Beren and Lúthien - Changes needed

[Aiwendil]

I must apologize (again) for being so slow with this. Here, finally, are some comments (up to BL-EX-10).

BL-SL-01: The absence from LQ of the Orc-leader’s intention to betray Sauron and take the ring seems very probably due to compression. If I recall correctly, that feature was already present in the original version of the Lay, and yet is absent from other earlier accounts.
The matter of whether the Orcs took the whole hand of Barahir or just the ring is an interesting one. I could imagine that the fact that they took the whole hand is simply omitted from the Lay, not rejected. But even if there were a definite disagreement between the two texts, we would have no way of determining priority – in such a case, I think I’d go with the Lay. Actually, it strikes me that, as a general principle, we might want to give priority to the later version of the Lay over LQ, since by this point much of the work on LQ was merely copying QS.

BL-EX-03: This needs a bit of thought. As much as I like the passage, I am really quite hesitant to include it, since Tolkien left it out of the revised version. I can think of a possible motivation for this removal – it is said in QS (as found in the ’77) that Beren “spoke of it [the journey] to no one after, lest the horror lest the horror return into his mind; and none know how he found a way, and so came by paths that no Man or Elf else ever dared to tread to the borders of Doriath”. I need to think about this further, but for the moment I must say I’m inclined not to re-introduce the passage.

BL-EX-04:If we do include it, we might want to say “did he” rather than “he did”. The metrical “did” is not good, and Tolkien went to great lengths to excise it from the revision, which is perhaps another reason we shouldn’t include this bit.

BL-EX-06:

now all these horrors like a cloud {575}
BL-EX-06{faded from mind}[he did there find]. The waters loud

This doesn’t work – “like a cloud” describes the horrors fading from his mind. I cannot think of a solution at the moment, though I’m not inclined to try overly hard, as I don’t think we should include this passage anyway.

BL-EX-07: I think this should be “recked not {now}[of] the burning road”.

BL-RG-00.5: What about:

BL-RG-00.5 and tree-propped halls, the forest-{god}[lord],
rides his great stallion golden-shod

Also, I believe there was a change Tauros > Tauron. I will have to check, though – I can’t recall where it might be found.

BL-RG-02: Removing “and there” leaves an ungrammatical sentence. But we could simply change the comma to a semi-colon:

in the land of the Valar long ago{,}[;]
BL-RG-02{and there} in {Tun}[Tirion] of their own light
they shone like marvellous stars at night,

BL-RG-05: I like the idea here, but I don’t think the sense is entirely clear once “Gods” is removed (Who is bringing the chain? Where are they bringing it?) Perhaps:

for Morgoth shall BL-RG-05{by Gods}[with force] be BL-SL-02{wrought}[brought]
{of}[with] steel and torment. Names she sought,

BL-RG-06: Findegil wrote:

An alternative line cold be:
“{of} tower-crowned {Tun}[Tuna], that still”

Well – not if “crowned” is supposed to be pronounced as two syllables, as it seems to be in the original.

In the line:

of tower-crowned BL-RG-06{Tun}[town], that still

. . . there seems to be a missing article. We might make it:

of [the] tower-crowned BL-RG-06{Tun}[town], that still

BL-RG-08: I think we can keep the “and”; the second and third syllables of “Silpion” are short enough to allow it.

BL-RG-09: I think the extra syllable might be a problem here. A shorter replacement for “Lord of Gods” would be good, though I can’t think of one at the moment.

BL-RG-09: I’m not entirely sure the extra syllable is needed, but I think it works.

BL-RG-11.5: I’m unsure about this; it would be good to try to find an alternative.

BL-RG-12: I think your line is excellent. But I think you meant “’twixt” with a “t” on the end.

BL-RG-15:

Is my counting at a miss or did Tolkien leave out a syllable in lines 1825 and 1827?

Though Tolkien calls the form “octosyllabic couplets”, I am very much of the opinion that it is really what would be better called “iambic tetrameter”. What is really fixed, I think, is the sense of four “feet” per line, not the number of syllables. But in the cases of lines 1825 and 1827, I think it’s a moot point – by my count, there are eight syllables in each of those lines (nine in 1827, if one pronounces “power” as two syllables). So I see no need to make any metrical changes.

BL-RG-17: I think this is fine. “Tuna” is, after all, really a later form of “Tun”, despite the fact that its significance was slightly changed.

BL-SL-03: I agree that a better solution should be sought here, though I cannot provide one at the moment.

BL-EX-09: This is a little clunky. I wonder whether it’s really necessary to introduce the name ‘Edrahil’ (though I agree that, all else being equal, it would be good to do).

BL-SL-04: What about merely making it:

of Orodreth set it: 'BL-SL-04{Brother}[Nephew] mine, (1920)

BL-EX-10: I need to look at this some more and see if I can come up with something better. But if we have too much trouble with it, we should just omit it.