Did Bill Ferny die?

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

You are on the ball as ever Estelyn!

Well, Mithalwen, if you are right about this so called 'twin brother' then I guess we should track back to all the mentions of Ferny in the book and look for bits which just don't feel right....

Once when drunk, Aragorn proclaimed that Bill actually had a twin sister as well. He claimed that she had 'come on to him' big-time in Bree. Merry and Sam in attendance were not sure what to make of this claim.

[Mithalwen]

Originally Posted by Eomer of the Rohirrim

You are on the ball as ever Estelyn!

Well, Mithalwen, if you are right about this so called 'twin brother' then I guess we should track back to all the mentions of Ferny in the book and look for bits which just don't feel right....

Once when drunk, Aragorn proclaimed that Bill actually had a twin sister as well. He claimed that she had 'come on to him' big-time in Bree. Merry and Sam in attendance were not sure what to make of this claim.

Ah here you touch on the deeper, darker secrets of the Ferny clan. As I can avow, from my unavoidable work-related contact with accountants of our own culture - many of them affect extremes of behaviour in order to counter-balance the extreme dullness of their professional lives..... If by chance this twin "sister" was named Roberta - or something rather more exotic than is common among breelanders - Felicia, Lola or similar ... well we may have our answer.

[Lalwendë]

Bill Ferny joined Aragorn's ever-growing army of civil servants in the efforts to achieve devolution for The Shire. Once there he rapidly ascended the ranks to the lofty heights of senior executive officer and began to spout mystical management babble while his underling halflings stealthily played buzzword bingo in his bi-weekly progress meetings, stole biros from the stationery cupboard to make up their wages and took every opportunity they could to sneak off to the smoking smial to partake of pipeweed and a good old bitching session.

Seriously, didn't he become an outlaw? Oh, same thing...

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by Mithalwen

If by chance this twin "sister" was named Roberta - or something rather more exotic than is common among breelanders - Felicia, Lola or similar ... well we may have our answer.

It was Lola, as the Ballad of the innocent Hobbit tells:

I met her in an inn owned by Butterbur
Where they drink beer in pints
And it taste just like
Pûkel-Cola
C-O-L-A Cola

She sneaked up to me and she asked me to dance
I asked her her name
And with a squint-eyed glance
She said Lola
L-O-L-A Lola
L-O-L-A Lola
----

Now I'm not the Shire's most fleet-footed lad
But when her apple flew
It made my eye turn blue
Oh my Lola
L-O-L-A Lola

I'm not dumb but I can't understand
Why she look like a woman
With a swarthy tan
Oh my Lola
L-O-L-A Lola
L-O-L-A Lola
----

Now I'd left Stock just a week before
And I'd never ever seen the big folk before
But Lola winked at her crooked cronies
And said little boy I'm gonna sell you a pony
----

Well I'm not the Shire's most abstinent guy
But when I looked at her pies
Well I almost fell
For my Lola
L-O-L-A Lola
L-O-L-A Lola

Repeat to fade.

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Well, I had the same idea as you Saucepan. However, I am glad you posted first because that was far funnier than anything I could have invented!

[Mithalwen]

Originally Posted by Eomer of the Rohirrim

You are on the ball as ever Estelyn!

Well, Mithalwen,
Once when drunk, Aragorn proclaimed that Bill actually had a twin sister as well. He claimed that she had 'come on to him' big-time in Bree. Merry and Sam in attendance were not sure what to make of this claim.

It may well be true that Bill Ferny's "sister" was of easier virtue than, for example, an elf princess who having kept herself tidy for the best part of 3 millenia could easily hang ona few more decades; however Rangers were not generally at their most alluring during their stays at " the Pony " (the locals did tend to regard them as vagabonds). It is reasonable to assume that a frustrated man might interpret the behaviour of any (seeming) female who didn't actually knock his lights out as "coming on to him big time". Are we to assume "he made his excuses and left"? Or have we discovered a reason for Bil Ferny's taunting of Strider as he left Bree with the hobbits?


Saucepan Man - I thank you for this supporting evidence for the double life of "Bob" Ferny. However I am now in doubt as to the true gender of Bill's sibling. UK based scholars will be no doubt familiar with the Blackadder Chronicles which give precedents of the popularity of "Bob" as a name for women who disguised themselves as men.

