The Science of Middle Earth

[Farael]

Abstract: Tom Bombadil is Eru!! Now that I have your attention, let me tell you about this article that has nothing to do with that merry fellow, who’s jacket is green and his boots are yellow. The main topic of this article is sexual dimorphism in Ent population, in order to explain the “losing” of the Entwives.

Introduction: It is a well known fact that the Entwives have been lost for many an age. The good ol’ Ents used to go around looking for them, until they got tired and gave up the search. Well, they had the answers right on their faces all the time. Figured it out yet? Well, let me tell you what sexual dimorphism means.

Originally Posted by Wikipedia, the repository of all knowledge on earth

Sexual dimorphism is the systematic difference in form between individuals of different sex in the same species.

Indeed, Ents and Entwives are very different from one another. Fangorn does seem to think otherwise, and still holds that Entwives and Ents were fairly similar. Tree-beard they call him… if he could only understand why, much of his troubles would be over!! But, if there is one thing the old Ent is right, is that we should not be hasty.

Now, it is a well known fact that most species develop primary and secondary (or sexual) characteristics. These secondary characteristics are one of the most clear examples of sexual dimorphism, as they are what differentiate males and females of a given species. What very few people know, since I just discovered it, is that Ents also grow tertiary characteristics. In male Ents (or Ents) these are minimal, but include the darkening of their skin and the thickening of their outer bark.

After much thought and consideration, I can explain to you why female Ents (or Entwives) have been “lost” for so long.

Results and Conclusion:
During my interview with Fangorn a most curious thing happened. When I asked about his beard, he answered something along the lines of:
Hummm hooomm…. Here now, don’t be hasty… Hm ho… if I keep answering all your questions soon I’ll be telling you my real name. Hmmm ohhh and it went on for quite a while.

When pressed harder, he answered (in a low, quick whisper… a most unusual behaviour for such an un-hasty Ent): It just appeared all of a sudden. One night I was standing under my favourite waterfall with fair Fimbrethil and the following morning she was gone and this… beard was on me. I have not shaved since, as it reminds me of her

Ladies and Gentlemen, Wight, Nazghul and trapped Hobbits, I have since discovered that… Tree-beard should be called Tree-entwife!. My first suspicions were confirmed when, after interviewing other bearded Ents, all shared a similar story!

Of thirty nine bearded-Ents (BEnt) interviewed, thirty seven BEnt claimed a similar if not identical tale as the one of Fangorn. The Two BEnt that did not, were becoming rather tree-ish and it is possible that they did not even listen to the question being asked.

DNA samples taken from the BEnts and their beards corroborate this assumption further. While the Cytosine + Guanine percentage of both the BEnts and their respective “beards” were almost identical (clearly indicating that they belong to the same species) there was a distinct difference, including the lack of a homologous of Chromosome 25 in BEnts.

So finally, I must conclude, that in spite of all speculation about gardens in The Shire, the Entwives never left Fangorn (Forest). Indeed, they suddenly developed their tertiary characteristics, which seems to resemble well... lichen of some sort.

Fangorn (the BEnt) refuses to answer my palantir-calls after he was informed of my discovery, yet Quickbeam (his lawyer) has informed me that they will be pursuing legal action against me. The Truth must be known! Listen to me my fellow scientists, and let’s all put to rest the impossible theory that a ten-feet (or more) female Ent could possibly be “misplaced”!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I hope no one minds...



I've got a theory to share with the masses.

When making study of the Science of Middle Earth, and indeed, The Barrow Downs, one must first consider the Periodic Table of Elements.
I have here attached a copy of the table so that you can understand some of the theories I am here about to portray:

Firstly, according to Elrond's Law of Longevity;

WtHi + MrNg ---> MrWtNg + Hi
Therefore,
MrWtNg + Wx ---> MrWx + Wt + Ng

Now, it must be stated that, in order to extract pure Ng from MrNg, one must first set it through the poiling process as stated by the theory of Sir Albert Frankson. Yet, when placed in water (H2O) at boiling point (1,000 degrees C) MrNg has a rather different reaction:

HEAT
MrNg + H2O --------> Ng2O + HMr

Which means it is much easier to extract pure Ng by the simple use of Roheric separation, as shown:

Ng20 + Rb ----> RbNg + 2O

RbNg + fAu ----> fRb + Ng + Au

And the fRb can be dissolved by the same process.

[Lhunardawen]

Just an idea for anyone interested: in light of Farael's excellent research on Ents, somebody might want to do a separate one for Dwarves, just so we could finally prove if Gimli was simply lying about the Dwarf-women. Thank you.

