The Bad LotR Fan Fic Drinking Game

[Morthoron]

The misuse of OOC text: best defined as 'out of context' or 'out of control' -- a thwack with a ruler to the typing fingers and a shot of earwax solvent.

Elf-princes/princesses named Terry, Aslan, Felicia, Stephanie, Zero, Valve, Matthias, Jack Sparrow, etc.: any naming convention that includes Greek, Roman or Judaic names or words -- A shot of no-name brand vodka.

Heroes who are Night Elves: an invention of the Everquest game, usually having a shock of white hair and arcane magic -- a shot of reality.

Elves greeting people from atop trees branches: a stock meeting place (elves being squirrelish, I suppose) -- a shot of wormwood liquor.

Heroes who keep pet tigers, lions or wolves: exotic familiars are fairly unfamilar in middle-earth -- a furious spray from a hormonally imbalanced platypus.

There are no rabbis in Middle-earth: neither are there pastors, bishops, cardinals, popes, dalais, imams, ministers or deacons -- a shot of Benedictine.

Elf heroes are required to carry two daggers: and have luminescent blonde hair, of course -- a sip of champagne from Orlando Bloom's elf slipper.

[Oddwen]

Originally Posted by Morthoron

Elves greeting people from atop trees branches: a stock meeting place (elves being squirrelish, I suppose) -- a shot of wormwood liquor.

"Tra-la-la-lally" doesn't count then, I take it.



A Hobbit is abused by another member of the Fellowship - take a shot.

Random Middle-earth denizens are thrown into a single house/room, resulting in hilarity - take a shot.

Fellowship members quoting modern movies - take a shot

The Fellowship is zapped to the Real World - take a shot

Gratuitous schmecks that doesn't concern Legolas or Aragorn - take a shot

A Fellowship member gets hit on the head and thinks he's someone/thing else - take a shot. (Two shot if it's Pippin)

Grima/Eowyn - take a shot.

Legolas torture that's actually funny on purpose - take a shot (and email me the link!)

AU (alternate universe) which places characters from other canons into the plot - take a shot of Butterbeer

AU which completely replaces the familiar denizens of Middle-earth with characters from another canon - take a shot

Harry Potter is the Mary-Sue - take a shot and curse Snape!

Aforespokenof Mary-Sue is turned from a human into a specific M-E race - take a shot

Legolas is joined with a mortal who isn't a Sue, even though they both know that their time together is short - take a shot

A female Ranger exists - take a shot

A male character is purposefully changed to female for narrative purposes - take a shot

Queen Arwen is kidnapped by brigands - take a shot.

Take one additional shot if Aragorn goes out alone to save her.

Take two additional shots if after she is saved, it's discovered she's pregnant and there is doubt about the paternity.

The daughter of a Fellowship member shows all the symptoms of being a Mary-Sue - take a shot

The daughter of a Fellowship member must start another Fellowship for whatever reason - take a shot

The Mary-Sue is actually named Mary-Sue for terribly ironic reasons - take two shots

A young Frodo tortured - take a shot

The presence of a villainess - take a shot

Elrond is abusive - take a shot

Elrond/Agent Smith jokes - take a shot, in bullet time


Any jokes about "The horn of Gondor", "Strawberry Soap", "Sam will kill you if you try anything", etc. without it actually being the Secret Diaries - take a shot

Boromir, going down Raurous, screaming "I'm not dead yet!" - find a shrubbery and take a shot

Saruman misspelled as "Aruman" - take a shot, and wonder if they ever wrote up to RotK...

Any torture that isn't sexual - take a bathroom break.

A daughter of Gandalf with a tragic past consisting of being captured and tortured by Grima & Saruman, along with the Fellowship, usurping Gandalf's place in everything, complete with lots of fainting, revealed powers, ear-biting by a sexist Boromir and an elven boyfriend who freaking lactates since all male elves breast-feed their lovers - shoot yourself.

Ooh, and also take a shot if the Fellowship somehow discovers bad fan-fiction.

[Lush]

a sip of champagne from Orlando Bloom's elf slipper.

*cocks eyebrow* Have you been following Orli and me around? Don't tell anyone what we get up to with those daggers. Children might be reading.

I've got a few more,

Legolas is way, way into casual relations with other Elves, until the hero/heroine captures his heart and sets him right. Of course, he never cheats on hero/heroine - take two shots.

Legolas cheats on hero/heroine, resulting in tedious subplot, usually involving random orcs attacking randomly, and lots of idiotic relationship advice from a seemingly lobotomized Gandalf - take three shots.

Moody Eomer is moody - take a shot.

Thranduil's realm closely resembles Playboy Mansion, with denizens who use words like "alas" - take two shots.

Hero/Heroine is always able to tame out-of-control equine - take a shot.

[Anguirel]

You collapse in giggles on reading this thread and are forced to briefly break cover - take half-a-dozen shots

[The Sixth Wizard]

Hero is either the sixth Istari or one of the Blue Wizards: shotgun a beer.

I get to drink beer? Awesome!