The Narn i Chîn Húrin: Beleg & Falivirn

[Aiwendil]

Aran - two of the lines you mention were already altered from what you cite (I know it's not easy to keep track of the latest version of every change).

For NA-RG-21, we had:

and NA-RG-21faithful{Flinding}[Gwindor] {go-Fuilin} the feet claspéd

And for NA-RG-23.5:

and the names of NA-RG-23.5 Elvish knives and {Gnomish} blades

In these two cases I think I still prefer the above.

On your other proposals:
NA-RG-17: I take it the reason for the suggestion is to make 'fierce' clearly the stronger syllable in the first half-line. That's probably wise, but I think perhaps it can be done more conservatively with:

Then NA-RG-17{Flinding}fiercely [Gwindor], though fear shook him: {1105}

But if you still prefer your line, I have no objection to it.

NA-SL-04: I'm glad you caught this; there's no alliteration in this line! However, I don't know if 'Noldorim' should be used here, since in the later conception the only homes in the area that the Orcs are likely to have plundered belong to woodmen and perhaps some Sindar. I don't have a solution at the moment, but I'll give this line some thought.

NA-RG-18: I think your line is an improvement.

NA-RG-07: Another good catch, since we inadvertantly placed alliterated both stresses of the second half-line. I think your line is good.

NA-RG-57: The question is: can Gwindor really be called Turin's 'friend' at this point? Turin has been mad and witless on the whole journey so far, and he hasn't even asked Gwindor who he is yet. On the other hand, Gwindor could perhaps be called his friend because he has guided and helped Turin during the latter's madness.

NA-SL-12: Your line is an improvement.