The Barrow Downs Newspaper

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Lalwendë

Can I just say, as a new comics fangirl, how cool it is to be in a comic strip, and how utterly cool it is to be barfed on by Alien

*wipes carrots and peas off cloak*

I can assure you, things get much, MUCH messier for your character.

Also, you KNOW you're an elite Downer if you've appeared in The Phantom and Alien.

[Lalwendë]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I can assure you, things get much, MUCH messier for your character.

Awesome, I'm always up for a gorefest

[Boromir88]

I bet Esty is going to put that up somewhere in the N&N forum.~the phantom

Would the true test of importance than be getting a request from tp asking for our opinion in a thread/joining in a game?

But I will say if you get Esty to put that up on N&N that's good...that's true power.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

As Lal and Alien investigate the mysterious oats, they have no idea what kinds of things are living in the sewers... Mostly rats.



Hope you're all enjoying this volume. If you're wondering, this volume will be 100 episodes long. Volume 3, on the other hand, is probably going to be much longer. And Volume 4! Goodness me! I have no idea.
Basically, as we approach episode 50, we reach the first climax of the serise. From there it builds and builds until the shocking ending of episode 100. And, I hope you find the finale VERY surprising.

[Laurinquë]

Ah, the nice lovely non sequiturs Alien throws out!

[Lalwendë]

Curses! I cannot give rep to the Super Hat!

By the way, is it a trilby?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Lalwendë

Curses! I cannot give rep to the Super Hat!

By the way, is it a trilby?

Yes, a very badly drawn trilby.
Do keep the hat factory in mind. Although, I will point out that its relevance won't pay off until Volume 4, I'm afraid.

[alatar]

What Balderdash! The new issue has me scratching my head in amazement over where they get their writers. One can only assume that the recent Barrow Downs Newspaper article was written about some other alatar, as it surely wasn't this nick. Two items from the article clearly indicate that the writer was either (1) writing about some other nit-cradling carrier of Pediculus humanus capitis, or (2) making up the entire story from whole (infested) clothe.

• Item 1 - "...he <alatar> is a 'Well respected Man about town.'" As if! The town folk consider me to be a nuisance, and if it weren't for the moat, I'd have already felt the pinch of pitchforks by the light of torches. However, I respected myself, and were to travel about the town...but that couldn't be it.

• Item 2 - "Friends of alatar..." Are there any left, and those not in hiding surely wouldn't want the gleam of press coverage?

Bah!

[Groin Redbeard]

Wait a minute, I just noticed something: Alien has invisible hands!

A hat factory? Does this mean that they can manufacture those Indiana Jones fedora's to all the Downers? I believe you did an article on that a while back.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Groin Redbeard

Wait a minute, I just noticed something: Alien has invisible hands!

This was established many, MANY years ago. I thought everyone knew...

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Originally Posted by Groin Redbeard

Wait a minute, I just noticed something: Alien has invisible hands!

A hat factory? Does this mean that they can manufacture those Indiana Jones fedora's to all the Downers? I believe you did an article on that a while back.

Yes, he did.
I can't believe that you didn't know that Alien had invisible hands! Groin, you pay less attention than I do!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Grab your hats, eat your soup and climb the ladders! It's time for the News! The phantom's work has, once again, saved me tearing my hair out. Let us give him cakes of many kinds.



This week, The Phantom finds that the plot is a bit like a burnt dog; unusual, useless and it smells a bit.



Comic Archive

So far I've received one entry for the P&A contest. I will post it up on the website at the end of the month. I'll let you all see the entries and then I'll set up a pole for you to vote on which one should win. The winner will get the next five episodes of P&A and a special picture from Volume 3!
I did consider giving away a P&A T-Shirt (I found a website that let me make them), but wasn't sure the mods would be comfortable with it. To be honest, I wasn't. I'm no sell out! Not yet, anyway...

...

Buy Pepsi!

...

Ignore that.

[Morthoron]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

To the person and/or persons dubiously titled 'Editor' and/or 'Editorial Staff':

It is rare that I appear on these pages as myself. I usually write op/ed pieces as some lunatic persona with a clever pseudonym lampooning a tabloid that in itself is a satire of any number of exploitative rags disregarding truth and ethics in the wacky world of the prurient press; however, your front-page blurb 'Phantom Criticized For Mithalwen Article' has gone beyond the pale (and beyond pale in a BD sense is quite ashen). To say that I have been misquoted is an understatement. Let's break down the statements you purport to be mine, as opposed to what I actually said:

First, you claim I said, "What he's doing is an insult to true journalism."

