The Amorous Oxford Ghost

[Bêthberry]

quoted by Lush

But speaking of ghosts. I swear, I am not senile yet, when I tell you that while we stood outside of the Eagle & Child (or Bird & Baby) looking at the menu, something, um, grabbed me from, uh, behind. I turned around half-expecting to see a drunken tourist, or maybe the people walking out had clipped me with their bags, but no, it was just an empty street, and this really weird feeling like something wasn't quite right.

Boyfriend can attest that during this incident I was neither drunk or drugged. It was uncanny. You read about Oxford's great history, stretching itself down the corridor of time as far as the human eye can see, and lo and behold, a part of history detaches itself from the ether and, um, pinches you.

My darling Lushious, you should know by now that a pinch on the tushie has little to do with amorous intent and much to say about patronising patriarchial aggression. I wouldn't be surprised if the more Mordor-inclined of the Tolkien crowd hung out at the Bird and Baby in the hopes of a bit of Seventh Age evil intent. I am most glad you were there with your Knight in Shining Ardour.

love,
Beth

[Lush]

you should know by now that a pinch on the tushie has little to do with amorous intent and much to say about patronising patriarchial aggression.

Sometimes I think that amorous intent and patriarchial aggression are really one and the same.



At least that's how I always viewed "love" in Middle Earth.

So maybe it was Tolkien after all.

[Mithalwen]

Sorry to be boring but are you sure it wasn't the BF?

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

If I hadn't changed my signature I think I would be obliged to interrogate in a sceptical manner.

And though I have changed it, I'm going to be sceptical anyway!

How exactly can a non-physical being interact in our physical world. (Is that not a brilliant scenario to use the phrase "interact in our physical world" in?)

Nay, I think that it was not a ghost. You see, the air is different down in Oxford. It possesses subtle and deviant psychological tactics, and it was this malevolent tendency which led you to think that that is what happened. It is the will of the air to convince foreigners never to come back, and it succeeds in devious and wholly unscrupulous manners. I mean, this instantiation was just plain rude, right?This effected Tolkien to write about the Shire, a place where foreigners were not made to feel welcome.

This air is not omnipotent though; the sub-conscious of its breathers shines through in some inexplicable ways. Consider The Hobbit. Was it not Fili the Dwarf who muttered about 'some ghost kicking me in the ankles'?

Thus I present to you a bullet-proof theory.

[Lalwendë]

Originally Posted by Lush

Sometimes I think that amorous intent and patriarchial aggression are really one and the same.

Originally Posted by Mithalwen

Sorry to be boring but are you sure it wasn't the BF?

Such cynics!

Lalwende's Theories:

1. It could have been that you had simply sat on some ants (or similar biting insects) and they bit you in such a way as to make your muscles contract violently. I once sat in an ants' nest (not by choice, I hasten to add, I have long since given up on conducting such experiments on myself) and it hurt, so I am speaking from experience.

2. It might have been a flashback from a traumatic experience with one of those muscle building machines where you put a flat pad wired to the mains on your skin and then proceed to jump through the roof as though a heavyweight boxer has just had a 'pop' at you.

3. It could have been a ghost, but it would have been more likely someone like Philip Larkin. Or else that charlatan Derek Acorah was making one of his TV shows.

4. You had cramp.

[Rimbaud]

I'm British. It was probably me.

That said, I'm feeling considerably less ghostly after the holiday season...

More seriously, mysterious people, running around, causing mischief? And us Big People can't see them? Hmm.

[Amanaduial the archer]

Yeah, we Brits can barely get about our day-to-day business without being assailed by ghosts. Terribly haunted isles and all. That's why the railways are so bad.

Eomer, forever explaining the mysteries of life...

The Eagle and Child is one of the oldest pubs in Oxford, and had centuries of hangings and other delectably gruesome executions. It's bound to have picked up a few more permanent residents... And come on, we already know that Oxford students were pretty vicious: Cambridge was formed after a group of scholars fled, following riots because a group of students murdured a townswoman. Nice bunch!

And you think students nowadays are bad...