If you were Eru and wanted to have some fun...

[Meela]

Anyone seen Ned Kelly round here?

Yes

If I were Eru, and I wanted to have some fun, I would soak the wood in water just before it was taken to build Denethor's pyre.

I would make hobbits the tallest race in Arda.

I would make Aragorn trip up constantly.

I would give Theoden's horse wings.

I would have the Ring turn into a jelly ring constantly, and tempt Sam with it.

[yavanna II]

if I could be Eru, I'll:
10. Turn Mirkwood into a great big desert, like the Sahara
9. Make Ar-Pharzon invade Aman and kill those annoying 'saintly' VALAR
8. Give Arwen a nice crisp and loud scream(*****HHH!!!!!!!!!!)
7. Get all those mithril out of Moria and give those to myself
6. Turn Aragorn's sword into an electric eel that could survive and give off tousands of volts'electricity
5. Introduce the telephone, so that Saruman and Sauron wouldn't have difficulties with using the Palantir, coz it's so UNCIVILIZED!!!
4. Make Morgoth INVINCIBLE, so that I could relax while I watch him kill & torture
3. Take off the elves' immortality
2. Turn Shadowfax and Legolas' hairs blue pink, violet, and orange(stripped)

1. introduce the ATOMIC BOMB and watch those Middle-Earthlings destroy themselves!!!!!!!!!!!! [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!! [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

[Lëowen]

Um...Yavanna II, if you apparently don't like the Valar, why did you take the name of one?


If I was Eru...

~I'd change Theoden's warcry from 'Forth Eorlingas!' to a rousing chorus of 'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, there they are a-standin' in a row...' [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
~ I'd turn Shadowfax into a llama.
~I'd make the Nazgul ride flying squirrels.
~ And finally, paint Barad-dur pink with peace signs all over it. [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

I would make Saruman's nose the size of a small house so that he'd get even more bitter.

And the Bruinen would flow with strawberry ice cream!

[Lyta_Underhill]

And the Bruinen would flow with strawberry ice cream!

Eomer, you ARE an evil one! [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img] I can see Frodo stopping at the edge and eating his fill before going on: "Just a minute Mr. Witch King, I'm hungry! Be with you momently!" (Frodo looks up, watching as a magnificent floe of ice cream, surmounted by outsize tumbling cherries, falls upon the Riders before being crushed under a giant walnut and passing out...)

Also, can you imagine the ANTS that would gather there? They'd probably be thick enough to eat up Glorfindel whole! (Maybe THAT's where he went!):P

Cheers,
Lyta

P.S. Sure, evil things do not come into the Valley, but can you imagine the first line of defense of Rivendell against the darkness having to be bug spray?

[Elentári_O_Most_Mighty_1]

Insect spray!!!!! *cracks up*

Ah, but it is an evil rubber duck which can only melted in the great Plastic Vats of Doom in the Mordor Toy Factory.

Oh. I'm sorry, I somehow overlooked that rather obvious point... [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

Er, why make Mirkwood a desert? Not to do with Legolas is it? If so, what do all you people have against him? Berate the Leggyboppers if you will, it isn't his fault! [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img] [img]smilies/mad.gif[/img]

Ok, I would hold annual disco king contests. (lame, I know...)

[Sleepy Ranger]

I would make the Ents 10 cm tall. Saruman would be living in a huge mansion with 999,999 servants, 89 color TV's, 1 black & white TV, 83 classy cars, a fleet of jets and of course an army of 30,000 Uruks. I'd make Orthanc the hottest party place in ME. I'd make Gimli 6'7. I'd make Gandalf look 300 years younger(who cares if he's a maia). I'd make Sauron Santa and the Nazgul the reindeers and the orcs the elfs. And Gollum.. I'll turn him into a fish. And the Teletubies would live in Imladris and all the inhabitants of Imladris go and live with Saruman. [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]
And of course free popcorn
I'm strange. Who cares? [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

[ October 28, 2003: Message edited by: Sleepy Ranger ]

[GaladrieloftheOlden]

I'd tye-dye Saruman's white robes.

-Menelien

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Well, as many of you know already I'm currently campaigning for deification on the grounds of deserving it more than those bone-idle Olympians. Consequently the idea of what to do with god-like powers has been on my mind for some time, and I can now reveal the top ten things to do in Amon Rûdh when you're Eru:

10: Gravity is too consistent. Make its strength and direction random and switch it off at arbitrary times of the day.

