What do you assign to Mordor?

[Alassë Estel]

All Snakes.- Also known as "Satan's Tape Measures" or "Nope-Ropes"

All Spiders- Yes, even the ones that 'eat harmful pests'. THEY are harmful pests.

Intense Study Of The English Language At The Age Of 10- Don't diagram the sentence any more! Just put it's mutilated corpse to rest!

Rats- You can say what you like, I still think they were responsible for the ol' Bubonic.

Ads- The others might be controversial, but we can all agree that the orcs deserve to be interupted every 90 seconds by The Mouth of Sauron's ad for re-election.

The Legolas-Tauriel-Kili Love Triangle- This one needs no explanation.

The Mithril Subplot- I was going to just assign Rings of Power, but I don't really want to offend people who might have enjoyed it (after all, I enjoyed Peter Jackson's The Hobbit movies), so I will just assign my most disliked part. I mean, think about it. It would be like if someone said:

A: "We are all dying from cancer, but I have the cure.... It's gold!"

B: "Well, okay. It seems kind of odd that a generic metal, however valuable, just happens to cure cancer. But this is going to save thousands of lives! So let's get busy. I mean we are going to need to adminster this cure to the entire population. Wait, are we going to inject them or do they eat it."

A: "Uh, neither. They just have to be exposed to it. Bathed in it's light."

B: "Okay, that's a bit strange. But, great! Wait, what about the people who have already been around gold?"

A: "Well, I guess they are good to go."

*some time later*

B: "We don't have enough gold. We just have this one little piece. So, I am thinking we just line 'em up and hold it up, they just walk by and Bam! Immune to cancer!"

A: ... Orrrrr, we could just forge like, three rings or something, and three of us get one and Bam! Immune!

B: Oh, yes. Three of us having golden rings will definitely cure the entire population of cancer.