Everything I need to know I learned from LOTR

[Maeggaladiel]

The best way to kill any dark, sinister, evil person as well as maim the hero is to chop of a hand. Or at least a finger. (Hey, it worked in Star Wars, too!)

Pale people are always evil.

If one door magically closes in your face, try another one. If this one closes in your face and your boss grins wickedly at you, pretend not to notice and try another one. Don't catch on until you're completely boxed in.

Never say "Come and claim him" to a Nasgul.