The Hobbit Survivor

[Anguirel]

Originally Posted by Kuruharan

I suspect that they would now like to choose Smaug as the least of the three evils (so far as they are concerned, although Smaug may have been Ang’s preferred candidate from the beginning).

Too right, my fine feathered firkin.

Oh viewers, the real King Under the Mountain-the one who actually made Erebor and the River Running gleam with red-gold-the Prince of the Wilderland-has come into his own.

The Warg Chief put up a splendid fight which will reverberate down the ages. But Lord Smaug the Magnificent is a contestant of still greater dimensions; yet more eloquent tongue; whose renown enthralls the imagination of mortal Men.

Think on it, my braves, think on the majesty and glory that has always belonged to the Dragon and the Dragon alone. Think of all those pious St George pictures where the wonder of the dragon makes George seem waiflike. Think on his bewitching hoard of marvels. Think on Fafnir! Consider the bane of Beowulf!

Several years ago, I attended an institution called the Dragon School. (In fact the school trip administrators were called Smaug Abroad). We had a school song, the Carmen Draconiensis, hardly ever employed, but on the rare occasions it was sung it was powerful, and I recall every word still.

Long ago there were creatures that ranged
Through the forests in hides of dark armour
But some are extinct and some changed
And the forests are tilled by the farmer.
Yet a weathertop glistens on high
And above it a Dragon is seated
And the words on that tin say "go in and win"
And the Dragon is rarely defeated.

No more is it, my braves, no more is it. For the sake of Smaug and the timeless myth he stands for, vote thus:

++SMAUG

On a less mythic and atavistic note, the Forces of Evil deserve an outright win just this once. Merry won LoTR Survivor, and Sauron was only runner up to Maglor in the Silmarillion Survivor. It's now up to the splendour of Smaug to redress the balance.

[Kuruharan]

Announcer: And Anguirel casts a vote for Smaug, the first in this Survivor final. Bob, how do you think this will influence the subsequent voting?

Color Commentator: Well, Cliff, I think it puts The Saucepan Man in a bit of a spot. It is our best guess that he would like a villain, any villain to win. With his choices reduced to Smaug that would be his natural. However, will he be able to bring himself to side with Anguirel?

Announcer: An interesting question Bob. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go see if we can't hire a sideline reporter who is at least twenty years younger than I am, who will hopefully be impressed by "The Announcer's" prestige (and salary).

Color Commentator: Good Luck, Cliff!

(Yes, I know I'm having too much fun.)

[mormegil]

Does anybody else want to annoy Ang?

I'm game and I think I know how but we will need to be certain to vote in a block as to avoid spreading our votes to thin.

All who are apathetic about this winner flock to me!

[Elu Ancalime]

++Smaug I, The Real King Under the Mountain

I will come out of my shell now. I want Smaug to win it. Lynch me, why dont ya'. Hehehe....

Obviously, Smaug is entitled to win. He is a true fighter, only a cheap shot that was staged by Bilbo, Mr Thrush, and Bard defeated him. Smaug pwnd all of Rhovanion, and took the unofficial throne of Dragon Leetness. Dwarves were no match for him, men he eat for supper. Elves were smart enough not to mess wif' him, so he chilled in his crib. Even secretly, Sauron E-mailed him a message that he would pay him to attck Lake-Town and the Woodland Realm, he didnt do it, cause' he do want he want. Nobody messes with this sucka' when he tells you to 'get in mah belleh!!!'
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RHODE ISLAND MEDICAL MARIJUANA DISPENSARY

[Kuruharan]

Announcer: And we're back with Middle-earth Television's (MET's) live coverage of the finals of Hobbit Survivor brought to you by Sigin-tarâg Resorts and Casinos. “We’re the cure for that pile of money burning a hole in your pocket!” That is Sigin-tarâg Resorts and Casinos, available all across Middle-earth. I’m joined here in the booth by my good buddy Bob and I’d like to welcome our new addition to the group, our sideline reporter Amanda.

Sideline Reporter: Thanks Cliff. I would give you an update on the action, but I have a feeling that none of the members of F.A.T. or R.E.A.L. F.A.T. have even noticed that I’m talking. The members of H.A.G. are probably trying to change the channel. So I’ll just toss it back up to you for the highlights.

Announcer: And what highlights they are too…oh, you mean what has been happening. Sorry. I thought you meant your highlights. What has been happening Bob?

Color Commentator: Well, for an update on that, I’ll just toss it down to Amanda, our sideline reporter.

Sideline Reporter: Cliff, I get the idea that I’m going to be providing the useful analysis and information while the two of you just sit up there and stammer and drool?

Announcer, Color Commentator: Sounds like a plan!!

Sideline Reporter: Elu Ancalime has cast the second vote for Smaug. Given prior history, this has to be one of the most predicable moves in the history of television. The audience is bored to tears and my boyfriends…I mean, the producers have had yet another series of panic attacks. However, mormegil has actually succeeded in doing something surprising and…

Announcer: That’s enough talking out of you. Don’t you realize I’m paid by the number of words I say? Bob, what do you make of this new move?

Color Commentator: What? Oh…ummm…I think the coach should have gone for it. Fourth and one in opposing territory is a makeable play and if your running game isn’t up to that you probably don’t deserve to win anyway.

Announcer punches out Color Commentator

Announcer: We’ll be right back after these commercial messages.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Since all my favourits have been voted of save one there really is not much of a choise. . .

The thing that really annoys me is that my favourits were voted of when ever I was to bussy or forgot to check this thread. Not that I am sure I could have saved them, exept a few.

