The Legend of Amroth and Nimrodel

[gandalf85]

I think this chapter turned out really nice! Some comments/questions:

1) Is the title of the chapter "The Legend of Amroth and Nimrodel" or "Part of the Legend of Amroth and Nimrodel"? In Unfinished Tales, Christopher Tolkien chose to use the subheading "Amroth and Nimrodel" but apparently his father labeled his text "Part of the Legend of Amroth and Nimrodel recounted in brief". I personally like "The Legend of Amroth and Nimrodel" as the title, but that is just personal preference.

2) Some typos:

for Lórien after the end of the first millennium of Third Age became a land

There is a missing "the" before "Third".

Less than a ship-load; and they had only seaworthy ship.

There is a missing "one" before "only".

its people fleeing and likely to leave it deserted to likely occupied by Orcs

The second "likely" should be "be".

3) I had a thought while reading through this chapter and parts of Unfinished Tales. Do you think we should explicitly call out the haven Amroth travels to by the name Edhellond? I believe Pauline Baynes' map is the first place this haven is explicitly named. For example, we could add something like:

Then he told her of the haven in the south, AN-SL-08.5.1 Pauline Baynes’ map <Edhellond>, where many of his own people had come long ago.

I'm not sure if editorial additions like this are in the scope of the project, but I had
to look up which haven this was on the internet. We mention the haven of Edhellond in a footnote in "Of the Rings of Power". Explicitly naming the haven Edhellond in this chapter would create more of a sense of continuity.

4) I think this section is awkward:

… Of what befell Nimrodel nothing is said here, though there were many legends concerning her fate.>
AN-SL-08.6<GC Am. When Nimrodel fled from Lórien it is said that seeking for the sea ...

It says "nothing is said here" about the fate of Nimrodel then immediately says stuff about the fate of Nimrodel. I propose this change:

... Of what befell Nimrodel nothing is AN-SL-08.5.2 {said here} known, though there were many legends concerning her fate.>
AN-SL-08.6 <GC Am When Nimrodel fled from Lórien it is said that seeking for the sea ...

5) I added in a small part that was removed which I think makes the text flow better and adds in an additional detail.

Galadriel and Celeborn took up their permanent abode in Lórien, and its government. AN-SL-11.5 Moved from AN-SL-10 <They were welcomed by the people.> But they took no title of King or Queen, and were the guardians that in the event brought it unviolated through the War of the Ring.

The fact that the people welcomes them is a nice detail and flows nicely into "But they took no title of King or Queen".

6) Just a comment:

But the Red Ring remained hidden until the end, and none save Elrond and Galadriel and Círdan knew to whom it had been committed.

I like that we decided to keep this detail hidden in the text as well.

[Findegil]

1) The title we used so far was ‘The Legend of Amroth and Nimrodel’. And I agree that we should keep that. But may be we should indicate that we changed it from Tolkiens original.

2) Thanks again for pointing these out.

3) Yes such changes are in the scope of the project, so I agree to the change. But the editing should be a bit different (we never use to points in an editing mark):

… Then he told her of the haven in the south, AN-SL-08.55<Pauline Baynes’ map Edhellond, >where many of his own people had come long ago. …

4) Okay, but I suppose:

… Of what befell Nimrodel nothing is AN-SL-08.57{said here}[known for sure], though there were many legends concerning her fate.

5) Agreed.

6) Yes, I as well think this is fortunate decision.

Respectfully
Findegil

[ArcusCalion]

These are all wonderful, for 4) I would say "known for certain". I think that sounds more Tolkien-esque

[gandalf85]

Yeah, "known for certain" sounds more Tolkien to me as well.

[Findegil]

I am okay with that as well.

Respectfully
Findegil

[gandalf85]

Here are my comments on "The Stewards" which became a new chapter after you guys discussed it (I definitely agree with making it a new chapter):

1) One small typo:

They were not expelled while the Third Ago lasted...

"Ago" should be "Age".

2) In AN-SL-21 it says, referring to Hurin the steward:

After his day the kings had always chosen their stewards from among his descendants..

But in "Of Gondor and the Heirs of Anarion" it said, referring to the family of Hurin:

From that time on the kings usually chose their steward from this family…

"Of Gondor" says the stewards were usually chosen from Hurin's family, here we say they were always chosen from Hurin's family. I say we change "usually" in the "Of Gondor" chapter to "always" to be factually correct.

3) AN-SL-21.6 is missing an "and" to be grammatically correct since it is starting a new thought:

The Stewards belonged to a family of the ancient Elf-friends AN-SL-21.6b <HoE and though the Húrinionath were not in the direct line of descent from Elendil, they were ultimately of royal origin, and had in any case kept their blood more pure than most other families in the later ages.>

4) AN-SL-24 feels like a really abrupt transition, but I can't think of anything to add which works well. This is my best attempt, but it feels slightly awkward:

AN-SL-24 <ORP In these days ever {Ever} most vigilant was Mithrandir ...

Do you guys have any better suggestions, or do you think it's fine as it stands?

[ArcusCalion]

1) nice catch!

2) Agreed

3) Agreed

4) Personally I am fine with it as it stands. I gave it a space between the preceeding paragraph so that it would be clear it is beginning a new train of thought.