The Barrow Downs Newspaper

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Special thanks to the phantom once again for some excellent work on the second story and the mini-headlines



Alien finds some magic this week!



News on the Barrow Birthday thing...

I've given my brother the story board for another cartoon about the Phantom and Alien and he says it will be relatively easy to put together. I'm going to get the voice of Alien done before I got to hospital and hope that he puts it all together while I'm under the knife. Since the Barrow Birthday is on the Thursday when I may be 'recovering' or whatever, the cartoon may not be posted until the Friday, so I hope you peoples are okay with that. I'm hoping they let me 'recover' at home. If that is the case, then posting it won't be a problem.

[Eönwë]

Yum, a magical sandwich. That was probably one of my favourite P&As.

Also, good luck with the surgery.

[Brinniel]

Haha, after Lommy stuck her head in that cannon I said to her, "Now I'm sure Hookbill will come up with a lovely story to go along with that picture in the Downer."
Her response: Oh no....

Oh, and a comment about one of the previous week's sub-headlines:

Pandas invented sneezing say environmentalists

I couldn't help but be reminded of this video.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Gwathagor

Page 17 a Doctor Who reference?

Ask the phantom, he wrote it.

I hope the Saucepan Man doesnt have me shot for that P&A comic. All that happened was I had the idea of Alien delivering a bomb to someone and asked one of my brothers who he should give it to, and they said SPM. NOT MY FALT!

[Kath]

Page 17 a Doctor Who reference?

Oh absolutely, weeping angels! So creepy.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Special thanks to TheGreatElvenWarrior for a couple of the mini headlines. Extra special thanks and gold to Formy for his lovely story.



This week, Alien has some advice for Phantom...

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Keeping BWH's favourite tea secret is a very good thing to do, you never know what them hobbits could do with such information!

Anyway, I love the mini-headlines this week! I wonder who could ever be so brilliant to write them... But I think that Hookbill wrote about actual information in the second article. I do think that he is controlling my mind, wait I don't think I know... Just take a look at all of the evidence! And no, I have not been doing deals with Davem or Alien!

And, no. I don't think that my dreams were cheese induced. I think that it was from spending my whole day on the Barrow-Downs and then watching Doctor Who right before bedtime...

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Oh, and by the way... where is the Siltmud Mtns?

[Morthoron]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Mortals:

I believe that your ignominious article 'Gnomes Demand To Be Counted Among The Noldor' should be gnominated as the worst piece of propaganda ever gnown. I am sure this type of accusation is gnothing gnu to you, but I have a gnawing suspicion (based on the article's gnauseously gnuanced gnomenclature) that this report was spread by the Order of Gnomonically Respectable Elves (OGRE), a gnomadic group of Gnomes under the gnominal leadership of the Gnoldor...errr, excuse me, Noldor. Under the gnom de plume OGRE, this fallacious faction of gnonconformist Gnomes has long sought linkage with the Noldor (and received agnonymous subsidization from them).

We at the Affiliated Brethren Counter-Demanding an Elf-Free Gnomic Homeland (ABCDEFGH) want nothing to do with the gnaughty, haughty Noldor; however, please don't confuse us with the Hallowed Gnomes Fighting Elvish Domination: Currently, Before and After (HGFEDCBA), as they are merely a splinter group with gnumerous policy flaws and a horrid acronym. The ABCDEFGH remains commited to fighting Noldorin domination with gnathic tenacity, gnashing clenched teeth against the oppression and kin-strife gnarling elvish history in a gnumber of gnasty gnots.

Gnotably yours,
Gnonesuch the Gnome
Gnotary of the ABCDEFGH

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

I would rather like one of those multicoloured coats! I think that I'll go buy one with Hookbill's life savings!

How do I get my hands on a copy of the 'Annoyingly Thick' magazine? I would like to read the stories in there!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Morthoron

LETTER TO THE EDITOR
From
Gnonesuch the Gnome
Gnotary of the ABCDEFGH

Dear Gnonesuch,

I don't much like your tone of voice. Therefore, I'm sending you a life-time supply of sulfuric acid through your water pipes.

Take a bath!
- Jim the Public relations officer.

