Marriage in Middle-earth II (unhappy)

[Estelyn Telcontar]

This is the second thread on marriage as written about by Tolkien; in the first, we will look at the good examples. This one is dedicated to the unhappy marriages – and there are plenty of them!
One that I have been thinking about is the marriage of Aldarion and Erendis, told in the story of the Mariner’s Wife in Unfinished Tales. Aldarion was the heir to the throne of Numenor and was urged by his parents to settle down and marry, though he himself had no desire to do so. He loved the sea and would rather sail than to stay at home. However, he fell in love with Erendis, who also loved him. Both had doubts, but put them aside. She did not share his vision or recognize the greatness of his deeds; he loved his profession more than her. Both tried to adjust to each other’s lives, but could not. Under the pressure of the royal parents, they finally married, but spent most of their lives separated because they found no common ground to live on, literally! They had one daughter, Ancalimë, who later became Queen and was unhappily married to Hallacar. (History, especially family history, inevitably repeats itself!)
What went wrong?
It seems to me that their love was based more on outward appearance than on inward values. Neither understood the other’s priorities, but they also ignored their doubts and married despite them. Her mother warned her:
“A woman must share her husband’s love with his work and the fire of his spirit, or make him a thing not loveable.”
Both clung to their ways stubbornly, growing bitter over the years. She became a man-hater, he became a workaholic. There were no common goals or interests that held them together.
What do you think about Aldarion and Erendis’ marriage? When we’ve shared ideas on that, we can go on to other negative examples – who knows what we might learn from them!

[Tigerlily Gamgee]

Aredhel and Eol. He basically kept her as a prisoner and forbade her from seeking any of the Noldor, and when she fled he followed her. She was just as a possession to him.

[Elven-Maiden]

The only one I can think of off-hand are Maedhros's parents. [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img]

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

That's tricky cuz Turin and Nienor were good for each other because they loved each other so much, but they were brother and sister so that's just obviously not good. Eol and Aredhel didn't have a good marriage and same with Erendis and Aldarion, but I'm trying to think of some others too. I'm probably wrong here, but I just never felt that Arwen really loved Aragorn. I know he loved her and she must have loved him to give up her immortality but it doesn't say much about their marriage and I just felt for some reason that she didn't like her life with him. But that's just me, and I think there must be something wrong with that!

[Aralaithiel]

Arwen, IMHO, was having very serious regrets about giving up her immortality. She couldn't have her cake & eat it too, so to speak - i.e. have Aragorn & remain immortal.
Aldarion & Erendis, that's a very sad situation. And yes, Ancalimë was a product of her environment, so her marriage wasn't a good one either.
What do y'all think of Celeborn & Galadriel? I don't think their marriage was all rosy either. They definitely grow apart as the LOTR goes along.
Interesting thread!

[Sharkû]

Unhappy marriages? All Ents. Their tempers were quite different as expressed in their different love for nature, free love without need of possession, and control and culture on the Entwives' side. Separation, in the end, finally, was the cause.

[Arwen Imladris]

I can think of one other, but I can't think of their names, in the Silmarillion, the elf who married the Dark elf, and had one son, and then the wife and the son ran back to Gondolin. Sorry, I don't own a copy of the Silmarrillion and I gave it back to the Library. Does anyone know their names?

[Lush]

Hmm. Interesting thread. I don't agree that Arwen had serious regrets about giving up her immortality, until the very end. And wouldn't you too? Read Tolstoy's The Death of Ivan Ilyich-the advent of death is a terror for every single living being.
The marriage that I consider a disaster is Ar-Pharazôn and Tar-Míriel. They were closely related, he was a fool, a jerk and a tyrant, and she did not want to wed him, but was forced. Then he proceeded to really screw things up by getting both of them killed, and their kingdom wiped out. Nice going, Zônie. [img]smilies/mad.gif[/img]
It infuriated me when I read it, because I felt so sorry for the woman who should have ruled on her own terms, and could have very well straightened things out in her kingdom, and saved Númenor from destruction.

[ April 04, 2002: Message edited by: Lush ]

[Kalimac]

Ungoliant and was it Morgoth? I haven't got my book with me. They were definitely not the married couple you wanted to share a two-flat with.