Lalwende: Personally I am convinced that Bill Ferny met his fate at the hooves of Bill the Pony as outlined above . I think the Bill Ferny you speak of is Bill Junior who combined his father scheming with the financial aptitude of his "uncle". Whether he shared his inclinations in other areas remains to be seen.

[Lalwendë]

Lalwende: Personally I am convinced that Bill Ferny met his fate at the hooves of Bill the Pony as outlined above . I think the Bill Ferny you speak of is Bill Junior who combined his father scheming with the financial aptitude of his "uncle". Whether he shared his inclinations in other areas remains to be seen.

If Bill Jnr did indeed join up for a life of Middle Earth civil servitude then it is entirely possible that beneath his sober pin-striped cloak there lurked something more um...exotic.

I think old Bill and Aragorn had a 'history' of altercations in the kebab shop queue after chucking out time at the Prancing Pony, and the insults thrown as the travellers left Bree was just one incident in a long line of many.

[Lachwen]

Mithalwen: Of course, the Blackadder Chronicles also show that it was not uncommon to keep a dwarf in a cage - something that would have been much more difficult to do with Endorian dwarves.

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

It is somewhat naive to just assume that Bill died at the hands of his former steed. Some 40 years after Bill's 'death', authorities uncovered several huge insurance scams, most centred around the Bree area. The chief suspect was Bill Ferny, and several claimed that they had cast-iron evidence of his guilt, were it not for one factor; Bill was dead.

It is my estimation that Bill did not actually have a twin brother, but rather that he had been living a daring double life all this time. The wily accountant was able to 'kill off' the vagabond and thus sleep every night on a pile of money, surrounded by many beautiful ladies.

Lying, cheating and stealing, kids; it's the way to the top.

[Mithalwen]

The waters are muddying and I think more study is required but I would say that the insurance scams bear the hallmarks of Bill Junior. Also it would be naive to underestimate the power of Bill -he did cope with the Watcher in the Water and a pack of Wargs - maybe as an expert in this field Eomer could provide information as to the survival chances of an aging pony in that situation?

Lalwende ... thank you for this insight into the bad blood between Ferny and Aragorn. I have heard that Matt Heathertoes's demise during the Troubles at Bree were less due to the outsiders but rather on some of the customers of his kebab stand capitalising on a rare opportunity.

[Mithalwen]

Originally Posted by Lachwen

Mithalwen: Of course, the Blackadder Chronicles also show that it was not uncommon to keep a dwarf in a cage - something that would have been much more difficult to do with Endorian dwarves.

THis is very true. They do not respond well to captivity and it would be an act of extreme folly to attempt to keep one as a domestic pet. Apart from the ethical issues it is almost impossible to construct secure accomodation for them given their great skill in working stone and metal which far surpasses that of the dwarves of our own earlier history who were additionally far more docile. Your only hope would be a cage constructed by a high class Noldorin smith, who despite having the natural Eldarin distaste for keeping any living thing in captivity, might make an exception a in the case of a dwarf.

Eomer if there is no Ferny "twin" then who was it who made a move on Aragorn?

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

No twin brother, but a twin sister, I am lead to believe.

Speaking of Bill the Pony's remarkable survival in the Wild, I am fairly impressed. Although I don't believe that The Watcher in the Water was interested in the Pony, despite his tender flesh.

This is more of interest to the Wargs of the area. Rest assured, Bill the Pony could not survive an assault by one Warg, let alone a pack of Wargs. Thus, I must assume that the Wargs actually helped Bill the Pony, or at least did not hinder him.

For more information about Wargs, you know who to ask. But the relevant point I am trying to get across here is that Bill the Pony was not a remarkable Pony, but a normal beast of burden. Thus I doubt he would have killed Bill Ferny with that kick.

[Lachwen]

But why would Wargs pass up such easy prey as Bill the Pony? My impression of Wargs (at least in regards to food) is the same as with Boy Scouts: if there is food, whether they are hungry or not, they will eat it. So what reason would they have to not hinder (or even actively help) Bill? Could they have been an outcast pack of vegitarian Wargs?