9: Cause Mount Doom to spew forth clotted cream fudge at an inconvenient moment.

8: Cause the dead to rise, force their way into people's homes and eat all of their biscuits.

7: Cover the various mountain ranges in flock wallpaper, varying the colour to indicate the number of goblins currently in residence.

6: Cause Anduin to run with wine of Dor Winion. Do so during an official swimming contest

5: Change everyone's first language each day. Make no attempt to synchronise the languages of people in the same country.

4: Landscape is too convenient for Dark Lords. Make the flock-wallpapered mountain ranges migratory.

3: Give the normally innocent pipe-weed an added narcotic kick

2: Two words: tartan oliphaunts

1: Nothing. If I were Eru I would already have made the entire universe, and would be feeling a bit knackered. Also, if I go to all the trouble of creating a load of creatures to be my companions I want them to pull their weight. Why should I, a hypothetically omnipotent being, have to wallpaper my own mountains? If I were Eru, there would always be someone else to do it for me.

[Finwe]

Hmm.... you have a point there Squatty. ( [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] Yes, evil nickname, I know [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img])

When Eomer, Gandalf, and all of the Rogue Rohirrim are charging down the slopes of that little valley-type thing next to Helm's Deep, I'd have Eomer's horse trip, and create a mad, tumbling stampede that hits the Uruks. I could just see it now.

[Dancing_Hobbit]

there would be a majic ring in the centre of every plum pudding...

give sauroman glasses and a front pocket with pens in it.

randomly move mountains - prefferably to interfere with the movements of large armies and parties of nine companions.

have it rain hobbits (in such a way that they weren't injured of course! they would bounce.)

all orks would sing and dance cotton-eye-jo right before attacking.

ok, not great, but that's what comes to mind. [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

[ElenCala Isil]

apart from what the squatter said..I'd..

-Make Saruman's robes tie-dye
-Gift Boromir with Middle-earth's only disco ball.
-Allow Meela to show Denethor how to make the most of playing with fire, and maybe how to use a lighter
-Gift hobbits with rogaine, so that they won't suffer from receding hair lines on their feetses
-Give the eye of Sauron pink eye

Erm..yeah. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[Meela]

-Allow Meela to show Denethor how to make the most of playing with fire, and maybe how to use a lighter

Sounds good to me! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

I'd clog up Galadriel's mirror with hair whenever she needed to use it for a particularly important reason.

[Finwe]

Instead of having Pippin call Gandalf when he sees Denethor going all crazy, I'd have him call Meela. (She'd set him straight! Go Meela! Sic'em!!!)

[Meela]

Yay! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

I would give the Sun vocal abilities. Its not strictly to do with Middle-earth in itself but it could be amusing.

Especially when it would speak with the voice of Sideshow Bob. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[Melephelwen]

ROFLMAO!!!! You are too brilliant!
I think I as Eru would... hmmm...
Send Gollum to school and force him to work three hours a day with (Latin) grammar...
Make Aragorn wear lipgloss with vanilla flavour (same type as Éowyn's)
Make the rings into cellphones and force everybody to write chatese on them ("u r soooo stupid sauron ill smack ur fon!luv frodo")
Give Gandalf a red hair dye (with purple shades)
[img]smilies/eek.gif[/img] ... [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] ... [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

[Lindril Arvilya]

Okay, the first thing that came into my mind, befroe even reading any of these, was this scene....

Lurtz is killing Boromir. You see Aragorn come racing up, kicks Lurtz, goes to draw his sword, and it's a trout.
Aragorn: ***?
Lurtz: ***?
Boromir: Uuuuhhhhh.....
Aragorn gives up and just smacks Lurtz in the face with his trusty trout.
Me: *snicker snicker*

Other than that, I'd probably start *changing* random other things, like people's clothes (Frodo: "What is this strange material?" Me: "Spandex, buddy. Get used to it.") and probably using the whole "voice from the heavens" bit to send people on random quests. And YES, I would send some poor sod to chop down a tree with a herring. Better make it a dwarf... it would be too much for an elf to bear.

Lindril (I should do this more often) Arvilya

[Lindril Arvilya]

I would make Saruman's nose the size of a small house

Isn't it already?

