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Old 11-09-2006, 10:19 AM   #1
Hookbill the Goomba
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Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
The Eye Sauron on Trial!

Well, here is another game for you to get involved in! It's quite simple, really.

Imagine, for a moment, that Sauron had been captured rather than destroyed. His armies are all gone or dead or melted. He is put on trial and has decided to represent himself.

So, in a trial, what would Sauron say or do at his trial?

Here's what I think:

- Is that a wig?

- What murders?

- Yeah, and I’ll kill you too.

- Wait - did I say guilty?!? Guilty means ‘didn’t do it’, right?

- Where did you buy your hammer, your honour? I find you can do a lot more damage with a claw-head hammer... oops.

- I just did it for a laugh. Where’s your sense of humour?

- Twanngggg! Bwaaaaaaang! Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanggggg!

What do you think?
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once.
THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

Last edited by Hookbill the Goomba; 11-09-2006 at 12:19 PM.
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Old 11-09-2006, 10:55 AM   #2
ninja91
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Sauron: Sorry, Elessar! You got the trick instead of the treat!
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The rider was robed all in black, and black was his lofty helm; yet this was no Ringwraith but a living man. The Lieutenant of the Tower of Barad-dûr he was, and his name is remembered in no tale; for he himself had forgotten it...
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Old 11-09-2006, 12:10 PM   #3
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"I like Pink Floyd."

"Immortality for free, no pun intended."
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Old 11-09-2006, 12:20 PM   #4
Hookbill the Goomba
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Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
"Alright, I'll admit I did it, but only if you dance like a duck!"

"Come on! Don't tell me you never wanted to play toss the Dwarf into Mount doom?"
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once.
THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...
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Old 11-09-2006, 12:41 PM   #5
Holbytlass
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Your Honor, I was under the influence (of the ring), therefore it is manslaughter not murder!
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Old 11-09-2006, 02:23 PM   #6
ninja91
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"Well, someone had to do something to help spark the greatest story of all time...
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The rider was robed all in black, and black was his lofty helm; yet this was no Ringwraith but a living man. The Lieutenant of the Tower of Barad-dûr he was, and his name is remembered in no tale; for he himself had forgotten it...
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Old 11-09-2006, 02:24 PM   #7
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--It's only because I'm Maia isn't it?

--No it was the evil orc henchmen that were really at fault. What could I do against him...he gave such vicious noogies.
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Old 11-09-2006, 02:24 PM   #8
Hookbill the Goomba
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Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Tolkien

- I think he'd put his hands over his ears and close his eye(s?) saying, "La la la! I can't hear you! I can't see you! You don't exist! You can't hurt me! La la la la!"

- Shout "Wahey!" as he comes in

- He'll keep telling the Judge to "Live long and prosper"

- Say "Nice day for it." every 10 minutes

- "Everybody look at me for a minute - I’m going to do a special dance."

- "This is boring."

- "I’m cool!"

- "I’m glad I’m not dead!"
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once.
THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...
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Old 11-09-2006, 05:06 PM   #9
High King Fingolfin
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White Tree

"I was just restoring the indegenous Orcs to their rightful place, your honor."
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Old 11-10-2006, 07:32 AM   #10
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"Ok, I was pretty violent, but so is he *points at John Cleese*. And what? You hate me, but you love him? So, no wonder I'm violent!"
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Old 11-10-2006, 08:46 AM   #11
Farael
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FREEEDOOOMMMMMM (Braveheart-style)
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Old 11-10-2006, 04:31 PM   #12
Lalwendë
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Lalwendë is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.Lalwendë is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.
Sauron, well-known fan of Brit comedy, would resort to some of his fave catchphrases at his show trial. When asked if he was the Maia who created the One Ring he would try to bluster his way out of it and eventually have to say: "Yeah, but no, but yeah but..."

Then when he was found guilty he'd stick out his bottom lip and say: "Am I bovvered? Look, yeah, am I bovvered? Face? Bovvered?"
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Old 11-15-2006, 11:12 PM   #13
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The Eye

He would urge the Orcs to stop fighting among themselves and focus on the common goal of repelling the Numenorean invaders.
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Old 11-17-2006, 06:42 AM   #14
Hookbill the Goomba
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Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Sing "Always look on the Bright side of life!" really loudly.

Smoke an incredibly large cigar while putting his feet up on a table.

Keep insisting that it was all the fault of his invisible brother 'blauron' who told him to do things.
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once.
THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...
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Old 11-24-2006, 11:34 AM   #15
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Judge Manwe " Sauron, you have been charged with mass murder and killing innocent civilians.