[The Elf-warrior]

Dwarves: Homo Khazadus. This species is not of Eruian origin. This has led some to propose that Dwarves be classified in a separate genus. However, this has been rejected on the grounds that Linnaean taxonomy is based on morphology, not etiology. Dwarves are classified separately from Humans on the basis of a number of differences including the ubiquitous presence of facial hair on females, their 42 chromosomes, their smaller height, a tougher physiology, and their resistance to fading and Gollum Syndrome as a side effect of shadow-realm transportation devices, and the disproportionate number of men born among them.

Dwarf DNA may be the key to unlocking the secrets of the universe. An ancient legend says that a great computer said that the answer to life, the universe, and everything was “42.” Although the exact question is unknown, this is still an important piece of information. Researcher Author Adams claimed in a scientific paper published in the journal Plant Lore that hidden in Dwarvish DNA is accurate and concise instructions for programming a Sony SLV-N700 Hi-Fi VHS VCR. Programming VCR's is a task that only people whose mechanical aptitudes are 2.3 standard deviations above the mean can do. This discovery corroborates the idea that the secrets of the universe are hidden in Dwarven DNA. Further research is needed.

Studies of Dwarven height show an approximate statistical mean of 4 feet 5 inches. This is less than six inches less than the average heights of the smallest subgroups of Homo Sapiens, the Mbuti and Baka tribes. But apparently, the statistical mean is skewed right due to the unsociable nature of the Petty Dwarves, thus causing them to be statistically underrepresented.

The livers and digestive systems of the Dwarves are very resistant to poisons, including alcohol. This is because the Valar designed them to handle the Morgothian threat. Dwarves were also designed to be very hardy, but contrary to popular belief, they are not natural sprinters. On the contrary, they are 2.5 standard deviations above the mean at enduring long marches under strenuous conditions.

Dwarves are also resistant, although not entirely immune, to the deleterious effects of bearing loop of metal shadow-realm transportation devices. The only pronounced effect noted in the historical records from holding Rings of Power was an inflaming of a desire for gold and other precious thing and an increase in irritability when they didn't have them. No tendency to unusual throat sounds was noted.

A survey by Tra Lally showed that approximately 69% of Dwarves born are men. He theorized that this is due to hormonal secretions during pregnancy. Further research is needed.

[Macalaure]

Hookbill's periodic table has gotten me an idea:


The Periodic Table of Elementary Downers!



Unfortunately, I had to cut the quality of the picture ridiculously in order to get the file size under 100 kb, which I found out to be the maximal allowed size of an attachment. *sulks at admins* If you want to see the original picture, send me a pm with your email address.

(I hope nobody's disappointed if he's left out. There's only so much space and it's extremely easy to overlook someone)

[High King Fingolfin]

Ahh, good to be radioactive. I seem to recall one of those has been made before, a while back, but it was very different. (And it didn't include me.

Very nice job, Mac.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Macalaure

Unfortunately, I had to cut the quality of the picture ridiculously in order to get the file size under 100 kb, which I found out to be the maximal allowed size of an attachment. *sulks at admins* If you want to see the original picture, send me a pm with your email address.

Why not try splitting it into three parts like I did. It can't hurt to see things a little more clearly.

And now... Some S.C.I.E.N.C.E!

Speed of Flight.

"Fly you fools" is a famous phrase of the infamous Wizard, uncloaker and all round busy body, Gandalf the Grey. But how fast is flight really?
Well, the question depends entirely on the context, obviously.
Through a vacuum and free of resistance or gravitational pull of any heavenly bodies, the speed of flight can be measured by the flight of Melkor. It is generally accepted that he took some 5.4 hours to reach his resting point (approximately 1,000 miles away from Arda) in the outer darkness after being driven out in the first wars.
It has been established by Elendil's theory of Valar flight patterns that Melkor left Arda's gravitational pull after 1 hour and thirty minutes. Therefore, it can be assumed that he took a further 4.4 hours to travel 1,000 miles. We can therefore calculate the speed of flight thus...

1000/4.4 = 227.2727r

So, in a vacuum, the speed of Flight is roughly, 227.3 mph. Yet Gandalf asked the fellowship to fly whilst in Moria. Thanks to recent incite from Dwarvish sources, we now know the air pressure of Moria to be roughly 3.5 grs.
Using Bombadill's theory of High:

Speed = Pressure + Speed of Flight (in vacuum) X 42 / 3
Therefore:
Speed = 3.5 + 227.2727 X 42 / 3
Speed = 230.772 X 42 / 3
Speed = 9692.454 / 3

Speed = 3230.818

QED

[Macalaure]

Why not try splitting it into three parts like I did. It can't hurt to see things a little more clearly.

But then people would have to paste it together again to see the whole.