Lindril (I pity the foo') Arvilya

[Finwe]

I would randomly speak from the sky, and tell people to go on random, stupid Quests. I can just see it:

"What is your purpose?"

"The Quest of the Ring!"

"What????"

"I must retrieve and destroy the One.....NOSE RING!!!!"

[img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]


I'd make all my enemies go bungee jumping in Mt. Doom just after an army of Orcs has poured in a cauldron or two (or three or four) of beans. [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

[Nimrothiel]

I would:

turn Gollum into a fish and have him eat himself to death.

make the Verizon guy immortal and put him in Orthanc; it'd drive Saruman nuts. ("Can you hear me now? Good!" "Why can't you just die?!!") [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

make the Ring keep disappearing and reappearing at random. ("It's gone! Wait, it's back. It's gone again!")

switch the voices of the Fellowship around at random; Gandalf would sound like Merry, Legolas would sound like Gimli, etc...

have Gandalf and Saruman lose their hair. [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

That's enough for now.

[Elennar Starfire]

~ Make LotR road trip really happen

~ Change the powers of the one ring. When you were wearing it, either on your finger or on a chain like Frodo does, you would not be invisible until someone came within two feet of you. Then both you and the person who got too close would become invisible until they leave. (I got this idea from a weird dream I had once)

~ Play a game of marbles with the eye of Sauron and the palantirs, and any other round things I felt like using.

~ Get Denethor's matches wet, so they won't light.

~ Switch the Lembas with bean burritos.

~ Make the Nazgul change colors randomly. (Another weird dream)

~ Put Gollum in a dog food bag. (Yet another dream)

~ Give Arwen pimples.

~ Many more evil things I have not yet thought of.

[Lindril Arvilya]

I've thought a bit more about this, and I think that I'd change Gollum's attitude and voice to match that of Elmo. (Er, not Ulmo... although that would be interesting too.) I mean, this horribly ugly, slimy creature coming up to you and going "Gollum ticklish! Hee hee hee hee!"

Lindril (shuddering wildly) Arvilya

[Nimrothiel]

"Gollum ticklish. Heeheehee!" ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ElenCala Isil]

If I were Eru and wanted to have some fun, I'd rename everyone in Middle-Earth 'William' except for one person, whom I'd name 'Sblomie' [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[Annalaliath]

I don't know if I was Iluvitar I would probably do something stupid because as I get older I notice how stupid I am. So, I sould prbably make things like being the archetect and have a real agent Elrond running around... What else... Hobbits with bigger feet, elves that are clumsyer, and dwarves would be a bit wierder( no one but the Hobbits with body hair)

[ November 18, 2003: Message edited by: Annalaliath ]

[yavanna II]

if i were eru, it will rain COKE in middle-earth & pepsi in aman [img]smilies/cool.gif[/img]

I would replace the spiders of Mirkwood with giant hummingbirds.

I would treble Lothlorien's electricity bill, in order to force Galadriel to use wind power, thus promoting renewable energy use in Middle Earth.
(I'm not sure where that one came from...)

I would replace the horses of Rohan with camels, and the Mearas with sphinxes.

[Alatariel]

I would make the uruk-hai perform Swan Lake - complete with pink tu-tus, with Saruman featured as the lead ballerina.

I would make everyone speak in rhymes like they are in a Dr. Suess book, and make Sauron talk like Yoda.

[img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[Oddwen]

If I were Eru...Boromir would not have died. Aragorn, Boromir, Faramir (and perhaps Denethor) would have had major conflict at Gondor over Aragorn's claim to the throne. I would have loved to read about Aragorn and Boromir's rivalry, and Faramir's side. Ooh, what about the four hunters? What if Eomer had recognized Boromir, and things would have gone differently at Rohan? It boggles the mind.

In the book universe, that's about the only thing I would have changed.

Now, movie. Bwahahaha.

Boromir would not have died. Legolas just dragged the storyline out anyway, so their places would have been switched.

Boromir would be welcomed back to Gondor with much fanfare, and a huge Disco rave.

Sam would invent break dancing, and so amuse Frodo.

Frodo would be LESS and LESS coherent as he got closer to Mt. Doom.

Denethor would lose his flammable cloak, and be dressed in a bright orange, fire-retardant suit.

