Confess your crimes here...

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I have told a lot of people to skip reading the books and just watch the movies.

I've also offered up a revised 'good parts version' of The Fellowship that didn't include the Prologue or the Council of Elrond, among other things. I have expounded amongst the literati that Tolkien may have been a cunning linguist, but he undoubtedly failed when the quiz was on the topic of pacing or brevity.

I unflinchingly referred to Tolkien as "a pretentious elitist white boy" and wrote a long and elaborate (and, admittedly, uncouth) essay about how 'pervading culture' may explain but does not excuse latent racism and misogyny.

These crimes against Tolkienty I do confess without shame.