Did elves smoke?

[narfforc]

It is said that Legolas disaproved of the habit. Pipe-weed was brought to Middle-earth from Numenor, how it got there I do not know, but I would'nt like to have been the person responsible for smoking the first pipe, how many other weeds they had to try before they found one they liked is frightening to think of......ha-ha

[Lalwendë]

Elveses only smoke when you set 'em on fire. Mua-ha-ha.

It begs the question of whether Lothlorien was a non-smoking establishment. Would you have fancied being ordered outside for a smoke with all those orcses about?

[davem]

Originally Posted by Lalwendë

Elveses only smoke when you set 'em on fire. Mua-ha-ha.

In an early draft of LotR Gandalf does threaten to set Legolas on fire on Caradras, suggesting he would burn well (Treason of Isengard p170). This implies that Elves are quite flammable & were useful as a source of tinder in an emergency. Feanor was obviously more flammable than the average Elf, but I think we can assume that all Elves had a tendency to ignite in the right circumstances. Tolkien doesn't mention Spontaneous Elven Combustion as a normal event, but I think their well known love of the Sea may have something to do with their awareness of their innate flammability, & their aversion to smoking.

[narfforc]

I think you two have been partaking of the weed......ha-ha, good to see humour is alive and kicking.

[davem]

Originally Posted by narfforc

I think you two have been partaking of the weed......ha-ha, good to see humour is alive and kicking.

Well, I was being quite serious! I think clues to Elven flammability may be found in the text if one searches closely. It seems to be a result of over-excitement or a reaction to extreme danger. For example, in Appendix B we find the following interesting incident:

In the North also there had been war and evil. The realm of Thranduil was invaded, and there was long battle under the trees and great ruin of fire; but in the end Thranduil had the victory.

Clearly the Mirkwood Elves in the heat of battle had spontaneously combusted, igniting the surrounding trees. Of course, its possible that this was a deliberate strategy on the part of a highly trained squad of Suicide Elves (the 'Forlorn Hope'), who sacrificed themselves in an assault on the attacking Orcs.

EDIT

It occurs to me now that the 'Blasting fire' used by Saruman at Helm's Deep may provide evidence that Orcs were descended from Elves. If the Orcs had retained their Elven trait of combustibility he may have used shredded Orc.

This begs the question of what Gandalf used in his fireworks, too. One hopes they were Orc based.....

[Lalwendë]

Originally Posted by davem

This begs the question of what Gandalf used in his fireworks, too. One hopes they were Orc based.....

The fireworks which had white sparkles were made from shredded Elf toe nail clippings. The black, explosive powder was made of Elven nose hair. Yellow fireworks, like Roman Candles, were made from Galdriel's ear wax. And all red fireworks were carefully constructed from that most precious of commodities, Elf scabs.

[davem]

I think we can also make an informed guess at the nature ot the 'Tricksy Lights' in the Dead Marshes too.

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by Lalwendë

Elveses only smoke when you set 'em on fire. Mua-ha-ha.

It begs the question of whether Lothlorien was a non-smoking establishment. Would you have fancied being ordered outside for a smoke with all those orcses about?

Right. Smoking is best done by hobbits:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

What did I tell you? Here we are in mirth!

I've just had a thought on the subject of burning Elves. In The Two Towers, the weapon that the uruks have brought from Saruman is described as being "A blasting Fire", could this be further Elf powered weaponry?

How do you think Gandalf made his staff light up? Elf dandruff!

[Fordim Hedgethistle]

According to the Leggy-Bopper Olie-girls there's at least one Elf that, like, is so totally hot that he is, as one from an older generation may say, smokin'.

[Tuor of Gondolin]

So "the fading of the elves" so regretted by
the hobbits, elves, and men refers to their
smoking after initial combustion. Fascinating.
Presumably the lack of elves in the Fourth Age spurred
the invention of matches and lighters.

[davem]

I am sorry to see an informed & erudite discussion (on my part in the main, admittedly), relegated to 'Mirth'. Sadly this has always been the fate of such cutting edge speculations

I intentionally provided quotes, & references to Tolkien's works, to back up my thesis that Elves are innately prone to combustion & a particularly useful fuel source. I think its clear, now, that the reason for the tiny number of Elves in Endor by the end of the Third Age is due principally to, on the one hand, their usefulness as a source of domestic fuel &, on the other, to SEC (Spontaneous Elven Combustion) due to over excitement or stress. Incidents of IEC (Intentional Elven Combustion) also seem to have occurred in battle as a deliberate act (Elves as WMD's is an area I think is worthy of further investigation. Morgoth's invasion of Beleriand was probably down to his desire to locate & neutralise this threat to Angband.)

I hope this move to Mirth will not result in the thread being taken over by sillyness & jokey comments.

Thankyou.