( in a whiny voice) "Morgoth told me too!!!!"
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Old 11-24-2006, 11:45 AM   #16
Hookbill the Goomba
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Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
After the long, long list of charges has been read out (taking at least an hour), Sauron laughs and says, "That's not even half of what I did! ... Ooops."
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once.
THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...
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Old 11-24-2006, 11:47 AM   #17
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The Eye

Ha ha! You have nowhere to put the handcuffs!
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Old 11-29-2006, 10:07 AM   #18
Hookbill the Goomba
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Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
3 words...

Clay

Pigeon

Shooting.
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once.
THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...
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Old 11-29-2006, 11:18 AM   #19
Legate of Amon Lanc
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Legate of Amon Lanc is spying on the Black Gate.Legate of Amon Lanc is spying on the Black Gate.Legate of Amon Lanc is spying on the Black Gate.Legate of Amon Lanc is spying on the Black Gate.Legate of Amon Lanc is spying on the Black Gate.Legate of Amon Lanc is spying on the Black Gate.
The Eye Sauron's Trial

This is not actually about Sauron's words, but... the idea came to me from someone's post up there, that it could all look like this...

„Good morning, Mandos your honor. The crown will plainly show the prisoner who now stands before you was caught red-handed showing feelings of an almost Maia nature. This will not do.“
„Call Aulë!“
Aulë: „I always said he'd come to no good in the end your honor. If they'd let me have my way I could have flayed him into shape. But my hands were tied, the wicked Númenoreans and Noldor let him get away with murder. Let me hammer him today!“
„Call Celebrimbor!“
Celebrimbor: „You little winky, now you're in it! Now I hope they throw away the key. You should have told me the truth 'bout yourself rightaway, but no! You had to make your own Ring! Have you created any Ringwraith lately? Just five minutes, Mandos your honor, Him and me, alone.“
„Call Melkor!“
Melkor: „Baaaaaaaaaabe! Come to pappy baby, let me hold you in my arms. M'lord I never wanted him to get in any trouble. Why'd he ever have to leave me? Mandos, your honor, let me take him home.“
Mandos: „The evidence before the court is incontrovertible, there's no need for the jury to retire. In all my years of judging I have never heard before of someone more deserving out the full penalty of law. Since, my friend, you have revealed your deepest fear, I sentence you to be exposed before your enemies. You are to be transformed into a hobbit and expelled from here. SEND HIM TO SHIRE!"
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Old 12-05-2006, 12:39 PM   #20
Istari
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Now you see me! Now you dont!

Your Honor, is that my cloak you're wearing? It looks dashing on you but would look better on me.
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Old 12-08-2006, 01:17 PM   #21
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Boromir88 is wading through the Dead Marshes.Boromir88 is wading through the Dead Marshes.Boromir88 is wading through the Dead Marshes.Boromir88 is wading through the Dead Marshes.Boromir88 is wading through the Dead Marshes.Boromir88 is wading through the Dead Marshes.
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Judge: 'I hold you in contempt of court!'

Sauron: 'Well not before I hold myself in contempt!'
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Old 12-13-2006, 11:23 PM   #22
mhagain
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Another song and dance number may be in order.

Gimme the ring
Kissed and toll'd
Gimme something that I missed
Gimme the ring
A hand to hold
Wild and what it seems
Kill the king when love is the law
And the we'll turn round
Sing, dream child
And do you hear me call?


In other words, Andrew Eldritch made me do it!
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Old 12-14-2006, 01:46 AM   #23
Hookbill the Goomba
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Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
You fascists always pick on us drunks!
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once.
THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...
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Old 12-14-2006, 03:47 PM   #24
doom_hammer
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the lepricorn made me do it.
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Old 12-17-2006, 03:35 PM   #25
The 1,000 Reader
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"Why are you looking at me? It was Morgoth and the Nazgul and the Orcs that did everything! I just sat in a tower!"
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"And forth went Morgoth, and he was halted by the elves. Then went Sauron, who was stopped by a dog and then aged men. Finally, there came the Witch-King, who destroyed Arnor, but nobody seems to remember that."

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Old 12-23-2006, 02:04 PM   #26
Hookbill the Goomba
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Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
"Well, I don't know about you lot, but I need a drink. Where's the bar?"
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once.
THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...
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Old 05-19-2008, 06:04 PM   #27
Morgoth's Apprentice
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Dark-Eye

If Sauron managed to get himself captured and on trial....:

1. he'd blame his life problems on Morgoth
2. he'd say he was under the influence
3. after all the charges were read, he'd be like....is that all you've got?
4. he'd die trying to escape
5. after all is said and done, he'd be sentenced to the Void to be laughed at by Morgoth for all eternity
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Old 04-02-2011, 06:54 PM   #28
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Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
- You've got the wrong man: I'm only Sauron's clone!

- My eye is bigger than yours, so I can see the justice here better than you do!

- Before you decpitate me, let me present you with my last gift - a brand new ring!

- Before you kill me, you have to pay me for the loss of my finger!
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