Be careful what you wish for...

[Valesse]

Originally Posted by The 1,000 Reader

I wish that we knew more about the powers of the ainur.

Wish Granted! But upon hearing the distance calls of Ulmo's mighty horns his deep and terrible music most literally blows you and your fellow's minds. Or all at once we fall into a mighty, incurable depression while empathizing with Nienna, and Middle Earth becomes rid of Zoloft...thus making Frodo unable to function and/or destroy the ring of power. Poof! Sauron's back in action!

I wish to see an "All Elven" travelling circus act!

[Kitanna]

Originally Posted by Valesse

I wish to see an "All Elven" travelling circus act!

Children of all ages gather 'round! Valesse's wish has been granted!
Middle-Earth becomes home to an "All Elven" circus and Elrond is the ring master. Galadriel wows the crowd with her trained poodles. Celeborn is the lion tamer. Glorifindel is the tight-rope walker. And Arwen juggles Hobbits. It is quite the sight to see.

I wish it was possible to have Hobbits as pets.

[Boromir88]

I wish it was possible to have Hobbits as pets.

Kitanna, I grant your wish. But, PAITH (Parents Against Ill Treatment of Hobbits) sue you in court for 100 million dollars for keeping them in a cage.

I wish Saruman invented snickers

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Saruman invented snickers

Your wish is granted. But Saruman used the money to start a career in politics during which he was appointed director of Health and Human Services. But after a terrorist attack by the AGES, Anti-Genetic Engineering Society, which was secretly founded by Saruman, he became president for life. He was only stopped after Merlin put a spell on him that he could only tell the truth, but even so he was only defeated after a bloody civil war.


I wish that Fingolfin killed Morgoth.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Fingolfin killed Morgoth.

Your wish is granted. However, Morgoth fell on top of Fingolfin and killed him. What's more, Sauron was the only one who saw the fight and so he took on the shape of Morgoth and became the new Dark Lord. He hid the body and took the Silmarills and ruled the armies much better than Morgoth ever did. Beleriand is in dire peril!

I wish Mount fang had wheels and could race Mount Zoom!

[The 1,000 Reader]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

ruled the armies much better than Morgoth ever did.

I wish Mount fang had wheels and could race Mount Zoom!

(It's a good thing this is a joke thread, or I'd think you had lost your mind.)

Granted. Unfortunately, the tires pop and Mount Fang crashes into our already burnt-down Rivendel. At least it cleared up the landscape.


I wish Isildur sliced off Sauron's HAND to take the ring from Sauron.

[Meneltarmacil]

I wish Isildur sliced off Sauron's HAND to take the ring from Sauron.

Your wish is granted. Sauron's hand, however, choked Isildur to death and the ring was returned to its master.

I wish there were dinosaurs in Middle-Earth.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Shelob had just had a really big pig out on Orcs and so couldn't chase Frodo and Sam.

Your wish is granted. But Frodo and Sam are spotted from the tower of Cirith Ungol. Frodo puts on the Ring and disappears but Sam is captured. Later Frodo is captured by one of the Nazgul and thus Sauron regains the Ring.

I wish that all of the sons of Feanor had been killed trying to take Dior's Silmaril.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that all of the sons of Feanor had been killed trying to take Dior's Silmaril.

Granted. But Sauron steals it instead some how. He now becomes a terrible and great Dark Lord and enslaves the whole of Middle Earth. Well done.

I wish Deagol had killed Smeagol

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Beleriand had not been broken in the war of Wrath.

Your wish is granted. But because the Valar didn't use their power as much few of the Elves survived.

I wish that Gandalf had turned Grima into a worm.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Legolas would share his strawberry scented shampoo.

Your wish is granted. But Pippin drank some of it and got sick. Frodo used it as hair gel and Gimli coated his ax with it as a crude form of chemical warfare and steadfastly stuck to using only soap and water to bath.

I wish that Hurin hadn't killed Mim.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Originally Posted by The Elf-warrior

I wish that Hurin hadn't killed Mim.

Granted. Hurin mistakes Mim for a small child. Mim is then humiliated by Hurin when he is spanked for being bad and is then put in the corner.


I wish hobbits would shave their feet.



(Sorry Hookbill, but I speak spanish and would give the orc his biscuits. Then I would break his mace arm due to being paranoid.)

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish that pipe weed really existed in our world.

Your wish is already granted. Pipe weed is merely a more English name for tobacco.

I wish that everyone had laughed in Feanor's face when he suggested they leave for Middle-earth.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish the Nazgul wouldn't have ran away from Glorfindel. He was only trying to start a pick-up game of football!

Your wish is granted. But the Witch-King stabbed Glorfindel because he hated football.

I wish that Radagast had been wise to Saruman's evil schemes.