The F.A.Q.E.

[Meela]

Q: Who was Denethor?

A: Not who, but what. Denethor is Minas Tirith's most efficient and inexpensive form of lighter fuel, particularly noted for its use in beacons. The popular myth that Denethor is indeed named after a person arose on the night that Faramir almost burnt to death in a freak accident on the night of the annual ceremonial Gondorian Barbeque Contest, when in a desperate bid to win, he emptied an entire container of Denethor onto his barbeque, resulting in the destruction of much of the surrounding city.

Q: Was there really a battle at Minas Tirith?

A: No. The damage was all caused by Faramir's barbeque. The rumoured presence of several thousand orcs has been dispelled since it was confirmed that these were in fact Gondorian children, who had been rolling in the barbeque ash.