Middle Earth Idol

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The 80s it is then!

Here, to the dismay of the crowd, is Hookbill, once again, performing another song to make your ears bleed! Everyone groans as he takes to the microphone...

"Hello, here is a song that is about a man who you may well know. Cast your minds back to the first age, or there about and guess the character!"

***

The Song of the Swords
Hawkwind
(Mutilated by Hookbill)

A clash of steel!
A blinding light!
Is this the start of Chaos' fight?
We were born to be free
Not to live in terror under tyranny

(My eyes were blind I could not see
what was this Morgoth’s sorcery?
I heard a murmuring in the night
Black swords hanging cold as ice
Will they lead me to Paradise?)

Take up the sword
And take up me
The Dark lord's answer is to be
Your path is chosen, you have no choice
Come join us now, thus spoke the voice

Paradise, is this my Paradise?

There, Hurin tortured by the blackest fears
Then fell Turin melts in shameless tears
The journey onward; it never ends
When you're alone with so few friends...

****

As the song ended there were courses of boo’s and hisses and bottle cast onto the stage and the little man waddled off to hide.

[The Only Real Estel]

80s huh? Well, 80s it is I guess...

I'm Estel & I'll be doing The Eye of the Tiger by Survivor, in the voices of Merry and Pippin.

Tired and weak, it's been a long day;
I guess we both missed dinner.
Can't walk much more, but we know just the place;
We'd sell our souls for a mug just to drain!

But we're not dumb, it's just down the street;
It's that lovely Green Dragon.
Propped up our feet, now we're gobblin' up meat.
Come inside, you might hear us say:

Try the pie or the cider,
They're on special tonight!
If you want, you can have an appetizer!
You might like their salami, and the mince pie's all right.
And they'd really go well with the pie,
Or the cider.

Never skip, more than one meal;
It's never good to be hungry.
And they make a pretty mean apple tart,
Have a taste, they were made fresh today!

Try the pie or the cider, or the cake or the beer;
Maybe we can suggest an appetizer.
Stay away from the salad, cause it looks a mite queer;
But you just can't go wrong with the pie,
Or the cider.

Throwing up, straight out the chute;
Straight from the gut, in it's glory.
Went the distance, now we can't help but puke,
Hobbits that ate much too much once again!

Still, try the pie or the cider;
It's the thrill of one bite!
Let us please be your catering advisor!
If you want substitutions, they won't put up a fight;
And they'd really go well with the pie,
Or the cider.

The pie or the cider...[repeat out]

[The Saucepan Man]

Well, it's going to be difficult to beat TORE in the humour stakes. The Pie or the Cider is destined to become a Shire pub classic.

So I shall try to strike a more pensive chord in this round. Look, I have even removed my pots and pans, since they are not in keeping with the reflective nature of the song that I have chosen for this performance.

It is sung in the style of Glorfindel, while recouperating from his fatal struggle with the Balrog in the Halls of Mandos (to the tune of Vienna by Ultravox).

She mourns in the cold halls
Grieving death in the mortal plane
Crying and weeping
Her tears in the dark wept for pity’s claim
So mystic and soulful
Her voice reaching out in a healing cry
It stays with me until
The feeling is comforting you and I
It cleans suffering from me
This cleans suffering from me
Ah, Nienna

Her music is grieving
Mournful tears for Ezellohar’s twins
Bathing and cleansing
Alone in the halls as the darkness brings
A cool empty silence
The warmth of her heart under Námo’s eye
It aids convalescence
The anguish has gone when I hear her cry
It cleans suffering from me
This cleans suffering from me
Ah, Nienna

[String solo]

She cleans suffering from me
This cleans suffering from me
Ah, Nienna

[Gurthang]

Well, looks like it's getting close to crunch time.

Anyway, I'm Gurthang (always will be) and I'm back again to sing another song to you. Tonight, I'm singing as Elrond, to Arwen, trying to convince her to go to Valinor. I'd like to call it My Daughter Arwen. (Revamped lyrics from Sister Christian by Night Ranger.) Hope you like.