Originally Posted by Volo

Black mail to the Editor
from
Olov the Scaled
Janitor of the Black Mail Historians

Dear sir,

The Downer refuses to engage in legitimate business proposals. Our accountant has all the illegal and highly morally questionable money to deal with. We are therefore forwarding your letter on to the Editor in Chief of The Barrow tabloid newspaper.
Hoping you have success,

- Harrold the new Public relations officer.

Originally Posted by TheGreatElvenWarrior

Wait, he's the most wonderful wight living? And here I was thinking that Barrow-Wights were all dead...
Nut I agree with you, Hookbill is the most wonderful wight! And I did not write the article. I'm pretty sure Hookbill did...

Actually, if you take a care to READ what was written, it becomes clear that that excellent article was written by Mr Formendacil. Great scotsman's ghost, don't people read anymore? Do I have to use the Hitler poster again?

[Formendacil]

Originally Posted by TheGreatElvenWarrior

Oh, and by the way... where is the Siltmud Mtns?

North of Gobbledegookia, on the I-47.887, about five leagues or so out of Tel-e-vishon, across from the Happy Flowers Asylum for Small Puppies. Can't miss it.

[quote=Hookbill the Goomba]Great scotsman's ghost, don't people read anymore? Do I have to use the Hitler poster again?{/quote]

Well, literacy has taken quite a hit since the publication of the Downer commenced. Why be literate, if this is as good as it gets?

Originally Posted by Bêthberry

I would have thought that Formendacil would not lay up his gold where thieves may break through and steal--even such a thief as Bilbo, bearing riddles--so his spiders will be undisturbed whilst he is out of town.

That assumes, of course, that I have gold... and what with being a student and all, that is an unfounded assumption, I would say--about it solidly built as a mountain made of mud and silt. If I have any gold, it would take a keen burglar with the nose to smell it and the brutality to trash the place to even find it.

Besides, those cobwebs are getting a little thick... they could use a disturbing.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Originally Posted by Formendacil

North of Gobbledegookia, on the I-47.887, about five leagues or so out of Tel-e-vishon, across from the Happy Flowers Asylum for Small Puppies. Can't miss it.

Thank 'ee, I must go there sometime now that I know where to go...

Originally Posted by Formendancil

Well, literacy has taken quite a hit since the publication of the Downer commenced. Why be literate, if this is as good as it gets?

The Downer, best thing since mouldy lunches.

[Eönwë]

Originally Posted by Formendacil

Well, literacy has taken quite a hit since the publication of the Downer commenced. Why be literate, if this is as good as it gets?

The Downer: Better than a punch in the stomach-
Eönwë Magazine. Rating for the Downer-1/2*

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The deadline for the P&A contest is the 31st of October... So, Friday. As long as I get it before Saturday morning, I'll accept it.

[Laurinquë]

Is a joint effort allowed? TheGreatElvenWarrior and I are planning to put one together you see. She came up with the idea (being much more amusing than I) and I would draw it.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Laurinquë

Is a joint effort allowed? TheGreatElvenWarrior and I are planning to put one together you see. She came up with the idea (being much more amusing than I) and I would draw it.

I've no problem with that. Volume Three will probably be drawn by my brother, due mostly to the fact that the stor is too ambitious for my artistic skills.

[Thinlómien]

Greenie has agreed to be my partner in crime, so we will do our contest work together... Beware.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I could've predicted that that horrible photo would turn up in the Downer. The photographer (we're not mentioning names, are we, Hookbill? ) told me that he wanted a picture of the paper and that I wouldn't show on it.

[Morthoron]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Sirs,

We at the North Downs Renaissance Festival express our blistering outrage concerning the staggering loss suffered by many of our performers in the wake of the stunning revelation that Ms. Telcontar has been stealing warts for years. You might not be aware, but the re-enactors, performers and staff of North Downs Renaissance Festival rely on such disfigurements as warts to complete the look and feel of an actual 15th century village. We pride ourselves in looking like characters from a Bruegel painting. This requires much sacrifice on the part of our performers -- some of the more zealous re-enactors have sawed off their own legs, pulled out teeth, and have contracted small pox in order to better mimic actual medieval beggars, mendicants and yeomen. Most have not bathed in years, and eat only acorns and onions to assure authenticity.

