The Bad LotR Fan Fic Drinking Game

[Morthoron]

Heroine is Galadriel's long lost love child: snort a shot of tequila.

Hero is either the sixth Istari or one of the Blue Wizards: shotgun a beer.

Half-elves have multiplied and now constitute an entire race: drink Jack from a flask and claim it's Miruvor.

The Hero/Heroine has a weapon crafted by Telchar of Nogrod: take a shot from a dagger sheathe.

Hero is an Elf-Pirate (recently displaced from the Caribbean): take a shot of rum.

Heroine has purple hair (obviously to match her violet eyes -- I swear I've read this!): Take a shot of hydrogen peroxide.

Heroine describes all female elves as 'Elfess' or 'Elfesses': Chug a Guinesses.

[Mithalwen]

This could be as intoxicating as the drinking game from my cousin's student years in the "Dallas" era "Drink along with Sue-Ellen....

Heroine is a pwinceth:
House of Dol Amroth -one shot
Elrond's second daughter - two shots (+bonus shot for half elf)
Descended from Elwing's missing brothers (+bonus shots for half elf and undermining subsequent history)

Incongruous naming 1-5 shots dependent on degree of silliness and whether it affects "book characters". Personally I would have instituted capital punishment for the person who, playing Elrond, gave him a horse named Peanut (it wasn't here)

Male pregnancy - 4 shots

Thranduil's wife is dead - 1 shot

Male character has female name - 2 shots

[Nerwen]

Heroine comforts depressed/injured characters by singing them a pop-song. –take a shot.

–And the story is named after said song. –take a shot.

–And there's an Author's Note about how incredibly appropriate the lyrics are. -take a shot. Make that two shots if the lyrics have no discernible relationship to Middle-earth, and three if, alternatively, the song is Enya's "May it Be".
–Update: and one more if "May it Be" is described as an ancient Elvish lulllaby.

Elrond, M.D. has to patch up the sick or injured hero/heroine. –take a shot.

Existing characters' origins are rearranged to suit the writer, e.g., Frodo is really the son of Galadriel (I've read this, honestly). –take two shots.

Hero/heroine is not just half-Elven, but the offspring of an Elf and a Maia. –take two shots.

–And said Maia is Sauron or Saruman. –take two shots.

–And the story has a suitably dramatic title, like "Child of Shadows", or "Daughter of Darkness". –take a shot.

Hero/heroine is an assassin. –take a shot. Take two if everyone treats this as a normal, socially acceptable career.

The heroine (it's always a heroine, in this case), is the Tenth Ringwraith. –take a shot. Take two shots if her sinister beauty is inexplicably visible to mortal eyes.
–No, on second thoughts, just take two shots anyway. She's always beautiful and visible.

[skip spence]

Oh dear. I've never felt so happy to be sober.

[Ibrîniðilpathânezel]

Originally Posted by skip spence

Oh dear. I've never felt so happy to be sober.

I could agree with that.

And to add one to the list:

Hero/Heroine is Gandalf's apprentice ala Harry Potter (or, conversely, villain/villainess is Saruman/Sauron's apprentice, also ala Harry Potter). Two shots for one, three for both, four or more for both plus villain/ess reforms and becomes the apprentice's BFF (and probably Gandalf's newest apprentice).

[Lalaith]

I once read some slash involving Legolas and Smaug. How much miruvor had I drunk, do you think?

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

I'm very glad that I am not legally old enough to drink yet!

[Nerwen]

Originally Posted by Morthoron

Hero is an Elf-Pirate (recently displaced from the Caribbean): take a shot of rum.

Hero? I've seen a female Elf-Pirate, too. Also an entire Elven Pirate Ship that dropped anchor just outside Rivendell.

Which brings me to the latest addition:

The story plays havoc with Middle-earth's geography– e.g. Rivendell is now situated on the coast, on top of a mountain or on "vast, sweeping plains". –take a shot.

Rivendell is called "Riverdale". –take a shot. (I know someone said not to do misspellings, but that one's such a classic.)

Legolas has an evil half-brother or evil twin. –take a shot.

The sons of Elrond are pranksters. –take a shot.

Arwen is a giggling twit who gives the heroine a makeover. –take a shot.

The characters are not only in the real world, they're in high school. –take two shots.

