If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door, I would....

[Formendacil]

200,000 orks is a disaster waiting to happen. All that I need to effect it is a few costumes, a little bit of wit, and a nuclear bomb shelter.

To start off, when I find 200,000 orks on my doorstep, my first move is to don my generic-ork costume, slap on a silvery S-rune, and go visit the Isengarders. There, I spread the rumour that the Moria-orks prefere the command of the Mordor-orks to the Isengarders.

Before things get too hot there, I switch emblems, and go visit the orks of Lugburz, and discreetly whisper that the Isengarders plan to let the Mordor-orks lead the charge, and get slaughtered, so that they can feast on Mordor-ork-flesh.

Then I scrap all emblems, and dash over to the Misty Mountain goblin camp, and inform them that the Mordor orks have killed Blub, the illegitimate son of Bolg and the Great Goblin. Without stopping to see their reactions, I run over to my bomb shelter, and await the explosion.

Three hours, twenty-six minutes later, I emerge, having shaved, washed, and put on perfume and Elf-clothes. I brandish my bow and sword and do my best Elf-warrior impersonation. If the two-and-a-half remaining orks don't flee in terror, they'll probably die of laughter.