My daughter Arwen
Oh the time has come
And you know
That you're the only one who can say
O.K.
Are you going
What you waiting for
You know that boat
It will not stay no more
For you
It's true

You're pondering
Will you give eternal life
To stay with mister right
and be here for the night

Arwen you know
You've grown up so fast
And Daddy's worried
That you'll soon decide to say
I'll stay
My daughter Arwen
There's so much in life
Don't you give it up
Before your time is due
It's true
It's true yeah

Pondering
Will you give eternal life
Just because he's in your sights
And is with you tonight
Pondering
Will you give eternal life
To stay with mister right
And be here for the night

Pondering
Will you give eternal life
To stay with mister right
And be here for the night
You're motoring
Will you give eternal life
To stay with mister right
And be here for the night

My daughter Arwen
Oh the time has come
And you know
That you're the only one to say
O.K.
But you're pondering
Yeah pondering

[Celuien]

Hmm. 80s. Panakeia doesn't know much about the 80s. Neither does her author.

That said, the next performance will be of "King under the Mountain," sung to a tune by Bon Jovi. In the voice of Thorin. Accompaniment by Gùglë.

"King Under The Mountain"

Oh, Dwarves, now it's time to drive the Dragon's evil out
There's a hunger burning in the heart of our souls.
Come with me! The time is here - so you know you what I'm talking about
Stand up and fight together - no more hiding in holes!

We've been down and mistreated
Now we're standing undefeated

[Chorus:]
I'm the King Under The Mountain
I'm the King of the Dwarves
I'm the King Under The Mountain
I'm the King of the Dwarves

We've spent our lives toiling year to year, away from our own mines
The Dragon says "You fools, you'll never be no good"
But now, of a sudden, there's a magic in the air that makes us come alive
And now's the time Smaug can't put you down, no one could.

We've been down and mistreated
Now we're standing undefeated

[Chorus]

Oh, Dwarves, now it's time to drive the Dragon's evil out
There's a hunger burning in the heart of our souls.
Come with me! The time is here - so you know you what I'm talking about
Stand up and fight together - no more hiding in holes!

We've been down and mistreated
We won't be cheated
Now we're standing undefeated...

[Chorus]

[littlemanpoet]

Greetings. This song is in honor of the day Frodo and Sam struggled into Sammath Naur and the Ring was destroyed. The day became New Year's Day for the Free Peoples of Middle Earth.

* Piano, bass guitar and driving percussion set up the theme..... *

Yeah...

[Frodo to Sam]

All is quiet on New Year's Day
Middle Earth can now get underway
Here we are at the end of all
End of all things
Everything changes this New Year's Day
On New Year's Day

I will be with you again
I will be with you again

[Pippin sings to himself]

Under a blood red sky
Armies have gathered in black and white
Arms raised in battle, so very few
The wise have said, they say
Say it's true it's true...
we can win through
Though torn and broken
We may have won

I...I will begin again
I...I will begin again

[Gandalf murmurs to himself whilst on an Eagle's back]

Oh...
Maybe the time is right
Oh...maybe tonight...

I'm coming for you Frodo
I'm coming for you, brave one

And so comes the passing of another Age
A Ring was the reason this war was waged
I'm coming for you
I come for you this benighted day
All is changed
This New Year's Day
On New Year's Day

* instrumental continues and slowly fades as three Eagles descend upon the heaving shoulders of Orodruin and ascend again, two of them bearing small burdens....*

[Mithalwen]

Mithalwen, with a Lady Di hairdo and too much eyeliner, and clad even more unflatteringly in a frilly shirt and velvet 'bockers has returns to 1981 and New Romanticism with a reworking of the first released Spandau Ballet single "To cut a long story short", which now tells of Nienor Niniel being cast under the spell of the worm Glaurung and her fateful meeting with Turin:

Glaurung is gazing
See him in the sunlight
To cut a long story short
I lost my mind

Standing on the hill top
Found there by Mablung
To cut a long story short
I lost my mind

Running through Brethil
like a wild creature
Fleeing in terror
From elf and orc
To cut a long story short
I lost my mind

Stricken in the rain
Oh I was waiting for death to come
I was beautiful and damned
And so very very young
To be sleeping on a tomb
To be dicovered by Turin

Questions questions
Give me no answers
Thats all they ever give me
Questions questions
Oh look at the strange girl
She finds it hard existing
To cut a long story short
I lost my mind