Paper Telephone.

[Pitchwife]

Two to go. Shouldn't take too long now.

[Pitchwife]

Once upon a time Pitchwife was sitting at his desk and compiling viewing statistics for Minhiriath Transmitting Variety (MTV) to improve his pension plan. "Goldberry felt left out when Gandalf and Bombadil celebrated their reunion by drinking all night while watching the Arda Cup," he wrote; but on second thought he decided to protect Goldberry's privacy, scrunched the page up and tossed it out of the window.

It hit street artist Eönwë on the head and inspired him to draw this on the pavement:



Firefoot, who just happened to pass by, was so impressed by this masterpiece that she had to tell Nogrod about it. "Galadriel," she exclaimed, "was indignant to find that Gandalf and Pippin were using the palantir as a big screen projector to watch a soccer game."

Nogrod found the story appealing and hacked the aurora borealis to paint it on the northern sky:



The phenomenon was seen even in far-off Canada by none other than Galadriel herself, the 55th of her name, who wasn't amused to find that Gandalf and Frodo were misusing Galadriel's mirror to watch reality shows.

Formendacil observed it too and sent this snapshot to his local newspaper:



(to be continued)

[Pitchwife]

Chief Editor Legateimmediately stopped the press and changed the headline to read Galadriel's Middle-Earth Seeks SuperStar performance did not impress the legless members of the jury. But Oddwen was on the scene already and shot this picture for the evening news:



Rune, reporting live from the competition, breathlessly told his phone: "An extremely diverse jury is unable to agree on whether Galadriel possesses the qualities necessary to emulate Eärendil",

while A Little Green caught the spirit of the scene in a porcelain sculpture of unembroidered elegance:



Tea-GEW saw this in a porcelain shop while looking for a new teapot and was struck by its relevance to American history. "The founding fantasy fathers look on in court while Gil-Galad makes his speech," she told Rikae, who proceeded to carve this scene into the north face of Caradhras:



(to be continued)

[Pitchwife]

"Even having friends in the jury won't save Elrond this time," court reporer Thinlomien concluded from this monument of juridical procedure, and Hookbill could not but concur in his editorial on the front page of the Downer:



"Elrond's parenting hits the headlines yet again," sighed Eönwë, reading the Downer at breakfast, as always (first breakfast, that is, but rumour has it he also reads it at second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner and supper).



Firefoot, agreeing with his sentiment, drew this into her diary:





She died of boredom shortly thereafter. Her diary resurfaced in a Finnish second hand bookshop where it was bought by Nogrod. "Some thought that after 7500 seasons the plot-twists and turns of the family-saga of two great brothers' families were starting to repeat themselves," he observed.


Gal55 was not among those. In tireless ploy she turned the whole saga into an illustrated tear-off calendar of 7500 pages:





(to be continued after dinner)

[Pitchwife]

Formendacil, who had bought one of Gal55's calendars, couldn't contain his disappointment when he found that every single one of its 7500 pages was identical! "The calendar of the Seventh Age was a trifle monotonous," he complained.

Apparently the monotony extended even to the celestial spheres, for later that night Legate observed this in his telescope:



"Tilion always takes a bow and pines for the glory days of Aule The Smiths during that time of the month," Oddwen commented when he allowed her to look through the glass.


Rune was haunted by troubling dreams that very same night, and waking up sketched this:





He showed it to his Little Green psychotherapist who analysed it as "Legolas is alarmed by a Gimli-shaped cloud."

This was overheard by TGEW who found the idea intriguing enough to turn it into a fresco extending along a whole corridor:





(to be continued)

[Pitchwife]

A hundred years after TGEW's house had fallen apart into a heap of potsherds, archeologist Rikae discovered the fresco during excavations and mailed this description to his colleague, Lommy: "In a green haze, an old elf man yells at a cloud."

But when the accompanying picture came out of Lommy's printer it looked like this:



Befuddled, Lommy turned to Hookbill, the resident expert on things green, hazy or otherwise weird. He explained it thusly: "Mighty sea god, Cirdan, curses the single cloud that has thwarted his sailing plans."

And the mythology of Middle-earth never was the same again.

THE END

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Good gracious me! That was incredible!

Rikae's fantasy founding fathers made me laugh.

I like how Goldberry turning into Galadriel, who turned into Gilgalad, and then Elrond, and then Cirdan some how!

[Galadriel55]

That was terrific! Loved every bit of it. And the starting sentence was great! Thanks for modding this, Pitch!

Originally Posted by Pitchwife

And the mythology of Middle-earth never was the same again.

Tilion's mood swings certainly won't be!

(Now that I think of it, you can probably measure the passing of my innocent-mindedness by my reactions to Paper Telephones. )


Loved all the sentences and pictures. A couple that deserve an extra bow, I think, are Hook's Downer (yay! It's back! And with amazingly accurate text too!), Oddwen's legless Legolas, and Legate's monotonous calendar, which made me chuckle. I was also really amazed by all the great artwork!

I second (third?) liking the constant changes. I loved how one picture or sentence would drastically change the topic or bring in hilarious new elements. This was fantastic! Let's do it again!