As for Arwen and Aragorn - I would disagree, they had a very happy marriage and were obviously right for each other. Arwen's grief at her impending death is something that all mortals go through, not something that would indicate that she regretted her choice, or that if she had to do it over again she would not marry Aragorn. Though for Arwen it was probably a much sharper grief since she had not grown up with the knowledge that she must "come to dust" - that just wasn't part of what she had always taken for granted, and so she had a much harder time handling the idea than Aragorn did. (Not that many of us would probably go out as gracefully as Aragorn when the time came). Living as a mortal, for Arwen, must have been like learning and living entirely in a second language which she learned only after growing up. Quite a struggle - and it must have been a very good marriage for her to even consider the idea, let alone go through with it.

[ April 04, 2002: Message edited by: Kalimac ]

[Tigerlily Gamgee]

I can think of one other, but I can't think of their names, in the Silmarillion, the elf who married the Dark elf, and had one son, and then the wife and the son ran back to Gondolin. Sorry, I don't own a copy of the Silmarrillion and I gave it back to the Library. Does anyone know their names?

That would be Aredhel and Eol, whose son was Maedhros - they've been mentioned a couple of times.

[Voronwe]

Aragorn and Arwen's marriage was, I think, a happy one. Tolkien does say that they lived together in 'great glory and bliss'. Arwen's grief at Aragorn's death was not so much in regret for her own choice of mortality as for the parting death appeared to impose upon her and Aragorn.

It wasn't Maedhros, it was Maeglin who was the son of Eol. Maedhros was the son of Fëanor, who, incidently, didn't have the happiest of marriages (though almost nothing is known about it).

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Indeed, Sharku, the Ents! I hadn’t even thought of them, but they are an even more tragic example because a whole race is involved. What went wrong? They started out together; Treebeard says:

They walked together and they housed together. But our hearts did not go on growing in the same way.

Partners growing in different directions and finding less and less common ground – how could that gradually increasing tragedy have been avoided? Could they have created a mutual home without giving up their individuality?
(That is, incidentally, often the problem with inter-national, inter-cultural, inter-religious and/or inter-lingual marriages – is there enough common ground to build a home on? If not, the inability to adjust to or even understand one another, perhaps homesickness in addition, is likely to lead to enstrangement and ultimately, separation.)
As to Aredhel and Eol, (whose son is Maeglin, not Maedhros, btw) what doomed their marriage to unhappiness? I think one very important factor was Aredhel’s inability to live contentedly in the present. No matter where she was, she was dissatisfied and wished to be elsewhere. Eol’s fault was treating his wife and his son as if they were his property; in doing so, he lost them in the end, losing his own life as well.
I’m enjoying getting your reactions – please do take a deeper look at the causes, so that we have more than just a list of names here!

[Ithilwen]

Minor nit - Maedhros was the eldest son of Feanor. The elf you're thinking of is Maeglin, who was the son of Eol and Aredhel.

[Nar]

Good examples. It's been quite a while since I read the Silmarillion, but I think I remember being bitterly dissapointed that the Dark elf wasn't redemed by the love of the civilized elf-chick.

I've always loved the tragic tale of the ents and ent-wives, roamers and homers, wanderers and gardeners. Tolkein seems sometimes to be making a larger point about the nature of men and women-- or at least playing with the idea at the safe distance of another species-- I think he had some deep feelings about this. (I don't agree with the implied dichotomy-- I'm female, but I garden by pick-axing my lawn up and waiting for the weeds to flower-- they're invariably prettier than the petunias I could have planted. Female or no, I'm an ent, not an entwife.)

Tolkein's various tales of mariner's marriages strike a similar theme of wanderer misunderstood by his mate. Earandil and Elwing managed to defy this trend and have a happy marriage because she accepted his profession and passions, although they weren't together very much and he wasn't around when she was in trouble. I think there you have Tolkein's solution to a marriage of opposites who are compelled to pursue their separate quests. If he must become a sailor across uncharted seas, she can take the form of a sea-bird, pursuing her own journey with him on the sea and by herself on the shore. Not a bad formula. Both are transformed by their journey.

What destroyed the chance for a happy union between the ents and entwives was an unhappy, but inevitable consequence of any quest-- when one partner leaves: sea-voyage, wandering, or, in our modern world, a psychological withdrawal to pursue a demanding profession, the remaining partner is left without help or protection while the journey lasts. During that time, something might happen to them. The entwives were almost certainly destroyed by war; the ents were not by to help them or at least go down defending them. Elwing was very nearly massacred, taking the form of a white bird only, I think, by the intervention of the Valar. The entwives got no such help, as far as we know, so they died (though ent and entwives will probably be reunited at the end of the world).

