If Sauron came to you with 1,000,000 orcs, you would...

[Bom Tombadillo]

Sic the cats on 'em.

Hoestly, have you ever seen what a thrown cat can do to somebody? Well, neither have I, but I can't imagine it would be pretty.

Then I would run over to the local cat-breeder for more ammunition, which rather than causing a swath of destruction through the Orc ranks (ours are so irritable!), would distract them all through sheer cuteness long enough for me to run away. Any who tried to chase after us would trip over the cats circling their ankles.

Alternatively, set up a bunch of hilarious traps (mostly involving cats), then pull out my practice bow (complete with roundish-tipped arrows), toy sword (an accessory for a game), and two Wii remotes (hey, one of the available games is "swordplay," so they should work in real life, right?) and hope they all die of laughter before I'm forced to actually make a last stand.