Defective Weapons Inc.

[The Perky Ent]

Good ole Monty Python!

Shelob: You know, I'm glad your here! Most of the time, all I eat is orcs!
Gollum: And they doesn't tastes very nice, does they precious?
Frodo: Well, I really don't wanna be eaten.
Shelob: Common. It will be fun. Here! I'll show you!
*Shelob closes in on Frodo*
*Frodo pulls out the Phial of Galadriel*
Frodo: Ni! *light turns on* Ni!
Sam: Let me try! Nu! Nu! Nu-
Frodo: No, it's Ni
Sam: Nu!
Frodo: Ni
Sam: Ni
Frodo: Now you've got it!
*light flickers off*
Sam: What happened Mr. Frodo?
*Frodo gets "telepathically teleported to Galadriel*
Galadriel: We are no longer the elves who say Ni. We are now the elves who say Ekky Ekky Ekky z'bang zoom-Boing, z'nourrrwringnmmm!
*Frodo comes back to reality*
Frodo:Ekky Ekky Ekky z'bang zoom-Boing, z'nourrrwringnmmm!
*light comes back*
Shelob: No! The light has returned!
Sam: You've done it
Shelob: Nooo!
Frodo: Yes, it worked
Shelob: He said it again!
Frodo: Let's go. We must be rid of it!
*Shelob rolls around in pain*

Good times good times. BTW, the defective weapon was the phial.

[Hama Of The Riddermark]

Again, not really a weapon spoof, but still a Monty Python rip off...


Aragorn: Let the lord of the black land come forth!

*silence*

Aragorn: Let the lord of the black land come forth!!

*silence*

Morannon orc: Aaaand whaaaay should weee you stuuuuuupid gondorian pigdog with your little kannnniguts.

Aragorn: I'm the king of Gondor! Come forth and face me!

Morannon orc: Non, I faaaaart in your general direction, silly king type.

Aragorn: You will learn respect!

Morannon orc: Aaaaand whaaaat are you going to do, silly king?

Aragorn: I'll call down the wrath of my fathers upon you.

Morannon oec: Your mother is a hamster, and your father smelt of eeeeelderberries!

Aragorn: Right that's i-

Galadriel: GET ON WITH IT!

Host of the West: GET ON WITH IT!

Aragorn: Yes, yes, alright. Come down and fight me you silly or-

Sauron: GET OOOOON WITH IT!!

Aragorn: Fine!! Get down an-

Valar: GET ON WITH IT!!!!

[The Perky Ent]

Nice. Here's another Python:

Aragorn: If you don't stop, I'll kill you!

Lurtz: The black night *cough* I mean Lurtz knees before no man!

Aragorn: Fine *cuts Lurtz's arm off* Now stand aside!

Lurtz: It's just a scratch

Aragorn: Why you! *Stabs Lurtz in the stomach*

Lurtz: I am invincible!

Aragorn: You're a loony! *cuts off Lurtz's head*

Lurtz: It's just a flesh wound!

Aragorn: Just a flesh wound! You've got no bloody head!

Lurtz: Yes I have!

Aragorn: Well, I'm going to go look for Merry and Pippin now. So, see ya!

*Aragorn leaves*

Lurtz: Come back here! I'll bite your nose off! You pansie!

[Audreidi]

Wonderful thread!

RANDOM SOLDIER: Halt! Who goes there?
ARAGORN: It is I, Aragorn, son of Arathorn, from the north. King of Men, defeater of Mordor, Sovereign of all Gondor!
RANDOM SOLDIER: Pull the other one!
ARAGORN: I am... and this is my trusty servant Pippin.
PIPPIN: Hullo.
ARAGORN: We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Minas Tirith. I must speak with your lord and master.
RANDOM SOLDIER: What? Ridden on a horse?
ARAGORN: Yes!
RANDOM SOLDIER: You're using coconuts!
ARAGORN: What?
RANDOM SOLDIER: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.
ARAGORN: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Rohan, through--
RANDOM SOLDIER: Where'd you get the coconuts?
ARAGORN: We found them.
RANDOM SOLDIER: Found them? In Rohan? The coconut's tropical!
ARAGORN: What do you mean?
RANDOM SOLDIER: Well, this is a temperate zone.
PIPPIN: D'oh!

[The Perky Ent]

Welcome to the Downs Audreidi! Awesome post!

Gandalf: I am a servant of the Secret Fire, weilder of the flame of Anor. The dark fire shall not avail you, flame of Udún!
*Gandalf makes bubble shield thingie*
Balrog: Uh...
*shield flickers and dies off*
Balrog: He he he
Gandalf: Bugger off!
Balrog: K

[elronds_daughter]

HA!! good ones! here's one that wasn't in the movies for a change... (maybe it'll be in the EE...)

*at Isengard, as Gandalf confronts Saruman*
Gandalf: Saruman, your staff is broken!
*Saruman's staff does not break*
Gandalf: I said, your staff is BROKEN!!!
Saruman: Sucker!! i ordered an unbreakable staff from the Staffs 'R' Us catalogue, when you pretty much gave up that option when you said you wanted a white staff. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!! Evil triumphs once again!!!! oh, by the way, white is so not your color...
Gandalf: D'oh!...*mutters unintelligibly to himself as he bashes Saruman over the head and manages to break his own staff*

[Eowyn Skywalker]

How come I never found this thread before????? Sigh.... can't win 'im all... I guess...

Gandalf and the Dwarves have climbed to the top of the trees. The goblins prance around singing annoyingly, of course. (Read the Hobbit, peoples!!!)

Gandalf: *lights pinecones on fire* Ha ha. *throws at nearest Warg*

Goblin: We clothe our Wargs in fireproof vests! You have failed, Wizard. Loser!

*Warg lights on fire*

*Gandalf throws at Goblin*

Goblin: Oh crap.

Gandalf: Who's the loser now? Ha!

Okay, not very funny, but I wanted to watch this thread... sigh... the lack of inspiration... not very funny. Sigh.... Can't I just pull out some GARLIC? No, don't answer that, Audriedi. I know what YOU'D say... odd to find you here...

Perky, I loved the post, by the way. Very funny.

-Eowyn Skywalker