(sp?): The Phantom Menace

[HerenIstarion]

The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU (European Union) rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "Euro English". In the first year,"s" will replace the soft "c"..

Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less karakter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replased with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the languag is disgrasful, and they should go away.

By the 4th year, peopl wil reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!

Av a nis day!

[Lhunardawen]

That really made me laugh, HerenIstarion. At first I thought you were serious. Then again, maybe you are.

By the way, when I first saw the (sp?) thing, I didn't know what it meant. Being the biology-inclined lady that I am, I thought they meant "species"!

[Son of Númenor]

I am resurrecting this topic because I am appalled at some Barrow-downers' lack of interest in doing (admittedly impossible) things like capitalizing names and the first words of sentences, and ending sentences with punctuation instead of nothing. My hope is to get an edict sent down from on high: if not banning corruption of the simplest rules of writing, at least banning things like failing to capitalize the word "I". A first offense could incur a proverbial slap on the wrist; a second, a (literal) slap on the wrist with a flambéed herring; a third, a merciless trout-thrashing; and a fourth, permanent banishment from the Barrow-downs.

Does that sound too stringent for anyone?

[The Saucepan Man]

dont now wot strngiet (sp?) meens butt i fink u r veri krool

[Son of Númenor]

Saucepot (sp?), I'm seeing a new thread coming on: 101 Things Barrow-Downers Would Seemingly Never Post, But Which Have, In Fact, Been Posted.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Behold how the mighty Saucepan Man falls into incomprehensibility when his spell-checker breaks down.

That title's too long and cumbersome, Son of Númenor. I would suggest '100000001 most out-of-character posts', which is at once a paragon of concision and an acknowledgement of the lengths reached by those types of thread.

[Bêthberry]

I greatly fear, Squatter my dear, that the very ones Son wishes to cure would be innured by those very words, "Out of character." Whodda thunk it?: a more popular junket.

Saucepot, indeed! I think you are going to fit right in, Son of Númenor. But watch out for that Bêthburra character.