The Barrow Downs Newspaper

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

On a more positive note, the recent space-time anomalies have enabled me to escape from an eccentric temporal loop in which I had been trapped for some eight millennia. Fortunately my absence would appear to have been somewhat shorter in real time. If I seem oddly changed, it's because eight-thousand years of reading the last sentence of next week's Hansard is a more than usually life-changing experience. Public Order (Rudeness to Budgerigars) Act indeed!

p.s. Those letters to the editor are obvious fabrications. I am disgusted that they weren't properly disguised as real letters according to standard editorial practice.