Stuck in a boat

[Trippo The Hippo]

1. Oliphaunts (They were taking up too much space, and maybe they will touch the bottom and we will be able to use them as some sort of bridge to safety.)

2a. Gimli (Hes a little too large and hes not really my kind of guy.)

2b. Gimli's precious 3 hairs (What can I say they were taking up too much space... and I have this funny image in my mind of Gimli sloshing around trying to save his own life as well as trying to find three hairs in this huge body of water.)

3. Tom Bombadil (I left him on long enough till he sang his song to banish the Barrow Wight, (Sorry Mr. Wight.) this way I got like a two for one. Then again how much mass and volume does a wight have?)

4. Sauron (Like everyone said who wants a giant flaming eye on their boat.)

5. Legolas (He probably wanted to wash his hair anyway.)

6. Grima (I have a feeling that by now Eowyn has jumped off the boat cause she can't take Grima stalking her all the time... so now its his turn to go.)

7. Faramir (He dove in after Eowyn... does that count?)

8. Gandalf (More on this later.)

9. Ulmo (If he cant get us out of this mess by now then he has to go.)

10. Me (I figure that I have offended one or another character by kicking off their friend, partner, lover, so I think that the probably would have formed a mutiny kicked me off and made Cirdan the captain.)

Now then why did Gandalf have to go. Well first off when we read Gothbogg the Rippers original post we deduce a few things,

Question time, you're stuck in a boat with all the Lord of the Rings characters so naturally it's too heavy, you have to chuck 10 people overboard to their grizzly deaths, who do you get rid of?

Apparently we are on a boat thats safe to assume, but to assume that we are on a body of water is a little bit of a stretch as far as I'm concerned. So the obvious solution was to just walk off the boat onto dry land, but Gothbogg and the rest of us here (myself included) seem to prefer grizzly death and I say to each his own. But Gandalf probably realized this loophole and took off... He does have a habit of hitting the road when the going gets tough right?

Trippo

[Morgul Queen]

Then follows Elrond, to stop her fool-of-a-Halfelf daughter

Has someone been watching a leetle too much 'Priscilla'?

1. Shelob. I hate spiders. Hate, hate, hate!!!!

2. Bombadil. I can't stand poetry at the best of times, let alone when I'm pushing for space at the Bow.

3. Legolas. What can I say? He irritates me. And it'll lead off the Fangirls.

4. Meela. So I can have Lord Denethor all too myself.

4.5. Aragorn. He irritates me.

5. Galadriel. A'cause I fangirl Celeborn.

6. Celebrian. A'cause I fangirl Elrond.

7. Goldberry. Hey? She can swim....right?

8. Arwen. Heck, she ain't even supposed to be here.

9. Faramir. See 8.

10. Eowyn. See 8.

I would get rid of the entire fellowship except merry, pippin, and Gimli. Also I'd throw out Wormtounge, Saurumon and Treebeard. Lastly and especially Boromir !!! Yes I am heartless so good day

[Formendacil]

Well, let's see...

Are we talking Movie characters? If so then:
Aragorn, because I hate his crown/sword/confidence mix-ups
Legolas (attracts too many fangirls)
Gimli (no comic relief in MY middle-earth)
Merry and Pippin (see previous reason)
Arwen (She killed Glorfindel )
Denethor (he's too psycho, too soon. Besides, what happened to his chainmail?)
Faramir, because he turned to the dark side....
That big Uruk, what's-his-name, the one who kills Boromir..... (Can't abide additional characters when you cut out so many real ones)

And I know this makes 11, but Merry and Pippin are small, so I'll chuck out Celeborn too. Whatever happened to the fearless Sinda prince, and Galadriel's partner/equal?


Now, if we're talking book....

Glorfindel (he's good at dying. Did it once in Gondolin, and again for the movies)
Goldberry. WHAT purpose does she serve in the plot? Besides, she makes it rain..
Gloin: Dwarves in a boat? Come on, not everybody's a Gimli.
Ted Sandyman: Never got his comeuppance in the book. It's about time!
Radagast: He didn't do his job. He's got to stay and finish it.
Gollum: Schitzophrenic, ugly, greedy, lived-WAY-too-long, almost-naked little bugger. Need I say more?
Cirdan: SOMEONE has to stay behind and make sure Radagast gets a ride later...
Sauron: He's just plain unpopular. Besides, the last time he took a boat ride, he sunk the island.
The Mouth of Sauron: Bad credentials, hangs out with orks, works for Sauron. The guy's practically a BUREAUCRAT, for Aman's sake!

[Catherine]

Hummm....lets see...Definatly keep Merry and Pippin for laughs, also Legolas, because I will need to use his hair products! I would want to get rid of 8 of the 9 nazgul...you never know when you are going to need one, but nine of them is way to much!! They could also take their big bird thingys with them. Lets see who else...Boromir because he dies in the end anyway and Gandalf, but his pointy hat would have to stay!

