Arda Cup Football 2011

[Kuruharan]

By: Kuruharan, son of Khoreth, Underground

Lorien -

The Arda Cup…an exciting extravaganza celebrating the way sport can bring the world together or a vehicle of debauchery for footballers and those who mooch off of them?

As many of you are no doubt completely unaware, the ravages of cultural rot in our society were set to new lows during the last Cup by such names as Coleen Balrog #4 (wife of Balrog #4), Cheryl Ancalagon (wife of Ancalagon), and the raunchy arch-diva herself Victoria “Rich Parsley” Sauron (who needs no introduction). But never fear, ladies and gentledwarves, The Underground is here and our cracked reporters have brought to light shocking allegations of uncontrolled shopping sprees, wild parties and unlicensed balloon stands that raged throughout the course of last year’s Cup.

Indeed, during last year’s Cup one alcohol fueled international shopping binge ultimately spanned 8 nations, cost 3 million gold, 5 dead and 26 wounded. Over the course of this spree The Underground has learned Coleen Balrog #4 bought a pair of sunglasses so large she toppled over when she put them on and Cheryl Ancalagon had to buy a handbag so enormous it required a dozen Haradrian slaves to carry…all for the purpose of holding Coleen’s sunglasses.

But most shocking of all is the charge that during last year’s championship match Victoria “Rich Parsley” Sauron ran a charity juice stand that cost so much money to operate her husband Sauron had to take out a mortgage on Cirith Ungol.

One of our reporters recently questioned Sauron regarding these allegations. He had this to say:

Sauron: Who are you and what are you talking about?! I’m not married! I’ve never heard of a “Rich Parsley” and I’ve never taken a mortgage out Cirith Ungol! You’ll be hearing from my lawyers!

Clearly a man hopelessly lost to love and in the deepest depths of denial about the costs of his wayward spouse’s wasteful lifestyle.

Will such decadence lead to Sauron and his Wilderland squad losing their chance at the Arda Cup? Only time will tell.

[the phantom]

Groups

GROUP A
Doriath
Himring
Shire-Bree United
Tirion

GROUP B
Anduin
Esgaroth
Misty Mts
Wilderland

GROUP C
Angband
Angfauglith
Hithlum
The Downer

GROUP D
Barad-Dur
Eregion
Eriador
Gondor

GROUP E
Mordor
Nargothrond
The Forest
Tol In Gaurhoth

GROUP F
Mithrim
Numenor
Tol Eressea
Westernesse

GROUP G
Beleriand
Gondolin
Pelori
Valinor

GROUP H
Dunharrow
Lothlorien
Minas Morgul
Minas Tirith

Rosters

Anduin
GK Fram
DF Frumgar
DF Rumil
DF Orophin
MF Falastur
MF Calimehtar
MF Durin
MF Leód
MF *Beorn
FW Telumehtar
FW Earnil II

Angband
GK **Ungoliant
DF Drauglin
DF Balrog #1
DF *Balrog #2
DF **Morgoth
MF Balrog #3
MF Ulfang
MF *Tilion
FW Telvildo
FW Thuringwethil
FW *Ancalagon

Angfauglith
GK Huor
DF Rochallor
DF Balrog #4
DF *Balrog #5
DF **Fingolfin
MF Rían
MF Azaghål
MF Ecthelion
FW Gwindor
FW *Maeglin
FW *Gothmog

Barad-Dur
GK Ohtar
DF Fellbeast #1
DF Nazgul #1
DF Gothmog II
DF Anarion
MF Shagrat
MF Fellbeast #2
MF Mouth
MF Cirdan
MF *Gil-galad
FW Isildur

Beleriand
GK Halmir
DF Bregor
DF Daeron
DF Handir
DF Gamil Zirak
MF Nellas
MF Telchar
MF Aegnor
MF Belegund
MF Angrod
FW Marach

Doriath
GK **Huan
DF Carcharoth
DF Elwe
DF *Beren
DF **Melian
MF Mablung
MF Luthien
MF *Eol
MF *Hurin
FW Beleg
FW **Turin

Dunharrow
GK Aldor
DF Hama
DF Brego
DF Snowmane
DF Theoden
DF Walda
MF Folca
MF Thengel
MF Brytta
MF Theodred
FW Helm

Eregion
GK **Elrond
DF Asfaloth
DF Valandil
DF Erestor
DF *Celebrimbor
MF Lindir
MF Elladen
MF Figwit
MF Elrohir
MF *Glorfindel
FW *Earendil

Eriador
GK Arvedui
DF Tom
DF Valandur
DF Bert
DF Amlaith
MF Argeleb
MF Halbarad
MF Aranarth
MF Barrow-Wight
MF *Aragorn
FW Araphor

Esgaroth
GK Brand
DF Mayor
DF Balin
DF Thorin
MF Galion
MF Attercop
MF Bain
MF Tomnoddy
MF Girion
FW Dain
FW Bard

Gondolin
GK *Rog
DF Penlod
DF Galdor
DF Meleth
DF Thorondor
MF Elenwe
MF Salgant
MF Idril
MF *Turgon
FW Duilin
FW Egalmoth