Yet, what I actually stated is as follows (with your out-of-context edits in bold, underlined print):

What an extraordinary article by The Phantom! He's offered a brief but poignant biography of Mithalwen, doing so in an unbiased and colorful manner. It is an undeniable treat to have read such an offering from a newspaper that usually stoops to insult and innuendo. I am gratified to heap honors upon Phantom, and the steps The Downer is making to become the epitome of true journalism.

And then to make matters worse, you claim I said, "A newspaper is supposed to be used for the purpose of reporting, not winking at your friends."

Again, my actual statement, which concerned my new puppy and had nothing to do with the article at all, is as follows (with your out-of-context edits in bold, underlined print):

In house-breaking a puppy, I find soiled newspaper (from the area within the house where the dog is supposed to be paper-trained) is excellent for the purpose of guiding the puppy to doing his duty out-of-doors (if anyone else is involved in training of the puppy, make sure he or she is reporting the progress of the pup -- consistency is important!). When the puppy is ready to advance from paper-training, just take the soiled newspaper outside to a specified area and place the puppy adjacent to the paper, and the scent usually does the rest. But be warned: house-breaking is a serious business, and should not be taken lightheartedly with much winking and nodding. Dogs, even immature puppies, look at your behavior and behave in lke manner. You must be a dog's master before you can be friends.

I find the inept and libelous methods with which you manage to warp the truth to be mind-bogglingly addled, and, truth to tell, utterly unnecessary, particularly since I insult your paper on a regular basis without any need for redaction, blue penciling, deletions, insertions, abridging, abbreviating or edits of any sort.

Sincerely,
Morthoron the Dark Elf
Nan Elmoth, Doriath

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Concerned as I am for the welfare of Downs members, I have thought of a solution that could help Greenie to achieve her usual colour: if we find someone with jaundice to infect her, the combination of yellow with her blues ought to bring the desired results.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Morthoron

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

To the person and/or persons dubiously titled 'Editor' and/or 'Editorial Staff':

...

Sincerely,
Morthoron the Dark Elf
Nan Elmoth, Doriath

Dear Morthoron,

Do you think you are the first person we have done this to? Indeed, there is a helpline and everything! Please Contact The Saucepan Man for more details.

Yours,
The Bed Eater

[Morai]

In house-breaking a puppy, I find soiled newspaper (from the area within the house where the dog is supposed to be paper-trained) is excellent for the purpose of guiding the puppy to doing his duty out-of-doors (if anyone else is involved in training of the puppy, make sure he or she is reporting the progress of the pup -- consistency is important!). When the puppy is ready to advance from paper-training, just take the soiled newspaper outside to a specified area and place the puppy adjacent to the paper, and the scent usually does the rest. But be warned: house-breaking is a serious business, and should not be taken lightheartedly with much winking and nodding. Dogs, even immature puppies, look at your behavior and behave in lke manner. You must be a dog's master before you can be friends.

Hm....perhaps the article was too long. That is some major "editing" though. I suppose it comes with the job title. The Editor simply outdid himself.

[Formendacil]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

Dear Morthoron,

Do you think you are the first person we have done this to? Indeed, there is a helpline and everything! Please Contact The Saucepan Man for more details.

Yours,
The Bed Eater

Of course, I hope you realise that the editors occasionally mess up and do this to the outgoing mail as well as the incoming...

Dear Morthoron,

Do you think you are the king of Gondor? Really sir, we must protest, as I have it on good authority that Legate of Amon Lanc has a claim to this title, and as the first person we have heard this from, his must be the superior claim in our eyes.

Since you are not the king of Gondor it is clear that you must be a hatter, and clearly on your way to insanity. What have we done to earn your ire? I assure you, we should really like to know this, in order to publish it. News is hard to come by, right? Indeed, there is talk of setting up a helpline for us and everything! Please Contact The Saucepan Man for more details about your irrational hatred, so that we can get a story of him chasing you off his lawn.

Yours,
The Best Mud Eater



Oh dear! It is too much fun messing with people's mail like this!