101 Things LOTR Characters Would Never Say

[Saraphim]

*Just outside Fangorn Forest, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli are resting for the night.*
Gimli: What was that noise? Did you see that shadow move? And where is that bloody Elf?!?!?
Aragorn: Shhh.*whispers* Over there, in the forest, do you see that light?
*Gimli nods*
Aragorn: *gets up* come, master Gimli, and have your axe at the ready.
*Pushing aside some branches, they come to a small clearing in the woods. Legolas is in purple,silk pajamas, looking into an oversized mirror he stuck onto a tree. He looks at his two companions, who are standing dumbfounded, then goes back to rebraiding his hair.*
Legolas: Well, you cant expect me to go around looking like you people! And why didnt you TELL me I had a smudge on my forehead the WHOLE TIME we were running here? And in front of Eomer too...

Sorry it's so long winded, heres a shorter one:
Frodo: Why does Gandalf alway wear grey?
Aragorn: Meddle not in the affairs of Saruman, for he is quick to put black socks into your whites