Gondor
GK *Ecthelion II
DF Romendacil
DF Felarof
DF Boromir I
MF Folcwine
MF Narmacil
MF Ostoher
MF Turambar
MF *Arwen
FW Eldacar
FW Eorl

Himring
GK Maglor
DF Uldor
DF Amrod
DF Ulwarth
DF Amras
MF Borlach
MF Ulfast
MF Borthond
MF Bór
FW Fingon
FW *Maedhros

Hithlum
GK Imlach
DF Baragund
DF Lorgan
DF Algund
DF Galdor
MF Gloredhel
MF Gundor
MF Aradan
FW Celegorm
FW Curufin
FW Hador

Lothlorien
GK *Galadriel
DF Amroth
DF Shadowfax
DF Celeborn
DF **Gandalf
MF Gimli
MF Nimrodel
MF Haldir
MF Boromir II
MF Legolas
FW **Feanor

Minas Morgul
GK Earnur
DF Nazgul #2
DF Angamaite
DF Sangahyando
DF *Nazgul #3
MF Fuinur
MF Herumor
MF King Dead
FW Beruthiel
FW Castamir
FW *Witch King

Minas Tirith
GK Cirion
DF Grimbold
DF Firefoot
DF Denethor II
DF Beregond
MF Elfhelm
MF Imrahil
MF Eowyn
MF Faramir
FW Tarondor
FW Eomer

Misty Mts
GK Caradhras
DF Chief Wolf
DF Landroval
DF Meneldor
DF Watcher
MF Great Goblin
MF William
MF Narvi
MF Saruman
MF *Durin’s Bane
FW Azog

Mithrim
GK Tuor
DF Sador
DF Brodda
DF Gethron
DF Grithnir
DF Annael
MF Aerin
MF Morwen
MF Asgon
MF Nienor
FW Andróg

Mordor
GK Silent Watcher
DF Gollum
DF Nazgul #4
DF Radbug
DF *Nazgul #5
MF Gorbag
MF Snaga
MF Nazgul #6
MF Grishnakh
MF *Nazgul #7
FW Shelob

Nargothrond
GK Barahir
DF Baran
DF Guilen
DF Gelmir
DF Arminas
MF Mim
MF Gildor
MF Emeldir
MF *Glaurung
MF Finduilas
FW Beor

Numenor
GK Silmariën
DF Tar Meneldur
DF Tar Cirytan
DF Tar Calmacil
DF *Ar Zimrathan
MF Tar Elendil
MF Ar Gimilzor
MF Tar Ancalimon
MF Vardamir
MF *Tar Miriel
FW Tar Surion

Pelori
GK *Manwe
DF Gwaihir
DF Nahar
DF Nienna
DF *Namo
MF Vana
MF Orome
MF Irmo
MF Ilmare
MF *Varda
FW Eonwe

Shire-Bree United
GK Butterbur
DF Harry
DF Bill
DF Lumpkin
DF Ferny
MF Gerontius
MF Frodo
MF Samwise
MF Pippin
FW Bandobras
FW Merry

The Downer
GK King Bus
DF Soap Pope
DF Burnt Bert
DF Philip Hampton
MF John Fillis
MF Morsul
MF Lalwende MP
MF Saucepan Man
MF Peter Hampton
MF Hookbill
FW Alien

The Forest
GK Old Man Willow
DF Haleth
DF Fimbrethil
DF Treebeard
MF Goldberry
MF Quickbeam
MF Skinbark
MF River Woman
FW Saeros
FW Thranduil
FW *Bombadil

Tirion
GK Orodreth
DF Elemmakil
DF Elemmírë
DF Caranthir
DF *Aule
MF Enerdhil
MF Finarfin
MF Mahtan
MF *Finrod
FW Aredhel
FW Finwe

Tol Eressea
GK Amandil
DF Tar Aldarion
DF Osse
DF *Salmar
DF *Ulmo
MF Voronwe
MF Lindo
MF Eriol
MF Earwen
MF Elwing
FW Uinen

Tol In Gaurhoth
GK ShastaWolf
DF KuruWolf
DF NilpWolf
DF *SkipWolf
MF GaladWolf
MF SallyWolf
MF InzilWolf
MF *PhantomWolf
FW GwathWolf
FW NerWolf
FW *NogWolf

Valinor
GK Ingwe
DF Indis
DF Vaire
DF Tulkas
MF Nessa
MF Este
MF Yavanna
MF Olwe
FW Nerdanel
FW *Miriel
FW Arien

Westernesse
GK *Tar Atanamir
DF Tar Palantir
DF Elendil
DF Malbeth
DF **Tar Telperien
MF Hyarmendacil
MF Mardil
MF Ar Adunakhor
FW Tar Minastir
FW Elros
FW Ar Pharazon

Wilderland
GK Grimbeorn
DF Great Warg
DF Alatar
DF Oropher
DF *Pallando
MF Radagast
MF Bolg
MF Khamul
FW Smaug
FW *Sauron
FW Scatha