Confess your crimes here... - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Thinlómien · 05-25-2006, 04:01 AM

So have you ever done anything that is in contradiction with Tolkien's ME, for example in a fanfic, an RPG or when playing as a child?

I confess
- playing a half-elven character in an RPG
- when playing ME as a child, my friend's horse was called Dynamite
- allowing/making the following things in an RPG I'm the game master:
* A character who is the sister of King Fréalaf of Rohan, and who practises excorsism and sees visions, and murders people in Gondor (well, you can't decide what your players do with their characters)
*The son of the second marshal of the Mark being the previous character's bodyguard
*I made Galion Thranduil's brother.

And his son Veborion (Orlando Bloom's Elvish name - for my defense I can only say I only allowed the name, but didn't choose it) is a totally crazy archer who plays the harp, cries always, prances around singing his "morning song", drinks too much red wine and has a Gondorian girl as a lover
*A barrow-wight attacked the company in Gondor
* Having an umli-NPC
* dishonouring nearly all peoples of Middle-Earth by making them acting stupidly
* the characters use voodoo-magic
* giving NPCs names like Lotion, Certification, Promotion, Elmedir (having apparently dyslexia

), Roibos (from Rooibos tea), Veho (a transport company), etc...
= I think this'd make a hilarious mirth game, but we're playing it seriously...
- In another RPG allowing/making the following things
* the player characters bought miniskirts from Minas Tirith
* a giant attacked the company in Gondor (I tried to explain that it came from the White Mountains)

That's it for starters... I'm sure I'd remember more if I thought about it.

What about you?

Estelyn Telcontar · 05-25-2006, 05:28 AM

Is parody a crime? If so, I am definitely guilty! I invented a shieldmaiden Elf who rescued and used a bow made (by orcs) of the wood of an Ent. Not only did I begin to write her story, I turned it into an RPG and allowed all kinds of non-canonical characters: half-Elves and a half-Halfling (Quarterling, for you math buffs), a reformed and reborn orc, a dwarf constantly out for profit (oh, wait a minute - that's canonical!

), a more or less friendly dragon, speaking horses, a winged Balfrog - it would probably be easier to count the characters that are actually true to Tolkien's Legendarium! In addition, the Western Lands are populated by surfer dude gods and goddesses, there's an underground rail transportation system - but read for yourself* if you want it all. There's no way I can sum up all of the atrocities that added up over three years of writing.

In defense, I can only say that it wasn't actually meant to parody Tolkien's works, but the multitude of Mary Sue fan fictions that have been written about Middle-earth.

* The Revenge of the Entish Bow
* The Reunification of the Entish Bow

Eomer of the Rohirrim · 05-25-2006, 05:38 AM

Some would say that the entire Warg and Warg Rider Appreciation Thread is a crime against Tolkien's ME. I call those people fools.

It is, however, riddled with instances of Third-Age characters popping up in prior Ages. I'm not sure. Was Théoden's age ever stated explicitly? Was it anywhere near 6000?

Bêthberry · 05-25-2006, 06:34 AM

Hello, my name is Bethberry and I am guilty of crimes against Tolkienity.

I read modern and--gasp!--post modern stories and even enjoy some of them.

I have made a salad of Galadriel and Celeborn in REB. And wrote an evil sister for Galadriel, who had to be the good one. (Sorry, Terry Pratchett, but that's too good a line not to reuse.)

I have watched TTT only once--oh, wait, that probably counts in favour of my taste for Tolkien!

JennyHallu · 05-25-2006, 06:40 AM

I have given canon characters relations as it please me (such as a brother for Imrahil)

Wait! You did it in an FA story, and Imrahil's tree is incomplete...surely you're all right!

I have made cheerful assumptions regarding the nobility and other social statuses.

I have butchered Sindarin in an attempt to write a character that spoke it.

I have written boring goody-goody elves. Oh wait, that could be canon still.

If I repent, can I be forgiven?

narfforc · 05-25-2006, 06:58 AM

As with Esty I have written a parody, it is soon to be published (I hope). In it I have created a race of ever hungry and stupid Halfbits, the Elves are mostly drunk, and the Men are dull. It is nearing completion and will be called:

THE LORD OF THE GRINS BY U.R.R. JOKIN.
Consisting of
THE FOLLOWSHIP OF THE RING
THE TWO TOWNIES
THE RETINUE OF THE KING.

If you ever read it, please do not attack me in the street, or I will be forced into the action of name calling and pulling funny faces.

Feanor of the Peredhil · 05-25-2006, 07:06 AM

I am guilty. There you will find a woman spymaster helping run the Mordorian kingdom (well, it's a bit of a principality, really) of a misunderstood Balrog with a penchant for piracy and eyeliner, Khamul the Easterling runs the mafia from the body of a 5-year-old due to a cloning-gone-wrong, Roggie's palace is a renovated casino, and God is a llama. Poor, poor spirit of Tolkien...