[Finwe]

I'd give the Balrog of Moria his own little bad-luck cloud to follow him everywhere and constantly rain on him.

and...


I'd switch all of Legolas's arrows with those cheap little plastic suction-cup arrows.

[The Perky Ent]

If I were Eru and wanted to have some fun...i'd make Sauron turn Mordor into a giant Disco Party place. The eye would be a giant disco ball. Saruman would lead the limbo. The balrog would be a DJ.

...I'd turn the Andurin into a chocolate river. Then the fellowship would have to get Galadriel to scarf her face with chocolate.

..I'd make it so when the three, seven, or nine rings of power come together, they'd summon Captain Planet. *SINGS* CAPTAIN PLANET! HE'S OUR HERO! GONNA TURN POLUTION DOWN TO ZERO! *SINGS*

...Gollum would wear a tux and compliment people. He'd have a golden wig and stand upright.

...Gimli would wear stilts to fit in.

...every time Sauron's name is mentioned, there is a lightning bold sound and someone says "BUM BUM BUMMMMM"

...Hobbits would take a vow not to smoke or drink.

...Legolas would twitch ever time someone says something.

...Ringwraiths would be tel-e-marketers who pester you until you die.

...Elrond would always call Aragorn "Mr. Anderson"

...Gandalf would have an IQ of -40

[Sleepy Ranger]

If I were Eru......wait a sec, I am Eru.
Ok I'd make Isengard an ice-cream factory.
Rather than Uruk-Hai,Orcs and Trolls, there'd be Killer Bunnies and Ginat Man Eating Watermelons.

Thats what I'd do......

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

I would have the Ents wearing rollerblades and huge blue cloaks and make them speak in Swedish accents and also make them particularly partial to roast beef, so that when Merry and Pippin met Treebeard they would in fact have met a giant, dazzling blue roller skating Swedish Ent who would kill and eat them after mistaking them for the fabled cows of the Rhun Hills.

[Finwe]

Oh dear Eru! *dies laughing*

[One of the Nine]

If I were Eru, I would:
~Invent the computer

~Make everyone look at the barrowdowns and see all of us chatting about them

~Open a chat room about the Earth (the one we live in) and all the "ficticious" tales related to that

~Have Orthanc made out of blue-chese

~Make hobbits exactly like huge hamsters with hands

[Firefoot]

I would replace the horses of Rohan with camels

Nooo! I can't be a camel!!!

If I were Eru I would:

-Put little voices inside Sauron's head saying "something slipped. You know it has."

-Sprinkle sleeping sand into Sauron's eye.

-Have Farmer Maggot turn his dogs on the Nazgul and make the dogs do it.

-Make all the Nazgul's horses suddenly go lame while they are chasing Frodo.

-Pour purple food dye into the Anduin for a day.

-Make Hobbits famous because they invented chocolate icecream.

It's the posts like this that really need the devil smilie.

[One of the Nine]

If I were Eru, I would:

-Make a hailstorm in Mordor and have huge hailstones hit Sauron

-Make Denethor's clothes fireproof

-When Frodo puts on the Ring at Mount Doom, turn everyone's clothes hot pink

-When Shelob comes, have Tarentella start simutaniously

-When the Fellowship leaves Rivendell, have Frodo trip and have everyone trip over him (for lack of the devil smilie) >:}

-Have Aragorn trip up everytime he wants to say something

-Have Arwen have a heart attack when she chooses mortal life

-Have the ring turn into a fish and have Gollum eat it and become sick with a nameless desease

-FIND PJ AND HAVE HIM GET THE MOVIE RIGHT!!!!!!!!

Off topic: I'm still mad about Faramir being stripped of his glory that he had in the book!

[One of the Nine]

Originally posted by Firefoot


It's the posts like this that really need the devil smilie.

I'm all with Firefoot! BRING BACK THE DEVIL SMILIE!!

[Oroaranion]

Why not send Gandalf back in the form of a Dwarf or Hobbit? Then see how well seriously people took him.

Or what if you decieded to kill Arwen, just as she met Aragorn in Minas Tirith? I'm sorry, I'm quite morbid.

Make Legolas and Gimli wake up one day and see that they have
a) swopped hair
b) swopped bodies.
It would be funny to see Legolas trying to make Gimli's hair and beard all conditioned, and using a large bow and arrow, when he is in a really small body.