaches the crossroads.

Additionally, the questions surrounding the circumstances that led to the greenway's passive surrender to the seemingly endless processsion of crossing chickens seems to be an untapped well. Mixing metaphors is also a speciality. Perhaps the submissive nature of the greenway is really a front for millennia of pent up rage and frustration at chickens and their endless dithering. The Day of Revenge draws ever nearer. If I were poultry, my fear would be untrammelled.

[ May 28, 2002: Message edited by: Stephanos ]

[Kettle of fish]

Greatwarg,

Of course the greenway is covered in grass. It is just that the grass on any part that the chicken is not standing on (or that is in its very immediate proximity) seems greener.
The 'crossing' is possible as long as the chicken is on the edge, or just inside the edge, of the greenway.
Which brings us to the question of what would happen if we put the chicken on an endless greenway. Essentially, you would end up with a very happy chicken. The chicken would continue to walk towards the greener horizon and never reach it, therefore never finding out and suffereing the disappointment of its object being just as green as where it came from.
The next question to be addressed would be, if indeed the chicken would not eventually cotton on to the fact that it would never reach the horizon and suffer from sore feet which would lessen its happiness considerably.
And then of course, comes the question of whether chickens are colourblind.

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

A HEADLESS CHICKEN FOR OVER A WHOLE FREAKING YEAR AND NOBOSY GIVES A HOOT!

[Guo Si]

Upon waking up this morning, I had an incredible insight on the question of chicken's wings and their ability to fly. The answer is clearly in the Lieh-Tzu, a Taosit text describing the path to enlightment through myths and tails (Bad pun, I know [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]). In all of the tales, there is a moral, and many of these the point that you should not use strength is stressed. In the tale of the Immortal Old Shang, he had the power to move boulders, but never needed to call on that power, as he never found a task so diffucult as to need it. Obvoiusly the chicken, being far more enlightened then us, realized that he could simply cross the greenway, and didn't need to fly. However, this brings up some startiling new questions:
Are chickens Taoist, or are they naturally enlightened?
Can chickens talk, but never find the need to say anything?
And what of turkeys, the chickens' fatter counterparts, are they enlightened too?

[VanimaEdhel]

Upon all of about 5 minutes of deep, ponderous thought, I have decided to use prolixity to disguise the fact that I cannot comprehend the response to duch a daunting question...

One must first ask: who is the chicken? Without this insight, one cannot fathom the reasons the chicken has. If, on the other hand, one knew of the chicken and their habits and favors, one would be able to hypothesize why the chicken may have decided to partake in such a venture. Such deep thought could make one defenistrate their computer after hours of tedious research.

The chicken may have wanted to partake on the intake of vittles, and the vittles were situated across the greenway. Unless, on the other hand, there was a handsom rooster across the way, then the intentions are obvious.

Many scholars have argued over this question for centuries. The statement just issued is the statement of one who is far from a scholar, so one more educated may have a better hypothesis for the actions of this chicken.

[Guo Si]

Well Vanima, to believe in your theory, one must assume chickens are driven by baser instincts, such as glutteny (as seen in the vittles theory) or lust (as seen in the rooster theory). However, as I said before, perhaps chickens are very intelligent, but do not need to speak, as they are enlightened. Pray consider this, I ask, and perhaps someday we will understand a creature as great as the majestic chicken.

EDIT: I really must proofread my posts...

[ May 28, 2002: Message edited by: Guo Si ]

[VanimaEdhel]

Too true, Guo.

The chicken: a mighty animal, great in splendor, is matched by few. Even the glorified race of Elves is far below these creatures.

Far be it for me, however, to hold who is enlightened and who is not? How do we know that the chicken, although a noble animal, is not, as so many of us are, powered by reflex? Or perhaps it is the chicken's destiny to cross the road.

If it is, however, destiny, on must then ask the question: what is accomplished by this immortalized "crossing of the road"? Does it change the path of the Earth someday? Or does it cause a portal to open into some unknown world? What is the good of this "desity" fulfilled by the chicken (or evil, as the case may be)? If it is destiny, then it must have some bearing in the world.

If it is enlightenment, then how do we, as primitive humans, figure out when to cross our greenways in life? Will we, as humans, ever be as enlightened as the chicken? Are we even fit to determine the enlightenment of the chicken?

[Guo Si]

Well, Vanima, as in another tale in the Lieh-Tzu, a wise sage says that some people can apply a technique without knowing how, while others may no how but cannot apply it. Obviously, the chicken can at the least be enlightened without knowing it, and therefore act in reflex, but how can we truly understand anything other then ourselves, or something as great as the chicken?

Now, on the matter of destiny, I believe every chicken has the power to control his/her fate. How is this possible? you may ask. Well, its very simple really. The chicken, greater then us by all means, truly understands the balance between Heaven and Earth. By understanding this, they are not constrained by titles, money, lust, or power, as most mortals are. No, I think chickens understand that they are born, and they will die, so why tire themselves while they live?

In conclusion, we can assume that chickens, however frail they may appear, are in fact worthy role-models for the everday human, elf, dwarf, or hobbit.

[Kettle of fish]

The vittles theory and the rooster theory do not necessarily prove that the chicken is ruled by such base instincts as gluttony and lust. Surely, it is possibly for the chicken to seek food for simple means of survival, and a mate simply to procreate. In fact, this may be the chicken's destiny - to eat so as to survive, and to mate so as to continue a long line of chickens that will eventually lead to the birth of one chicken that will lead them all to freedom.

The chicken is a noble creature, nobody debates this. The question is whether it is born enlightened or must cross the greenway to reach enlightenment (whether the enlightenment is reached with the journey or with the destination). And when considering, as pointed out earlier, the indeterminable state of the chicken's enlightenment - is it possibly to judge the chicken's silence and postulate on possible motives?