The story is an alleged parody, titled something like "Lord of the Burger Rings". –take two shots.

–And the synopsis says "Warning: RANDOMNESS!!!!!. –take a shot. (Translation– "Warning: Stupid".)

The author, having been too mesmerised by Orli's platinum wig to pay any attention to the plot at all, refers to the Nine Walkers collectively as "Lord of the Rings". –take three shots.

[Oddwen]

If you're guilty of having more than five of these scenarios in your own fanfiction - slap yourself on the wrist and take a shot

Take an additional shot if it's all in the same one story.

[Nerwen]

Let's see... you mean like that one where Legolas' half-angel daughter got rescued by Glorfindel from a pack of random Orcs just outside the city of Rivendell? And then Elrond used his amazing healing powers on her? And she had an Irish male name? And Elladan fell in love with her? But it could never be because she was promised to another angel? And Legolas cried bitter tears as he recalled how his evil, angel-hating father had tried to kill his own granddaughter, leaving her with a terrible scar on her earlobe? And then Legolas turned out to have wings too, having turned into an angel himself due to being bitten by his angel wife? And then they went out carousing with the crew of the Elven pirate ship? And then Aragorn and Legolas had sex in a tree? And Mrs Legolas joined them to make a threesome? And then they got attacked by random Orcs again, and Legolas' daughter slaughtered heaps of them, but Legolas and Mrs Legolas were captured and tortured (Legolas had his wings cut off)? And Elladan comforted Legolas' daughter, falling even more deeply in love with her? And then the angel daughter's angel fiance showed up to be Elladan's rival? And then the writer deleted the story because nobody understood what a genius she was?

Yeah, that one. It was called "Complexity".

[Morthoron]

Some fan-fic is just unbelievably corny...

Aragorn is a conflicted and reluctant hero: undecided about the future, haunted by the past -- take one shot and whine to the bartender.

An Elvish army magically appears at a battle they were never at, over terrain controlled by 10,000 orcs: then just as magically, they disappear after the battle -- take 2 shots of air.

Arwen has uber-magic powers: usually arcane powers reserved for ring-wielders alone -- take a shot and a sprinkling of pixie dust.

Elves using mental telepathy: a full conversation over a distance of several hundred miles -- levitate the shot to your lips with your mind and call your mother.

The Army of the Dead appearing where they never were: and are best described as a great green horde of Scrubbing Bubbles -- take a shot of Drano.

Rather mediocre, eh?

[Nerwen]

Oh, that fan fic...

Shhh! Don't let a certain party hear you...

[Diamond18]

Ha this thread is priceless. Though it really belongs in Mirth. :P

I wish I could come up with more to list, but since I generally avoid any fan fiction like the plague, I've been spared any first hand knowledge of the common, ehm, missteps.

But really, I almost want to read that one about Legolas' half-angel daughter. It sounds so... complex...

[Morthoron]

Originally Posted by Nerwen

Oh, that fan fic...

You are just too clever Nerwen.

Originally Posted by Nerwen

Let's see... you mean like that one where Legolas' half-angel daughter got rescued by Glorfindel from a pack of random Orcs just outside the city of Rivendell, and etc.

That is so bizarre it defies description, but somehow I see Keanu Reeves cast in the film version.

[Kitanna]

Originally Posted by Oddwen

If you're guilty of having more than five of these scenarios in your own fanfiction - slap yourself on the wrist and take a shot

Take an additional shot if it's all in the same one story.

Quite so, but it too fun/funny to write for me to care.

My liver hurts and all I've done is read this thread.

Haldir and the Lorien warriors appears to save the day often- Take a shot
Hero/Heroine is Galadriel and Celeborn's other child- Take a shot
Hero/Heroine had one mortal parent and one elven parent who gave up their immortality- Take a shot
Arwen/Legolas- Take a shot
Hero/Heroine captures the heart of Frodo and wipes away the pain from the Ring- Take a shot
Gollum/Sam or Frodo pairing- Cry and down a bottle of vodka

[Ibrîniðilpathânezel]

Hmmm, all of this could lead to the need for a new 12-step program.... ("Hello, my name is Ibrin, and it's been three months since I read my last -- oh, wait a sec, is there a new posting on...?")