Middle Earth Christmas Carols

As it is the Christmas season, and as I was requested to post them here (though considering the content I have to wonder why), here are a few Christmas Carols as they might be sung in Middle Earth.

O Come, All Ye Evil
(to be sung in the ugly voice of an orc)
O Come, All Ye Evil
Nazgul, trolls and Ur-uks!
O Come ye o come ye to Ba-rad-dur!
Come and behold him!
Born the king of Middle-Earth
O come bow down before him
O come bow down before him
O come bow down before him!
Sauron the Lord!


Bilbo the Jolly Hobbit
(very sorry, Rudolph)

Bilbo the Jolly Hobbit
Had a very shiny ring
But if you ever saw him
He would vanish with a Bling!
All of the other hobbits
Used to laugh and call him names
But all of them loved Bilbo
'Cause of all his wealth and fame!

Then on Bilbo's big birthday
Gandalf came to say,
"Now you've had your joke all right!
Give that ring to Frodo tonight!"

Then all the hobbits gossiped
And they shouted out in glee
"Bilbo, you mad cracked hobbit,
You'll go down in history!"


Now, here is Gollum to sing his version of the Twelve Days of Christmas - or as he calls it, The Twelve Days of Preciouss-sss-ss-sss!

On the firssst day of Preciousss my preciouss gives to me
A fat juisshyy fishy!
On the sssecond day of Precioussss my precious gives to me
Two hobbitses
and a fat juisshy fishy!
On the third day of Preciousss my precious gives to me
Three raw hens
Two hobbitses
and a fat juisshy fishy!

-- skip ahead to the end out of respect for the bored --

On the twelff day of Preciousss my preciouss gives to me
Twelve trout a'swimmin'
Eleven worms a'wrigglin'
Ten crunchy birdses
Nine Nazzzgul searchin' (sssssss! musstn't find precious!)
Eight legs of Shelob
Seven rabbits stewin' (stupid fat hobbitsessss!)
Six eggs a crackin'
MY PRECIOUS RING!!!
Four tricksy riddles
Three raw hens
Two hobbitses
and a fat juisssshy fiiiiiissssshhhhy!


And finally, the entire LOTR story compressed into:
Hark the Little Hobbits Sing
(to the tune of - oh you can guess I'm sure)

Hark the little hobbits sing
"Bilbo's cracked and left his ring!"
Gone away to live with elves
Frodo now in Bag End dwells
Gandalf says "Don't touch that ring!"
Se'enteen years, bad news he brings
Dark Tow'r built, the shadow grows
From Mount Doom, the lava flows
Hark, the graying wizard sings,
"Frodo has the one true ring."

Off to Rivendell he flees
With the aid of Sam Gamgee
Aragorn, he meets halfway
The ranger helps to save the day
On a hill he wears the ring
He gets stabbed by the Witch King
From the wraiths, a desperate flight
Against their will, Frodo does fight.
Hark, the elves and hobbits rhyme,
"Frodo made it just in time."

With the fellowship now made
Through the mountains they must wade
In dark halls, by orcs they're chased
Gandalf falls, the rest they race
Through the woods of Lorien
Down the river Anduin
There, ambushed by Uruk-Hai
Boromir, his life does fly
Hark, the hobbits go to shore
Frodo and Sam, alone once more.

Aragorn, the elf and dwarf
Chase the orcs, then go to war
Gandalf's back, now dressed in white
To combat the dark lord's might.
Pip and Merry, with the trees
Help the men to win Helm's Deep
Saruman, his voice does fail
Now we're halfway through this tale
Hark, the men of Rohan sing
"Off to Gondor, help we bring."

Frodo with Sam at his side
Capture Gollum, now their guide
Over marshes to the Gate
Then down south, to meet their fate
Giant spider, Gollum tricks them
Frodo's down but Sam defends him
In that awful orc-filled tow'r
Sam does show his hobbit pow'r
Hark, our hero hobbit sings,
"Thank you Sam, but that's MY ring!"

Men of Gondor and Rohan
Fight to thwart the dark lord's plan
'Gainst a girl, the Witch King burns
Aragorn, the king returns
Frodo makes it to Mount Doom
Claims the ring as his heirloom
Gollum bites to get his ring
Falls to his death, the ring he brings
Hark, the whole of earth does sing,
"Hail to the hobbit, and the king!"