In modern civilized times, the danger is more likely to be psychological. One partner is sucked under by career building: long, long hours and the consuming of all his/her attention by the great project that will establish him/her. The remaining partner may be fine alone, but in the face of isolation and depression there can be little help from the questing partner while he/she is questing.

[amyrlis]

Referring back to Aldarion and Erendis - I think there was a spark there when they first met and given the right nurturing, they could have made a great pair. But I don't think they ever really got to know each other, and by the time they were married, there was already a deep resentment on both their parts - her's for his constant sea-faring, and his for her trying to tie him down. One thing I think Erendis never understood is that Aldarion took to the sea not out of wanting to be away from her, but because he loved the sea so much. She was unwilling to share the love. Also, I felt like there was a lot of family and social pressure for them to wed. Without that pressure, perhaps they may have called off the engagement in time to save themselves. Reading that story frustrated me because I kept thinking "If she would just.." and "Why does he have to.." There seemed to be so much room for compromise, but I guess that after 7 or so years of engagement and so much time apart, they were both set in their ways and were not willing to. Such is the demise of many a relationship. I also found the story to be very different from Tolkien's stories of other love relationships - usually he does not go into so much personal detail. I've often wondered what his influence for its basis was.

[Merendis]

I feel compeled to write, if only to add my sig [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img] i wonder more about what tolkien's underlying messge was especially in the Aldarion and Erendis story. To me, it doesn't seem to have any real signifigance in the history and shaping of M-E, so it was probably added to relay some sort of message. Was it warning us to beware that our loves may not be as perfect as we seem and we must constantly fight some other yearning of ours? or should we look past that and try to fix about ourselves what they could not?

[Kalessin]

Interesting. After reading Unfinished Tales a little while ago it seemed to me that the Erendis and Aldarion story was possibly Tolkien's most subtle portrayal of a romantic relationship. I felt as though there were observational elements to his drawing of the characters - right down to their "body language" (Tolkien wouldn't have used this phrase), that gave some authenticity.

It struck me as peculiarly modern, more like the kind of bittersweet short story Doris Lessing or Nadine Gordimer might have produced.

Of all Tolkien's works, it was the one where I had the least conception of what the ending might be (while reading it), and where the relationship was the most human.

Reasons? Perhaps some observation or experience - who knows, perhaps it is inappropriate to contextualise too much ...

[Aralaithiel]

Lush, thanks for posting about that one! I had forgotten about it! Yeah, I got rather [img]smilies/mad.gif[/img] after reading it too. Yuck!

[lathspell]

As for bad marriages - I disagree about Turin & Nienor, Beren & Luthien, it wasn't that they didn't love one another... it was their doom that made it hard. I think Arwen & Aragorn had one of the best marriages in ME, it's the same as saying Rosie & Sam.

I will go with Aredhel and Eol... it surely wasn't a good marriage

[Manardariel]

I agree with lathspell...it was the doom that made it hard!

What about Finwe and Indis? I´m sure they loved each other, but Feanor must have made it hard, asking for all his father´s attention...Indis probably was in the backround alot. I really feel sorry for her, it´s her who gets all the cool kids, but no respect! And then her husband died, and her children and grandchildren left her, all alone back in Valinor, where everybody was probably talking bad about the Noldor, or likethey were dead. That must be hard for a mother, very hard.

[Sophia the Thunder Mistress]

This is a rather interesting (if old) thread. Another marriage, currently close to my heart, that went beyond wrong was that between Tarannon Falastur and Beruthiel. He was a mariner, like Aldarion, and she was a childless Black Numenorean (likely). Their marriage went so wrong that Tarannon ditched her at sea and removed her name from the Book of Kings.

What went wrong, I wonder? Did she feel neglected? Did he want an heir? If she was a nasty woman, why marry her in the first place?

*sighs*

Sophia

[Lyra Greenleaf]

Ah Sophia, exactly the couple I was going to use. Funny that!

I was thinking about Aldarion and Erendis, and other Numenorean marriages, do you think they possibly went wrong bcause of the growing evil in Numenor? (Obsession with mortality, turning away from the true and right path...). I mean Tolkien strikes me as a romantic with a strong belief in the power of love and to me it would make a lot of sense that he sees evil as the only force to disrupt potentially happy marriages.

For example, Maeglor fell for Idril (his cousin) because of the taint of evil, to paraphrase Tolkien said something along the lines of this was a sign of evil as falling for close kin was wrong and unknown to the Eldar. In addition, Nienor and Turin were cursed AND she was under a dragon-spell which explains their problems. Finduilas and Denethor had a presumably happy marriage (or they would at least have had a chance) if not for the oppressiveness of Mordor.

