The War of the Ring

[Findegil]

FY-HL-21: In the way the events are arranged here, I would not use this title at all. Where does this sub-chapter end?
We could consider to arrange the story differently and start with telling about the War first and then leave Aragorn, Peregrin & co. at the Morannon, while recounting Frodo’s journey from Emil Muil to the destruction of the Ring and the flight to the isle in the lava under this sub-title. But I wood not do so and simply leave the sub title out.

WR-SL-06: Why do we change from ‘meet’ to ‘greeted’ and not to ‘met’?

WR-SL-09: Is it Aragorn alone, who initiated the attack on Mordor? I don’t think so:

After the victory (and destruction of the Captain of the Black Riders) WR-SL-09{the Book ends in}there began the last desperate deed of the West.

WR-SL-12 & WR-SL-14: I think we should include both. As said before we can assume that our reads have a fair knowledge of both The Hobbit and LotR. And even if not we may assume that they will read these books later. Any case such links are rather to be welcomed and not deleted.

WR-SL-12: I would edit this a bit differently:

… WR-SL-15{The scene shifts back to the exact moment at which Book Five ended. We see and hear now}The captains of the West saw and heared from afar the same shattering ruin. The forces of Sauron, …

WR-SL-22: First: There are typo’s here: there are two full stops before ‘but’. I suppose these must be comae. The same after ‘invaded’ in the next paragraph.
For a time I thougth,that this might be put in earlier, but after reading the full chapter I agree with the placement.

Congratulations, very nicely edited!

Respectfully
Findegil

[ArcusCalion]

FY-HL-21: Agreed, it is superfluous, so we can leave it out.

WR-SL-06: I did this because Gandalf has known Denethor for a long time, so he would not be said to 'meet' him for the first time, but we can change it to 'met' if you prefer, I do not feel strongly either way.

WR-SL-09: Agreed.

WR-SL-12/14: Very well, we can keep it.

WR-SL-15: Agreed to this change.

WR-SL-22: I will fix these.

Compared to the last chapters, this was very painless!

[Findegil]

I think that the passage from Appendix A concerning Théoden is best used in this chapter:

... The siege {is}was raised at the last moment by the coming at last of the Riders of Rohan, led by their ancient king Théoden.> WR-SL-05.3<Appendix A He is called Théoden Ednew in the lore of Rohan, for he fell into a decline under the spells of Saruman, but was healed by Gandalf, and in the last year of his life arose and led his men to victory at the Hornburg, and soon after to the Fields of Pelennor, the greatest battle of the Age. He fell before the gates of Mundburg. For a while he rested in the land of his birth, among the dead Kings of Gondor, but was brought back and laid in the eighth mound of his line at Edoras. Then a new line was begun.> WR-SL-05.6<Letter to Milton Waldman, published in LotR: A Reader’s Companion The charge of their horsemen {saves}saved the field. Then the great battle of the Pelennor Fields {is}was joined. Théoden {falls.} WR-SL-05.7<Appendix A{He} fell before the gates of Mundburg. For a while he rested in the land of his birth, among the dead Kings of Gondor, but was brought back and laid in the eighth mound of his line at Edoras.> WR-SL-05.8<Appendix A In the War of the Ring Théodred fell in battle with Saruman at the Crossings of Isen. Therefore before he died on the Fields of the Pelennor Théoden named Éomer his heir and called him king. In that day Éowyn also won renown, for she fought in that battle, riding in disguise; and was known after in the Mark as the Lady of the Shield-arm. [Footnote to the text: For her shield-arm was broken by the mace of the Witch-king; but he was brought to nothing, and thus the words of Glorfindel long before to King Eärnur were fulfilled, that the Witch-king would not fall by the hand of man. For it is said in the songs of the Mark that in this deed Éowyn had the aid of Théoden’s esquire, and that he also was not a Man but a Halfling out of a far country, though Éomer gave him honor in the Mark and the name of Holdwine. This Holdwine was none other than Meriadoc the Magnificent who was a Master of Buckland.]> WR-SL-05.9<Letter to Milton Waldman, published in LotR: A Reader’s Companion{Victory turns}But victory turned towards the Enemy.>
WR-SL-07<Making of Appendix A In all this time, while the world darkened …

Respectfully
Findegil

[ArcusCalion]

Agreed, but I am assuming you meant to remove the last two sentences of 05.3, since you repeat them right after.

[Findegil]

Oops, yes of course the insert WR-SL-05.3 should have been ended with ‘…and in the last year of his life arose and led his men to victory at the Hornburg, and soon after to the Fields of Pelennor, the greatest battle of the Age.’ Thanks for catching this mistake.

Respectfully
Findegil

[gandalf85]

I think this chapter flowed surprisingly well considering the number of sources it pulled from. Great job! I only have minor comments.

1)

Thus he captured the ships of the Enemy, and came up out of the deep by the waters of Anduin to the succor of Gondor in the hour of its despair; for the city of Minas Tirith was encircled by the armies of Mordor and was perishing in flame.

I feel like "Enemy" is way too vague here. I think making it more specific helps tie it back to the previous history of Umbar.

Thus he captured the ships of the {Enemy}Corsairs of Umbar, and came up out of the deep by the waters of Anduin to the succor of Gondor in the hour of its despair; for the city of Minas Tirith was encircled by the armies of Mordor and was perishing in flame.

2) I propose we keep "Then a new line was begun" in WR-SL-05.7. It serves as a transition between Theoden's death and discussion of who succeeds to the throne:

Théoden {falls.} WR-SL-05.7b <Appendix A {He} fell before the gates of Mundburg. For a while he rested in the land of his birth, among the dead Kings of Gondor, but was brought back and laid in the eighth mound of his line at Edoras. Then a new line was begun.> WR-SL-05.8 <Appendix A In the War of the Ring Théodred fell in battle with Saruman at the Crossings of Isen. Therefore before he died on the Fields of the Pelennor Théoden named Éomer his heir and called him king.

3) I randomly found something in one of the Letters which I think fits well here.

WR-SL-19 <Appendix A And after the War the days of the Ruling Stewards came to an end; for the heir of Isildur and Anárion returned and the kingship was renewed, and the standard of the White Tree flew once more from the Tower of Ecthelion.> WR-SL-19.5<Letter 244 Aragorn re-established the Great Council of Gondor, and in that Faramir, who remained by inheritance the Steward (or representative of the King during his absence abroad, or sickness, or between his death and the accession of his heir) would {[}be{]} the chief counsellor.> WR-SL-20 <ORP Thus peace came again...

In that letter, there is also discussion of the politics of Gondor, but I didn't think it was appropriate in a narrative like this.

4)

And on the day of the New Year of the Elves. Celeborn and Thranduil

There should be a comma instead of a period.

[ArcusCalion]

1) This is fine. The change should be called: WR-SL-07.5

2) Agreed, I did not notice it had been removed. This bit got moved around somewhat.

3) Great find! The political discussion of Gondor, is there any way it could be included in the earlier chapters?

4) Nice catch