[Maeggaladiel]

Well, first I would throw out the Watcher in the Water, for obvious reasons. (Later we'll lure him back using Frodo as bait. Then we'll catch him and make beer-battered squid rings for dinner. See? MY crew won't be fed entirely on lembas!)

Then, I'm afraid Galadriel would have to go. There's only room for one psychotic elf woman on board, and that's me. Anyway, I'm sure the Barrow Wight can pick her up on his way over.

Same goes for Arwen.

Aragorn will bravely dive in after her. Well, he'll CONSIDER diving in after her, but will stop as soon as he sees that water is involved. Elrond, the future Father-In-Law, will kindly assist him (kick him in the shin until he falls in) and then conveniently forget to help him back in the boat. By this time, of course, the woman in question will have already been pulled aboard the B-W's ship with Galadriel, so Gorn is in something of a sticky situation.

After eating the squid rings, everyone will decide that they cannot stand watching Denny eat another thing, so over he goes. Faramir feels no remorse, since Dad never liked him anyway.

Frodo's constant pained monologuing gets on everyone's nerves, so he's dumped next.

Then it's Gandalf. He's constantly hitting people with his staff and calling them fools, so he basically had it coming. Oh well; he'll come back as Gandalf the Green in the sequel.

Smeagol has been trying to strangle everyone, so he's history. All we had to do is drop a ring in the sea and he went crazy. We didn't even have to throw him.

Sauron goes next because he's been staring at everyone and it's really creepy. Getting him over the side was something of a trick, since no one can touch a flaming eye. Eventually we got the balrog to roll him over the side. Unfortunately, he fell over with him in the process (well, actually Gandalf came back up for a second and we all know what happens when those two get together.) so we lost two people for the price of one.

Well, they sacrificed their lives for a worthy cause. My crew and I had a moment of silence for them. Then we changed course to Disco Mania and spent the rest of the afternoon shakin' it with the Disco King. We promptly used the rest of our money to buy a larger boat... wait... *slap*

[Morgoth's Apprentice]

Originally Posted by Formendacil

Sauron: He's just plain unpopular. Besides, the last time he took a boat ride, he sunk the island.

I thought that was hilarious. However, I would NOT kick Sauron out of the boat, because if he was evevn in a boat it would probably mean that he got a different form or something. Either that or he got the Ring back, in which case the boat would be going to take over Valinor...
Anyways, back on topic. I am going to use some other characters than movie characters.

1./ First to go would have to be Manwe... that dude just bugs me. Following him would be every one of the Valar, because they all like to play follow the leader.
2. Then, I'd have to kick off Feanor because he's griping about how we could have had better boats, and we all know how that turned out last time.
3. After that, I'd kick out Elrond and Galadriel. They're the two major elf-leaders, and all their people would probably jump in to save them anyways. Elf problem solved.
4. Then I'd be forced to kick out Frodo. The fellowship would follow him in because they can't think of anything else to do, or they all just want to go for a swim, or whatever.
5. Then I'd kick out Gollum, because he's creepier than any orc I have ever seen.
6. Speaking of orcs, they're gone too. They smell horrible, and there ar e much more useful servants anyways.
7. I'd make the Nazgul fly above us, just because they can.
8. Almost forgot about that pest called Fingolfin. He didn't jump out with the other elves like he was supposed to, so I borrowed Grond from Morgoth and smacked him with it.
9. Of course, those weapons are hard to control. I hit Morgoth and he flew out of the boat...but I think he can swim so we'll just pick him up later...
10. Last, I would have to kick out Denethor. A psychopathic pyro on a BOAT headed to take over the Undying Lands (did I say that out loud?) woukd not be a good idea. He'd probably try to roast somebody and in doing so catch the boat on fire. I for one do not want to swim to Valinor.....

[Eönwë]

Well, I'd follow Trippo The Hippo's lead, and just jump off onto dry land, along with Ulmo, Cirdan and a few others, oh, and Tom Bombadil. Then I'd get Tom Bombadil to make everyone on the boat disappear, and then Cirdan to improve it, and then Ulmo to make water appear so that we can return to Valinor.

But I suppose, being a Maia, I could just fly back (but thats just boring).

[Galadriel55]

1. The dead men of Dunharrow - they're dead anyways, so they won't die by drowning.

2. Nazgul - Not really alive either.

3. Sauron - Well, he's been through a Sea disaster once. It won't hurt him if he goes in it again.

4. Smaug - I'll let him fly after the boat if he'll stop getting mad at people for accidentally taking his cup.

5. Legolas - he can walk on snow, so maybe he'll walk on water.

6. Thranduil - to keep Legolas company.

7. Balrog - if he won't be able to fly after the boat, it's prove that he doesn't have wings. Just an experiment, you know.

8. Gandalf - what if he starts uncloaking on the boat?

9. Radagast - his eagles will save him.

10. Galadriel - with Nenya she'll be able to command the water to keep her afloat.


See, by throwing these out, we don't actually lose anything.