Since you just had to vote off the magnificent Roac and the admirable Durin I will have to go with a mixture of them. . .SMAUG

++Smaug

[Elu Ancalime]

Yeah I suppose my vote was pretty predictable...with the dwarf hatin' and all.....

*MET-ESPN*

DUN DUN DUNNNNN DUNN DUNNNNNNNNN

(opening logo with a remix of the FotR Track 13: T'he Bridge of Khazad-dum and the NFL Superbowl theme)
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Model A (1927)

[Eonwe]

This is a sad day. Both noble camps annialate eachother in a glorious super-nova explotion, leaving the dreary remains for the "crowning". Both William and The Chief Warg, in ONE DAY! What have we come to?

+Smaug

He is the only desent one left.

[Kuruharan]

Announcer: And we’re back with MET’s continuing coverage of The Hobbit Survivor, brought to you by Ghâshwater, “It puts a fire in your belly!” Right now Smaug has charged out to a commanding lead. This has turned out to be exactly like most other overhyped advertising traps, a total bore. The ratings are plunging like Lord Denethor’s poll numbers. Not even Amanda flouncing around the sidelines in a g-string has helped. In fact, it has made things worse because H.A.G. is now absolutely livid. Lawsuits are pending and the producers are passed out cold on the floor. What’s your take on the situation Bob?

Color Commentator: Well, Cliff, it is exactly as Kuruharan the Visionary had foreseen. Smaug’s lobby has revealed themselves and the angry and bitter among the electorate have fallen back on him as the least objectionable candidate, mainly because he was so little discussed earlier. Kuruharan the Seer is currently preparing his Insufferable Gloating Speech to taunt certain individuals who have again performed exactly has he expected them to. However, he does think it a bit odd that mormegil of all people should be faulting others for being “predictable” as today is the first time he has done anything the least bit unexpected.

Announcer: Now Bob, aren’t you still having to make payments on that court settlement from the last time you criticized one of the voters?

Color Commentator: Uhhh…yes. And I’d like to again take this opportunity to apologize from the bottom (hold the cue card up higher, I can’t read it) of my heart. I’d had a lot to drink that night and should never have gotten behind the wheel…oops, wrong embarrassing incident!

Announcer: Never mind. Let’s go down to the sidelines with Amanda.

Sideline Reporter: dancing
I like to move it, move it
I like to move it, move it
I like to…

Ahem…sorry…I just have a report here from…uhhh, Cliff, what are you doing down here out of the booth?

Announcer: Well, I said I was coming down to the sidelines to join you.

Sideline Reporter: Uhh…that’s great. Would you please go to the other side of the field. Anyway, as I was saying, I have a report here on the voting status of Kuruharan the Predictor. His Excellency is not planning to vote unless it gets close and he can cause mischief. If the voting gets close he will consider. However, at the moment that does not look likely. Bob?

Color Commentator: (At last, he’s gone! The booth is mine! MINE!!) Sorry folks, I just had to get that out. One might think that Smaug’s position is unassailable. However, there is one possibility. Smaug’s position may be so commanding that it will breed resentment among subsequent voters and start a flood of votes against him. If that happens it could turn out to be an exciting finish after all. Cliff?

Announcer: I know a tiki place the two of us could slip off to as soon as this silliness is over.

Sideline Reporter: Get away from me you creep!!!

Announcer: Don’t be silly, this is love. And even if it isn’t, I still have enough money to take you to the Glitzy Caverns of Ham Steep for a veeery long time.

Sideline Reporter: Bob!!! Do something!!!

Color Commentator: We’ll be right back. (Lugdush, get me one ticket for whatever suite in the Glitzy Caverns happens to be next to the Honeymoon Suite!!)

[Celuien]

We have reached the final round. The truth may finally be known.

For some time now, my goal has been to advance one of two contestants to the final round. One was the greatest of the Half-Elven kindred, Elrond. I have never entirely forgiven the cruel attacks endured by Celeborn: attacks that led to his defeat in both previous rounds of Survivor. I thought that his son-in-law's victory would be fitting revenge. Sadly, this was not to be, and Elrond fell to the viciousness of the Chief Warg's attack. I can be content, however, that his foe was defeated yesterday as well. Elrond's demise has been avenged.

This leaves the matter of my other candidate, who is still here. My feints have achieved their purposes - confrontations with F.A.T. and R.E.A.L. F.A.T. were mere diversions, as was my championing of William. Though I would have been content with his presence in this final round, that was not my true goal.

Who, then, shall I vote for? Certainly not the pompous dwarf. And most definitely not the deadly dull, dead Hobbit, whose invention of golf is directly responsible for the consumption of acres upon acres of farmland in the countryside. No, there is only one candidate remaining who is worthy to become The Hobbit Survivor. The glorious, magnificent being known as:

++HIS IMPERIOUS MAJESTY, SMAUG, TRUE KING UNDER THE MOUNTAIN

May his treasure never be stolen by unworthy burrahobbits.

[Elu Ancalime]

Im gonna bust a gut if more people say they liked Smaug from the start...

Edit: Kuru, does this mean you are going to sit back and laugh (and prusumably not vote?)
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BHO HASH OIL

[mormegil]

*sigh*

so many people voting for the boring and predictable candidate.

++Gloin

Originally Posted by Formendacil

And Gloin? Well, let's just say that Gloin is the Hama of this contest.

He is as innocuous as Hama and I love that. Who would expect him to win? Let's vote for the underdog and let the dwarf win.