If LotR had been written by someone else!? - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

SlinkerStinker · 01-28-2002, 11:25 PM

sorry that story isn't all that good, but you try to write in that dialect. It's mind bogling. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

Lobelia · 05-26-2009, 05:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlinkerStinker

sorry that story isn't all that good, but you try to write in that dialect. It's mind bogling. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

Hey, it's great! The language is just right. I had a huge laugh, me little droog!

Orofarne · 04-23-2010, 04:43 PM

Sorry, I was reading this thread and this just came to me.

There once was a Hobbit called Baggins,
who rode ponies, not horese nor wagons.
He owned the One Ring
That terrible thing!
And broke into the houses of dragons.

_________________________
"Look my friends, here's a pretty hobbit skin to wrap an Elven princeling in!"

Galadriel · 08-11-2010, 11:53 PM

I was wondering...can anyone pull a Victor Hugo? I loved his Les Misérables.

morwen edhelwen · 12-04-2011, 10:24 PM

All right, so this is inspired by "That 70s Show", which is one of my favourite TV shows, other than "The Mentalist'. It's an AU, and I got the idea from jeanster's Leave It to Beaver parody "Leave It To Frodo" on the Straight Dope Message Board. NOTE: Some scenes are skipped because the Pilot episode is long. And some of the language is the same, although the text is mostly mine meant to represent the same ideas as the Pilot)

So here it is

That Third Age Show Pilot
(Theme snippet. White text on a black screen reads "Frodo Baggins' Basement, Hobbiton, The Shire, 8 pm. FRODO is sitting next to his relatives MERRY and PIPPIN, and the room also contains EOWYN, who lives down the street, SAM, and ARAGORN)

MERRY Come on Frodo, do it.

FRODO (looks at both Merry and Pippin) Why can't you or Pippin do it? It was your idea.

PIPPIN:Yeah but Frodo, you live here. It's your house.

MERRY: And if you don't do it, the ale will be gone
FRODO: But what about Gandalf? He'll see it.

MERRY: Frodo! I need that ale.

EOWYN: Just avoid my uncle if you're going to the kitchen

FRODO: What?

EOWYN: He's been acting different and looking different recently. Older.
Look, just don't look at him.

FRODO: OK.

PIPPIN: Remember the ale!

(FRODO makes this way upstairs. The hallway is crammed with guests from the neighbourhood. FRODO bumps into his uncle BILBO)
BILBO: Oh hi, Frodo.

FRODO: Hi, Uncle Bilbo.

BILBO (taking ale from the counter) Anyone want more food? Would you put these on the table?
FRODO: Sure, Uncle Bilbo.
(FRODO grabs hold of the ale. He puts some on the table but takes just enough for himself. As he walks back downstairs he runs into THEODEN)

FRODO: Mr. Theoden!

GANDALF: Theoden looks like-- what happened to Theoden? Humans don't age that fast.

FRODO: Someone cursing his ***?

GANDALF: Frodo, don't say that. You're still a young hobbit. And what are you carrying?

FRODO: Uh, just some ale

GANDALF: Put it away.

FRODO: I will, Gandalf.

(FRODO walks downstairs. As the kitchen door closes, a snippet of conversation between BILBO and GANDALF can be heard)

GANDALF: Still have that ring, Bilbo?

BILBO: Yes. But I've been thinking that I might give it to Frodo.

(The basement. FRODO rushes down with the ale)
FRODO: Guys! My uncle's giving me his ring!

ARAGORN: You're getting the ring?

FRODO: Yeah! The one he got from Gollum that can turn you invisible.

(MERRY has spotted the ale.)

MERRY: Well, the most important thing is- Frodo stole some ale! (He raises a toast) To Frodo!

ALL: To Frodo!

FRODO: This is the happiest day of my life!

(The Basement again, a few days later)

MERRY: So how are things with the ring?

FRODO: He hasn't really decided whether or not to give it to me yet. I think he secretly wants to keep it. He keeps on calling it his "precious".

(A knock on the door. ARWEN, Aragorn's girlfriend, comes in)

ARWEN: Hi Aragorn! Hey I heard about Frodo's ring. Can I have a look?

