A thread all to Gothmog.

[the guy who be short]

I always imagined he was born that way. After all, anybody not aesthetically pleasing has just got to be evil, and he's the least aesthetically pleasing bloke in Middle-Earth.

[Alcarillo]

There was obviously an ulterior motive for Gothmog to co-lead the attack on Minas Tirith. He was looking for a good plastic surgeon to get rid of the whatever was covering his head. All the ones in Mordor are the lazy sort who leave surgical tools inside you and end up on the news for malpractice.

[Mithalwen]

Gothmog was an opposition leader in the Ukraine............

[Glirdan]

One morning, Gothmog was ironing his best suit (he had an interview with Sauron that afternoon for a job placement to lead the army to the assault on Minas Tirith) when the phone rang. And, instead of picking up the phone, he picked up the iron and slamed it into his face, thinking it was the phone. Poor,poor (stupid) Gothmog.

[Oddwen]

I personally think that Sauron wanted him killed, so he sent ol' Goth to Gondor on the front lines. He's too ugly even for Mordor.

(Who knows...maybe the denizens of the Black Land had something called "What do you assign to Gondor?" and Gothy was at the top of everyone's list, after their orken parents of course. )

[SamwiseGamgee]

Great idea for a thread, boromir88. Now, my little theory:

Grigori Theodore Mothwell was born into an affluent Gondorian family around about 2830. He enjoyed the finest in all aspects of life: he ate the most delectable caviar with solid silver cutlery at all the best society dinners and no wine less than 25 years old would touch his lips.

Grigori was born lucky, heir to the Mothwell estate and general playboy. The ladies loved him. He had a string of Gondorian 'it-girls' for acquaintances, but never anyone serious. Outwardly, G.T. Mothwell had it all. Inside, things were different.

Grigori's bad habits began at around 16. On an evening stroll around town he took a wrong turn and ended up in a dark, strange alley. He carried on down, drawn by the noises he could hear at the bottom of the street. He reached the end and there was a large door, slightly ajar, through which he could hear screams of pain, and the roar of the crowd. He peeked in, and there he saw the finest spectacle he had ever beheld: weasel fighting. G.T. fell in love immediately, and over the next few years he returned, making friends and enemies as he bet high and won big. When Grigori was 18, though, he would do something that would lead to this Gondorian society icon's downfall.

It was on his 18th birthday that Grigori would do what he had longed to do for alnmost 2 years: wrestle weasels. As the bag was held above his head he prepared himself, and as 12 screaming weasels fell upon him he became a machine. He killed every weasel in 15 seconds- a new Minas Tirith record! Things kept getting better for G.T.. Weasels were followed by stoats, who were succeeded by pine martins. It seemed that no bagful of small creatures could overcome Gondorian weasel wrestling's golden boy. But inside, Grigori T. Mothwell wanted more. The wine, the women, the money- they were all just passing pleasures. Grigori yearned for a bigger challenge: a challenge no woman could ever satisfy. He was not disappointed.

It was on the last day of 2900 that Grigori would finally meet his match: a tag team of badgers. The match started well, but soon the badgers got out of control. Refusing to tag, they double-teamed G.T. and soon took advantage. One referee tried to stop the heinousity- he went home in a body-bag. Finally the badgers stopped the carnage, but Grigori Theodore Mothwell would never be the same again.

Grigori Theodore was horribly scarred and disfigured. He fled Gondor and kept going long after he knew was safe. Finally he was discovered, but by a band of orc raiders. They imprisoned him and returned him to Minas Morgul. There Grigori served many purposes, some less savoury than others. The orcs came to call him 'Gothmog', their lazy elocution evident. Slowly but surely, Gothmog ascended through the ranks, using the skills he had learned in the weasel pits of Minas Tirith to good use in the political back alleys of Minas Morgul.

Of course, we all know where the story ends up: Gothmog ascended to the heady heights of lieutenant of Minas Morgul. Eventually he would march upon Minas Tirith, and in some way have his revenge. However, legend still says that on a still night in the Morgul Vale, the wail of Gothmog can be heard, searching as he does for those thrice-cursed badgers.

[Gil-Galad]

Gothmog did march to war as he wanted too, but he didn't want to leave behind the women of his love, an entwife he met in the lake south of Mordor when he was stationed there...

[Lily Bombadil]

pink, gimp, bubbly + tree = ??????