[Lalaith]

I loved the Aldarion and Erendis story, and was surprised, like some of the other posters here, by how 'modern' it felt. I was also surprised that a crusty,donnish old buffer like Tolkien would have had so much sympathy for the woman's point of view...I always thought it was so sad when she sent away the mated birds the elves had given as a wedding present...
The chief difference between the marriages of Earendil the mariner, and Aldarion the mariner, was mortality. Even though Elwing and Earendil were not officially immortal they showed every sign of being so, ie they weren't ageing, and they were both raised in the immortal 'environment', as it were. So both felt they had all the time in the world and a few years absence just a drop in the sea of eternity....
However, Erendis was like the man pleading with His Coy Mistress: "at my back I always hear, time's wing'd chariot drawing near..."

Unlike we falliable humans, the elves, apparently, knew right away that they'd met their perfect match and always, like swans, mated for life. This is why the second marriage of Finwe was such a huge issue in Valinor.

[the phantom]

I've always felt so sorry for Turin.

First, what was the deal with Finduilas? When I was first reading about them (in Unfinished Tales, I believe), I thought for sure that they'd end up together. He seemed devestated when he discovered she'd died, and even after she's dead he goes to her grave and calls on her to bring him council. And she obviously loved him.

Secondly, his marraige to his sister. It seemed that he'd finally found hapiness and escaped his curse, but instead it only increased his family's tragedy.

Turin's story is the most tragic tale I've ever read, and his failure at finding a love is perhaps the unhappiest aspect of it.

I've blamed this, as well as his other misfortunes, on the curse of Melkor, the malice of Glaurung, and rotten situations. I think those three things had a much greater influence on his failed relationships than his (and Finduilas's, and Nienor's) personality. If not for that, I imagine the world would've been graced with another union of elves and men (Turin-Finduilas), and their offspring would've doubtless been very mighty. Melkor has a way of ruining good things.

[Sophia the Thunder Mistress]

Maeglor fell for Idril (his cousin)

Maeglin. Maglor was a son of Feanor. Heavens these "M" names get confusing. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

[Morwen Tindomerel]

Aldarion and Erendis: Personally my sympathies are entirely with Aldarion. Granted he's not perfect but, unlike his wife, he does make some effort at compromise.

Erendis is clearly possessive and controlling in her relationships, (look what she does to her daughter!) but it's her reaction to Aldarion's being overdue that really loses me. One would think any wife with an ounce of affection for her husband would at least consider the possibility that something has happened to him - but not Erendis. She promptly concludes he's broken his word and goes off to Emerie to sulk. If Aldarion had been my husband I'd been on the next ship to Middle Earth to look for him!

Eol and Aredhel: It is unjust to say Eol held Aredhel prisoner. Tolkien himself says she was not entirely unwilling and her life in Nan Elmoth was not hateful to her. In fact given her outdoorsy tastes she was probably happier there than she had been in Turgon's city. Tolkien also says that Aredhel was free to fare as she wished *alone* though her husband asked that she avoid the daylight not contact her Noldo relatives.

Admittedly that was rather unreasonable of him but Aredhel doesn't seem to have had any problem in complying - until her son started working on her.

Eol conceeds his wife has a right to leave him and return to her own people if she wishes - though he's ungracious about it. It is his son's defection, betrayal as he sees it, that he will not stomach. And Aredhel does plead for Eol's life, indicating she has some feelings for him.

Aredhel was a flighty, willful, spoiled woman. A strong domineering man like Eol may have been exactly what she wanted and needed. Certainly she was happy with him for many years.

Ar-Pharazon and Ar-Zimraphel: The accepted story is she was forced into marrying her cousin and sharing her throne with him. But there is another tradition which claims Miriel had always been in love with her cousin and more than willing to marry him the minute she was free to do so, (see HoME).

[ June 08, 2003: Message edited by: Morwen Tindomerel ]

[Lalaith]

I don't see why Aredhel should be judged so harshly. She wasn't happy in Gondolin, felt hemmed in, and missed her friends, the sons of Feanor.
Given that many of the Noldor women had the option of staying behind in Valinor during the rebellion, we can take it as read that those who did decide to leave, (particularly those like Aredhel who were still unmarried and weren't following from loyalty to their husbands) did so because they had the same questing spirit as the menfolk.
I never really got a vibe of romance from Eol/Aredhel. Saying she didn't actually hate him is not the same as love....

