The mystery of Sauron's lost finger

[One of the Nine]

Ok, I've abandoned the orc eating the finger thing. It seems to improbable for me, now that I think about it. I think that the finger, being cut off from Sauron, ceased to be evil. It then crawled around not knowing where it was going. It was then picked up by an orc who, on finding it, threw it as far as it would go down a stream because he did not find it amusing and had no use for such a thing. The finger floated down the stream and ended up in the open sea where a giant fish ate it. The fish then swam northward for it's annual mating season, and spit up the finger. The finger then floated to the shore and continued in an easterly route, somehow managing to stay away from all of the towns. It then fell into a river, the same river that Isildur would soon be killed in, and just sat at the bottom for awhile. When Deogle found the Ring, he also found the finger, and Smeogle having killed him, took it as an extra birthday present. He took the finger to the caves when all his family and friends abandoned him, and set it on his island along with the Ring. Now, when Gollum lost the Ring, he also lost the finger, because he always put the Ring on the finger when he took it out with him, taking it off when he used it to catch and eat a goblin. The sinnews that held the finger onto him snapped. When Bilbo found the Ring, he also found the finger. So, he took it as an extra, maybe wierd, token of chance. He left the finger out when he finally let out the secret of the Ring, thinking nothing of it. But, when he passed the Ring on to Frodo, he was in fact very attached to the finger, and brought it along with him and kept it close to him. He then spent many years regreting keeping it, because the finger was very lively, and hard to keep from the elves ever watchful eyes. When he crossed over to Valinor, he dropped the finger into the ocean. It then sank to the bottom of the ocean and was forgotten forever. It is now under 10 feet of sand and still sinking. So ends the tale of Sauron's finger.

[Nimrothiel]

Personally, I'm rather partial to Bombadil's version, and he should know more about this matter than anyone, shouldn't he?

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

He, after all, is Sauron's finger.

But I've been wondering? How could a finger like Bombadil get Goldberry for a wife? Perhaps Goldberry was Ungoliant's mouth - I don't think even she could eat her mouth - who crossed Eriador, and fell into a river.

Now I'm totally lost. How did a spider's mouth become a person?