The Barrow-Downs' Third Birthday Party and Downie Awards

[Diamond18]

Suddenly, the “shieldmaiden” felt a tug at her leather skirt. She looked down and saw a Hobbit hiding underneath the bar, with eyes as wide as saucepans, but not nearly as shiny (for she had most certainly not been drinking!) The Hobbit looked weary, and she spoke in a frightened whisper, “I came to this party because I was told a woman in a breastplate wanted to give a donation to the Garden Club, or something of that sort. Are you the one who wanted to talk to me?”

“Well, I…” Maril began nervously.

The Hobbit interrupted her hastily, “Please! I have been hiding here for three days, watching the most flagitious display of drunken wantonness imaginable. I have thus far eluded capture, but I fear in the depths of my heart that if I am discovered, I will be forced to drink ‘Mudwater and dance on the bar in shoes!”

“What is you name?” Maril asked suspiciously.

“Lousewort Chastitybelt, Secretary of the Garden Club. And I must be getting home soon, for I’ve left my husband Oleo alone for three days, and who knows what harm has come of my absence!”