By our estimates, Ms. Telcontar has made off with at least twenty pounds worth of warts from our organization. It may not seem like much, but considering the rather insubstantial weight of the average mole (even the big, pulsing hairy ones), the loss is prodigious. In addition, many of our performers have expressed a concern that perhaps warts were not the only bodily deformities Ms. Telcontar has removed. There are reports of missing wens, goiters and moles as well. This represents a tremendous deficit in the authentic hideousness we wish to portray, and an irretrievable loss in time invested in growing such deformities (it takes years to grow a great goiter!).

In conclusion, we hope Ms. Telcontar shows true remorse regarding her crime and returns the purloined pimples. Her crime is a pock-mark on an otherwise unblemished record, but such an act of mercy would soothe bruised egos, calm public inflammation, reduce scarring and be a method of face-saving. We can well understand the growth of her wart-infatuation (who doesn't envy a well-formed wart or a mighty mole?), and do not wish to lump her with other more freckled criminals. She needn't carry the stigma of her mottled crime like a birthmark for the rest of her life.

Yours truly,
Verruca Vulgaris
Coordinator of Stumps, Bumps and Boils
North Downs Renaissance Festival

Danny Boyle has been a favorite of mine since I saw Shallow Grave, since then he's gone on to make three masterpieces(Trainspotting,28 Days Later and Millions), a near perfect film(Sunshine) a guilty pleasure(The Beach) and a total miss(A Life Less Ordinary). Slumdog Millionaire comes out of nowhere and it could very well be his best film and one of the best films of the decade. Visually like Boyles previous work it's stunning, Apocalypse Now and City of God come to mind and there are dutch angles galore. The raw style mixed with the amazing locations make this film one of the most cinematic experiences you'll ever see. The Sound is perfect, I haven't heard audio like this in a while. This film needs a Sound Oscar nomination, it sounds that good. I went into seeing this knowing very little about it and the person I took with me didn't know anything about it, so I'll just say it's about a young man that goes on Indias Who Wants to be a Millionaire, it's a very unconventional film where they tell the story of his life in flashbacks while he plays the game. It's funny, sad, thrilling, basically a very enjoyable film that deserves numerous Oscar nominations. Also the lead actress is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen, if she isn't a huge star after this I'd be extremely surprised. If the academy doesn't honor this film with numerous nominations it will be a shame but this film will be studied in 20 years and whoever sees this will love it, so even if it doesn't get a single nomination it won't matter. Don't miss this film, it's perfect!

Danny Boyle has come up with some interesting cinema, certainly defining himself as someone above average. What he achieves in "Slumdog Millionaire" is transcend the line between inspiration and a miracle, awakening an emotional connection to the very special element great cinema can deliver. The packages might have changed, and the contents are more controversial and maybe a bit more tied to reality, certainly taking us to an exotic local, teaching us that our world extends beyond our freeway and limited perception of how more than the other half of the world's population has to deal without certainly preaching to us.

The tale of two brothers' lives is told to us through episodic flashbacks tied to an episode of India's "Who Wants to be a millionaire?". At first, the story introduces one of the brothers as being the subject of a very strong interrogation to find out whether he is being truthful about some knowledge that might be relevant to the game. As he answers the questions, we discover that this young man's life story might be more interesting than we originally expected.

There is an element of freshness in the way the story is presented, as we accompany Jamal through his life odyssey from a young child in the slums to a man who is determined to save those he loves. There are some strong emotions in the film, and Boyle's direction keeps the film dynamic and engaging.

Prepare yourself to be overtaken by emotions as varied as joy, pity, happiness, anger, revulsion, surprise, and an exhilarating conclusion rarely seen in movies anymore. This film has made me grateful to be alive and that we still have people in cinema like Boyle who understands the power and beauty of the medium. He knows that the perfect mix of a great story and the respective imagery can provoke unforgettable memories in its audience.

from http://www.leuboo.com/shop/slumdog-millionaire.htm

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Wow. I never thought I'd see spam in this newspaper.

[Eönwë]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

Wow. I never thought I'd see spam in this newspaper.

That's how popular it is, Hookbill.

[Mnemosyne]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

Wow. I never thought I'd see spam in this newspaper.

I thought this newspaper was spam.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

That's amazing, just reading the posts in this thread, looking for new stuffs, and then that...

It's just not news!

[Lalwendë]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

Wow. I never thought I'd see spam in this newspaper.