ARAGORN: You came here just to have a look at Frodo's ring?

(To be continued)

morwen edhelwen · 12-04-2011, 11:14 PM

OK, I know that was really bad...

Nilpaurion Felagund · 03-14-2012, 03:18 AM

Well, Legate already did a Naruto version. So I shall up the metaphorical ante with something . . . deeper in the anime esoterica.

(Urubochi Gen's someone who would be into the concept of eucatastrophe.)

~*~*~

Anello Portatore Frodo☆Magica
by Magica Quartet

Episode 8: I'm Such a Fool

[Spoiler warning: In the absolutely ludicrously unlikely case that you are following the original show, turn back now. Here be spoilers.]

"Ringbearers are messengers of hope, locked in perpetual battle with the Ringwraiths, bearers of despair. Annatar, a mysterious creature of fair semblance, offers young Hobbits a contract: he will grant one of their wishes, in exchange for becoming Ringbearers.

"Miki Sméagol and Sakura Bilbo discover the truth behind Ringbearers: that their souls have been taken from their bodies and placed inside the rings they bear. The next day, Smeagol realises that his grandmother, whom he had healed with a miracle he had obtained in exchange for becoming a ringbearer, continues to hold him in contempt. Smeagol falls deeper into despair."

[Madoka Frodo is sitting on a park bench, clearly in anguish. Annatar appears from behind a tree.]

Annatar: Do you hate me, too?

Madoka Frodo: If I hate you, will you turn Sméagol back?

Annatar: No. I'm afraid that's beyond my power.

Frodo: You said that I would be a really powerful Ringbearer. Is that true?

Annatar: "Really powerful" is an understatement. You would be extraordinarily powerful. Possibly the most powerful in Middle-earth.

Frodo: If I had listened to you, maybe Sméagol wouldn't have become a Ringbearer...

Annatar: Sméagol made his own wish. It has nothing to do with you.

Frodo: Why me? What's so special about me?

Annatar: I don't know. Honestly, your hidden potential is something I would never have even dreamed of, a Hobbit with a power equal to that of an Elf lord or a hero of the Edain. I would like an explanation myself.

Frodo: Really?

Annatar: All I know is, if you unleash your power, you may just cause a miracle, or you may even change the laws of Arda. But I can't explain why you alone have that kind of power.

Frodo: I thought I didn't have any dreams. I thought I'd just live out my life here in the Shire, never being able to make anyone happy or be good for anything. It made me sad and lonely, but there was nothing I could do about it.

Annatar: But the reality is very different. If you wish it, Frodo, I could make you into God.

Frodo: Then could I do what you couldn't?

Annatar: And what's that?

Frodo: If I made a contract with you, could I turn Sméagol back to normal?

Annatar: It would be easy for you. Is that a wish worth trading away your soul?

Frodo: For Sméagol, gladly. Make me a Ringbe--

[Annatar is shot in the eye with an arrow. Out of the shadows comes the figure of Akemi Samwise, holding a bow.]

Frodo: This is horrible! Why did you kill him?

Akemi Samwise: Why are you always sacrificing yourself? You're not good for anything?

Frodo: Huh?

Samwise: You have no meaning? Don't put yourself down. Think about the people who care about you. Stop this! There are people who would mourn if you were gone! Why don't you understand? What about everyone who is trying to protect you?

[Samwise falls to his knees.]

Frodo: Sam!

[Frodo stares blankly at Sam as the vague shadows of memory assault him.]

Frodo: Have we... Have we met somewhere before?

Samwise: I'm sorry...

Frodo: I have to find Sméagol.

Samwise: Wait! Miki Sméagol is already--

Frodo: I'm sorry.

[Frodo walks away.]

Samwise: Wait, Mr Frodo!

[Samwise reaches out for Frodo, but his knees won't support him. He falls back to the ground, sobbing. Meanwhile Annatar's body reforms, and he stands up holding the arrow that has pierced him.]

Annatar: You just don't learn, do you? That is not my true body. Destroying it won't do any good. You're just wasting your energy.

