A paradise on Middle-Earth

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by alatar

I assume they deliver?

I can't say as all French do, but certainly I suspect we would agree that Tolkien does, paradisically speaking.

[Lalwendë]

Ordinarily it ought to be by the sea. However, The Grey Havens are a bit depressing and there are too many Elves around; and although it might sound exciting thinking about Wizards landing there you get the impression that any bored long-term residents would be moaning "You wait thousands of years here for a Wizard to come along and then five of them arrive all at once! Tch." Another option, Dol Amroth, is too far south and I think they'd get jellyfish and I really don't like the thought of that; plus it might get over-run by day-trippers from Minas Tirith on bank holidays. Alqualonde sounds just beautiful, but the name also sounds too much like a drug to deal with excessive water retention. So unless I could find a forgotten fishing village somewhere on the Western shores of Middle-earth then it has to be The Shire.

It's got nothing extreme about it, no overly large rivers that might flood, no volcanoes, not too many wars. It has some nice woodland and fields and whatnot. Plus it also has all the major things you might need in life like ale, cakes, pipe-weed, taters, coffee, books, maps etc. It has decent pubs. Not too troubled by Elves and Orcs and things though you get the odd Wizard or Dwarf. And what's more, you get presents when it's not even your birthday!

[Eönwë]

Possibly Gondolin (While it remained).

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Originally Posted by Lalwendë

Ordinarily it ought to be by the sea. However, The Grey Havens are a bit depressing and there are too many Elves around; and although it might sound exciting thinking about Wizards landing there you get the impression that any bored long-term residents would be moaning "You wait thousands of years here for a Wizard to come along and then five of them arrive all at once! Tch."

*Mr. Picky arrives* Not necessarily! According to one quite popular version, they did not arrive all at once, but one by one (or two, at maximum).

Originally Posted by Lal

So unless I could find a forgotten fishing village somewhere on the Western shores of Middle-earth then it has to be The Shire.

There were many like that in Enedwaith/Minhiriath...

And what about Brithombar/Eglarest? Or Númenor? Both, of course, only at certain time - but that goes even for the others you named.

Also, I take it that you are limiting your choices to cities or settlements at least. Because otherwise, there are many, many, many beautiful places that could be labelled "paradise", only there is no settlement in there. Not that the words "paradise" and "settlement" seem in any way logically connected in my mind

I already noted above that the surroundings of Vinyamar is the real paradise, and it was even inhabited at one time, so perhaps you could find that one suitable?

[Lalwendë]

Originally Posted by Legate of Amon Lanc

*Mr. Picky arrives* Not necessarily! According to one quite popular version, they did not arrive all at once, but one by one (or two, at maximum).

You should never let facts get in the way of a good joke.

Or even a bad one!

There were many like that in Enedwaith/Minhiriath...

And what about Brithombar/Eglarest? Or Númenor? Both, of course, only at certain time - but that goes even for the others you named.

Also, I take it that you are limiting your choices to cities or settlements at least. Because otherwise, there are many, many, many beautiful places that could be labelled "paradise", only there is no settlement in there. Not that the words "paradise" and "settlement" seem in any way logically connected in my mind

I already noted above that the surroundings of Vinyamar is the real paradise, and it was even inhabited at one time, so perhaps you could find that one suitable?

There would have to be some kind of human habitation or else I'd end up like Tom Hanks in that film where he starts going insane and having conversations with a football. Preferably this habitation would not feature Elves as their singing would get on my wick

[Gordis]

A paradise on ME? – But the place you would choose entirely depends on what you are.

For an Elf the paradise is certainly Lorien, a place made as much alike to Valinor as all the magic of Nenya had permitted. But is that a good place for humans? – hardly. The Rohirrim, Galadriel’s neighbors, deemed the Golden wood perilous and I don’t think it was unfounded. What happens to a mortal in this beautiful timeless realm? You stay there seemingly but for a few days – but in reality decades have passed unnoticed. You will waste your life in the Golden wood, living like in a dream where nothing really happens.

Rivendell is a tad better for us, mortals. Perhaps it is because Imladris was conceived by Peredhel, half-Elven. It is a place of lore and rest. Still it seems Elrond did meddle with Time somewhat, as Bilbo, for instance, had hard time keeping track of passing days. Then for all entertainment there is this singing and story-telling in the Hall of Fire that makes you so sleepy…. Day after day it might drive you crazy.

The Shire is a good place for an average 21 century human, peaceful and cheerful. But be prepared to eat eight meals a day, which might well ruin your waist-line. Also, won’t you feel a bit like Gulliver among the Lilliputians? I am not sure it is THAT pleasant to be almost twice taller than everybody else.

Rohan? Hmm, you may be fond of horses, but I guess you will miss the basic commodities of modern life.
Gondor is a good place, but be prepared to feel inferior to high-and-mighty Numenoreans. Also a view on Orodruin and the dark Shadow over the mountains might be unsettling. Worse still, if Mordor does attack while you are there.
I won’t even discuss Fangorn. You will run out of there in a few days, screaming.

If you are an orc, I would recommend Misty Mountains near Gundabad. In Moria there is a nasty big Barlog, while in Mordor or Isengard there will always be a Master eager to teach you proper orc manners with a whip.

If you are a wraith, head for Minas Morgul – you won’t find a better place in Middle Earth. Not only is it gorgeous, with its lofty tower, stunning statues, misty river and fields of white flowers, but it is as much attuned to us, wraiths, as Lorien is to Elves. Imlad Morgul is our paradise. I wouldn’t recommend the lonely Barrows of Cardolan, unless someone sends and binds you there. In this case, beware of an evil, unpredictable neighbor – Tom.

Hope that helps.

[Groin Redbeard]

Originally Posted by Gordis

If you are an orc, I would recommend Misty Mountains near Gundabad. In Moria there is a nasty big Barlog, while in Mordor or Isengard there will always be a Master eager to teach you proper orc manners with a whip.

If you are a wraith, than head for Minas Morgul – you won’t find a better place in Middle Earth. Not only is it gorgeous, with its lofty tower, stunning statues, misty river and fields of white flowers, but it is as much attuned to us, wraiths, as Lorien is to Elves. Imlad Morgul is our paradise. I wouldn’t recommend the lonely Barrows of Cardolan, unless someone sends and binds you there. In this case, beware of an evil, unpredictable neighbor – Tom.

Man Gordis, you make some of the most horibal places in Arda sound wonderful. Have you ever concidered of becoming a salesman?

[Gordis]

Originally Posted by Groin Redbeard

Man Gordis, you make some of the most horibal places in Arda sound wonderful. Have you ever concidered of becoming a salesman?

He-he... If I get fired from my present work, I might find a job in a tourist agency.