ME jokes and funny stories

[Hookbill the Goomba]

[Elu Ancalime]

I thought this was so funny. I just got done watching the first half of the Georgia Tech-Utah football game(if your not familiar with american footbal, um, it still works) and Georgia Tech threw a Hail Mary pass on one of the last plays before the half ended. The player who caught the ball was Damarus Bilbo! I loved it. He turned around and his name stretched across the tv screen, oh i wanted a camera then!
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NEW CLASS

[Morsul the Dark]

strider is known for his unusually long stride hobbits have a tough time keeping up with people anyway think about it a ranger being chased by four out-of-breath hobbits

[narfforc]

How do you make an Orc cross?






Nail two of them together........

[narfforc]

Two Orcs are sat on guard at the eaves of Fangorn, the first turns to the other and complains about his empty stomach and the maggoty bread. The second Orc says: Just think it was only a week ago that we ate the minstral from that wandering band called Verve. The first Orc said: Oh I could just sink my fangs into that juicy foot again, what bit did you get, he asked. Oh I got myself A Bit of Sweet Arm and Knee, said the second Orc.

[Galadriel55]

Gollum, in his rehab program in the Shire, saw sees Merry and Pippin enjoying a tasty snack.
- What isss ittt the hobitses are eating?
- That's raisins, Smeagol. Yum!

Gollum runs over to Bilbo's place.
- Bagginsss! I mussst have raisinsss. Where are you hiding your raisinsss?
- Hoy, Smeagol, - Bilbo says, - I haven't got any raisins. But I have a couple delicious raisin buns, if you want some.
- Pick them out of the filthy buns! We wants raisinsss!

So Bilbo obligingly digs out all the raising from the baked treats.
- What are these, my preciousss? Are they raisinsss?
- Yes, Smeagol, these are the raisins you wanted.

Gollum puts one in his mouth, and his eyes go big.
- Filthy raisnisses! Yuck! Shove them back into the buns!


~~~~~~


What is the difference between a palantir and a ball being dropped off the heights of Zirakzigil?

A Palantir as it falls would pass the levels of Khazad-dum thus: 5th storey - 4th storey - 3rd storey - 2nd storey - main level - deeper levels - mining shafts - ai ai, a Balrog - hello Nameless Things.

Meanwhile, a ball falling counts the passed levels: 5th storey - 4th storey - 3rd storey - 2nd storey - main level - 2nd storey - 3rd storey...


~~~~~~

The Adventures of One Little Hobbit

One little hobbit picked up a round stone.
- What is it, Gandalf? - the hobbit intoned.
- Look in the depth, sing the Baby Shark song!
And that's how the Dark Lord went daft as a log.

---

One little hobbit was making a broth,
With cyanide he seasoned the boiling pot.
That day, Sackville-Bagginses came home to feast:
All S.B.s ate, but our hobbit didn't eat!

---

One little hobbit climbed Sandyman's mill,
Stuck himself out, hanging over the sill.
The road by the mill's covered in bloody splotches:
The hobbit tomatoes threw down at the gawkers.

[Alassë Estel]

Therapist: So, what's the problem?
Wife: He won't stop quoting The Lord Of The Rings!
Husband: I'm sorry, I'm just so tired. I feel...
Wife: Stop.
Therapist: No, no, let him talk.
Husband: I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.