[Samwise stands back up, staring evenly at Annatar.]

Annatar: This is the second time you've tried to kill me. That's told me what kind of attacks you use. That was time-manipulation, right?*

[Samwise continues to stare at Annatar.]

Annatar: It seems that my guess was right. You aren't from this timeline, are you?

Samwise: I know what you are and what you're planning.

Annatar: And that's why you keep interfering with me. But do you think you can change Kaname Frodo's fate like this?

Samwise: Yes. I will not allow your plan to succeed, Annatar... Or should I say Sauron, Lord of the Rings?

[The scene switches to Sakura Bilbo and Miki Sméagol.]

Sakura Bilbo: I finally found you. When are you gonna stop being stupid?

Miki Smèagol: Sorry for wasting your time.

Bilbo: Huh? That's weird for you to say.

Smèagol: I don't care anymore. What was important to me, what I wanted to protect... I don't know what those are anymore.

Bilbo: Hey.

[Sméagol reveals his ring. The inscription on it is glowing bright red.]

Smèagol: Hope and despair always balance out to zero. That's what you said, right? I understand what that means now. I did save a few people, but with each one, the hate in me grew. I even hurt Frodo, my best friend.

Bilbo: Sméagol, did you...?

Smèagol: Whenever I wish for someone to be happy, someone else has to suffer as much. That's what it means to be a Ringbearer.

[Tears fall from Sméagol's eyes]

Smèagol: I'm such a fool.

[Sméagol's ring reacts, glowing and distorting the space around it.]

Bilbo: SMÉAGOL!!!

[Annatar watches from some high place.]

Annatar: Ringbearers refer to those who bear rings. And once the bearer falls into despair, they turn into Ringwraiths.
__________
* As used in The Lost Road. Sort of.

04-23-2010, 04:43 PM	#3
Orofarne Pile O'Bones Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Dancing alone in the madness Posts: 19	The Hobbit, in limerick form Sorry, I was reading this thread and this just came to me. There once was a Hobbit called Baggins, who rode ponies, not horese nor wagons. He owned the One Ring That terrible thing! And broke into the houses of dragons. _________________________ "Look my friends, here's a pretty hobbit skin to wrap an Elven princeling in!" Last edited by Orofarne; 05-10-2010 at 07:04 PM. Reason: bad grammar

08-11-2010, 11:53 PM	#4
Galadriel Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In Eldamar beside the walls of Elven Tirion Posts: 551	I was wondering...can anyone pull a Victor Hugo? I loved his Les Misérables. __________________ "Hey! Come derry dol! Can you hear me singing?" – Tom Bombadil