And as for Aldarion...I have *very* little sympathy for him. He kept blowing hot and cold on the wretched Erendis instead of doing the decent thing and letting her forget about him...and remember he betrayed all the traditions of Numenorian family life by rushing off when his daughter was still very young.

[ June 08, 2003: Message edited by: Lalaith ]

[Morwen Tindomerel]

Wanting to leave Gondolin wasn't all that unreasonable, it's her behavior afterwards that leads me to my rather negative assessment of her personality. She takes advantage of her rank to force her escort to break their orders and take her on dangerous roads to a place she's been specifically forbidden, (by her king not just her big brother!) to go. I call that willful and selfish, the act of woman who's always gotten her own way and never had to face any consequences.

Eol is different. She can't wind him around her little finger, he sets firm bounds and expects them to be kept. It's not at all surprising that she should respect him for that, and even come to love him. The life he offers, deep in the woods free to hunt and wander as she pleases, holds considerable appeal for her. And Tolkien says she married Eol willingly and was happy with him for many years.

[Aredhel Idril Telcontar]

Personally, I don't think Aredhel's and Eol's marriage could be considered 'unhappy'. Like Morwen said, Aredhel married him willingly and was happy for many years.
Even Turin's and Nienor's marriage can't be said to be really unhappy. It was simply doomed, the end was the sad part, not the beginning.
Aldarion and Erendis, that was an unhappy marriage if there ever was one. Personally, I blame the husband, for not letting Eredis forget him and go on with her life.
But that's just my opinion. You're free to flame me [img]smilies/cool.gif[/img]

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Ah, but we don't do that sort of thing here.

Aldarion and Erendis are miserable precisely because they both get it wrong. Aldarion, with his part-elvish longevity, doesn't consider his wife's much shorter lifespan, and squanders the time they have on his needless voyaging. On the other hand, Erendis allows her resentment to get the better of her and makes the worst possible mistake: she gives her husband an ultimatum, a straight choice between herself and something else that he loves, putting her at risk of being the loser in his final decision. What makes this story such a mature examination of a disastrous marriage is the mutual lack of consideration, the unreasonable actions of both sides. This is borne out by the fact that two people on this thread have expressed completely opposing opinions about who was to blame.

As for other unsuccessful relationships, what of that between Tarannon Falastur and Berúthiel? It seems to me from the brief entry in Unfinished Tales that here was another woman who was rivalled by the sea in her husband's affections. Certainly there seems to have been a lot of resentment at work there to turn her into the joyless creature that Tolkien describes.

[Morwen Tindomerel]

I would point out there is absolutely nothing preventing *Erendis* from walking away. She knows all about Aldarion's sea obsession from well before their marriage. If it bothered her that much, if she was so needy and dependent as to require her husband's attendance 24/7, she should have kindly told Aldarion to get lost and found somebody else to be her lap dog.

Forgive me but I have no use at all for anybody, male or female, who demands their partner give up their dream or lifeswork for them.

Granted Aldarion is not blameless but he is the only one in that relationship who makes any concessions at all. All he asks is forbearance and tolerance *she* demands he give up his life work - and for what? Life on a sheep station with an astonishingly narrow minded woman jealously demanding his full attention all the time?

And I can't get over Erendis' reaction to Aldarion's failing to return on the promised day. Not worry, not concern, no thought at all that something might have happened to him, just pure childish resentment at not getting what she wants. As far as I'm concerned that alone proves she never had any real feeling for Aldarion the man at all.

[ June 09, 2003: Message edited by: Morwen Tindomerel ]

[Hilde Bracegirdle]

And I can't get over Erendis' reaction to Aldarion's failing to return on the promised day. Not worry, not concern, no thought at all that something might have happened to him, just pure childish resentment at not getting what she wants. As far as I'm concerned that alone proves she never had any real feeling for Aldarion the man at all.

I’m sure she was way beyond the point of worry, and felt Aldarion didn’t concern himself with the pain she had gone though for so long. Repeated hurts caused by love for someone form very ugly calluses over the years, and total self-sacrifice, though romantic, is not practical when talking about needs rather than wants.

They were two proud and strong people without effective communication skills or a descent postal system, the poor dears.

[Morwen Tindomerel]

I am perhaps a little to hard on Erendis, but the woman's so busy pitying herself that I'm not inclined to waste any of mine on her.

I will agree that there was nothing really wrong with either Erendis or Aldarion, they just had very different needs. It's unfortunate that they weren't wise enough to see that before they married, and even more unfortunate that they were unable to find a workable compromise afterwards.