Today spam, tomorrow wrapping a fish supper. It's the fate of all the best newspapers...

[Oddwen]

Wait wait wait, news from the real world? Do not want!

I guess this means you've officially 'made it', Hooky.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Here's your Friday Phantom and Alien!

The Fish Man attacks the guards outside The Great Barrow Itself, kidnaps Underhill and prepares to take over. The Phantom gets a lift back home...



Keep up with the EPIC tale!

Not long to go before the climactic climax of this exciting adventure for The Phantom and Alien! But before Volume three starts there will be a short break. I'll probably do a quick adventure for Phanston and Ailsbry; Private Detectives and then move on to something... different.

This 'something different' will be a week or two so of guest comics. Yep. From now until then I will be calling on anyone who wants to make a P&A to do so. I don't know how many there will be, but I'm hoping for a few. But it will be different than last time. Once I have established who will be doing them I will assign them challenges for their comics. They'll range from "Do Sir Phantom and Master Alan" or "Something where Alien wears a hat" all the way to "Kill off so-and-so in a hilarious manner".

Hope that sounds like fun.

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

This 'something different' will be a week or two so of guest comics. Yep. From now until then I will be calling on anyone who wants to make a P&A to do so. I don't know how many there will be, but I'm hoping for a few. But it will be different than last time. Once I have established who will be doing them I will assign them challenges for their comics. They'll range from "Do Sir Phantom and Master Alan" or "Something where Alien wears a hat" all the way to "Kill off so-and-so in a hilarious manner".

Hope that sounds like fun.

Sounds, at least... Okay, let's see what can be done about it...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Legate of Amon Lanc

By the way, can we also look forward to some Fungoltch and Shcmurt? I like them

Yes... No... Sort of... It's complicated.

So, seeing as it's technically Firday, here's your latest Phantom and Alien...



Keep track of this very silly story.

The story will soon be getting much, much weirder. Sorry.

[Formendacil]

Saying this makes me feel rather upside-down, but the final frame of Alien is adorable--and Lal's expression is awesome in that panel too.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The news is dramatic, enigmatic and automatic...?
Well, whatever it is, it is here;



Mister Underhill explains some Fish Man history to our beloved hero. There are cakes involved.


Comic Archive

I'm going to start planning the special challenge episode in the next week, so if you want to draw a P&A, just let me know and I'll draw up a list of artists.

[Kent2010]

If that headline is a welcome to the Barrowdowns, than I must detest to be placed in a magazine of ill-repute such as The Downer.

I do love the name play, I actually have to renew myself every 5 years or something terrible will happen.

[Mnemosyne]

Being included in the 'Downer is kind of like hazing or at least an initiation.

Or Hookbill's running out of ideas.

Yeah, it's probably the latter.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Dear Morthoron,

I think you'll find we were referring to Rivendel, which is located four miles in the sky and is built out of solid plutonium. It is there that a moth has, indeed, taken over. Sorry about the misunderstanding.

Yours,

Some guy who lives in the bins outside The Downer's printing press...

Now, seeing as Wednesday's Phantom and Alien came a little late, I'll post this one up extra early. Hope you enjoy it!
The end draws ever nearer. The truth about The Fish Man is made slightly clearer. But the mysteries are far from all revealed!



Keep up with this story HERE! It's fun!

Later today I'll be sending out the first challenges for anyone who has signed up for the 'fan comics' bit coming up after Volume 2 ends. So, sign up for that if you want to get involved!

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

I never thought that the Fish Man would think that. That's like Hookbill the Goomba putting up pictures of David Tennant on his wall... That just doesn't happen!

[Oddwen]

Haha, the season one picture of Phantom was a nice touch.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Oddwen

Haha, the season one picture of Phantom was a nice touch.

Yay! I was wondering if anyone would notice that.

[Groin Redbeard]

Whoa, I have certainly missed a bunch! Looks like this will be fun with catching up!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Woo! It's news time! And this time, it's impersonal.



The adventure draws ever closer to its epic conclusion. Who will live? Who will die? Who will The Phantom kill? Everyone? Probably.



Take this opportunity to look through the Comic Archive. Who knows what clues it holds?

I hope you're all enjoying Volume 2. I can promise you that Volume 3 will be even better.