Galadriel55 · 03-28-2011, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Estelyn Telcontar

...and a half-Halfling (Quarterling, for you math buffs)

Wouldn't it be a three-quater-ling?

Anyways...

My crime is... or crimes are...

- forgetting to use a Gandalf Uncloaking joke a few times when I could have used it.

- Questioning Balrog's unexistent wings.

- We is a good girl, my preciousss!

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 03-28-2011, 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Galadriel55

- forgetting to use a Gandalf Uncloaking joke a few times when I could have used it.

I thought that the crime was to remember to use the Uncloaking joke.

Feanor of the Peredhil · 03-28-2011, 09:52 PM

I have told a lot of people to skip reading the books and just watch the movies.

I've also offered up a revised 'good parts version' of The Fellowship that didn't include the Prologue or the Council of Elrond, among other things. I have expounded amongst the literati that Tolkien may have been a cunning linguist, but he undoubtedly failed when the quiz was on the topic of pacing or brevity.

I unflinchingly referred to Tolkien as "a pretentious elitist white boy" and wrote a long and elaborate (and, admittedly, uncouth) essay about how 'pervading culture' may explain but does not excuse latent racism and misogyny.

These crimes against Tolkienty I do confess without shame.

Nerwen · 03-28-2011, 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGreatElvenWarrior

I thought that the crime was to remember to use the Uncloaking joke.

Absolutely. I am currently *puts on mad scientist hat* working on a device that will seek out and zap any internet user who mentions "Gandalf" and "uncloaking" in the same sentence. Works on broadband and wireless!

And Fea, now you're just trying to stir people.

Morthoron · 03-29-2011, 08:41 AM

My crime is to read Lord of the Rings without taking into account any Catholicity or religious symbology whatsoever. I don't see martyrs or messiah figures or invocations of the virgin. Middle-earth is a wonderfully pagan place where folks are more concerned about the here-and-now than the hereafter. Except for the Elves, of course, who are a decadent monarchical stereotype, ever bemoaning the loss of their conservative wonderland to the upstart and oafish proletariat.

05-25-2006, 04:01 AM	#1
Thinlómien Shady She-Penguin Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: In a far land beyond the Sea Posts: 8,385	Confess your crimes here... So have you ever done anything that is in contradiction with Tolkien's ME, for example in a fanfic, an RPG or when playing as a child? I confess - playing a half-elven character in an RPG - when playing ME as a child, my friend's horse was called Dynamite - allowing/making the following things in an RPG I'm the game master: * A character who is the sister of King Fréalaf of Rohan, and who practises excorsism and sees visions, and murders people in Gondor (well, you can't decide what your players do with their characters) The son of the second marshal of the Mark being the previous character's bodyguard I made Galion Thranduil's brother. And his son Veborion (Orlando Bloom's Elvish name - for my defense I can only say I only allowed the name, but didn't choose it) is a totally crazy archer who plays the harp, cries always, prances around singing his "morning song", drinks too much red wine and has a Gondorian girl as a lover A barrow-wight attacked the company in Gondor Having an umli-NPC * dishonouring nearly all peoples of Middle-Earth by making them acting stupidly * the characters use voodoo-magic * giving NPCs names like Lotion, Certification, Promotion, Elmedir (having apparently dyslexia ), Roibos (from Rooibos tea), Veho (a transport company), etc... = I think this'd make a hilarious mirth game, but we're playing it seriously... - In another RPG allowing/making the following things * the player characters bought miniskirts from Minas Tirith * a giant attacked the company in Gondor (I tried to explain that it came from the White Mountains) That's it for starters... I'm sure I'd remember more if I thought about it. What about you? __________________ Like the stars chase the sun, over the glowing hill I will conquer Blood is running deep, some things never sleep Double Fenris

05-25-2006, 05:28 AM	#2
Estelyn Telcontar Princess of Skwerlz Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: where the Sea is eastwards (WtR: 6060 miles) Posts: 7,645	Is parody a crime? If so, I am definitely guilty! I invented a shieldmaiden Elf who rescued and used a bow made (by orcs) of the wood of an Ent. Not only did I begin to write her story, I turned it into an RPG and allowed all kinds of non-canonical characters: half-Elves and a half-Halfling (Quarterling, for you math buffs), a reformed and reborn orc, a dwarf constantly out for profit (oh, wait a minute - that's canonical! ), a more or less friendly dragon, speaking horses, a winged Balfrog - it would probably be easier to count the characters that are actually true to Tolkien's Legendarium! In addition, the Western Lands are populated by surfer dude gods and goddesses, there's an underground rail transportation system - but read for yourself* if you want it all. There's no way I can sum up all of the atrocities that added up over three years of writing. In defense, I can only say that it wasn't actually meant to parody Tolkien's works, but the multitude of Mary Sue fan fictions that have been written about Middle-earth. * The Revenge of the Entish Bow * The Reunification of the Entish Bow __________________ 'Mercy!' cried Gandalf. 'If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you. What more do you want to know?' 'The whole history of Middle-earth...'