Of course Erendis' own mother says she is incapable of compromise.

[Finwe]

I have never blamed Aldarion for his personal life. I think that he was just the wrong personality-type for marriage. He was too much of a free spirit. Erendis, on the other hand, wanted a husband in the purest sense of the term, one who would stay at home and love her unconditionally. Unfortunately, Aldarion wasn't like that.

[Morwen Tindomerel]

And she had plenty of warning that he wasn't. They're both to blame for not recognizing their basic incompatibility. Erendis was even warned by her mother that Aldarion could never be the kind of lapdog husband she wanted.

[akhtene]

Sorry if it's not the right thread to post it, but...

Manardariel wrote in another thread *Happy Marriages* that couples had to part and wait before they could get married, and it worked well for them. But it doesn't seem to turn out so well, if husband and wife have to part. It's a disaster not only for them, but for many and many around.
Gorlim parts with Eilinel: she is killed, he gets caught and tricked into betraying Barahir and his men.
Aredhel leaves Eol: both are killed, and their son causes the fall of Gondolin (to where he probably wouldn't have got, if the parents stayed together)
Morwen, left behind by Hurin, can't protect her children, and...well, you know the story, including the gift of Nauglamnir to Thingol by despared Hurin.
On the other hand, Earendil makes it to Valinor after reuniting with Elwing, the Silmaril she carries being the pass.
And Lutien returns Beren from death by bravely following him to Mandos.

Is this supposed to stress that man and wife must be one, and their separetion can only do a lot of wrong?

[Hilde Bracegirdle]

Yes, it would have been better if Aldarion didn’t marry and he seemed to know it, but unfortunately his position required it of him. This I think added a little poison to his take on the marriage.

[ June 15, 2003: Message edited by: Hilde Bracegirdle ]

[Morwen Tindomerel]

I think the problem is spiritual rather than physical seperation. Aredhel had run away from Eol deliberately flouting his known wishes. Now granted he was more than a little unreasonable in the requirements he laid on her, (though she didn't find them to onerous until her son started working on her) but it was dishonest and deceptive to sneak away behind his back. You might say he forced her to behave that way but two wrongs don't make a right. And Aredhel never even tried to get his permission for a visit to Gondolin. Eol does love her, he just *might* have given in eventually to her pleas and arguments even to the extent of letting his son go, but he isn't given the chance.

As for Morwen, it isn't so much her seperation from Hurin that leads to disaster as her disobeying his wishes. He tells her if the worst happens she must flee at once, to Brethil or Doriath, instead she clings to her home and an unreasonable hope. Understandable but a grave mistake.

Aldarion was definitely pressured into marriage, and it didn't help that his parents made clear they hoped a 'good wife' would keep him at home. Naturally enough he came to regard marriage as a prison sentence.

I think he may have been attracted to Erendis precisely because she spiritedly opposed him, (over the trees). Aldarion likes independence, unfortunately for him Erendis isn't really independent at all but a natural clinging vine.

The really unfortunate thing is there must have been one or two among those suitors Erendis refused who would have been the adoring, inseperable husband she wanted. And doubtless there were ladies at court of genuinely independent temperment who would have accepted Aldarion's absences easily enough, waving him off with a smile and welcoming him home cheerfully and without reproaches.

[ June 15, 2003: Message edited by: Morwen Tindomerel ]

[Finwe]

Since the Professor was a staunch Catholic, I think he believed that separation of the husband and wife was not something to be desired.

I don't blame Aredhel for running away from Eol at the first opportunity. Like Galadriel, she was born a free spirit. That's what got her into that mess in the first place. I think that she couldn't abide a man telling her what to do and where she could go.

[Morwen Tindomerel]

On the contrary she seems to have abided it very well for some decades. Remember Tolkien himself says her 'life was not hatefully to her'. Eol's strictures about avoiding sunlight and her Noldo kin, admittedly unreasonable, were apparently distinctly less onerous to her than her brother's equally arbitrary demand that she never leave the narrow bounds of Gondolin.

Aredhel was apparently quite content until her son started working on her. Remember the running away was Maeglin's idea. If anybody felt imprisoned it was him - again not unreasonably. But it's quite clear that ambition for power and position play a big part in his desire to go to Gondolin.

Again not unreasonably. He's sister son to a King why shouldn't he want to enjoy some of the perks of that position? But as a motive it's certainly not as blameless as a simple desire for personal autonomy would have been.