12-04-2011, 10:24 PM	#5
morwen edhelwen Haunting Spirit Join Date: May 2010 Location: Australia Posts: 91	LOTR -- in the style of That 70s Show All right, so this is inspired by "That 70s Show", which is one of my favourite TV shows, other than "The Mentalist'. It's an AU, and I got the idea from jeanster's Leave It to Beaver parody "Leave It To Frodo" on the Straight Dope Message Board. NOTE: Some scenes are skipped because the Pilot episode is long. And some of the language is the same, although the text is mostly mine meant to represent the same ideas as the Pilot) So here it is That Third Age Show Pilot (Theme snippet. White text on a black screen reads "Frodo Baggins' Basement, Hobbiton, The Shire, 8 pm. FRODO is sitting next to his relatives MERRY and PIPPIN, and the room also contains EOWYN, who lives down the street, SAM, and ARAGORN) MERRY Come on Frodo, do it. FRODO (looks at both Merry and Pippin) Why can't you or Pippin do it? It was your idea. PIPPIN:Yeah but Frodo, you live here. It's your house. MERRY: And if you don't do it, the ale will be gone FRODO: But what about Gandalf? He'll see it. MERRY: Frodo! I need that ale. EOWYN: Just avoid my uncle if you're going to the kitchen FRODO: What? EOWYN: He's been acting different and looking different recently. Older. Look, just don't look at him. FRODO: OK. PIPPIN: Remember the ale! (FRODO makes this way upstairs. The hallway is crammed with guests from the neighbourhood. FRODO bumps into his uncle BILBO) BILBO: Oh hi, Frodo. FRODO: Hi, Uncle Bilbo. BILBO (taking ale from the counter) Anyone want more food? Would you put these on the table? FRODO: Sure, Uncle Bilbo. (FRODO grabs hold of the ale. He puts some on the table but takes just enough for himself. As he walks back downstairs he runs into THEODEN) FRODO: Mr. Theoden! GANDALF: Theoden looks like-- what happened to Theoden? Humans don't age that fast. FRODO: Someone cursing his **? GANDALF: Frodo, don't say that. You're still a young hobbit. And what are you carrying? FRODO: Uh, just some ale GANDALF: Put it away. FRODO: I will, Gandalf. (FRODO walks downstairs. As the kitchen door closes, a snippet of conversation between BILBO and GANDALF can be heard) GANDALF: Still have that ring, Bilbo? BILBO: Yes. But I've been thinking that I might give it to Frodo. (The basement. FRODO rushes down with the ale) FRODO: Guys! My uncle's giving me his ring! ARAGORN: You're getting the ring? FRODO: Yeah! The one he got from Gollum that can turn you invisible. (MERRY has spotted the ale.) MERRY: Well, the most important thing is- Frodo stole some ale! (He raises a toast) To Frodo! ALL: To Frodo! FRODO: This is the happiest day of my life! (The Basement again, a few days later) MERRY: So how are things with the ring? FRODO: He hasn't really decided whether or not to give it to me yet. I think he secretly wants to keep it. He keeps on calling it his "precious". (A knock on the door. ARWEN, Aragorn's girlfriend, comes in) ARWEN: Hi Aragorn! Hey I heard about Frodo's ring. Can I have a look? ARAGORN: You came here just to have a look at Frodo's ring? (To be continued) __________________ "Firiel looked out at three o'clock, The grey night was going" - J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Last Ship" Last edited by morwen edhelwen; 10-21-2012 at 12:05 AM.*

12-04-2011, 11:14 PM	#6
morwen edhelwen Haunting Spirit Join Date: May 2010 Location: Australia Posts: 91	OK, I know that was really bad... __________________ "Firiel looked out at three o'clock, The grey night was going" - J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Last Ship"

