Everything I need to know I learned from LOTR

[Maeggaladiel]

Always make sure to look where a river runs before you dump a body into it. The last thing you need is for the corpse to end up on his father's doorstep before you get there. There'll be questions. None of which you'd care to answer.

Napkins are outlawed in Gondor.

Who knew an old man's walking stick could be so dangerous? And painful?

Balrogs may be made of fire, but don't worry. You can land on its back and stab it repeatedly without being burned to a crisp.

When you don't know what to say, start singing.

Uruk-hai are members of the potato family. They grow underground and are brown and lumpy.

Denethor + cherry tomatoes= disaster. Not a good mix.