05-25-2006, 05:38 AM	#3
Eomer of the Rohirrim Auspicious Wraith Join Date: May 2002 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 4,992	Some would say that the entire Warg and Warg Rider Appreciation Thread is a crime against Tolkien's ME. I call those people fools. It is, however, riddled with instances of Third-Age characters popping up in prior Ages. I'm not sure. Was Théoden's age ever stated explicitly? Was it anywhere near 6000? __________________ Los Ingobernables de Harlond

05-25-2006, 06:34 AM	#4
Bêthberry Cryptic Aura Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 6,170	Hello, my name is Bethberry and I am guilty of crimes against Tolkienity. I read modern and--gasp!--post modern stories and even enjoy some of them. I have made a salad of Galadriel and Celeborn in REB. And wrote an evil sister for Galadriel, who had to be the good one. (Sorry, Terry Pratchett, but that's too good a line not to reuse.) I have watched TTT only once--oh, wait, that probably counts in favour of my taste for Tolkien! __________________ I’ll sing his roots off. I’ll sing a wind up and blow leaf and branch away.

05-25-2006, 06:40 AM	#5
JennyHallu The Pearl, The Lily Maid Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: In my luxury Barrow, snuggled up in a pile of satin pillows, eating fresh fruit. Posts: 1,686	I have given canon characters relations as it please me (such as a brother for Imrahil) Wait! You did it in an FA story, and Imrahil's tree is incomplete...surely you're all right! I have made cheerful assumptions regarding the nobility and other social statuses. I have butchered Sindarin in an attempt to write a character that spoke it. I have written boring goody-goody elves. Oh wait, that could be canon still. If I repent, can I be forgiven? __________________ <=== Lookee, lookee, lots of IM handles!

05-25-2006, 06:58 AM	#6
narfforc Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Muddy-earth Posts: 1,307	They will hang me from the nearest Ent As with Esty I have written a parody, it is soon to be published (I hope). In it I have created a race of ever hungry and stupid Halfbits, the Elves are mostly drunk, and the Men are dull. It is nearing completion and will be called: THE LORD OF THE GRINS BY U.R.R. JOKIN. Consisting of THE FOLLOWSHIP OF THE RING THE TWO TOWNIES THE RETINUE OF THE KING. If you ever read it, please do not attack me in the street, or I will be forced into the action of name calling and pulling funny faces. __________________ [B]THE LORD OF THE GRINS:THE ONE PARODY....A PARODY BETTER THAN THE RINGS OF POWER.

05-25-2006, 07:06 AM	#7
Feanor of the Peredhil La Belle Dame sans Merci Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: perpetual uncertainty Posts: 5,956	I am guilty. There you will find a woman spymaster helping run the Mordorian kingdom (well, it's a bit of a principality, really) of a misunderstood Balrog with a penchant for piracy and eyeliner, Khamul the Easterling runs the mafia from the body of a 5-year-old due to a cloning-gone-wrong, Roggie's palace is a renovated casino, and God is a llama. Poor, poor spirit of Tolkien... __________________ peace

03-28-2011, 09:52 PM	#10
Feanor of the Peredhil La Belle Dame sans Merci Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: perpetual uncertainty Posts: 5,956	I have told a lot of people to skip reading the books and just watch the movies. I've also offered up a revised 'good parts version' of The Fellowship that didn't include the Prologue or the Council of Elrond, among other things. I have expounded amongst the literati that Tolkien may have been a cunning linguist, but he undoubtedly failed when the quiz was on the topic of pacing or brevity. I unflinchingly referred to Tolkien as "a pretentious elitist white boy" and wrote a long and elaborate (and, admittedly, uncouth) essay about how 'pervading culture' may explain but does not excuse latent racism and misogyny. These crimes against Tolkienty I do confess without shame. __________________ peace

03-29-2011, 08:41 AM	#12
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,528	My crime is to read Lord of the Rings without taking into account any Catholicity or religious symbology whatsoever. I don't see martyrs or messiah figures or invocations of the virgin. Middle-earth is a wonderfully pagan place where folks are more concerned about the here-and-now than the hereafter. Except for the Elves, of course, who are a decadent monarchical stereotype, ever bemoaning the loss of their conservative wonderland to the upstart and oafish proletariat. __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision.