The Barrow Downs Newspaper

[Morthoron]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Editor:

I must duly commend your reporting staff on the timely article "Interlectual Accused of Complete Idiocy!" Very few publications have the gravitas these days to print such theoretic and controversial material. As you may or may not be aware, ongoing research is being conducted into 'bricks-for-brains' syndrome (ie., endocranial thickus brickus) at the American Sociological Society for Eccentric Studies (A.S.S.E.S). Having recently received a sizable endowment from the National Institute for Mental Health (NIMH), more in-depth study into the very nature of bricks-for-brains (both causitive and formative) will be instituted, as well as radical treatments for the mitigation of the brick material, including laser and sound wave techniques (as the old-fashioned methods of removal -- through the sinus cavity or ear canal with forceps or a tablespoon -- have proved ineffective).

Bricks-for-brains syndrome was first positively identified by Dr. Adobe Dutch-Bond in 1603 (although there were incidental mentions of syndrome-like symptoms dating back to the Roman Vitruvius in the 1st century BCE). Dr. Dutch-Bond noted a pattern among the Masons, important and influential civic leaders to a man, for inexplicable "bricke headednesse" that started at "a very yonge age and didst continue unabated for the natural lyfe of yon men". Unable to exploit his theory due to the rudimentary science of the age, Dr. Dutch-Bond merely concluded that these men were "imbeciles of the first order, lacking witte or propriety". Studies have progressed markedly since then, and it has been concluded that, based on measurements of a skull in the Russian Kremlin pruported to be that of Adolf Hitler, the cranium contained a cinder-block 44 cm × 21.5 cm × 10 cm in size, weighing in excess of 25 pounds. This, of course, left little room for concrete thought.

Sincerely,
Dr. Trench Kiln
Director
American Sociological Society for Eccentric Studies