03-14-2012, 03:18 AM	#7
Nilpaurion Felagund Scion of The Faithful Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: The brink, where hope and despair are akin. [The Philippines] Posts: 5,312	Well, Legate already did a Naruto version. So I shall up the metaphorical ante with something . . . deeper in the anime esoterica. (Urubochi Gen's someone who would be into the concept of eucatastrophe.) ~~~ Anello Portatore Frodo☆Magica by Magica Quartet Episode 8: I'm Such a Fool [Spoiler warning: In the absolutely ludicrously unlikely case that you are following the original show, turn back now. Here be spoilers.] "Ringbearers are messengers of hope, locked in perpetual battle with the Ringwraiths, bearers of despair. Annatar, a mysterious creature of fair semblance, offers young Hobbits a contract: he will grant one of their wishes, in exchange for becoming Ringbearers. "Miki Sméagol and Sakura Bilbo discover the truth behind Ringbearers: that their souls have been taken from their bodies and placed inside the rings they bear. The next day, Smeagol realises that his grandmother, whom he had healed with a miracle he had obtained in exchange for becoming a ringbearer, continues to hold him in contempt. Smeagol falls deeper into despair." [Madoka Frodo is sitting on a park bench, clearly in anguish. Annatar appears from behind a tree.] Annatar: Do you hate me, too? Madoka Frodo: If I hate you, will you turn Sméagol back? Annatar: No. I'm afraid that's beyond my power. Frodo: You said that I would be a really powerful Ringbearer. Is that true? Annatar: "Really powerful" is an understatement. You would be extraordinarily powerful. Possibly the most powerful in Middle-earth. Frodo: If I had listened to you, maybe Sméagol wouldn't have become a Ringbearer... Annatar: Sméagol made his own wish. It has nothing to do with you. Frodo: Why me? What's so special about me? Annatar: I don't know. Honestly, your hidden potential is something I would never have even dreamed of, a Hobbit with a power equal to that of an Elf lord or a hero of the Edain. I would like an explanation myself. Frodo: Really? Annatar: All I know is, if you unleash your power, you may just cause a miracle, or you may even change the laws of Arda. But I can't explain why you alone have that kind of power. Frodo: I thought I didn't have any dreams. I thought I'd just live out my life here in the Shire, never being able to make anyone happy or be good for anything. It made me sad and lonely, but there was nothing I could do about it. Annatar: But the reality is very different. If you wish it, Frodo, I could make you into God. Frodo: Then could I do what you couldn't? Annatar: And what's that? Frodo: If I made a contract with you, could I turn Sméagol back to normal? Annatar: It would be easy for you. Is that a wish worth trading away your soul? Frodo: For Sméagol, gladly. Make me a Ringbe-- [Annatar is shot in the eye with an arrow. Out of the shadows comes the figure of Akemi Samwise, holding a bow.] Frodo: This is horrible! Why did you kill him? Akemi Samwise: Why are you always sacrificing yourself? You're not good for anything? Frodo: Huh? Samwise: You have no meaning? Don't put yourself down. Think about the people who care about you. Stop this! There are people who would mourn if you were gone! Why don't you understand? What about everyone who is trying to protect you? [Samwise falls to his knees.] Frodo: Sam! [Frodo stares blankly at Sam as the vague shadows of memory assault him.] Frodo: Have we... Have we met somewhere before? Samwise: I'm sorry... Frodo: I have to find Sméagol. Samwise: Wait! Miki Sméagol is already-- Frodo: I'm sorry. [Frodo walks away.] Samwise: Wait, Mr Frodo! [Samwise reaches out for Frodo, but his knees won't support him. He falls back to the ground, sobbing. Meanwhile Annatar's body reforms, and he stands up holding the arrow that has pierced him.] Annatar: You just don't learn, do you? That is not my true body. Destroying it won't do any good. You're just wasting your energy. [Samwise stands back up, staring evenly at Annatar.] Annatar: This is the second time you've tried to kill me. That's told me what kind of attacks you use. That was time-manipulation, right?* [Samwise continues to stare at Annatar.] Annatar: It seems that my guess was right. You aren't from this timeline, are you? Samwise: I know what you are and what you're planning. Annatar: And that's why you keep interfering with me. But do you think you can change Kaname Frodo's fate like this? Samwise: Yes. I will not allow your plan to succeed, Annatar... Or should I say Sauron, Lord of the Rings? [The scene switches to Sakura Bilbo and Miki Sméagol.] Sakura Bilbo: I finally found you. When are you gonna stop being stupid? Miki Smèagol: Sorry for wasting your time. Bilbo: Huh? That's weird for you to say. Smèagol: I don't care anymore. What was important to me, what I wanted to protect... I don't know what those are anymore. Bilbo: Hey. [Sméagol reveals his ring. The inscription on it is glowing bright red.] Smèagol: Hope and despair always balance out to zero. That's what you said, right? I understand what that means now. I did save a few people, but with each one, the hate in me grew. I even hurt Frodo, my best friend. Bilbo: Sméagol, did you...? Smèagol: Whenever I wish for someone to be happy, someone else has to suffer as much. That's what it means to be a Ringbearer. [Tears fall from Sméagol's eyes] Smèagol: I'm such a fool. [Sméagol's ring reacts, glowing and distorting the space around it.] Bilbo: SMÉAGOL!!! [Annatar watches from some high place.] Annatar: Ringbearers refer to those who bear rings. And once the bearer falls into despair, they turn into Ringwraiths. __________ * As used in The Lost Road. Sort of. __________________ フェンリス鴨 (Fenrisu Kamo) The plot, cut, defeated. I intend to copy this sig forever - so far so good... Last edited by Nilpaurion Felagund; 03-14-2012 at 05:33 AM.

01-28-2002, 11:25 PM	#1
SlinkerStinker Pile O'Bones Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 12	sorry that story isn't all that good, but you try to write in that dialect. It's mind bogling. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

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